Returned to the Light

by C. M. Radcliff

  “Oh, shit,” Griffin says as he enters the room, “you scared me.”

  “My bad,” I give him a smile. “Do you have any plans for the rest of the night?”

  “I planned on sitting down in that chair and possibly not moving,” he replies. “Why, what’s up?”

  I stand up and shift my weight nervously. “Well,” I start, clearing my throat, “I wanted to go see Ryder. That is, if you weren’t doing anything and that was okay.” My sentences start to sound like rambling.

  He holds up his hand. “Say no more. Go.”

  “Thank you so much,” I say, giving him a hug.

  “Let me call Logan. I don’t want you going out by yourself,” he pulls out his phone.

  “Don’t bother him, please. I’m just driving there; that’s it. I’ll be fine,” I reassure him.

  He shakes his head. “No. I don’t like that.”

  “Griffin, I am going to Ryder’s. I’ll be fine. You can call me and we’ll stay on the phone for my whole drive,” I argue as he continues to shake his head.

  “Lydia, I can’t.”

  “I’ll be gone by the time he’s here,” I say, grabbing my purse and keys.

  “Lydia, don’t do this,” he follows me to the front door. “It’s not safe.”

  I walk to my car and turn around to face him. “I will be fine. I’ll let you know as soon as I’m there and when I’m leaving, okay?”

  “You’re staying there.” He declares.

  “I’ll let you know.”

  “No, you are,” he retorts. “I don’t want you driving by yourself more than you already are.”

  “You win,” I throw my hands up in defeat. “I’ll let you know as soon as I’m there.”

  I climb into my car and turn it on. As I back out of the driveway, Griffin stands on the front porch watching me with a pissed off look on his face. I give him a wave as I pull onto the road and drive away from the house. The moon is full and shining brightly as I drive down the backroads to Ryder’s house. I never once considered that he’s not expecting me. I want to surprise him, but I think maybe I should call him before I get there. I reach down for my phone and realize that I’m about to be at his house.

  I turn into his driveway and drive up to the house. An unfamiliar car is parked next to his. It must be a friend or maybe one of Griffin’s guys. I turn off the car and grab my things before heading up the walkway to the house. I knock on the front door and wait, listening to commotion on the other side. A few seconds pass before the door opens, and I’m faced with a sight I wasn’t expecting to see.

  “Lydia, what are you doing here?” Ryder asks, running his hands through his hair. A girl with blonde hair stands not far behind him. She gives me a sickening smile, not bothering to straighten her disheveled clothing.

  I can feel the stabbing pain directly in my chest, going straight through my heart. It feels like a hand is clasped tightly around my throat, restricting my ability to breathe. I stand, frozen in place, staring at the two of them. How could he do this to me?

  His expression grows pained as a look of realization passes through his eyes.

  “It’s not what you think,” he says in a rush.

  The girl’s smile grows wider. “Don’t lie to her, Ryder,” she smirks, walking up behind him and resting her hand on his arm.

  “Jess, shut the fuck up!” he commands, pushing off her hand. “And don’t fucking touch me.”

  Tears fill my eyes and I feel like I could vomit. This whole time, he’s had this other girl. That explains why he’s been absent the past two days. Him being with Griffin was probably just bullshit. Everything he’s fed me has been bullshit.

  I spin on my heel and walk as quickly as I can back to my car.

  “Lydia!” Ryder calls out. “Wait!”

  I jump into my car, slamming the door shut and locking the doors immediately. Ryder reaches the car as I turn on the engine and throw it into reverse. I make eye contact with him as the tears start to fall down my cheeks.

  “Please, let me explain!” he shouts, putting his hands on the window. As I start backing up, he puts his hands on the hood of the car, following after me. “I swear, it’s not what you think at all. Please, Lydia,” he shouts at me through the car. I pick up speed, catching him off guard and making him lose his grip on the car. As soon as I reach the road, I put the car in drive and speed away. I check the rearview mirror, knowing that I shouldn’t. Ryder stands in the middle of the road with both of his hands on his head. I quickly look away, my tears making my vision blurry.

  I loved him so much. How could he do this?

  I don’t get very far before I have to pull over on the side of the road. I can’t get control of myself. I succumb to the pain and let the tears fall freely. My body wracks with each sob escaping my lips. My chest feels like it’s constricting; like all of the life is being squeezed from my body. The stabbing pain in my heart starts to burn. Any minuscule of air has left my lungs. I struggle to catch my breath. The harder I try to breathe, the more violent my sobs grow.

  My phone starts to ring in my purse. Reluctantly, I pick it up and see Ryder’s name. I let out another sob as I hit the decline button.

  After everything that I had been through, I truly believed he was my saving grace. We were finally able to be together. I had finally felt healed and whole again. And now, here I am, pulled over on the side of the road in the middle of the night, crying my eyes out.

  I’m stronger than this.

  I can get through this and over it.

  I have Trent, and he’s all I need.

  Oh, Trent. I didn’t even think of my poor little boy. He barely knew Ryder, so maybe it’s best.

  I hastily wipe the tears from my face and regain composure. I take deep breaths, willing my body to cooperate. I struggle to pull myself together and pick up my phone. I call the first person I know I can go to.

  “Hey,” Cara says, picking up on the second ring.

  “Are you busy?” I struggle to keep my voice even.

  “What’s wrong?” she asks. I know she can tell something is wrong just from the sound of my voice.

  “Can I come over?” I whisper over the lump in my throat.

  “Yes, of course,” she says in an eager tone.

  “I’ll be over soon,” I hang up and struggle to hold back my tears.

  I text Griffin to let him know I’m going to Cara and Pierce’s house and to make sure it’s okay if I stay there for the night. He immediately calls me, but I ignore his call. A message comes through from him asking me what happened and telling me that it’s fine. I thank him and leave it at that.

  I take a few deep breaths before pulling out onto the road. As soon as I start driving, my phone rings again. I glance down and see Ryder’s name again. I decline his call and it immediately lights up again with his name. I turn off my phone and throw it into my purse.

  Looking back up, I’m blinded by headlights in my rearview and side mirrors. I look at the dashboard, seeing that I’m already going the speed limit. I step on the gas, increasing my speed to ten miles over the limit. The large car behind me keeps up the pace and appears to be inching closer to the back of my car. I begin to feel panicked and start breathing quicker. My heart starts to race and my palms grow sweaty. I start driving faster, hoping the car will back off. But it doesn’t. It speeds down the road behind me, trailing close enough to graze my bumper.

  I don’t slow down when I reach town. I take a few random turns, going out of the way from Pierce’s house. The car still follows. When I reach the next street, I quickly turn onto it, looking into my rearview mirror. This time, the car doesn’t turn, and I’m able to catch a glimpse of it. I let out a strangled cry when I see what it looks like.

  A black SUV, exactly like the one from the other day.

  CARA IS WAITING OUTSIDE when I pull into Pierce’s driveway. A mix of emotions wash over me as I walk up to the house. Cara wraps her arms around me, and I instantly break down. She doesn’t ask
any questions and simply holds me while I lose myself.

  She eventually leads me inside the house and sits down with me on the couch. My breathing slowly regains its normal pattern and the shaking of my body begins to subside. Pierce enters the room just as I am wiping the tears away from my face. He takes one look at me and you can feel the anger entering his body.

  “What the fuck did he do?” he growls.

  “Pierce,” Cara starts, “leave her be right now.”

  “No fucking way,” he retorts. “I need to know what this asshole did now.”

  “Pierce, stop!” Cara barks. He mumbles something under his breath and stalks out of the room in a huff. Cara looks at me apologetically. “Sorry about him,” she frowns. “You know how he can be.” She pauses for a moment. “You don’t have to talk about it right now if you don’t want to.”

  I nod at her, feeling the lump forming in my throat again. I pull my legs underneath me and look down at the floor. Closing my eyes, I try to push my emotions down inside. “I went to see him after our date tonight.” I pause, clearing my throat. “When I got there, there was another girl at his house.”

  “Are you fucking kidding me?” She stares at me in disbelief.

  I shake my head. “Some blonde chick telling him he didn’t have to lie to me.”

  “There’s no way,” she shakes her head. “All that he has wanted was to get you back.” She pauses. “What the fuck?”

  Pierce storms into the room, keys in hand.

  “Where are you going?” Cara asks, quickly standing up.

  “To find that piece of shit,” he spits. Part of me wants to urge him to go kick his ass. The other part of me still refuses to believe this even happened.

  “Pierce, wait.” I stand up and follow him to the door. “There’s no point.”

  “Bullshit,” he snaps. “He fucked you over. Again.”

  “It’s not worth it. I’m okay. It’s okay. He’s free to do what he wants, and he’s clearly made his choice,” I tell him. “Please don’t go over there. It will only make it worse,” I plead.

  “Lydia’s right,” Cara steps in. “As much as he deserves to have his ass beat, it’s not worth it.”

  Pierce lets out a long, exaggerated breath. “Goddamnit,” he mutters, shaking his head. He looks at me, with sorrow in his eyes. “I hate seeing him hurt you.”

  I hate having him hurt me. But there’s nothing anyone can do about it. All I can do is accept it for what it is. “I know you do,” I tell him, “but I’ll be okay.”

  He pulls me in for a hug. “I’m so sorry.” Cara disappears into the kitchen while Pierce holds me for a moment. I’ve slowly become numb inside, with no tears left to fall.

  Cara comes into the doorway with a box of wine in her hand. “Fuck him,” she says as Pierce lets go of me. “Let’s get drunk.”

  I look at her and smile. “You got any hard liquor?”

  “My girl,” she smiles, throwing her arm over my shoulders and leading me into the kitchen. “Let’s get you the good shit.”

  chapter twenty-three

  LYDIA

  I WAKE UP IN THE MORNING feeling like I’d been ran over by a Mack truck. I roll off of the couch and lie down on the floor. Just the movement alone makes my head pound even harder. All of the alcohol from last night distorts my memories from yesterday. I stay on the floor for a few minutes, slowly going over everything I remember. My date with Ryder. Ryder with another girl. Coming here and getting shit faced. Remembering it all hurts just as much. The pain embeds itself in the open wounds on my heart and soul.

  The house is still quiet when I finally force myself off the floor. I sneak out to my car and make my way home. When I get there, I quietly slip into the house and find that Griffin and Trent are both still in bed. I walk upstairs and sneak into Griffin’s bathroom. I open the medicine cabinet, hoping to find something to ease my pain—physical, that is. I rummage through the pill bottles on the shelves until I finally find the Tylenol.

  “Looking for something?” Griffin’s voice comes from behind me, causing me to jump. I gasp and drop the bottle in the sink. I pick it back up and turn around to face him. “Holy shit,” he gasps, taking in my appearance and then the bottle. “You look like you need something stronger than that.”

  I glare at him and brush past him. He trails behind me down the stairs and into the kitchen. Out of the corner of my eye, I see him watching me while I pour a glass of water and take the pills.

  “Something’s off about you,” he narrows his eyes and his eyebrows pinch together. “Clearly you’re hungover,” he pauses, “but what’s the reasoning behind that?”

  “Oh, I don’t know. Maybe because I got drunk?” My voice drips with sarcasm.

  He stares at me. “You gonna tell me what’s wrong?”

  “Why does there always have to be something wrong?” I snap.

  “What happened?” he prods. He just won’t let it go. Can’t I go get shit faced and not have to be questioned about it the next day like a goddamn child?

  “Ask Ryder,” I narrow my eyes. “He can tell you all about how I stopped by there last night and found some girl there.”

  Griffin pulls out his phone. “I’m going to fucking kill him.”

  I grab his phone from him, surprised that I can actually move that fast right now. “It’s over. It doesn’t matter,” I sigh in defeat.

  “Like hell, it doesn’t matter,” Griffin growls. “He hurt you, again. He’s not getting out of this that easily.” He stares at me. “Now, give me my damn phone.”

  “Promise me you’ll let it go right now,” I plead, handing the phone over.

  “For now,” he unwillingly agrees. He looks over at the kitchen doorway. “Well, hey, little man.” Trent stands in his pajamas, looking at us in confusion. He slowly walks over to me, wrapping his arms around my leg. I reach down and ruffle his hair. “I hungry,” Trent yawns as he rubs his eyes.

  I look up at Griffin silently pleading for him to let this go. He nods in agreement and looks down at Trent. “Come on, little man. Let’s get you some breakfast.”

  “MOMMY WILL BE RIGHT HERE, okay?” I tell Trent as I sit down on a bench by the playground. “Okay!” he yells out in excitement and takes off across the mulch. I watch him climbing on the jungle gym and sliding down the slides. The sun shines across the grass and a light breeze carries its warmth through the air. The park is quiet today. Walkers scatter the surrounding paths, but we’re the only ones occupying the playground.

  After we sat down for breakfast, I decided to take Trent out to the park and for lunch. I came back here with one focus in mind, and because of that, I haven’t been giving Trent the time he needs. I wanted to show him different things here, even if it meant just going to the park.

  I walk over to the slide that he’s on, taking a picture as he slides down. He doesn’t miss a beat and takes off back around the jungle gym. I take a few more pictures of him before walking back to the bench I was sitting on. With no one else here, I feel more at ease sitting back and watching. I don’t feel the need to hover and watch his every move. That all stems from my own paranoia of something bad happening. I just need to keep reassuring myself that everything will be okay.

  I lean back against the back of the bench and allow myself to relax. I sit and take everything in, allowing myself the peace of just watching my sweet little boy playing without a care in the world. Pushing the looming thoughts of the negative in my life, I embrace the joyful, happy feelings that Trent gives me.

  Suddenly, the bench creaks beside me, breaking through my trance.

  “Cute kid ya got there,” a familiar voice says.

  My heart stops and I can’t breathe. My stomach drops and I instantly feel like I could vomit.

  I stare straight ahead, refusing to acknowledge the person beside me. Trent continues to play, and I want nothing more than to scoop him up and run like fucking hell.

  “Come on, sis,” he taunts me in a sinister voice, “you�
�re not gonna introduce the kid to his Uncle Jared?”

  Who the fuck does he think he is?

  “You’re not his fucking Uncle,” I snap. I turn my head to face him, taking him in. Nothing about him has changed. His eyes are still dead black pools. Everything, from his features to his clothing, is exactly as I remember. I feel like I’ve just taken a step back in time.

  “Hmm,” he taps his chin, “let’s do the math here. We have the same dad, making us siblings. And if I’m your brother, then that makes him my nephew. So, yeah, I’m his Uncle.” He gives me an evil smile. “I could always go have a little chat with him. Better yet, I could take him to see my place.” He pauses. “You remember it, don’t you?”

  I can feel the bile rising in my throat. My heart restarted its beating and keeps beating faster. My throat starts collapsing on itself. I can’t fucking breathe. Fear courses through me, all while my blood boils at the thought of him taking Trent. Conflicted feelings of panic and anger consume me. My fight or flight instincts are at war with one another.

  “You stay the fuck away from him,” I growl. I go to stand and his arm reaches out, shoving me back down onto the bench. I try to move my arm from beneath his hand and he tightens his grip, holding me in place.

  “You’re not going anywhere,” he smiles.

  “Get your hand off of me,” I bark. He looks around, seeing that no one has noticed us.

  He looks back at me, smiling. “You do anything to draw attention to us and I’ll fucking kill you. Not until after I kill your kid first with you watching.” The sick fuck winks at me.

  I know that his threat isn’t an empty one. I’m ready to do anything to keep that from happening.

  “What do you want?” I ask quietly, my voice laced with hostility.

  “Meh,” he shrugs, “I’m not too sure yet. You’re all like my little fucking chess pieces. And right now, I’ve got you all where I want you.” He pauses. “I’m just not sure what to do with you yet.” He watches Trent and smiles. He doesn’t deserve to get to smile at him. I fight the urge to punch him in the side of his face.