“As soon as we touch ground,” I promise him. He releases my arms and bends down to Trent.
“You be good for your mom, little man. Uncle Griffin will see you soon,” he assures him, hugging him tightly. He stands back up and pulls me in for a hug. “Are you sure you want to go back?” he asks, stepping backwards.
I nod. “It’s what’s best right now.” I look down at Trent as his hand slips into mine.
“I still don’t like this,” Griffin starts, but I cut him off.
“You don’t have to like it, but it’s not your decision, and I’m asking you to respect that.” My voice is firm and my eyes bore holes into his. Dropping his gaze to the floor and jamming his hands into his pockets, he slowly nods. I grab my bag and throw it over my shoulder. “If we want to catch our flight, we need to get going,” I tell him.
He looks back up with sad eyes and nods again. “Promise you’ll call?”
“I promise,” I reassure him. Pulling on Trent’s hand, I lead him away from Griffin and towards our flight terminal. Our wait is short before we’re called and it’s time to board the plane. I take the seat by the window and get Trent situated in the seat beside me and wait for our take off. I struggle to focus on making sure that he is comfortable as conflicting thoughts swarm my mind. It’s far too late to be questioning whether or not we should be leaving, but I can’t help but feel uncertain about it all.
Trent is asleep before we reach the runway, and before I realize it, we’re taking off high into the sky. Looking through the window, I watch as the lights from Portland shine brightly in the dark of the night. As the plane soars higher, everything below us grows smaller, and reality smacks me in the face. This is it. We’re really leaving, and we’re leaving everyone behind. A profound aching fills my heart as the plane carries us farther away. I can’t ignore the lump forming in my throat from the thought of leaving Ryder behind. It’s better this way; we’re safer this way.
I pull down the window shade, unable to look out any further, and let the pieces fall into place, building back the walls around my heart.
I’m safer this way.
AFTER SOME TIME, I FINALLY am able to drift off into a restless sleep. As the airplane’s wheels hit the runway, I’m jolted awake from the roughness of our landing. Trent stays fast asleep in the seat beside me and even after we’ve exited the plane. Baggage claim is a struggle, trying to hold a little person while grabbing all your suitcases and such. A plethora of cabs line the curb outside of the airport. I hail one and stuff our things in the trunk before situating Trent in the back seat with me. I give the driver our address and off we go, as simple as that.
It’s the middle of the night, and as much as I miss home, I feel at peace being back in Georgia. The air is familiar; the surroundings are comforting. We pull into our quaint neighborhood and I watch all the small houses go past. The neighborhood is pretty cookie cutter—same style houses, most of them with fences. I like it, though; it’s safe and it’s become our home. When the cab driver parks out in front of our house, I pay him and he helps carry our luggage to the front door. I thank him again and make sure that he gets tipped nicely. After fumbling with the keys for a minute, I’m able to get the door unlocked and opened. I manage to drag the suitcases in without dropping Trent. I leave them at the front door and lock the deadbolt.
I’m too exhausted to deal with any of that. I’m too exhausted to even look around the house and appreciate what I’ve been missing.
After I have Trent settled in bed, I send Griffin a text, letting him know we got to Georgia and made it home safely. I collapse onto my bed, clutching my phone to my chest, and resist the urge to call the one who’s voice my heart longs to hear. I lied to him by telling him it would all be okay. It will never be okay; not without him in my life. I open my phone and scroll through the contacts to his name. I have so much I need to say, and I just need to hear his voice. My finger hovers over his name before I press down on it. I hesitate while my mind fights against my heart. I swipe left, erasing his number as if it will erase him from my mind. Replacing my phone with a pillow, I hold it tightly against me and let my walls crumble and the tears fall from my eyes. Slowly, I drown in a sea of my emotions seizing the oxygen and energy from my body. At some point, I stop fighting, letting my body fall into a deep sleep. My body sleeps, but my mind is still capsized, never coming up for air.
“Let’s let Mommy sleep.” I hear someone’s voice say, muffled by the water I’m sinking in. I hear the muffled sounds, the shuffling of feet, and try to fight off the feeling of floating towards the surface. I’m not ready to wake up and face the reality of what my life has become, but I don’t have a choice in the matter. Time to wake up and smell the roses and figure out what the hell to do with them all.
My eyes slowly open and I push my back up, leaning onto my elbows just as Cara starts to pull Trent away from the bed. He immediately spots me and breaks away from her, scrambling onto the bed and onto me, wrapping his little arms around me as tight as possible. “What are you doing here already? Your flight wasn’t until tomorrow. Did you just get here?” I ask Cara, resting my chin on Trent’s shoulder.
She plops down on the bed beside my legs. “We changed our flights when we found out you left early. We got here maybe twenty minutes ago, and Trent woke up not long after that.” She looks down at me with sad, worried eyes. “Are you good?”
“Yep, just tired from traveling,” I lie. We both know that’s not the truth. I don’t know what the truth even is, except I know I’m not good, but I know I’m going to have to be. And that’s what you do. You take the hand you’ve been dealt and you play those cards like your life depends on it, because everything depends on that. If you need to be good, then you put on your poker face and you make yourself good.
She narrows her eyes at me and stands up in a rush, putting her hands on her hips. “You, me, and wine. We’re all having a talk tonight.” She walks quickly to the door, not giving me a chance to speak. “Get your ass up!” she calls behind her. “We have shit to do.”
I collapse back onto the bed and hold Trent tighter to me, staring at the bright white ceiling, I let out a deep sigh, resigning to Cara’s orders, and finally climb out of bed to help her pack.
Hello, reality.
The roses here smell like shit.
chapter twenty-seven
RYDER
I HATE THIS HOUSE. Everywhere I go, I see her face, I hear her voice, and I smell her. The walls of this house were built from her soul, and she made this house feel like a home. And now, she’s gone and I’m alone, lost inside myself in this large empty space. I sit at the bar in the basement, sliding the cold glass across the hardwood in front of me. I know I shouldn’t resort to old habits, but goddamn if it doesn’t seem compelling. Blocking out my feelings and emotions is easy; it’s what I’m good at. But not this time. I need to feel the pain and welcome it, embrace it, and let it fester within the walls of this house.
My cell phone starts to vibrate, breaking through my thoughts and drawing my attention away from my emotions. Griffin’s name lights up the screen. For a moment, I consider denying his call, but then Lydia flashes in my mind, and then Jared. I know Lydia left and is safe, but what if she’s back?
Hesitantly, I pick up the phone and slide my finger across the screen to answer it. “Yeah?” It comes out harsher than I intended.
“Cheer the fuck up, asshole. Today’s our lucky fucking day,” his voice comes out as a demand. I wait for it, knowing that he has more that he’s not telling me. “Ah, got your attention now, huh?” He probes.
“Griffin,” my voice is lower, “tell me what the fuck is going on.”
“I know where he’s at, and he has Rowena with him. Get your shit together. I’m leaving my office now, and then, we’re taking a little road trip.” With that, he hangs up the phone, leaving everything he said hanging in the air. My mind frantically struggles to comprehend everything he just said. As badly as I wanted to hear that L
ydia was back, I’m glad she’s not and that she’s safe. I’m glad we finally get to take this motherfucker down.
I get up from the bar, leaving the untouched glass on the counter, and make my way upstairs. I change into old clothes that can easily be thrown out, grab a pair of boots, and then grab my pistol from my bedroom. Quickly making sure everything is turned off in the house, I sneak into the garage and grab a tire iron to take along, just in case. By the time I make it out the front door, Griffin is already pulling up, slamming to a stop and waving for me to get in. I run over and jump into the car, and we’re flying back out of the driveway before I’ve even shut my door.
“Jesus Christ, Griffin,” I huff, finally pulling the door shut, “it’s not going to help us if we’re dead before we get there.”
Instead of responding to me, he turns up the radio and presses harder on the gas. After forty-five minutes of neither of us talking, Griffin turns the volume down slightly.
“We’ll be there in an hour,” he states. “We get in, get out. We find her, and then he’s done. Got it?” he asks while he continues to stare out the windshield, not looking anywhere in my direction.
I give him a curt nod, knowing that even though he isn’t looking directly at me, he still sees me out of the corner of his eye. Griffin is always aware of his surroundings; nothing gets past his eyes or ears. He proves me right by turning the music back up after I nod at him.
The further we drive, the distance between us and civilization grows. Griffin turns onto a side road that leads directly into the woods, which then turns into a stone gravel road after we get into the forest. The tires slowly crunch on the stones as the car slows down. With the sun setting, there’s just enough light to show the cabin up ahead around the bend of the road. Griffin brings the car to a stop and turns the headlights off. He points over to the cabin, staring at it intently before directing his gaze at me. “That’s it. They’re in there,” he says, letting out a deep breath.
I look back and forth between him and the cabin, slowly narrowing my eyes. “How do you know for sure that they’re in there?” I’ve never doubted Griffin before, but in a situation like this, one can never be too sure of what they’re about to get themselves into.
“You’re kidding,” he scoffs. “I’ve had my guys tracking him. He slipped up with a cell phone we had wired and basically led us directly to him. We were able to put a GPS tracker on his car, just in case. The phone and the car just so happen to be in the same place. I had someone come scout this place out earlier, careful to not be seen. He saw them both there, and there’s still someone in there now.”
I stare at him for a moment. “Okay,” I nod. “Let’s fucking do this.”
Griffin smiles and let’s his foot off the brake, letting the car inch closer to the house, staying on the road by sound versus having the headlights on. We silently pull up a little closer to the house, and he puts the car in park and cuts the engine. My heart threatens to pound out of my chest as the adrenaline pumps throughout my veins. I feel like I just snorted an eight ball in one go and my body cannot be stopped right now. I’m crawling out of my skin, ready to get this done and over with. I’ve been waiting for this day for so long. Griffin looks at me and reaches over, pulling a gun out of the glovebox. He presses the button for the trunk and gets out, walking around to the back. I’m still sitting in my seat, hands shaking, when I feel the weight of the trunk shut. A tapping on the window makes me jump, almost falling into the other seat. I look over and am staring straight into the barrel of a semi-automatic. Griffin jerks the door open.
“You dumbass!” he hisses. “I could have been anyone. I could have been HIM. And you’re like a motherfucking sitting duck right now.” He shakes his head at me, as if he’s at a loss for words. He’s right; I need to get it together and be on my A game right now. This isn’t the time for error. “Get your shit. We need to move,” he urges, walking away. I jump out of the car, shoving the tire iron in my back pocket and grabbing my gun. It doesn’t take long for me to catch up to him after breaking out into a sprint. We come up along the side of the house and pause before turning the corner. Griffin looks at me, waiting for a silent response to his unspoken question. I give him a quick nod and then we’re both moving, quickly but quietly, around the front of the house and up to the front door. As he reaches for the door, the knob starts to turn on it’s own and the door slowly opens, revealing exactly who we were looking for.
“Well, shit,” Jared smiles, holding onto the door. “I wasn’t expecting any guests. If I knew you guys were coming, I would have gotten some food or some shit.” He shrugs and opens up the door.
Griffin has his gun out in a matter of seconds, pointing it right between Jared’s black beady eyes. “Get the fuck inside,” he demands, pushing the barrel of the gun into his skin.
“Alright, alright,” Jared sighs, raising his hands up. “You caught me.”
“I said get. The. Fuck. Inside,” Griffin draws out every word, his tone growing harsher with each one. Jared abides and starts backing up into the cabin with both of us following. Griffin keeps his gun trained on his forehead while I pull the door closed behind us. “Where is she?” Griffin barks.
“I’m sorry,” Jared’s brow furrows, “I’m not quite sure I know who you’re speaking of.”
With a flick of his wrist, Griffin whips Jared across the face with his gun. Bright red blood sprays from his mouth from the impact. “What the fu–,” Jared starts to say, when he’s immediately hit from the opposite direction as well. Griffin presses the cold metal back up against Jared’s face.
“I’m only going to ask once more,” he sneers. “Where. Is. She?”
Jared smirks. “Ah, yes. Your freak. The creepy little ghost bitch.”
Griffin takes a deep breath and cocks back the hammer, digging the barrel of the gun into Jared’s head. Griffin slowly starts shaking his head. “I was going to let Ryder have you, but now, I’m just going to fucking kill you myself.”
chapter twenty-eight
LYDIA
AFTER A LONG DAY of packing and loading the moving truck, everyone is exhausted and ready to pass out. Everyone except for Cara and that damn bottle of wine she’s holding in her hand while standing in the doorway to my bedroom. I had Trent tucked away and asleep in my bed and was attempting to sneak into my bathroom without her seeing me.
Mission not accomplished.
“There’s the queen of avoidance!” Cara exclaims. “I hope you didn’t think you were really going to get out of this.”
I sigh as she wraps her arm around my shoulders and directs me towards the stairs. She gives me a gentle nudge, forcing me down the stairs first so I can’t turn around and run back upstairs to my room and lock myself away in there. Away from her and her questions.
She grabs my hand and leads me into the living room, grabbing a second bottle of wine as we pass through the kitchen.
“Take a seat, my friend,” she smiles, releasing me and shoving me and one of the bottles into the oversized recliner. She curls up on the couch next to me, pulling her legs underneath her, and takes a large drink of her wine straight from the bottle—no glass needed. I follow suit and guzzle more than I should at one shot, but I have a feeling I’m going to need this.
I turn to look at her and she’s staring at me, her eyes calculated, carefully assessing me. “Tell me what happened,” she says, not beating around the bush, “you know, when we went back home.”
She already knew everything that I went through and why I moved; she helped me move and get away from that place. She’s going to try and shrink me, I can already feel it. If I don’t spill, she’ll drag it out of me in any way possible.
“Fine.” I take another swig of the wine and wipe my mouth with the back of my hand. “I know Ryder went to your house looking for me. And you know Griffin beat the shit out of him.” I look at her and she nods. “I was at the park with Trent, and Jared showed up, threatening both of us. He said some cryptic shit and t
hen walked away. Long story short, Griff and Ryder showed up and saved the day. I still love him, and I always will, but that’s all there is and all it will ever be.” I fight to keep the tears at bay and my face neutral. I slam back another large drink of the wine, feeling it slowly warming my body as my buzz starts to kick in.
Cara stares at me, her eyes wide, and slightly cocks her head to the side. “You can’t seriously be that stupid,” she accuses.
“Um, thanks?” the sarcasm drips from my voice, offended by her response.
“Lydia, seriously,” she stares at me, completely dumbfounded, and takes a drink.
“Cara, seriously,” I mock and do the same.
She gives a slight shake of her head. “You don’t get it.” She runs her hands over her face. “That guy is in love with you; no doubt about it. Supposedly, what you walked in on was a complete misunderstanding, and he’s not with her and wasn’t with her then either. She showed up and made it seem like it was that way.” She pauses a moment, considering her words. “Now, I’m not saying that I trust the motherfucker or even believe that, but I do know that he truly loves you. And what did you do? You fucking ran. Again.”
I know he still loves me. But can that be enough, especially after everything?
“Cara,” I start, “it’s not safe for us to be there with Jared arou–.”
“Excuses,” she cuts me off. “Always excuses. Why wouldn’t he keep you safe? Come on. Get your head out of your ass and go back to him. You and Trent don’t belong here alone.”
I shake my head at her and take a gulp of my wine, draining the bottle past the halfway mark, not caring about how badly I’m going to regret this in the morning. “Don’t you get it?” I ask her. “They tried to keep me safe, and it didn’t work. He got to us. So we’re better off here. Everything's better with us being here. I’m not saying forever; I’m just saying for now, until everything gets sorted out. And I’m not saying no to a future with him, but I just don’t have an answer to that right now. So, do me a favor and please stop pushing?”
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