by B N Miles
Thirty warriors still stood. Most of their losses had come from the old and the young, those tasked with killing up close. They were the ones that the wolves could more easily snap and pull through the shield wall as they exposed themselves with each new thrust and slice. Cam felt every one of those losses personally, since it had been his idea to put them in that position. They had helped stave off the wolves, and he saw them fight bravely and with passion, but their deaths still haunted him as he dragged a young man clutching a broken axe in his right hand away from the killing field.
They put their dead in rows along the stream, arms crossed over their chests. Women stooped to wash them with stream water, rinsing the dirt from their faces. Lamps were lit and hung from the carts, and across the field, the Elves were busy setting up their own makeshift camp.
A large tent had sprouted from the earth, rounded and made of a strange dark blue cloth that shimmered in the twilight. The Elves hung lamps from trees and started a large fire, sending dark plumed smoke up into the air, and Cam thought he could hear them singing in that odd, lilting language.
He had to push the Elves from his mind and keep working. Once the dead were all collected, he was tasked with repairing and repurposing what weapons and shields they could scavenge from the fallen. Most of the broken spears could be salvaged, since the tips were made from copper and hadn’t shattered against the wolves, but they’d need new shafts.
The axes and sickles survived more or less intact, though some would need minor leatherwork or new hafts and handles. The shields tended to be in the worst shape, some of them nearly torn through by wolf claws, others cracked and bent beyond use. Those had to be discarded, though he knew they’d find some use for the wood sooner or later.
As he sat on the earth near a low burning fire and removed spearheads from their shafts one after another, he watched the camp around him. Lightning bugs flashed their arrival in a chorus of yellow dancing lights, and through this spectacle he saw Theus helping Indri dress wounds, Key and her parents help carry water from further upstream, and young and old alike helping to cook the evening meal.
Although the village had just gone through one of the most traumatic events of its existence, it was still alive, still moving forward. People worked together, helped each other, and he even saw a little bit of laughter from some of the younger children.
Of course, there was still heartbreak. An old man named Fatur sat alone outside of a small brown ramshackle tent with large gray patches in the side, silently weeping to himself. Cam knew he’d lost a son and a grandson in the fighting. He saw a woman named Sinli staring at the empty field and all the wolf corpses with a blank expression on her face, like she couldn’t understand what had happened. He saw pain in the wounded, hatred in the survivors.
But above it all, he felt a strange, elated hope ripple through their ranks.
“You have a nice little pile there.” Cam looked up, startled from his thoughts. Key sat down next to him, folding her legs under her with a sigh. They sat not far from a fire in the center of the ring of carts. Her hair was pulled back into a new braid and most of the gore and grime had been washed from her face, arms, and clothes. Cam was suddenly very aware of all the blood and dirt he hadn’t had the chance to wash away yet. As soon as he was finished with the broken spears, he decided he’d go bathe in the stream.
“Doing my part,” he said with a shrug. There was a pile of broken spears on his left, and a pile of tips to the right, with the pile of broken shafts in front of him. He picked up a spear tip, tapped a rivet through the hole and pried it loose with a knife then slid it off, adding it to his pile, tossing the broken shaft forward.
“Dagan told me what you did.”
Cam went still and slowly looked up at her. “He did?”
Firelight flickered on her face. She seemed to almost glow as the wan evening light died out. “With the Elves. He said you convinced them to help.”
He laughed and picked up another broken spear. He fiddled with the tip for a moment.
“I don’t think I did much,” he said. “Dagan just had trouble asking for help.”
She snorted. “Of course. He’s still an old stubborn bastard at heart.”
“I think the Elves wanted to help already,” he said.
“I’m not sure I get why.” She frowned and looked across the field toward their camp. “They’re so strange, Cam. Have you ever met an Elf before?”
“No,” he admitted. “My father talked about them a little bit. They have some kind of special magic and they live forever.”
“That’s what the stories say. I didn’t think Elves got involved with Humans though, I mean, why would they? Just look at them.”
He smiled at the awe in her voice. It was hard not to look at the Elves, at their beauty and effortless grace, and not feel at least a little awed and humbled. “I think they’re beginning to see the world change around them,” he said. “Miuri apparently convinced her father that it would be better for the Elves if they worked with us.”
“Miuri?” Key frowned.
“The Elf Lord’s daughter.” He stared down at the spear tip in his lap and set it aside. “I met her during the fighting.”
“You did?” Key laughed. “What was that like?”
“I… I saved her life.” Cam shifted uncomfortably then leaned toward her.
“Really? How?”
“She got separated from the others. I just… I used my magic. Burned the wolves away.” He took a deep breath and knew he couldn’t push this back any longer. “Key, I need to tell you something.”
She tilted her head. Her eyes glistened in the firelight and Cam wanted to reach out and touch her cheek so badly. He wanted to run his fingertips along her skin and press his lips against hers. But ever since that moment with Miuri, he’d been afraid to get anywhere near Key, afraid that if he didn’t tell her right away then he was somehow misleading her.
“What’s wrong?” she asked. “You look sick.”
Cam took another deep breath and slowly let it out. He tried to find that centered black calm he used during the battle, but it seemed to dangle just out of reach. “I used the last of my magic when I saved Miuri’s life,” he said.
Key nodded. “That’s good. I mean, I bet that helped us, right? Helped convince the Elves to work with us.”
“Yes, I mean, sure, maybe.” Cam clenched his jaw and stared at the ground, unable to meet her eye. He felt like a bastard, like he’d betrayed her, broken their trust. He couldn’t keep delaying, and so he moved forward in a rush, despite the people milling about them. “But after the magic left, something happened to me. My father mentioned it, called it the price for magic, but I didn’t really understand back then and he never went into detail. It felt like… like someone was clawing at my skull. Like if I didn’t use magic again, right that second, I’d go insane from all the screaming voices inside of me. It was like a storm under my skin, tearing me to pieces, and I would’ve done anything to make it stop.”
He looked up, desperate for her to understand. But she was only frowning at him and sitting very still. “That sounds horrible. Are you… do you still feel it?”
“No,” he said, his voice soft. “Miuri helped me. She saw I was suffering from it… she called it the Need.”
“Oh.” Key smiled a little. “That’s good then, right?”
“Key, you need to understand. I would’ve done anything to make it stop. It was horrible… so horrible, and I wasn’t prepared at all.”
“Why do you seem so upset, Cam?” She leaned toward him. “It’s okay, you can tell me. What happened?”
Cam couldn’t meet her gaze. He felt like a damned coward, and so he let the words come tumbling from his mouth. “I slept with Miuri. We had sex. Right after the battle, in the forest. She said it was the only way for the Need to go away, and she was right, Key. We slept together and it worked. As soon as we finished, it was like the Need was washed away from my body in a rush, and I felt like mys
elf again.”
He stared at the ground for another moment, terrified of meeting her gaze. But he pulled himself together and looked into her eyes, keeping his expression neutral. He couldn’t let her know how much this hurt him. If she wanted to hate him now, that was her choice to make, and he couldn’t blame her for it. He wouldn’t make it harder on her by letting her know how much this broke him.
She blinked and sat very still, her mouth hanging open. She leaned forward, took a breath, let it out. She hugged her knees to her chest and put her chin on top of them. “Okay,” she said. “Okay, that’s, uh, not what I was expecting.”
“Key, I didn’t know it was going to happen. She said she could help… and then that’s…” He stopped himself.
“You slept with an Elf,” she said and lifted her head to look at him. “Was it… good?”
He clenched his jaw. He didn’t want to answer that question, but he couldn’t lie to her. “Yes,” he said, not turning away. “I think the magic made it… better.”
“The magic made it better,” she whispered. She put her head on her knees again and stared thoughtfully at the fire. She stared at it for a long time without speaking. Cam wanted to shout, to apologize, beg and plead for her forgiveness, but he wouldn’t do it. Maybe he was too proud, or maybe he didn’t regret sharing that moment with Miuri, even if it did hurt Key. Or maybe he just didn’t want to prolong the inevitable and make this worse on both of them.
“We aren’t married,” Key said, tilting her head to one side. She reached up and ran her hand through her hair. “You don’t owe me anything, Cam.”
“I know, but—”
“We kissed. We shared something.” She looked at him, stretching her legs out then crossing them under her again. She clasped her hands in her lap. “Do you feel differently about me now?”
“No,” Cam said. “No, I don’t.”
“Good. I don’t feel any different about you, either.”
He blinked, surprised. “But, I just—”
She held up a hand. “You said it was because of the… the Need, right? You said it helped you feel better. That sex made your head… clear again. So it wasn’t because you love her, right?”
“Right,” Cam said.
“Okay then. I mean, I can’t really blame you. I saw what those Elves look like, and the daughter of the Elf Lord must be beautiful.”
Cam winced and stared at her. He shifted closer and shook his head. “Are you sure you’re okay with this?”
She laughed and there was a hard edge to it. “No, I’m definitely not okay with it,” she admitted. “It’s strange, and I’m jealous, but… I have to admit, I’m curious.”
“Curious?” He raised an eyebrow, leaned toward her. “Curious… how?”
“The Elves are beautiful,” she said then stopped. She took a breath and let it out. “They’re really, really beautiful. And you said the magic made the sex… better.” She looked at him. “I think I want to try it.”
“Try it?” He stared at her, his eyes wide.
“Don’t make me feel stupid, Cam.”
“I’m not trying to.”
“I’m just saying, I think I want to try it… with you. I’ve wanted it for a long time, and maybe I have to share you with an Elf Princess, but...” She trailed off, chewing her lip, looking confused.
Cam couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “You don’t have to share me with anyone. I’m not… doing anything with Miuri. That was just one time.”
She smiled at him and tilted her head. “Just one time, huh? What about me then? Are you going to fuck me just one time?”
Cam felt his blood boil with desire as he leaned toward her. He reached out, touched her cheek, and slid his hand back into her hair. He pulled her closer and pressed his lips to her ear.
“No, Key,” he growled low and rough. “No, with you, it’s going to be for life.”
She bit her lip and he kissed her. She kissed him back, tentative and gentle. They broke apart and stayed close for a long moment before she pushed him away and grinned.
“You’re still an asshole, though,” she said, shifting away. “Slept with an Elf Princess… Does her father know? You better not break her heart, Cam. If she wants more from you, I’m not going to stand in the way.” She grinned wide and stretched her arms up over her head. “Who knows, maybe I’ll get involved.”
Cam groaned. “Don’t joke.”
“Maybe you have to marry her now. You never know, the Godlings have weird rules sometimes. You could marry me too. Have as many wives as you want. That way, you’d never have to feel the Need.”
“Key.”
“You could be Prince Camrus of the Elven Clan. Has a nice ring to it.”
He sighed and hung his head. “I really, really hope her father never finds out.”
“I’m sure it’ll be okay,” she said. “Who knows, maybe Elf weddings are fun. I bet they can drink a ton of beer. I’d love to see one of them drunk, I bet they’re still just as graceful.”
Cam groaned and dropped onto his back. He stared up at the sky as the clouds roiled across the twilight. He felt Key lay down next to him. She turned her head and he looked at her. She grinned at him, and he felt her fingers intertwine with his.
“It’s going to be okay, Cam,” she whispered. “I’m going to be okay.”
“I hope so,” he said. “I’m afraid, Key.”
She nodded and pressed against him. For a moment, they were alone, despite the village moving around them, preparing for the night.
“We all are. But you don’t let it show, and that’s important.”
“I’m just doing what I have to do for the village.”
“Good. Keep doing it. We need you right now.”
He nodded and smiled at her. “And I need you.”
“I know you do.”
He laughed and she grinned at him.
They stayed like that for a little bit longer until Cam finally sat up. Key leaned on one elbow and watched him get back to work on the spear tips. They stayed in silence like that for a while, and although Key was acting like everything was fine, he knew she was still a little bit hurt.
He’d have to make it up to her. He’d have to show her just how important she was to him.
But for now, the fact that she didn’t hate him made everything seem just a little bit brighter. There was horror all around them, but Key lifted him up above it, just enough to keep him from drowning.
28
Cam stood with the field to his back, the wolf corpses beginning to stink, the blood stained mud hardened from the cool evening. He watched as bodies were carried onto a long, low pyre that was built along the edge of the stream, large enough to fit the bodies stacked in two rows, one on top of the other.
He could hear the water running, and though it was still dark and lamps were hung from spears set in the ground at intervals, he could see the stars just beginning to fade in the sky.
The women of the village had worked all night on the pyre. They’d taken every bit of scrap wood they could find, repurposing all of Cam’s broken spear shafts and ruined shields. When that wood was used up, some of the men helped them cut and gather more wood from the surrounding forest. All night the women worked, stacking wood, raising it only a few inches above the ground, but those few inches were enough to honor the dead.
The last body was gently placed on top of his comrades, his arms crossed over his chest. Cam thought the man’s name was Hethar, but he couldn’t be sure, not with the claw marks that tore his face into strips. There was so much death in front of them, so many missing husbands, fathers, and children. There were women mingled in with the male warriors, women that had taken up the spear or the axe, women that had fought as well as any of them. It was the village, the heart of the village, and Cam feared it had gone cold and dead.
He stood with Theus in silence. The village had assembled in orderly rows and watched as the pyre was finished. Dagan and a small core group of warriors linge
red at the center. The wood was damp with lamp oil, and although Dagan had argued against it, Kraed had insisted that they use what precious oil they had left to make sure the wood would burn and the dead would reach their resting place. Cam could smell the oil in the air, acrid and strangely sweet.
Nobody moved, nobody spoke, as the dead were left on the pyre alone for a long moment. The stillness of the pre-dawn morning mingled with the heavy stillness of the village, mirroring the unmoving bodies stacked atop the wood. Cam considered each one of the fallen, the faces that he could see at least, and tried to remember the last time he’d spoken to them. Small words, small gestures, the sort of things that were forgotten over a lifetime, suddenly had meaning to him. They were his people, and they were dead because of him.
No more death. Cam gripped the shaft of his spear and felt the heavy weight of his father’s sword on his back. No more death, not if he could help it.
He’d suck the world dry of magic and go mad in the process if that’s what it took.
There was a rustling in the crowd as a cloaked figure moved between them, walking to the front of the group. The figure paused and pushed back its hood, revealing Kraed’s unruly white hair.
“The body is always left behind.” Kraed’s voice cut through the morning silence as he took several steps forward, toward the pyre, then turned to face the gathered village. He was clear-eyed, wrapped in his cloak, and for a moment Cam thought the man might be a few inches taller than he had been before.
“Always, the body is left behind. But we’ve been taught by our ancestors and their ancestors before them that the body is just meat, just flesh, a prison for the person deep inside of it. And yet that’s only part of the truth.” He walked slowly down the line of villagers. His face was calm and placid, like he’d addressed a funeral procession thousands of times. And maybe he had, in his other life when he traveled and spoke the truth of the Urspirit to far-flung villages and Mansions all across Germania, but Cam would have wagered those speeches were never quite like this.
