by A. J. Bell
“So I see you’re feeling better.” It wasn’t a question, which meant she didn’t want to hear my thoughts, but that she would surely make her opinion known. “I didn’t tell him about John. As far as he is concerned, you are two different people, and he’ll deal with you individually.”
“When did you tell him about me being your daughter, and why did you not tell him the whole truth?”
“He began asking questions about me coming to the Royal City, so I said the first thing that came to mind – that you were my daughter, that we had sent you away, and that you got back not too long ago but wouldn’t be staying long.”
“Sent me away to where? Came back for what? Did he ask any other questions? Or did he just take your story as if it was the truth?”
“He mentioned he would be coming back to Andora with us, because His Highness has appointed him and his men to watch over our lands to help John in keeping the peace in Andora.” Her words made me grin full of hope. “Lose the smile, Elle. This is a big problem, especially if you plan to start a romantic relationship with him, and run our defenses at the same time. Think about it!” I understood exactly what she meant. Lie after lie! Why was it so complicated to share the truth? Also, if the truth was shared, would the trust remain? Would Richard forgive me? “What are you going to do, Elle?”
“I don’t know. I enjoy Sir Richard’s company more than I should. He says he loves me–”
“You need to do what is best for him. Your choices are hard, but you already know the answer. You must decide whether you break his heart or your oath to the King. You can’t have it both ways.”
“If he has been sent to Andora, I can’t make him stay away. It’s part of the duties of a knight to go wherever he is sent.”
“No, but you can make it clear that his only purpose in Andora would be to keep watch over our flocks and lands, and not over you.”
“I can’t make that decision for him! If he’s interested–”
“You can’t or you don’t want to?” asked Mother as she helped me off the bed. “Do you think he’ll forgive you or us for that matter, for lying to him all these years? Do you think that he’ll marry you if he finds out all this time it has been you right next to him? Do you think he’d remain quiet after he finds out that the man he sponsored for knighthood is actually a woman? Did you think of the consequences for all of us? If the truth is known, we will all be hung. Sir Richard’s loyalties to the Crown run deeper than you know.”
“I won’t know what he’ll do unless I get the chance to ask–”
“When did you become so selfish, Elle? You’re putting your desires ahead of those around you. We’ve sacrificed so much for you, and now because of your lust, you won’t even think twice about sending us to the gallows.” I opened my mouth to defend myself, but she wasn’t done. “Don’t tell me the Prince will not let that happen! If they hung the Queen, they won’t think twice about hanging us. I only need to look at your back to know that you have already exhausted every bit of the patience and interest the Prince had for you, and who knows how long it would be before you exhaust ours!”
She stormed out of the room, leaving me to bathe myself. Since she didn’t come back at all, I went to bed thinking about Richard’s stubbornness on courting me against all odds and what my decision should be. Would I need to tell him the truth or would keeping him away from me be the best for all?
The next morning, Mother changed the dressing on my wounds and left without a word. Regardless of my multiple attempts to start a conversation, she said nothing to me.
A little later, Princess Camilla came in with breakfast. Although she noticed my uneasiness, she respected my privacy. As soon as I took a couple of spoonfuls of broth and some bites of the bread, she went away.
As soon as she left, I took a deep breath and sat on my bed, panting to keep control of my pain before it brought me down again. The dressing of my wounds fell to the bed, causing me to shudder in pain. I wrapped my sheet loosely around me, trying to avoid even the slightest touch against my wounds. I pulled some gowns out of the armoire and threw them on the floor until I found the one I was looking for – the one I had worn the night before the Squires’ Tournament. It was the one that Mother fixed so that the wounds from Richard’s nine lashes wouldn’t be bothered by the gown during the ball.
I put on the gown, but even the thin veil was too much for my still raw skin, so I did the only reasonable thing to do, other than lay flat on my stomach again until my back healed. I ripped the veil off and let the air flow on my back, a not-nice feeling, but it was better than having the veil flutter against my tender flesh.
Needless to say, it was also a very gross sight to see since I had braided my hair to the side so that it would not touch my wounds either. I left my room huffing and puffing, even holding my breath at times with the painful steps I took. Curiously, every step hurt less than the last one, so I was able to keep moving with ease. The more I walked, the less I thought about it and the easier it became to withstand the pain.
The real challenge came with the marble stairs to the east wing where Richard’s chambers were temporarily located, but once I reached the top, I felt like I had conquered the world, at least the world of pain. Heads turned away in disgust or shock when they got a glance at the low cut of my gown’s back as I passed by, but I ignored them. Regardless, I had my mind set. I needed to speak to Richard while I still had my courage in place, before I changed my mind about doing the right thing for him and for all my loved ones. I stood outside his door with my hand prepared to knock, but my insecurities were rising and the pain was also coming back to my body the longer I stood there.
“I said that the door remained unlocked, not that it opened by itself.” I turned around slowly to face a concerned-looking Richard who was still playful, trying to keep things smooth. “Have you come for another kiss, My Love?” he asked.
“I must speak with you, My Lord,” I said.
“Yeah, I thought this was serious. Otherwise, why would you bother to come all the way over here when Doctor Stern ordered you to remain in bed until the pain ceased or the stitches had fully healed?”
“Doctor Stern doesn’t know anything about healing. He declared you dead in Andora without even trying to save you!” I said angrily.
“You were there? You looked after me?” he seemed relieved. “I knew it wasn’t my imagination. Victor tried to convince me you weren’t there, but why?”
I had stuck my foot in my mouth. I had to come up with some explanation, quickly! “Because I asked him to,” I said remorsefully.
“Why?” he asked again.
“I’m not good for you. I don’t only get myself in trouble, but those around me also get hurt–”
He put his fingers on my lips to silence me. “I thought we decided that I’d make my own choices,” Richard said with a charming smile.
“You’re choosing wrong,” I said.
“But it’s my choice, nonetheless, and you and my father need to respect that.”
“There are secrets that–”
“There will be time to learn them, as we grow old together.”
“That’s just it! My Lord, I don’t think you’ll want to be near me, let alone grow old with me, if you knew.” I was choking on the words.
“Then say no more, for I would rather be kept in darkness than away from you.” Was it good enough to say that I tried to tell him the truth? “Now about that kiss…” He lifted up my head with his fingers on my chin and kissed me again.
Chapter 32
The pain and the worry disappeared, as did everything around me, while I closed my eyes and voluntarily surrender to his perfect kiss. With everything else gone from my mind, all that was left was his lips hungrily partaking of mine. I wrapped my arms around his neck, hiding the effort it took to do so, losing myself completely in the taste of his lips. My actions encouraged him not to stop. Consumed by the moment, his arms wrapped around me and his hands landed on my back. I
jumped back due to the excruciating pain, holding onto a wall while gasping for air.
“I am sorry. Please forgive–”
“Not your fault,” I said, forcing the tears back inside as they formed. He stood in front of me, unsure of what to do. I then leaned my head on his shoulder and wrapped my arms around him to help balance myself and to prove to him that he hadn’t hurt me that bad.
He was more careful this time and didn’t hug me back, but leaned his head on mine and brushed his lips softly against mine.
“I am sorry,” he said again.
“It’s not your fault that I’m this weak.”
“I need to get you in bed.” I looked at him, puzzled. “I didn’t mean it that way. I meant you need to be in bed… not with me… You know, alone in your bed so that you can rest, not that I don’t want to be with you. I mean, you know I wouldn’t… your mother would kill me if I tried,” he babbled nervously.
“You’re right. Mother wouldn’t like to see the both of us together.”
He thought I was teasing, and he relaxed as the nervousness went away. “I would lock the door to make sure she wouldn’t find us in a compromising situation,” he said.
“Sounds like you’ve experience in that matter, but that’s not what I meant. Mother sides with your father in this instance.”
“I doubt it,” Richard said.
“She knows being with me will only bring you sorrow, that you would be better off away from me.”
“Then we’ll have to prove our love. Your mother is wrong, along with my father and everybody else that doubts my intentions.”
“Love isn’t all, trust is. If the trust is lost, everything else goes with it, and my secrets are too big–”
“Trust is important, but I’m sure what you have done is not that bad. I love you and that’s what matters.”
“My Lord, without trust, there is no love. How can you love someone you don’t know?” I said sadly.
“You need to trust me when I tell you we’ll make it work, that together we can overcome the obstacles that come our way. I see how much you care about me because even though it pains you to do it, you’re asking me to stay away from you for my own good. You wouldn’t hurt me on purpose. You spent nights watching over me in Andora, making sure I was progressing, singing to me, reading to me, and if I remember correctly, you kissed me on my deathbed more than once. Because of this, I know I can trust you!”
“No you can’t; you can’t trust me!”
“Then we’ll become the exception to the rule – discarding trust to the side and, in our case, love alone will have to suffice.”
“So you insist on bringing doom into your life?”
“If that’s what it takes to have you, I welcome doom with arms wide open,” he said, with his eyes fixed on mine.
As the days went by, it became easier to walk and move and pretty much do everything again without help, although Princess Camilla still hovered, just in case. Richard had been extremely busy with War Council meetings. Apparently, more attacks had happened and more blame has been put on the Gypsies, but he tried to avoid the topic when he stopped by to visit or when we’d walk in the gardens. I knew that if the attacks continued, Gypsy annihilation could be on the way. I knew that even though Richard tried to go out of his way to not tell me the council decisions. He didn’t know that Princess Camilla was telling me all that had been said in the meetings. She had met Dash and liked him a lot, so talking about Gypsies and wars made her concerned about Dash’s family in Surien, as well as for his own safety, wherever he was.
I felt the urge to go back home and take a look at the situation myself, but the fact that Richard was adamant about escorting me home complicated things, not to mention Mother still wasn’t speaking to me. I didn’t know what else to do. I had asked her for forgiveness. I had told her about Richard saying that he didn’t care about me keeping secrets – that he loved me. She kept saying that I was sentencing everyone I knew to their death, whether they knew my secret or not.
“We’ll be leaving tomorrow,” I said to Richard while we took a walk holding hands, as the sun was setting.
He stopped walking. “I can’t go yet. The Council is not done discussing the safety of the kingdom, so we need to wait a couple more days before we can leave.”
“I know you have to stay, but I need to go home. My father must be worried,” I said. “What are you saying?”
“I’ll see you in Andora when you come. I promise to keep watch for your coming, but I want you to take time before you come and think about all your options.”
“We discussed this already, and I’m not going back on my word,” he said, annoyed.
“If that is the case, then I’ll be seeing you soon. I’ll be looking forward to seeing you again,” I said.
“The roads are dangerous,” he said, trying to convince me to stay and wait for him.
“We’ll go through the forest.”
“What? You’re going through the forest to do what? Greet your Gypsy friends?”
“Richard, why do you hate them so much? They’ve shown nothing but kindness to me, they are good people–”
“I’ve seen what they’re capable of, Elle. You’re not going to leave without me!”
“You can’t stop me! Besides, I already told you. The Gypsies I know are in the mountains, not in the forest, at least until–”
“I can’t protect you if I’m not with you,” he said, helplessly.
“You don’t have to. Nothing is going to happen, I promise, Richard.” It was the first time I addressed him by his given name, which made him happy. I could tell by the glint in his eyes.
“I’ll see you off in the morning. It might be the last chance I get to see you alive,” he said, still saddened with my decision.
“Kiss me,” I said. “It might be the last chance you get to kiss me while I’m alive.” I joked, but his face didn’t change. I lowered my face. “Maybe, I just have to wait for you to come to Andora and give me that kiss, but my door is always locked.” I let go of his hand, but he took it again.
“Promise me you won’t do anything stupid,” he pleaded.
“I promise I’ll be careful, to the best of my capabilities.” Then I sealed my promise with a kiss that he returned passionately.
Two months after my return to Andora, my back had healed as well as it could without me resting all day. With my return, John came back also, and with his presence, the people of Andora felt relieved.
Richard’s men followed my instructions as John without question. They recognized my commands as law since they were on my land and there was nobody else to follow. Thankfully, there hadn’t been Gypsy attacks since my arrival. On the other hand, the few attacks that occurred while I was away had done enough damage. Since Dash’s return to Andora, he had gotten into a couple of fist fights with Richard’s men because he was a Gypsy. In order to avoid complications, I had to keep him inside the castle, which didn’t bother him that much since he had been fancying Rosie from the time he arrived. It wouldn’t surprise me if he would propose to her sometime soon. Their union would then be proof that it was possible for Everlanders and Gypsies to love each other.
Spring arrived, and with it came the grass and the flowers that filled the land. Shewhite loved chasing butterflies and taking a few baths in puddles left by sudden spring showers. The seeds given to Mother for the Ghost berries had bloomed into grown bushes, full of the invisible berries that I’d added to the Aligretto recipe. Everywhere I looked, love was in the air. The birds sang their love songs together in the mornings as well as the wolves in the middle of the night. Seeing this much love made me wonder what had kept Richard from me. I began to miss him from the moment I said goodbye. It could’ve been the fact that the last eight years I had spent with him made me so attached, but it also could be that, despite what I kept telling myself, I was falling in love with him.
I shouldn’t have left him in the Royal City. I should’ve brought him home with
me. I should’ve told him the truth. Regrets! Regrets! The list grew the more time that passed. The longer I went without hearing from him, the more my anxiety increased, and the more the pessimistic side of my mind took over and put ideas in my head. Maybe he found out the truth, and that’s why he was not here. Maybe he did consider his choices and realized, just like Dorian and Victor before him, that I wasn’t the one… Maybe he realized that he didn’t love me after all.
I tried to keep myself busy so my mind didn’t wander to him, but when I failed, my thoughts were cruel. I needed to find distractions. One should always be careful of what one wishes for. My distraction came when our two months of peace were disrupted by a couple of teenage boys who created chaos among the sheep flocks by pretending to be Gypsies. Some of the soldiers fell for it, and almost killed the boys in their duty of protecting Andora. I realized then that many of these men from Stoneburg had never met a real Gypsy, so they weren’t familiar with their looks, language, or attire. Although there were definitely many Gypsies that didn’t look like Gypsies, most of them had extremely thick black curly or wavy hair, full lips, and dark brown eyes under bushy eyebrows. The women wore their hair long and loose, while the men had mostly clean-cut or shaven heads. Knives and arrows were their weapon of choice, but they would also carry swords, although they would rather take the enemy down with an arrow than a blade. Their skin was tanned, not entirely dark but not white either like the Everlanders. I could present myself as one of them. All I needed was the bushy eyebrows and extreme curls in my hair. No wonder there was confusion as to who was attacking our cities if we couldn’t tell the difference between friend and foe – between some teenage rebels and a pack of murderous beasts. The boys learned their lesson and got to keep their lives. That was more than the Everlanders would’ve let them have, had I not arrived in time to stop the fight. Thankfully, it was only one incident.
At dinner time inside the castle, I could be myself, so John would go into the armoire. There were no servants to hide from; only the people I loved and trusted roamed the castle. Almost. Rosie knew the truth about me and John. Although she apologized for trying to kill me and for all the trouble she had caused, and I told her she was forgiven, I still kept my door locked and never turned my back on her, just in case she went back to her old ways.
