by Mary Monroe
“Oh, hell, no! You are not going there, lady! Leave my mama out of this! I’m working on that, too!”
“Exactly what does that mean, J.R.?”
“Don’t worry about it. All you need to know is that I’m working on it.”
“Well, you are not working hard enough for me, Jesse Ray. I’ve got to make some plans on my own, I guess,” I said, so tired of talking, my cheeks ached. Jesse Ray didn’t respond right away, and I didn’t know what else to add to my threat.
“I see,” he said finally in a gruff voice that I rarely heard. “You do what you have to do, and I’ll do what I have to do. But you just remember one thing, if you do decide to divorce me, you will leave this marriage with what you brought to it. Go on back over to the ’hood to your chicken wings and cheap liquor and carjacking homeboys. Let’s see how well you do without my money.”
Apparently, Jesse Ray was way ahead of me. Leaving him was one thing, and it had suddenly crossed my mind. Divorcing him was an entirely different story. It saddened me to know that one of the first things he associated with a divorce was money. And, he never let me forget that the money in question was his money.
“I didn’t marry you for your money, J.R.,” I said, disappointed that he’d chosen to go in this direction. “This is not about what’s yours and what’s mine.”
“The hell it’s not! This is all about money, and you know it. You bitch and moan about me paying my only sister’s credit card bills. You bitch and moan every time I help my brother out. You complain about all the food my folks eat. I have always been good to my family, and marrying you is not going to change that. You should know that by now.”
“I see,” I said flatly, feeling totally defeated. “I am your wife, but your family comes first?”
“I didn’t say that,” Jesse Ray said in a cautious voice, but it was too late. “And, I don’t appreciate your putting words into my mouth.”
“Why did you marry me, Jesse Ray?”
“Christine, I married you because I love you. I will always love you. I didn’t mean to go on off you a minute ago, making fun of the ’hood. Hell, you know that’s where I started out myself. And … and no matter what you decide to do, I will always love you. Don’t you forget that. Let’s end this conversation right here and resume it where we left off when I get home. I’ll even leave work early tonight. We’ll go somewhere nice and quiet where we won’t be disturbed. Now let me get off this phone so I can get back to work.”
I hung up before Jesse Ray, or I, could say anything else. I had heard enough from him, and I had said all I wanted to say for the time being. At least to him.
My in-laws were still moving Mel’s shit into the house, everything from fishing poles to a limp gray blanket, which Mel had flung over his shoulder like a dead body. They all saw me sitting in my car in front of the house, but nobody acknowledged my presence. I turned away when Odette looked in my direction and gave me one of her smug looks. Her stiff braids looked like horns growing out of her bowl-shaped head.
My cellular phone was still in my hand. A warm feeling suddenly came over me. My body seemed drained. I felt empty. Like somebody had pulled a plug out of me. And, it seemed like my fingers took on a life of their own. I dialed Nita’s number, but I hung up as soon as she answered. When I dialed the next number, I honestly thought that it was Jeanette’s line I was calling. The voice that answered startled me so much, I had a spasm.
“Yo,” he grunted.
“Huh?” I gasped. “Wade, is that you? I didn’t realize I had dialed your number!” I was amazed that I had subconsciously remembered Wade’s cell-phone number. “Uh, I didn’t mean to call you. I thought I was calling a friend,” I stammered.
“Well, I thought I was a friend of yours,” he said, then laughed.
I laughed, too. And, the warm feeling that I had experienced a few moments earlier suddenly got so hot that I had to fan my face.
“Uh, when did you go back home to L.A.?” I asked.
“Who said I was in L.A.? Berkeley is my home.”
“You don’t live in L.A. anymore?” I asked hopefully. I looked toward my house. Odette and Adele were standing on the porch steps, looking at me. Their lips were moving. I didn’t even want to know what they were yakking about, but I was fairly certain that I was the subject.
“Yes and no. Things are kind of slow down there right now, so I thought it’d be a good time to stay up here and spend some time with Mama. She’s getting old, you know. By the way, how are your folks? Are they still in Berkeley?”
“As far as I know, they are still in Berkeley. They were fine the last time I saw them,” I said. “We’ve never been close,” I admitted, though I had told Wade this detail before. “Well, it is good to hear your voice again, Wade.” It was amazing how much better I was feeling now. I was actually smiling. “I didn’t mean to call you, but I am glad I did. I was having a bad moment.”
“I am glad you called, Christine. I was having a little bit of a bad moment myself.” Wade lowered his voice to a whisper. “Lookie here … uh … I’d like to see you again. I really enjoyed myself that last time I saw you, and I have a feeling you did, too.”
“I did,” I confessed, my lips curling into a wicked smile. “Wade, I’m still married. “My husband and I … we have our share of problems, so things aren’t the way they should be between us right now. I’ve been a little depressed.”
“And is there anything I can do about that?”
“Maybe. But I don’t know if I can get too involved with you right now. After all the years I’ve known you, I really don’t know you that well. I don’t know where I stand with you. I don’t know where our relationship is going.”
“I know where I want it to go. You know that Marriott Hotel off the freeway going toward Oakland?”
“I do.” I sighed. “What about it?” I asked dumbly. I prayed that we were on the same page. If I ever needed to throw myself into the arms of another man, it was now. I needed some serious attention. Oh, what the hell! I needed a serious dick!
“Can you meet me there, baby?”
Before I answered, I looked toward my front porch again. Adele and Odette had gone inside, but Mel was standing at the top of the porch steps, leering like a gargoyle in my direction. That smug look on his homely face was all I needed to see to help me make up my mind.
“Just tell me when, baby,” I said, my body heat so hot and thick, my voice came out in a hoarse whisper.
“What are you doing right now?”
“Me?” I kept my eyes on Mel’s miserable face. I knew what I should have been doing. And that was to go into my house. But other than hide out in my bedroom and drink myself into oblivion, I didn’t know what I’d do after I got there. What could I say to Adele? What could I say or do about Mel moving in? Jesse Ray had made it clear that this was his call. That thought made a sharp pain shoot through my chest. And, I was already mad as hell, so I couldn’t even go further in that direction.
“Yes, you. We are wasting precious time with all this small talk? How soon can I see you, baby?”
“I can be there in fifteen minutes,” I told him.
CHAPTER 53
I had gotten used to locking horns with Adele and the twins, so having Mel in the house now, too, didn’t really faze me that much more. I did give him credit for going out and finding another job right away. Even though it was driving a snow-cone truck, and it didn’t pay enough for him to get another place. Adele told me that she was saving half of her paycheck, every payday, from her job at the post office, and that as soon as they found a suitable place that she could afford, they’d be gone. I didn’t have much hope in that. She and Mel had looked at over a dozen places, and so far nothing had panned out. For people with such bad credit and such limited incomes, Adele and Mel had the nerve to be choosey. They didn’t want to live in just any old place. They didn’t want to live around too many blacks or Hispanics. They didn’t want this; they didn’t want that. I almost didn’t
care anymore. And, Jesse Ray must have thought that that was the case, because he didn’t even mention it unless I did.
As far as I was concerned, I had lost the battle, but I had learned to adapt, so to speak.
I had Wade to thank for that. It had been two months since I’d called him up by mistake and ended up on a rendezvous at the Marriott. I had spent the entire two hours with Wade in bed, fucking him like I was auditioning to star with him in his next porn movie. I’d been with him either at the Marriott or his mama’s house several more times since. Because of him, I was still able to walk around my house, with a smile on my face. And, I was unusually polite to my in-laws even when they didn’t deserve it. One night at the dinner table last week, Adele tried to get my goat.
“Christine, you might want to borrow one of my wig hats. People are getting tired of looking at that same do on your head every day. The way your hair is standing up on your skull, you look like you been flying,” she said, triggering nods and snickers from her kids and husband, who flirted with me every chance he got.
“Thank you, Adele. I like that brown one with the bangs,” I responded, with a broad smile. Somebody gasped. Everybody gave me a sharp look. “And, one more thing, Adele, I’ll be a little late braiding your hair tonight. I promised Nita I’d go to the movies with her this evening after dinner.”
“Again?” Mel said, gnawing on the bone from the T-bone steak on his plate.
As usual, Jesse Ray was missing in action. I knew that my husband loved his work. But ever since the rest of his family had moved in, he seemed to enjoy his work even more. Some days he left the house before I even got up and didn’t come home until I was in bed.
“You sure J.R.’s not dropping his bucket into another woman’s well?” Mel asked one evening, when he’d cornered me alone in the kitchen. I was in the middle of washing dishes and didn’t care enough to turn around to look in his mincemeat pie of a face.
“My husband doesn’t fool around like some men, so I have nothing to worry about,” I said, my eyes on the dishes in the sink in front of me. I had reached a point where I didn’t even complain about cleaning up the mess my in-laws made.
“What about you?” Mel asked, leaning so close behind me, I felt his sour breath on the back of my neck.
“What about me?” I asked, my heart pounding. I whirled around and faced Mel, searching his dark, fish-like eyes, wondering if he’d seen or heard something about me and Wade. Adele was no Halle Berry, so there had been no gallery of men for her to choose from. But even I thought that she deserved someone better than Mel Howard. He had a body like a board, thin and flat. One night I walked into the bathroom just as he was stepping out of the shower. With his oversized head, his bony arms and legs, and a pencil-thin dick, he looked like a brown praying mantis.
“Do you fool around? When a juicy woman like you gets left alone as much as you do, you’re bound to start itching for something extra,” he said, with a hopeful grin.
I didn’t have to answer Mel’s question. Adele pranced into the kitchen in one of her negligees, waving her hands. After seeing Mel naked and now Adele in her see-through gown, I could see why she lusted after him the way she did. Her body was even more worn down than his. Her breasts, long and flat, hung down the front of her chest like sleeves.
“Christine, I just wanted to let you know I’m taking off work tomorrow so I can look after Mama. I know you must be tired of being cooped up in the house all day, almost every day,” she said, tickling Mel’s chin. He cleared his throat and replaced his grin with a much more serious look.
It was not often that Adele gave me much consideration. But I appreciated it when she did.
As soon as I finished cleaning up the kitchen, I made a beeline to my bedroom. I slammed the door shut so fast, I almost fell. Then I called Wade, praying that he had his cellular phone turned on and would answer.
“Yeah,” he said in a tired voice.
“Wade, it’s me. I have the whole day free tomorrow,” I told him in one breath. It took him a while to respond, and that made me nervous. “Wade, are you still there?”
“I’m still here, baby. So what are we going to do for a whole day tomorrow?”
“We’ll think of something,” I teased.
CHAPTER 54
I still cared about my husband, but I wasn’t sure what it was I felt for Wade. I enjoyed his company and his magnificent body, but I knew in my heart that there was not much chance of a future with him for me.
A whole year had slid by, and things were pretty much the same. Even though I had my thing with Wade and it was stronger than ever, my in-laws’ presence had begun to wear on me in a way that I could barely tolerate anymore.
And, Jesse Ray’s indifference made it even worse. Not to mention the fact that I was still the one doing most of the work where Miss Rosetta was concerned. Her condition was worse than ever before. I’d spoon-feed her, and then she’d spit up everything she’d swallowed, plus a few ounces of slimy bile. I’d bathe her, and then she’d relax her bowels before I could get her dressed again. Sometimes it almost seemed deliberate. More than ever before, I found myself wishing that my mother-in-law would go to sleep and not wake up. I felt guilty for having such evil thoughts, but I was only human and couldn’t always control what I felt or thought.
One Friday evening in March, when Wade didn’t answer his cell phone, I decided to pay Miss Odessa a visit. It had been two weeks since I’d seen her. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d seen or talked to my parents. It was one of the rare days that Jesse Ray came home in time to have dinner with the rest of the family. He had encouraged me to “go out and get some fresh air,” telling me I looked a little peaked. When Wade didn’t answer, I called Miss Odessa’s number from my cell phone. I had already climbed into my car and was halfway to her apartment when I called to let her know I was on my way to see her. Normally, I would have called way ahead of time.
“Hello.” The husky voice that answered Miss Odessa’s phone didn’t belong to Miss Odessa or anybody else I knew.
“Is Miss Odessa home?” I asked, really anxious to talk to my elderly friend.
“Who is this?”
“I’m a friend of hers. I used to live across the hall from her, but we still keep in touch,” I explained. “Is she all right?”
“Are you Christine?”
“Yes.”
“This is her daughter, Corrine. Didn’t you get my message?”
“Excuse me? What message?”
“I called and left a message at your house last Monday. I called everybody in Mama’s address book.”
“I didn’t get the message. Is Miss Odessa all right?” I asked again. Just from the tone of this woman’s voice, I knew before she told me that she had some bad news to report. An ominous chill swept over me like a tidal wave. I braced myself for the worst.
“My mama died last Monday. It was some rare skin cancer that she’s been battling off and on for years. We buried her yesterday. I’m over here cleaning out her place and trying to get rid of all this junk she had up in here.” I was so stunned, I didn’t know what to say next. There was an uncomfortable moment of silence before Miss Odessa’s daughter spoke again. “Every time I called Mama, she bragged about you. I was a little disappointed when you didn’t come to the funeral, send flowers, or even call.”
“I didn’t get your message,” I said again, with emphasis.
“Well, I left it with some young girl.”
“That was my husband’s niece,” I managed, so angry with Odette that if she had walked up to me at that moment, I probably would have ripped her head off. “Is there anything I can do?”
“Not now,” Corrine said dryly. “Do you want any of this junk out of Mama’s apartment? That woman never threw nothing away. You can have anything out of here that you want as long as you pay somebody to haul it.”
“Just those encyclopedias and any magazines she left.”
“Oh, you can forget about that shit. Tha
t was in the first load I had my husband haul to the dump. Anything else you want?”
I couldn’t believe that this woman could speak about her mother’s possessions in such a cold manner. “I don’t think so. Where is she buried? I’d like to take some flowers to her grave,” I said, my voice cracking.
“And that was another thing. Mama lived in the dark ages, which is one of the biggest problems with us black folks. Do you know she never used an ATM? And, I know you won’t believe this, but she was scared of cell phones! She read somewhere in one of them books of hers about cell phones causing some kind of cancer of the ear. But it was a cancer that took her out of this world, anyway! That woman. She was my mama, and I loved her to death, but she was a fool most of her life. We had her cremated. It was cheaper. Would you believe that she still had clothes she wore six sizes ago? A pair of broken eyeglasses, a black pump with no mate, and old jars full of shit I can’t even identify. And …” Corrine paused. I could tell that she was crying, but I didn’t let on that I knew that.
“I’m going to miss her so much,” I offered.
“Christine, I never met you, but I appreciate all you did for my mama. She had so many good things to say about you. I just wish … I just wish I had spent more time with her when I had a chance. Life is so short. I don’t know what you got going on now, but try to get as much enjoyment out of life as you can. You don’t live but once. Mama wouldn’t want you to mourn her. She’d want you to celebrate her passing, because it was her time to go, and you can’t keep God waiting! Get out and enjoy life if you can. Life is too short.”
I hung up and turned my motor off, with Corrine’s words still ringing in my ears. Especially the last part. I had tried all of my life to enjoy my life. But every time I thought that things were going well for me, I was wrong. I cried for twenty minutes before I went back home.
