by Sienna Blake
“You’re not supposed to be here, girlie,” Eddie grumbled.
A flash of heat swept over my cheeks as Eddie lit up another cigarette as if nothing at all had happened. The old Kayleigh would have slinked away, embarrassed and blushing. The old Kayleigh would have mumbled a timid apology for wasting the man’s valuable time. The old Kayleigh would have left without a word.
But I was not the old Kayleigh.
“Excuse me, but I should absolutely be here,” I said. “I’m smart and hardworking and I learn fast. I’d dedicated to the craft and will put everything I have into this apprenticeship.”
The only movement from Eddie was a lifting eyebrow as I continued passionately.
“I want this to be my career, my future, and I won’t let anyone, especially an old misogynist stand in my way.”
Eddie snorted at this and leaned his head against the brick wall to stare up at the roof line above him.
“You’re really missing out on a great mechanic by letting your prejudices get in the way, and I hope you remember that, sir.” Chest huffing and puffing indignantly, I reached for the door handle to go back inside.
“Are you done?” Eddie’s voice made me pause.
I turned back. “What?”
“Are you done,” Eddie waved his cigarette about, “with your little speech?”
I hesitated. “Um, yeah,” I said slowly. “I guess I am.”
Eddie nodded. “Good,” he grumbled, clearly more bored than anything. “’Cause what I meant is that another shop owner called and needed an apprentice. Said he’d pay me to have one of mine. I sent you an email about it this morning. Don’t you check your phone?”
I masked the embarrassing fact that in my current financial situation, I couldn’t afford a phone plan and cleared my throat and asked somewhat meekly, “Do you have an address then?”
* * *
“This can’t be right,” I mumbled to myself in my car as I squinted at the messily written directions from Eddie to the new mechanic shop. “No, this can’t be right.”
I pushed my sunglasses up onto the top of my head and switched off the staticky radio. Normally this was a sure-fire tell that someone was lost. But the trouble was I wasn’t lost; I wasn’t lost at all. I knew exactly where I was in Dublin.
As I passed street after street that became more and more recognisable, I glanced again at the directions.
“This…this can’t…”
Maybe Eddie was simply sending me on a wild goose chase. Maybe he just wanted to get rid of me and figured a little fib for a “little girl” would only be a little bad. Maybe this was just the easiest way to get rid of me and I was on my way to a McDonald’s.
Or maybe there was another mechanic shop in the very neighbourhood as Darren’s shop, Kelly’s Garage. Maybe there was another mechanic shop on the exact same street as Kelly’s Garage. Maybe, just maybe there was another mechanic shop that I never noticed directly next door to Kelly’s Garage.
But as I stopped my car at the address Eddie gave me, I was, to my surprise, not at Kelly’s Garage.
My heart started thundering as I stared out my dirty car window at O’Sullivan’s Garage.
There, in place of the old sign, was the sign that I ordered for Darren on my very first day on the job. There, proudly displaying Darren’s family name, was the sign I watched Darren haul angrily out to the trash in the alleyway behind the shop. There, glistening in the morning sunlight, was a sign—a sign of hope.
Darren
Eoin, still being quite the hopeless romantic and believer in fairy tale endings, was quite disappointed when I shot down his suggestion that I go catch Kayleigh at the airport like they did in all the romcoms he would never admit to seeing in theatres.
“But Eoin,” I said as gently as possible, “Kayleigh would have to be at an airport…”
Eoin considered this minor hiccup for a moment before shrugging. “I could buy her a ticket?”
In the end I kindly refused my little brother’s help in winning Kayleigh back. I’d returned to my apartment and called her roommate Candace at The Jar.
“Kayleigh left, idiota.”
Even a mechanic such as myself could translate that one from Portuguese.
It took opening up my soul to Candace and telling her the whole story of Kayleigh and me, while drunk guys in the background hollered for beers, for Candace to tearfully give me a number for Kayleigh in Cork.
“Boa sorte, amigo. Good luck,” she said before asking about whether Eoin needed a curvy Brazilian friend to help heal his heart.
It took calling the number Candace gave me till my fingers were numb before someone picked up.
“Yeah, she was crashing here on my couch and eating like all of my Ben & Jerry’s,” Kayleigh’s friend said irritably (perhaps because it was 4:36 in the morning). “But she left.”
“Left?”
“Something about an apprenticeship in Dublin. Hey, can you tell her she owes me for the ice cr—”
At this point in my search for Kayleigh, I realised just how many mechanic shops there were in Dublin. I didn’t care. I kept calling and calling and calling until—
I nearly cried in relief when I finally got the answer to my question “Is Kayleigh Scott apprenticing with you” as a gruff “Yeah, so what of it?”.
“I need her.”
The owner of the shop, Eddie, was immediately confused. “Need her?”
I cleared my throat. “Um, what I mean is that I’m low on staff here and could really use the extra help. I’ll pay you.”
The old man grumbled what sounded like, “Yeah, whatever.”
All there was to do was wait till Monday morning. On the Sunday before, Michael, Noah, and Eoin all came to help me dig out from the office the O’Sullivan sign Kayleigh ordered on her first day and replace the old faded sign with it. We shared a round of beers for the first time together as brothers since my fight with Eoin.
Eoin even wished me good luck on his way out.
I tried to keep busy that Monday morning, but I couldn’t stop myself from looking up from beneath the hood at the sound of every passing car. I imagined Kayleigh driving up, realising where she was going, and continuing straight past all the way back to Cork. So with each rumbling engine, I leapt up to check, terrified that it was her not stopping.
When I heard brakes for the first time outside my garage, my heart seized.
My wrench clanged to the concrete floor as I stood and wiped the grease from my fingers. I hurried past the line of cars needing repairs and blinked in the morning sunlight just as Kayleigh stepped out of her car.
Her eyes found mine as I stopped just at the garage door. I’d dreamed of her eyes every day for the last few weeks, and every night they grew more and more vivid green. Every morning I woke up and shook my head: no, surely they weren’t that green.
But the green of my dreams was nothing compared to the way her emerald eyes sparkled.
I swallowed heavily, suddenly nervous and conscientious, as Kayleigh closed her car door, leaned against it, and crossed her arms over her chest as she stared at me from across the driveway. All the city noises seemed to disappear. Or maybe I simply couldn’t hear them over the pounding of my heart.
After a moment of tense silence, Kayleigh finally nodded up at the new sign. “Did you order a new one?”
I shook my head.
Kayleigh frowned. “Go dumpster diving then?”
Again I shook my head.
The silence hung heavy between us. It was the silence of the first time we laid eyes on one another: her in her bath towel, me with my hand on the door, neither moving, neither saying a word. It was the silence of the dark road the first time I took her on my motorcycle: her hands around my waist, her cheek against my back, my headlight the only source of light, save for the stars above and the city below. It was the silence beneath the hood during all those times we worked alone in my shop: our breaths humid in the cold air, our fingers grazing one another’s
, our hearts beating in time. It was the silence of Ma’s foyer: stuffed in close to one another as we took off our shoes in the dark, completely unaware of what was to come.
And it was the silence of our separation from one another: aching and painful and unbearable.
Kayleigh’s voice was like the splintering of thin ice on a mountain lake. We both knew we were going to fall; we both wanted to be dragged under. It was only a matter of when.
“How then?” she asked, her voice breaking.
I swallowed, hoping that I could push back down the wells of emotion that made my throat tight. “I never got rid of it.”
We were far apart, but my softly spoken words carried as if my heart had a direct line to hers.
Kayleigh glanced at the sign. Then back at me. “You never got rid of it?”
“I couldn’t,” I said simply. “It’s been here this whole time.”
Both she and I knew we weren’t talking about that stupid sign. Silence descended back over us. It was soon clear that I had to be the one to break it. Kayleigh started the crack in the ice, but I had to be the one to shatter it if we were to fall together.
I cleared my throat nervously and said, “Sounds like your brakes could use some work.”
Waiting for Kayleigh’s response was agony. Finally she nodded, kicking at her front tyre with the heel of her boot.
“Yeah,” she said, pausing for a terrifying moment. “Um, maybe we could take a look at it together? I heard you’re looking for an apprentice.”
I tried not to let the spring of joy just explode inside my chest. It took every ounce of restraint to give only a small nod. “Why don’t you pull it on in then?”
I stuffed my hands into my pockets so that she wouldn’t see how terribly they shook as I made room inside the garage for Kayleigh’s car. She drove up the drive, pulled in, and I lowered the door behind her. The garage was plummeted into a hazy orange glow from the early morning light. I exhaled shakily as I stepped toward her driver’s side door.
It opened as I reached for the handle.
I expected Kayleigh to step out so that we could put the car up on the winch to take a look at the brakes. I even held out my hand for her to help her out. But she didn’t move.
A fire burned in her eyes as she stared up at me. Her chest rose and fell quickly and she swallowed heavily. She bit at her lower lip before glancing at my offered hand. I couldn’t breathe as she slowly reached out to me.
But Kayleigh did not slip her hand into mine.
With her eyes searching my face, she gently traced her fingers along mine, ran them along my palm, and pressed them against the racing pulse of my inner wrist. Her quiet exhale came out shakily as she licked her lips and slowly wrapped her fingers around my wrist, her thumb smearing the smudge of grease over my wrist bone.
I could hardly breathe as I stood there next to her car with her eyes on mine. Kayleigh held me in the dim light and heavy silence as she stared up at me.
And then she tugged me gently toward her.
Kayleigh
I wondered if he would let me.
After all this time, I wondered if Darren would finally let me pull him in tight, hold him close, love him. There in the driver’s seat of my car parked in his garage, I wondered if he was finally ready to leave the past behind him. I wondered if he had finally forgiven himself and decided he deserved happiness and peace just like all of us. Was he finally done running from his fear? Finally willing to give himself to me?
I’d never been more terrified in my life than I was in those tense, silent moments as my hand reached for his, as I slipped my fingers past his, as I circled his wrist in my grip and waited. I wasn’t sure I could handle him pulling back from me again, retreating, running; I wasn’t sure my heart could bear it.
So tugging at Darren’s wrist felt like the single greatest risk I’d ever taken. Greater than standing up to Andy in front of that bar. Greater than quitting with no other job prospects and no savings. Greater than signing up for an apprenticeship in a mechanic’s shop. Pulling Darren into the car, silently asking him to fall for me, fall with me felt like diving off a cliff and not knowing whether it was cool waters or deadly rocks down below.
I thought my heart would leap out of my chest as I gave his wrist just the slightest tug.
And he followed.
Despite the shadow of the garage, I could see the trust in Darren’s eyes. There was still fear, too. But he followed.
He fell.
It was clumsy and awkward and difficult, but so was love. With my heart pounding and my eyes never leaving Darren’s, I manoeuvred myself into the backseat of my car. My head bumped against the ceiling more than once and my shoulders nearly got wedged between the two front seats. It wasn’t graceful how I collapsed in the back. But when I tugged Darren after me, he came.
That alone sent shivers down my spine.
Darren paused only once on his way to me in the backseat of my car, and that was only to reach back and close the driver’s door. The sound of it closing made me lose my breath: this was happening, this was finally happening.
I kept my fingers wrapped around Darren’s wrist as he ducked down to crawl into the back, not because I didn’t trust him to follow, but because the touch of his skin was the only thing keeping my heart from exploding. I was trying to stop myself from gasping as he sat next to me, our knees the only other points of touch in the tight space.
Though not for long.
The air in the car was like the air beneath the hood or beneath the undercarriage: hot and dense and humid. I was struggling to breathe, but I didn’t think this was the cause. Not when Darren’s eyes, pupils blown widen open, were fixed on me like they were.
“Darren,” I whispered, my voice shaking around his name.
Darren’s free hand moved to cup my cheek as we gazed into each other’s eyes. His other was still held in my desperate grip.
When he whispered back “Kayleigh”, I couldn’t help but sob. I didn’t want anyone else in the world to ever say my name again. No one but him. Because no one but him made my name sound like a prayer, a desperate plea, a last gasp. No one else made it sound like the name of a terrible storm, wild and strong and all-consuming. And no one else said my name like it wasn’t just stamped in leather on a tool belt, but seared across his own beating heart.
“Kayleigh,” Darren whispered again in the hot, dense air of the backseat before leaning his head forward and pressing his lips to mine. “Kayleigh… Kayleigh… Kayleigh…”
He sighed my name against my lips as his hand moved from my cheek to hold the back of my neck. I moaned when his fingers slipped into my hair at the nape of my neck. He twisted his grip and tugged my head back just slightly so that he could suck at the sensitive spot of skin just below the ear. Goose bumps erupted up and down my arms.
My breathing grew shallow as Darren’s searing kisses burned a trail down my neck. He nipped at my collarbone and then his fingers gripped the neckline of my shirt. He pulled back just enough that I could see his dark eyes in the dim light. He spoke without a single word, but the only thing more obvious than his question was my answer.
“Yes,” I gasped.
Buttons scattered across the backseat of my car as Darren ripped apart my work shirt. I hit my arm on the headrest of the front seat and he banged his head against the ceiling as we rushed to get our clothes off. I wanted his hot skin against me. Now.
When I was down to just my bra and underwear, Darren gripped both sides of my face as my fingers fumbled blindly with the button of his jeans. I could feel his throbbing need beneath my palms and it turned me on so much that I sank my teeth into his bottom lip.
Our harsh pants were only interrupted by our curses as we banged our heads against each other and the car. Clothes were ripped at, shoes slung hastily aside, and underwear not even fully off as I straddled Darren’s hips, both of us finally naked.
We didn’t stop to admire each other’s exposed bodies or press pal
ms to every delicate square inch of skin. We were driven solely by our pounding, pulsing need for one another: like magnets held apart for far too long, striving and yearning and demanding nothing but to collide against the other.
Darren’s fingers dug into my hips as he pulled me down on top of him. My fingernails clawed into his shoulders as I took his long cock fully inside of me. Before either of us could catch our breath, I started to ride him hard and fast and desperate. It was obvious that neither of us was going to last for long.
Darren’s hands moved frantically up and down my back like he was falling and trying to catch himself. My head banged up against the ceiling of the car, but I kept going faster and faster, my tits glistening with sweat and bouncing. My thighs clenched together and I felt myself getting close as my shaky gasps grew more and more erratic.
“You love me,” I breathed against Darren’s lips, emotion flooding over me.
Darren’s hands slid down my slick sides and gripped my waist. His eyes were locked on mine, pupils hazy with lust and desire. “And you love me.”
I held his face in my hands and pressed a shaking kiss to his lips as he lifted my hips and drove me back down onto him. It only took a minute more before I came, screaming his name against his mouth as my body shook. As I buried my face in the crook of his neck, Darren lifted me and thrusted into me till he came as well.
I collapsed against his sweat-slick chest and breathed in deep the musk of his cologne against his neck. I knew, in the backseat of that car, that I’d found home. His arms caressed my back as I stilled.
I chuckled, interrupting the humid silence. Darren stirred under my cheek and craned his neck so he could see me against his chest.
“What is it?” he asked, gently brushing a strand of red hair behind my ear.
“Oh, it’s nothing,” I said, grinning at him. “It’s just a little funny how out of order we’ve done everything.”
I noticed Darren’s quirked eyebrow and shifted so I was sitting up. I picked up Darren’s hand and pressed my lips to the back of it.
