by Jo Raven
“You’re cold. Let’s move.” Before I realize what’s happening, he’s standing, bending over and lifting me in his arms. “Bed, now.”
Bed?
I cling to him, just like I did last night, more aware than ever of his strength, his imposing physique. Holding me easily, as if I weigh no more than the flimsy nightgown I’m wearing, he strides across the room and kicks the door to my bedroom open.
And stops in his tracks.
“What the fuck?” He turns in a circle, with me still clutched in his arms. “You’re leaving?”
Crap, crap, crap. I forgot the suitcase.
“Maybe,” I say and wiggle. “Put me down.”
He lets me slide down, but as soon as my bare feet hit the floor, he hauls me to him, crushing me to the front of his tall body.
“Are you leaving, Tess?” he asks quietly, seriously. He’s looking down at me with those intense blue eyes, and his mouth presses into a tight, painful line.
My hands settle on his slim hips. We’re standing there naked, skin to skin. Truth to truth.
“Would you notice if I was gone?” I whisper, and I close my eyes, waiting.
“Jesus, girl.” His arms tighten around me, so that my face is pressed to his shoulder, and he nuzzles my hair. “Of course I’d notice. Christ. Why would you go?”
His words unclench something in my chest, and I know I’m about to fall apart again.
“Not sure yet,” I whisper.
“What? Not sure why you’re leaving?”
I shake with laughter that will probably soon turn to sobbing. “Not sure of anything.”
He’s silent for a few heartbeats, just holding me. Then he says, “Don’t go, Tess. I don’t want you to go.”
“You don’t?”
“No, hell no! Why would I…? Oh, fuck.” He releases me and takes a step back. His face looks pale. “Fuck, no.”
“Dylan…” I stare at him, confused, then stumble after him as he strides back into the living room. “Dylan, what’s going on?”
He says nothing as he pulls his clothes back on. He tugs on his boots and heads to the door. He opens it and pauses, a hand on the frame.
“I have no right to ask you to stay,” he says. “I’m sorry.”
Long after the door has slammed behind him, I find myself standing in my living room, arms folded over my breasts, wondering why he asked me to stay.
PART II
Dylan
Fourteen was a tough age for all of us. I was no exception. That was one of the hardest years of my life.
That year I fell in love for the first and probably last time. I can’t remember ever having been happier or more full of hope for the future. In that same year, Mom left, Dad went into a depression, and I… I broke up with Tessa.
I couldn’t even explain to her why. All I knew was I couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t cry. Couldn’t feel.
There were moments when I thought I’d lose my mind. When the doubts grew into roaring monsters in my head. How could I trust anyone when my own mom left us? How could I believe anyone will stick around?
Back then, I thought something had to give. Bad things aren’t supposed to last. Mom would come back. Dad would return to his old self. Laughing. Teasing. Mowing the lawn. Taking us out to play football.
But Mom never came back. And Dad… He got worse. Stiller. Emptier. In the worn armchair sat the shell of the man he used to be.
So I was put in charge of the Hayes household. I cleaned and cooked and washed. Looked after my brothers, and Dad, too. Made him get up, wash himself, eat, drink, sleep. Made him take his pills, talked to him, sometimes yelled at him, pleaded with him… to come back. Because in one fell swoop I’d lost both parents and had become the only family my brothers had left.
And I thought… What’s the use of trying? Everyone I love leaves me. Everything that’s good breaks, and all hope dies eventually.
Every night before I go to sleep, I stand in front of Tessa’s photo on my bedroom wall, and a light flickers in my heart.
Love… Love is dangerous, and I don’t love Tessa. I don’t love her. I don’t.
I keep telling myself that, day after day, night after night. Maybe someday I’ll convince myself that it’s the truth.
Chapter Six
Dylan
Honestly, I don’t know what the hell’s wrong with me. Leaving my bros in my neighbors’ care, again, to go and check if Tessa is okay, even though I left her safe and sound at her place only last night.
Granted, the things Audrey said and, even worse, the things she hinted at, made my blood run cold. I feared… a lot of things. Maybe it’s because I’ve been around Dad so long, I know the signs of depression. So last night I knew that something bad had happened.
Hell, I saw the bruise on her face and the messed-up lipstick. The messed-up expression in her eyes. Not so hard to guess something was off.
Checking on her was a must for the sake of my own sanity. But what happened afterward—that feeling of protectiveness that hit me like a sledgehammer, followed by the need to enter her, fuck her hard, possess her… Make her mine.
Have her back.
Yeah, then it all got out of control. And oh, shit, was it good. My cock twitches at the memory of her sweet body, the sounds she made, the way she clutched at me, her nails scratching my back. Calling my name. Wanting me, like I dreamed she would.
Then things got out of control once again when I saw her suitcase open and packed and realized she was leaving. That was like a punch to the gut.
I rub my chest. Will she go? I told her I don’t want her to—but why would she care?
The weight on my chest increases. I can’t love her. If I do, then I’ll end up like my dad, left behind. Crushed. Destroyed.
Dammit. Like tactile memory, the feel of her body against mine triggered all the feelings I kept buried deep. It terrifies me, how much I need her.
Can’t allow this to happen again. Can’t be around her. Too risky.
Head lowered against the driving rain, I make it to the bus stop. It’s fucking cold, and I’m wet and shivering, so I walk up and down to keep warm while waiting for the bus.
That was a moronic thing to do, Dylan. Keep your dick in your pants and your head in what is important. Your brothers. Your work. Money for the rent and the expenses. Keeping Dad out of trouble.
Yeah, right. Easy.
The memory of her taste, her body, her voice has been haunting me from the moment I stepped out her door.
I catch my bus, and damn if I’m not hard all the way home, thinking about her, remembering what it felt like being inside her, touching her, holding her.
What a fucking huge mistake. As I climb off the bus and walk the rest of the way home, I decide I can keep beating myself over it forever or put my mind to other tasks and forget.
Well, when I reach home, the choice is taken out of my hands. Teo is sick once again.
This is what hell must be like, I think. It feels as if the damn floor has been ripped from under my feet. I sit by Teo’s side, listening to my neighbor, Kate, tell me how he seemed well enough when I left but later started complaining he was cold and got cranky. He has a fever, and I dip the washcloth into the small basin by the bed and replace it on his sweaty forehead.
Miles is watching us from the other side of the bed, his small face sad and a little frightened. I hook my finger, and he comes around to me. Putting an arm around his bony shoulders, I try to decide what to do. I squeeze him closer, and some of the fear fades from his face.
“He’s been sick too often,” Kate says, thermometer in hand. “You should take him to a doctor.”
“Last time I did, the doctor said it was a virus.” But he’s been sick on and off for weeks now. What should I do? “Dammit. I’ll take him.”
“I’m going with you,” Miles says, tugging on my sleeve. “Dylan, I’m going with you.”
I nod. I see he’s close to panic, something new with Miles, who’s always be
en a quiet and calm kid. “Okay. Go get your jacket. I’ll call a cab.”
“Charlie can drive you,” Kate says, wiping her hands on her skirt. “You should change, Dylan. You’re dripping wet.”
I wipe a hand over my face and get up to find dry clothes. Then I carefully wrap Teo in blankets and lift him from the bed.
“Let’s go.” Miles is zipping up his jacket. He follows me outside, where Charlie is already in the car, the passenger door open. I herd Miles to the back with one hand on his head. He opens the door and climbs inside, and I wait until he’s fastened his seatbelt before I climb into the front.
I sigh with relief as settle down and shut the door. “Hey, Charlie. Thanks for this.”
“No problem,” he says and drives away.
Cradling Teo close, I stare out into the rain-slicked road and forbid myself to fear and wonder. We’ll find out what is wrong with him and fix it. No other alternative is acceptable.
We stop outside the ER, and I manage to get Miles out of the car and take his hand to lead him inside, all the while holding Teo, who’s slumped on my shoulder. Charlie honks, and I glance at him, hoping he can hear me telepathically saying thank you and goodbye.
He must, because he rolls away, and the car vanishes in the rain that’s now pouring. I stumble a little as we enter the familiar waiting room. Disoriented. Feels like yesterday we were here to have Teo checked. I head to the window to get a number and show my insurance card.
We take our seats, and I try to make Teo comfortable. He squirms and then starts to wail. Poor little guy is burning up, and I look around for a nurse, getting a bit desperate.
I chat up the first one I see, asking her if we can speed up the process, and she purses her lips.
“I don’t think we can change the procedure,” she says, “Mr.…?”
“Hayes. Dylan Hayes.”
“Mr. Hayes. Lots of people are waiting. You’re not the only one.”
Dammit.
Miles, who’s been trailing us, clings to my leg. I follow the nurse, dragging my leg with Miles attached to it like a monkey, and holding a sniffling Teo so close the heat of his fever is burning through my jacket.
My heart is hammering against my ribs. The nurse is talking to a young doctor, her back to us. I need to do something. I know I said I won’t allow myself to feel fear, but without any idea what is wrong with Teo, I can imagine any number of bad outcomes.
I’d do anything for my brothers. I’d crawl, I’d fight, I’d beg and I’d die in their place. What I can’t take is stand here helpless and watch them suffer.
I enter the room, dragging Miles along. “Sorry to interrupt,” I say, and both doctor and nurse look at me with matching frowns on their faces. “But he’s really sick and has been for a while. I think it’s serious.” And damn I hate it when my voice breaks, but hell, if that helps, then I’ll weep like a little girl to get their attention. “He’s been feeling unwell for weeks now, and he has a fever. Please.”
The doctor frowns. “For weeks?”
“Yeah.”
“What are the symptoms?”
“Fever, fatigue… He cries a lot.”
“Any skin rashes?”
I think about that. “He had one, but it’s faded now.” I lick my dry lips. “Why? What is it?”
“I can’t be sure before we do some analyses, but it could be Lyme disease. Do you have ticks at your house?”
Lyme disease. “What is that? Is it serious?” I know even before they answer that it is. “Can it be cured?”
“Yes, it is curable,” the nurse says. “Come, Mr. Hayes, why don’t you take a seat?”
She grabs my elbow and steers me—well, us—to a chair, and it’s a good thing, because my knees can’t hold me anymore, and I sink down, the air leaving my lungs.
Damn.
Miles presses himself to my side, and I gather him close distractedly. People move around us, more nurses and doctors, other technicians holding tablets and forms and various devices I don’t recognize.
I’m starting to hate the smell of antiseptic that permeates the halls. My arms are cramping from holding Teo, but the pain is nothing compared to the misery I feel when I think I might have failed him, not gotten him proper treatment in time, for whatever this disease is.
“Dylan.” Miles is tugging on my sleeve. “I’m hungry.”
I blink, coming out of my trance, and glance at my watch. Of course he’s hungry. It’s afternoon. I can’t leave here, not while waiting for the doctors to come back and examine Teo, tell me they’ll make him well.
Fuck. I can’t do this on my own. No matter how bad I feel for not being there for the guys, I need their help, and I hope they won’t mind.
“Just a minute, buddy.” I dig into my back pocket for my cell. “Gonna get some backup.”
“Can we get a burger?” Miles asks. “And soda?”
“I don’t know yet, buddy. We’ll find something. Hold on.”
I call Zane first. He’s my closest friend in the Brotherhood, and he’s already offered to help. But when he answers, out of breath—with laughter, I realize—he tells me he’s out of town, with Dakota’s folks. He asks if it’s important, if he should drop everything and drive here.
And he would, too, I know it.
I glance at Miles, who’s pouting, shifting from foot to foot, obviously bored, and sigh. No sense in bringing Zane back just for this. I tell him it’s not important and call the next person on my list.
Rafe. Always dependable, he’s another rock in the Brotherhood. But my call goes straight to voice mail, and a recorded message informs me that his inbox is full.
Frowning, I hang up and resign myself to calling Tyler and Erin. I’m leaving Asher and Audrey for last, as I still can barely bring myself to ask them for help, after having been such a dick to Ash.
Only problem is, Tyler tells me they’re visiting Erin’s family, and they’ve taken Asher and Audrey along. They won’t be back until late.
Fuck me. So much for swallowing my pride and asking for help. Though it’s not their fault for having a normal Sunday with their families, is it? I wish we had a family. Both Mom and Dad come from the west coast, and I haven’t even met their relatives. Could sure use some family support right now.
What can I do? Christ. Miles is still tugging on my sleeve, his mouth downturned at the corners.
I could call Tessa, I guess. If she hasn’t left town already… But why should she come? And how can I ask?
“We have to wait a bit longer, buddy,” I tell Miles. “Until the doctors examine Teo, and then we can go look for food.”
“That’s what always happens,” Miles says, and to my shock, his eyes are filling up with tears. “You don’t care about me. You don’t love me like you love Teo.”
I gape at him, my thoughts tripping over each other. “What? Says who?”
He shakes his head.
My brain is firing but coming up blank. I grapple for an explanation to this sudden outburst. “Did Charlie and Kate say this to you?”
“No.” He bites his lip and looks away. He looks so… shattered, it freaks me the hell out. “I just know it.”
“Why, Miles?” Dammit, my arms are full of Teo, who’s sleeping fitfully, our voices rousing him every time we speak. “That’s not true. I love you just as much as I love Teo.”
“You don’t.” Stubborn. Hurt.
“Come here.” I reach for him one-handed, but he turns his back to me and sniffles loudly.
He’s crying. I can’t remember the last time I saw Miles cry—even when he returned home bruised. My breath locks in my lungs. I reach for him again—but he starts running. Before I realize, he’s out of the room, his steps echoing in the corridor outside.
I stagger to my feet, clutching Teo close, and walk out only to find out I can’t see him anywhere.
Hell. He’s gone.
***
My head’s killing me. I swallow a couple Advil and sit down by Teo’s side as
the doctor examines him, my mind split between my worry for him and Miles, who hasn’t been found yet.
Announcements are made every five minutes, asking Miles to go to the reception area. I’ve looked for him, run through the hospital and called out his name, but I can’t stay away from Teo now.
Fuck.
I’ve called Charlie and Kate, and they said they’ll come, though I don’t know what they can do.
I scrub my hands over my face, then through my short hair. “So, what’s the verdict?”
“As I said, it looks like Lyme disease.”
“So, what, he’s had it all this time? He’s been sick on and off for weeks now. At least since August.”
“We will see how his organs and joints fare,” the doctor, a nice lady, says. “But he doesn’t look so bad.”
I slump in my chair, closing my eyes briefly. Thank God. Then I open them again when her words sink in. My pulse thunders in my ears. “What are you saying? He may have problems with his organs and joints?”
I hope to hell I’ve misunderstood.
“Lyme disease is tricky,” the doc says, turning to give me a serious look. “If left untreated for a long time due to a misdiagnosis, then there can be long-term side effects, just as heart problems, early onset of arthritis and…” She must have seen something on my face, because her eyes widen. “Apologies, Mr. Hayes. I was only listing possible side effects. Sometimes previous bouts of sickness are due to other causes, like viruses. We’ll make sure your son recovers fully.”
“My brother,” I rasp, blinking dark spots from my eyes. “He’s my brother, not my son.”
“I see.” She cocks her head to the side. “And your parents?”
I shake my head, not in the mood to explain now. “I’m taking care of my brothers.”
Which reminds me… “Miles. I have to find him.” I’m worried sick that he may have left the building and is wandering the streets. Dangerous with all those cars speeding by.
How can he think I don’t care for him? What am I doing wrong?
And how can I leave Teo alone now? Dammit, Miles. The timing couldn’t be worse.
“Don’t worry, Mr. Hayes,” the doc says. “The cameras don’t show Miles leaving the hospital. He must still be here.”
