by J. R. Tate
Eva arched her eyebrow and adjusted the towel. “But hon, that could take a long time.”
Sighing, he finally sat down next to her again. “I know. I just feel like back up in New York it’s like everyone is walking on eggshells with me. No one wanted me to come back to work yet, so I don’t really feel that they are going to hurt much from me being gone. Down here it seems like I’d be more beneficial. Maybe this is a way I can cope with the PTSD bull crap.” He tried reading Eva’s body language. She kept eye contact with him, but her face was blank with emotion. “Nothing to say on the matter?”
She cleared her throat. “Well, I can tell you’ve put a lot of thought into it by how you’ve been acting since we talked to the Lieutenant. You sure you’d be ready to take on this type of firefighting without any experience in it?”
“That’s a good question,” Michael replied. “It’s one of the many things I’ve been mulling over. Honestly though, I think I could learn it. We are always teamed up and don’t split up. There are tons of guys out there, learning as they go. Why wouldn’t I be able to?”
“If you feel that’s what you need to do, then go for it. Though I do have to be honest and say that I’m going to be worried sick the entire time you’re out there.”
Michael pulled Eva in for a tight hug, smelling the chlorine and her shampoo mixed together. He kissed her cheek and spoke into her ear. “I’ll be fine. This is just something I gotta do.”
She kissed him back and it was probably the tightest hug he had ever felt from her. “I’m proud of you for wanting to help out.”
He pulled away and laughed, unsure of where the emotion was coming from. “You think I’ll be abandoning my own job if I do this? I’ve missed a lot of work already for the other stuff.”
Eva grabbed one of his shirts out of the suitcase and put it on over her bathing suit. “Sorry, it got cold in here. No, I don’t think you’re abandoning your job. As you already mentioned, they weren’t expecting you back so soon anyway. Ladder Twenty One’s crew has a couple of transfer guys, including Gregg, who have been filling in. I think when you were out before, they used the Family Medical Leave Act for your days off, so even if you had to, you could use some vacation time. Though honestly, I think they can still tack it on for FMLA since it’s been under the advisement of your psychologist and your own captain to take more time off.”
“What if they find out I’m taking the time off to fight fires down here? Won’t that cancel it out?”
Eva shrugged. “You don’t necessarily have to tell them, do you?”
Michael raked his hand through his hair and lay back on the bed. He didn’t want to deceive his boss. “I can’t lie to them.”
“Just call Captain Rooker and see what he has to say. Odds are, you are not going to have any problem taking a leave of absence. If anyone deserves it, it’s you.”
“I don’t know why everyone keeps saying that.” He studied the texture in the paint above, wishing he could just get his mind to slow down for two seconds so he could think a rational thought. If anyone knew about volunteering and helping out with manpower in dire situations, it was FDNY.
He felt Eva’s fingers run through his hair, sending a chill down his spine. He leaned in to her touch and closed his eyes, feeling his body on the verge of dozing off. “Mmm, that feels good, babe.” He felt her body above his and opened his eyes to her beautiful smile. He tugged at his own shirt that fit her like a parachute. “You know what that does to me when you wear my clothes.”
“Oh do I?” She pulled him in for a kiss, and finally, for the first time in awhile, he was feeling relaxed and content.
He cupped the back of her head and looked into her hazel eyes. “I love you, Eva.”
Smiling again, she ran her fingers over his mouth. “I love you, Mikey.”
***
Later that evening, the rehab center held a barbeque for all of the residents in Casey’s block. After her chat with Mikey about him staying in Texas, she had knots in her stomach and just didn’t feel like herself. She tried to put on a good face for him. He needed a lot of support and she didn’t want to be the one to stand in his way if it was something he felt he had to do. Her gut reaction screamed at her, telling her that he shouldn’t do this, but it wasn’t her say and he knew better than she did.
“Hon, it’s still blazing hot outside. I think I’m gonna wear these khaki shorts with this polo. You think that’ll look okay?” Michael held up the outfit. It was a red striped shirt and a cargo pair of shorts.
“Yeah, that’ll be fine.” She stared at him as he smiled back and began to change. Acting like nothing was wrong was going to be a major challenge. She couldn’t help but admire how attractive he looked, even in the casual clothing he was in. His hair was spiked up and wild, as usual, like it had a mind of its own. The sun he had gotten on his skin made his complexion darker than she had ever seen it, giving him an even more tall, dark, and handsome appearance. His green eyes were bright and he seemed to be at ease after making his decision. She was happy of that, at least.
“What? I got something on my face?” He shrugged his shoulders and smirked at her.
She shook her head no and slid into a silky sundress. The fabric felt good on her sun kissed skin. “No, I was just looking at you.” She ran a brush through her hair, grimacing at how frizzy it looked. “I’m gonna miss you.”
Michael knelt down on the floor as he gathered up his shoes. He didn’t reply at first and his relaxed smile had faded away. Maybe she shouldn’t have been so abrupt. She sat beside him on the bed, and though he wasn’t talking, his eyes were speaking loudly. Eva knew exactly what he was thinking. His lips parted into a half grin, reassuring her that everything was going to be good.
He placed his hand on her knee. “I’m gonna miss you too.”
“Regardless of everything, I’m proud of you.”
Again, he didn’t reply, and went to tying his shoes. Maybe she was being too obvious in the fact that she was worried about him doing this. Standing up, he grabbed his blue New York Mets hat out of the suitcase and adjusted it on his head. Staring at himself in the mirror, he ducked his head.
“We’ve still got one night left here before you guys gotta leave. How about we make the most of it?” He turned to look at her. His bill was pulled down low enough that she could barely get a glimpse of his eyes.
She bit her bottom lip. “Sounds like a plan.”
“Let’s go see what this Texas barbeque is all about, what do you say?”
“You better be careful Mikey. That sex addict won’t be able to resist you tonight.” Eva winked as they walked down the hallway that led out to the patio. She was going to try her best at keeping things light. “The other day was one thing, but damn, now that you got some tan, she’s in trouble.”
Mikey let out a sarcastic laugh. “Yeah, bite me! She’s addicted to sex, so you better watch out too. You’re looking mighty nice in that dress, if I do say so myself.”
Eva nudged him and they walked over to the table where his mom and brother were already sitting. The aroma from the grill was amazing and she felt her stomach growl.
“Well, there’s the other two, finally deciding to show up.” Casey tossed them both a bottle of water. “They said the food will be ready soon.”
“Good, I’m starving. Worked up an appetite with all of that swimming earlier. You missed a lot of fun out here today.” She looked at Michael’s mom, trying to make conversation as they waited to eat.
“You must be joking, Eva. No way in hell will you get me in a swimsuit.” She took a sip of her drink. “Besides, you three look like you’ve been broiling in an oven. Glad you guys had fun, though.”
“We literally were, Ma. What’s worse, New York winters or Texas summers? Texas summers, hands down,” Mikey replied. “I don’t think it’s gotten below eighty five at night.”
“Yeah, and here you are deciding to stay here and get out in fires where it’ll be one hundred times the tempera
ture. I think you’ve lost your mind there, big brother. But then again, you’ve always been a dare devil like that.”
Michael shrugged. “I’ll live.”
“So everything is cleared with your job? You’re good to stay?” His mom asked, a look of concern on her face.
“Yep. He said he’d put the paperwork through. No problems at all. I was pretty general as to why, but I think he knows what’s going on.”
She turned toward Eva. “And what about you, dear? You gonna stay down here or head on back up to the big city with me?”
For a second, her question caught Eva off guard. She was lost in thought on how much she was going to miss Michael and how apprehensive she was. She had been with him for a while now, so it had made her stronger and the worry was nothing new, but him being so many states away and in new fire situations was like she was plummeting down to square one with their relationship.
“I’ll be going back up with you. We’re short handed with medics right now, so I couldn’t get time off to stay.” She glanced at Mikey, whose gaze was down at the table. He wanted her to try and stay. Them being apart was going to be hard on both of them.
“Well, I guess it’s all for the best. I’m sure the fire departments are grateful for you, Mikey. One more body helping out surely makes a huge difference.”
“I hope so.”
Eva could tell that Mikey was uneasy with the conversation. He kept pulling his hat bill lower to hide his face, so she searched for something else to talk about. “So Casey, it’s really great that you invited us down here. Before the visit, I had no idea what to even imagine.” She patted his hand. “We’re really proud of what you’ve accomplished.”
A small hint of red brushed against Casey’s cheeks. The old Casey would’ve never even cared for this kind of talk. “Thanks Ev, I’m really glad you all could come down and see for yourselves what it’s like. People mention rehab places and have this sterile, cold, hospital image in their heads.”
“Yeah, I’m not gonna lie. That’s what I imagined.”
The food was finally ready and they all piled ribs and brisket high on their plates, along with beans, potato salad, and cobbler. No one said much as they stuffed their faces. Whenever Eva would allow her mind to wander, she’d lose her appetite and have to focus on something else to be able to finish her meal.
Their conversations ranged from funny things they all did during their childhood, to saves on the job, all the way to when and if she and Mikey would ever get married. For the most part, Eva sat back and allowed the three of them to talk. She drifted off in her own thoughts from time to time and tried not to grow too sad about what the near future was going to entail.
Michael would look at her throughout the night. She was almost certain that he knew where she stood on the whole thing. The last thing she wanted him to think was that he didn’t have her support. After everyone had finished their meals and their mingling, the crowd slowly thinned out, leaving them pretty much alone on the patio.
She walked to a wooded area alone as he told his mother goodnight, trying to fight back tears that were on the verge of pouring. It was a serene spot that was probably very peaceful during the day. The sun was just setting on the horizon, and the hue of dusk was purple and bright above the lining of trees. Why was she so worried? Mikey had been a firefighter for a long time. He knew what he was doing. Even if this was new, he was smart and a quick learner. Was she really worried about the firefighting, or was she upset that she’d go without seeing him for an unknown amount of time. She didn’t know and felt completely selfish for even thinking it.
“Eva?”
She turned around and saw Mikey right behind her. “Damn, you scared me. I didn’t even hear you walk up.”
“Everything okay? It feels like something is wrong.”
She shook her head no and the tears she had fought so hard to restrain began to pour down her cheeks. “Damn it, I feel so bad for feeling this way.”
Michael cocked his head to the side. “Feeling what way?”
“I’m just scared. I’ve gotten so used to waking up with you by my side. We might not see each other every day when we’re both working, but the thought of you just being near was good. And now you’re staying down here in Texas, thousands of miles away.” She wiped her face with a tissue. “I’m damn proud of you for doing this, but I’d be lying if I said I am all for it.”
He let out a sigh and sat down on one of the benches. Taking his hat off, he eyed the lettering on it before tossing it aside. She remained standing and faced away from him, almost like she was ashamed of allowing him to see her cry. Neither spoke for a few minutes. The crickets were loud and the summer breeze felt refreshing as it blew through the trees.
“It’s not like this is permanent, Eva.” His voice was low, but sounded like thunder to her ears.
“No, you’re right. It’s not. I’m sorry that you had to hear this. I was trying hard to keep it to myself. I’m also worried that this might not be the best thing for you right now. With all of the stuff you’re having to deal with, do you really think it’s going to help your psychological recovery?”
“Why keep it from me?” He pulled at the back of her dress. “Could you look at me, please?”
She slowly turned around and noticed that the tension was drawn back up in his face again. All because of her and her selfish emotions. “I wanted to keep it from you because the moment you had made up your mind about doing this it was like all of the bricks had been lifted off of your shoulders. You looked content. And here I am, allowing those bricks to topple back over on top of you.”
He stood up again and pulled her body up against his. She buried her face in his chest and took in his scent, trying to store the smell of him in the depths of her memory. “I’ll come back to New York. Everything will continue on how we left it. Hell, you’ll be so busy with work that the time will pass by fast. These fires can’t last forever. And as for my psychological recovery, I think this will help me. I feel I need to do it. I need to just get out there and push all of the emotion aside and remember why I do this job. If I was at all worried about it, I wouldn’t.”
She didn’t want to tell him her other worry of him getting hurt or killed. She allowed that one to stay buried. “I guess I’m being a little over dramatic. I’m sorry.”
He brushed some of her hair away from her face and wiped the tears away with his thumb. “This is just something I gotta do. I’ll be back before you know it and you’ll be so sick of me you’ll wish my ass was back down here again.” He kissed her nose. “And hey, maybe we can discuss that marriage word some more.”
Eva was able to find a smile through the tears. “I’d like that a lot, Mikey.”
“Me too. So calm down. I won’t let anything happen to me.”
She closed her eyes and leaned on his shoulder, feeling their bodies slowly sway from side to side as if they were dancing. She wished their embrace could last forever, and dreaded when the time would come when they would have to pull away and say their goodbyes.
“Just enjoy the moment,” Mikey said. His voice was a low rumble and a sense of comfort to Eva. She didn’t want the night to end.
Chapter Nine
Saying goodbye to Eva and his mother at the airport was probably one of the hardest things Michael had ever had to do. He hated seeing Eva cry, and for a split second as they stood near the line to enter security, he had almost changed his mind about the whole thing. Eva had noticed his apprehension and wouldn’t allow for it, reassuring him that things would be okay and get easier.
Even the look of worry on his mom’s face was like a punch to his stomach. He felt guilty. Hadn’t he put her through enough angst? He watched them for as long as he could see them, and once they entered the metal detectors he lost sight of them. Before going to the airport he had rented a Chevrolet Tahoe to use during his stay.
He pulled the vehicle to the side of the road and gripped the steering wheel tightly, studying the oute
r edges of where the fire had already destroyed farmland, homes, and animals. The grass and trees were blackened, marking the place as if it were a battle zone on some unknown planet. The wall of smoke ahead of the burned areas was a thick and giant wall of grey haze. The winds howled, aiding in allowing the fire to grow at a rapid pace.
Michael watched for a few more minutes. His palms left a moist streak on the wheel. Seeing it up close and personal brought on a whole new level of nervousness. Breathing in, he merged out onto the highway and made his way to Manor, desperately searching for a way to get the image of Eva crying out of his head. This was going to make their relationship stronger. He had to keep telling himself that.
Lieutenant Harlan was waiting on him at the stationhouse when he got there, extending his hand as Michael came in. “I can’t help but offer another thanks to you for doing this.”
Michael returned the favor and nodded. “It’s the least I could do. I drove up as close to the fires as I could get over in the Bastrop area before coming over here.”
“It’s haunting, isn’t it? So many people without homes now.”
Nodding, Michael tried to hide his uneasiness. “Yeah, it’s pretty intense. Listen, do I need to buy some turnouts and gear? Whatever I need to do, just let me know.” He had read that most of the volunteers had to spend their own money on things, and the gear didn’t come cheap.
Harlan sat down at a desk and sifted through some paperwork. “No. There’s a firefighter who’s got some extra gear stowed away at his house he said you could borrow. It’s not the newest stuff, but it’ll be good enough for what you’re gonna need. There’s no need to spend that kind of money when you’re not gonna be here for a real long time.”
Michael walked into the garage area where the trucks usually sit, feeling like he should dive right in, but at the same time, he wanted to take his time. After Eva had fallen asleep the night before, he had stayed up for hours reading about wildfire fighting and the process. For the most part, they approached fires in the same order that they did in New York. To protect their trucks, departments would attack the backside of a fire with water, and men in the front would build up firebreaks by digging trenches and chopping trees down. He also read about different terrains and how things differed. Bastrop was hilly with forested areas, so he assumed that they would be doing a lot of firebreak work.
