by Neal, Xavier
“What?” Bafflement pops on my face. “He died yesterday. You can't possibly be burying him today.”
“I can. And I will.” She drops her hands onto her hips. “Pa wanted his death handled a very specific way, which you would know had you read the papers he left you. He wanted it all to unfold a certain way. Stubborn even in death I tell ya. Now get dressed. Buckle on. Nice button down shirt. Jeans. No hat.”
“No hat?”
“Pa has one he wants you to wear downstairs.” The memory seems to place a gentle smile on her face. “Don't be late to your grandfather's funeral. I'll get a bigger spoon.”
As quickly as I assume she came, she disappears past my friends. Glove immediately turns to me. “I just want you to know. I'd wear a tie if had to. But only for you...”
“You wore a tie at my wedding.” Grim shakes his head. “And Haven's graduation. And dinner at Mindy's two weeks ago...”
“You're really killing the moment,” Glove huffs.
The kidding between the two of them slightly brightens the fact that I have to be awake to bury the man who meant more to me than they do. As the fight with Jazz swirls back into my brain, the smile drops. I have to bury him without her. The same woman who if she hadn't done what she did, I would've never gotten the chance to say goodbye. The same woman who gave me these final days because I needed them. Because he needed them. If I hadn't had the chance to make amends before he died, I would've hated myself forever for it. Never forgiven myself.
“Oh look,” Grim speaks up. “The magnitude of what he said yesterday is kicking in.” When my eyes shoot to him he smirks. “Been there.”
“Could you two...could y'all--”
“Hear you?” Glove finishes for me. “Pretty sure everyone in the Alabama could hear you.”
“Really?” Grim folds his arms across his chest. “Alabama.”
“That's the right state!”
“No. I know that. I'm surprised you know that.”
“Hey, I can read a map,” he defends himself.
“Read seems like a strong word,” Grim mumbles, walking away with Glove on his heels.
Once again left alone, I let out a deep exhale knowing no matter how I feel or what I want today, it doesn't matter. I have to be there for Pa. I have to do what he wanted. One last time.
Outside across the property underneath Ma's favorite peach tree, we're gathered together. To one side of the burial, standing slightly behind me is Haven, Grim, and Glove. On the other, my mother, father, and supposed brothers. At the foot of Pa's freshly made grave, Ma.
“This was supposed to be family only,” Jo gripes. I notice the bruise from where I hit him shining strong.
“At least the city witch is gone,” Mary Beth adds.
“Both of you,” my father hisses. “Show some respect.”
“They are family,” I speak softly. “Pa said so himself.”
“Crazy old man thought everyone was family.” Johnson rolls his eyes.
“And what is wrong with that Johnson Carter Lord?” Ma raises her voice. “Maybe if you lived your life like that you'd stay out of trouble.”
“Really?” My father grunts. “We're gonna do this? On the day we bury him?”
“Oh hush your false tears,” Ma snips. “He wasn't your husband.”
“He was my father--”
“That you rarely treated him as unless it came to your inheritance or the company, so please Jonathan, for the sake of my sanity today, hush your mouth.” Hearing Ma not only get sassy, but demand that we all get along pins my lips together. She's right. She deserves as much peace as she can get. When this is all over, when we all walk away to return to our lives, it's her who has to live in that big house without him. It's her who has to wake up every morning with no one to make breakfast for. It's her who will truly be alone.
“Is the pastor not comin'?” Joshua questions.
“No,” Ma answers. “Pa didn't want that, which you'd know if you didn't just skip to the end of his 'In Case of Death' papers looking for when the inheritance will be announced.”
Sheepishly I speak up, “I didn't get to read those wishes.”
“Too busy playin' house with little miss high horse you had no business bringin' 'round,” Mary Belle snaps.
“Everyone is entitled to happiness Mary Belle,” Ma calmly says. “Jo poorly chose you even after what you did to his brother. Rascal, has the same right to choose who he wants, even if he was an idiot yesterday taking out his grievances on that poor girl.”
I open my mouth to argue.
“Shut it or I'll get the spoon.” Doing as instructed I let my shoulders slump. “It's not important you didn't read the papers, Rascal. What's important is what happens now. He wanted you to say the final words of his death.”
Like a sharp dagger straight to my heart I gasp at the pain of the request. Quickly I whisper, “I...I can't...”
“You can,” Ma demands pulling out a piece of paper from her clutched purse. “And you will.” She offers the paper to me and when I don't reach for it she encourages, “Go on. Take it.”
An uncomfortable sigh leaves me as I do. I unfold the paper, eyes falling directly to the highlighted part.
-On the day of my death or as I prefer it be known, the day I share my first shot of whiskey with the Lord, Jody Eugene Lord you will say these final words on my behalf. They will be honest. They will be genuine. They will hurt. You will cry, but Rascal, try to hold back as many tears as you can because I'm gonna convince the good Lord to do shots with me each time you cry over my grave. We want a strong buzz. Not sloppy can't stand. Now be Rascal and do your Pa proud.-
Looking up, I mumble, “He was crazy...”
“Of course he was,” Ma retorts.
“What's it say?” Jo questions.
Folding the paper back I slide it in my back pocket. “Did you read your paperwork?”
“I did. And where it discusses what is to be said, there's just a line that says Rascal will know.” Jo gripes. “So, what'd it say?”
“What it needed to,” I answer proudly. Standing up straight I look down at his grave and shake my head. “You Pa were a hot mess. You were loud. You were spontaneous. Pushy. Stubborn. Passionate. You were the definition of living. You were the expectation of what a Lord should be.” Lifting my eyes to my family I say, “And that's something I think all of us need to be better about. Pa wanted the Lord name to live on. He wanted the legacy to never die, which is why raising me was so goddamn important.”
To my surprise Ma smirks.
“While you may all share his name, you don't share his values. You don't share the bond we had, not because he didn't want it with you, but because you didn't want it with him. You lie.” My eyes cut to my parents. “You manipulate.” They land on Jo and Mary Ellen. “You rely on status.” I give Joshua a look. “You're selfish.” I end on Johnson. “But he loved you anyway, because that's what a family does.” My face falls back to the grave. “I know that now, Pa. I get it. Being a Lord has never been about the name or the company. It's always been about family. And I'm proud to be a Lord.” A tear drops on my cheek. “And Glove and Grim are proud to be Lord's too. Jazz and Haven. I'll make sure they help me carry on the legacy Pa. I promise.”
At that point two heavy hands drop on each of my shoulders, the pressure from both the same. The message simple. Unification. Camaraderie. Family. All the things I wanted my entire life I had...and still do.
Ma sniffles looking at Pa's grave. “May God have as much fun with you as I did.”
I reach my hand over to hold hers.
Once we're linked she raises her face to them. “You are free to go. Copies of what you will be inheriting will be sent out next week. I expect to see all of you at family dinner before then.”
My three brothers nod before heading back to the house with Mary Beth. Instead of trailing behind my father looks across the grave at me and says, “Well said Jody. Pa would've been proud.” Not knowing what to say I s
imply nod. “And Ma--”
“No Jonny,” she sighs. “Not today. It's not the day for apologies. Let me have today for peace.”
“Yes ma'am,” he surrenders but drops a kiss on her cheek. “I love you Ma. Pa too.”
“Wise to remember not just to say it,” she sternly says. “I'll see you later this week.”
Once they're gone the five of us stand under the shade of the tree in silence for a little while longer. Nothing needs to be said. Nothing needs to be done. Glove and Grim eventually let me go and I hold Ma as she cycles through the same emotions I do staring at the pile of dirt that has a peach nestled on top of it. Tears quickly replace smiles as smiles quickly push out the sadness, the merry go round of feelings enough to exhaust even the strongest willed person.
Back at the house we gather around the dining room table, me in Pa's old spot with a glass half full of his favorite drink. I don't plan to have it, but there's something simply soothing in the smell. Grim's in the seat I claimed as mine so many years ago with Haven beside him. The chair that used to belong to Jazz. His arm is draped around her, the cloud of death surely toying with the halo of life they should be embracing. Glove is on the other side of me, toying with the label to a beer bottle, a bittersweet expression on his face.
“When's your flight?” I finally ask leaning back in the seat.
“Four hours,” Grim replies. “So after we eat...”
“You gotta run.” I nod. “No big deal. I'll see you when I get home tomorrow, right?”
“Assuming we all still have jobs,” Glove mumbles.
“Now's not the time,” Grim commands, eyes briefly glancing at Haven.
She catches on too quickly. “Why would you--”
“Don't worry about it,” Grim consoles her. “You worry about keeping a happy relaxed home for our child that's coming. Okay?” Before she can object he adds, “I promise to give you space. I promise I'll let you breathe...”
Haven smiles sweetly. “You better or I'll be getting a wooden spoon.”
“Already packed you one honey,” Ma announces placing a couple containers on the table. After the three of us chortle she informs us, “These casseroles came from two of the girls from my bridge club. The plate of ribs is from the Millers.”
The name takes me back to the day of the fair with Jazz. BBQ sauce on the corner of her lips. Fingers sticky from food. Body sticky from me. That was the night she gave herself over to me. The night she let me in. The night I made a new life in an old world.
“Look, it's hitting him again,” Glove pipes up. My eyebrows wrinkle and he shrugs. “Been there too, remember?”
Grim and Glove both had their own messed up situations to deal with in this department. Yet both of 'em made it out okay. More than okay. Grim's married with a kid on the way and from the way Glove keeps talking I'll be without a roommate soon. Things between Jazz and I will get better. Fuck. They have too.
“Don't you boys worry about Rascal. I'll have a long talk with him later. Come on. Y'all eat up. Need to be good and full for that flight back. Airplane food is terrible.” Ma hands plates to Glove who takes one and passes the rest around just as she exits to grab a couple more dishes.
Together we eat and laugh over stories Ma shares about the ways Pa drove her crazy. Most of them are things I've either heard or grew up around, but it doesn't matter. It's what she needs. Time with grandsons. Time to pass on the stories once more before he turns into nothing, but a memory. Barkley rests his head on my feet, the saddest of us all with Pa. Leaning over I give his head a gentle rub wishing I hadn't run off the place I wish I could rest mine.
**
Laying back in Pa's recliner, I simply stare vacantly into the whiskey glass. Never been a huge fan of it, but Pa wasn't a fan of anything else. Insisted that drinking beer was like drinking a coke. No kick. He needed the kick.
“Rascal,” Ma calls to me from the kitchen.
“Need help?” I place the glass down and spring to my feet.
“Wouldn't mind it,” she answers as I walk in. Immediately she hands me a dish rag. “Remember, circles.”
“Right.” I nod and begin on the dish she hands me.
“Ya know Rascal, I know you don't care about what his will said in regards to what you'll be receiving--”
“Nope.”
“But you'll be mailed a copy anyway. Jazz left me your address.” Of course she did. “I do think it's best you hear this from me before you read it.” Slowing down I listen even more intently. “The company is passed down to me to run until I chose to retire.”
With a smirk I question, “You know how to run the company?”
“Who do think kept that old man afloat all these years?” I chuckle as the quote about a good woman rushes back to me. “However, when I retire, the company gets passed down to you.”
“But I--”
“Let me finish,” she demands scrubbing a fork. “I swear, Texas has done nothin' for your manners.”
“Sorry ma'am.”
“Mmm,” Ma hums. “The company is passed down to you. However it is set up so that your father and Jo will continue to run it just as they do now. They will take over decisions that would normally be made by Pa or myself unless you decide otherwise. At any point you may take full control of the company or chose not to. There is a set clause however that the company is passed down another generation. If you don't have kids with that sweet girl of yours, then you may choose a niece or nephew to pass it on to. So if you want Haven's child to have our peach kingdom then so be it.”
In disbelief I put the dish down. “That can't possibly be legal.”
“Oh Rascal with the best lawyers and enough money very few things aren't possible. And Pa was a smart man. He knew what he was doin' every step of the way. He knew you'd find a family all on your own even if it wasn't this one. He just didn't want you to forget that we loved you too.”
Picking up a fresh dish to dry I manage to choke out, “Did you know? Did you know he was sick?”
“Of course I did,” she softly sighs. “I knew the day his swan song started. About a year and half ago. Pa was always a bit...what's that word for being crazy with too much money?”
“Eccentric?”
“Exactly. But he woke up one mornin' and wanted to do things like take a cruise. He knows how much I hate boats.” She shudders. “But he started sayin' he didn't want me to miss seein' the world. I knew...typically people only start truly wantin' to live when death is close.” Letting the water out of the drain she shrugs. “I guess that's why I'm not the blubberin' mess you're expectin'. I had my chance to say goodbye. I made my peace with it every night before he fell asleep in case he didn't wake up the next mornin'.”
I dry my hands and pull my grandmother into a warm embrace.
“Promise me three things Rascal,” her voice softly speaks up from my chest.
“Anything Ma.”
Pulling back she looks into my eyes. “First thing. Forgive that girl you love so much. All she did was try to protect you. She brought you home when we needed you to be here. I think waiting for you to come back is what kept Pa holdin' on so strong, but he had needed to let go a long time ago Rascal. I know he didn't wanna say goodbye without sayin' it to you.” Another tear finds itself in the corner of my eye. “Jazz meant well. And I think she needed to be a part of a family too. So you forgive her. You take your ass to her the minute you get off the flight and get a chance to, apologize for being so stubborn and beg for forgiveness while learnin' a little understandin'.”
Lessons from Ma are just like lessons from Pa. Important. Not sugar coated. Definitely everlasting. “Promise.”
“Second, you started livin' again Rascal. Don't you dare use your Pa's death as an excuse to stop. Enjoy your life.” A hand lands on my cheek. “Laugh. Love. Eat more peaches.”
A small chuckle leaves me with the tear. “Promise.”
“Last thing,” her tone gets stern. “You promise y'all will visit more often. I
know you get deployed. I know you have a million things to do, but promise me y'all will come back and visit...”
Eyes full of tears at the fact she felt she even had to ask, I pull her small body back against mine. “You have my word Ma. We'll be back. All of us...together.”
Home in Texas Day 1
As it's announced our flight is descending, I look down at Pa's favorite hat Ma insisted I take with me as a reminder to return sooner rather than later. I didn't have the heart to tell her if I lose my job with HORN it'll be even sooner. No. I didn't directly do anything wrong. I wasn't the one who lied. I wasn't the one who kept us hidden. I wasn't the one who insisted on opening back up files that were probably finished because I'm anal retentive. Nonetheless, I benefited from it. And most importantly I'm madly in love with the woman who did it, so even if she's forgiven for everything else, we won't be allowed on the same team. Fine by me. I just need us to end up together again. In love like we were. My brothers will understand it doesn't mean we're no longer family, if we can no longer be in the field together. I'm ready to deal with the consequences of the actions beside her with my head held high. I promised to keep living life and it's one I intend on upholding.
Thankfully, deboarding is smooth allowing for a swift exit out of the airport where I'm expecting to see a HORN vehicle for pick up. Unsure exactly who should be picking me up, I check my cell phone for an answer once more. Jazz has always been prompt about providing information. Uncomfortable I haven't received word feels like a whisper of the hell that's coming. What if it's The Director himself who picks me up? Fuck. I'll sign my transfer papers now instead.
Leaning against a pillar I continue to wait for another 10 minutes, each minute more excruciating than the last. Helplessly, I scroll through my contacts and press Jazz's number in hopes to hear her voice, even if it's just tell me that a vehicle has been sent. Instead of receiving the sound of a ringing phone, I get an immediate disconnection notification. On the off chance, I hit the wrong number, I hit it again, the same message received.
