by Hart, Emma
* * *
NOAH
Weird Is As Weird Does
I was so out of fucking place here.
Never in my life had I walked into a lingerie store, and I didn’t need the floor-to-wall mirror behind the bras to know that I stuck out like a sore thumb.
A mom with a teen daughter eyed me cautiously as her daughter dug through a basket full of discounted underwear. I gave her a timid smile and turned away so she didn’t think I was some kind of weirdo.
These places were not made for guys.
Not even the poor guy whose eyes were darting around like he was on the run from the FBI while his girlfriend rifled through a sale rack.
I had no idea what the fuck I was doing here.
I knew, obviously. I wanted to make up for Poosh being a little asshole, but I really hadn’t thought this through.
Go into the store, the guys at work had said. Buy a pair to replace the panties Poosh ate.
That was what happened when you let your friend use your phone to text his girlfriend without making sure your own conversations were shut down.
Thanks to Finn, the entire fire station knew I’d slept with Reagan and that my dog had found her own breakfast.
That was a fact I wasn’t gonna share with Reagan. I didn’t think she’d be too impressed, and she was already less than happy right now.
Which was why I was standing in the middle of this underwear store, hoping a pair of panties would grow a pair of legs and ask me to buy them.
“Sir? Can I help you?”
I turned at the sound of the voice. The woman behind me had long, curly red hair that was pulled into a ponytail and an inviting smile on her face. She was dressed all in black and had a badge on her shirt that said her name was Roxanne.
Yes, Roxanne. You can help me.
“Yes. Hi. Um.” I rubbed the back of my neck. “I’m looking for some underwear.”
“For yourself?”
I opened my mouth in shock, but she laughed, touching my arm.
“Kidding. For your girlfriend?”
Sure. What the hell. “Yeah, my girlfriend. My dog is kind of an asshole and, uh, made off with her underwear this morning. I’m trying to make it up to her.”
“Ah.” She nodded in understanding. “I’ve heard that one before. What kind of underwear are you looking for?”
How the fuck did I know? I wasn’t paying attention to Reagan’s panties until I had to get her out of them.
“I have no fucking clue,” I admitted.
With another laugh, she guided me toward a stand that held baskets of underwear. She grabbed a few of them and held them up. “Do you know what kind of underwear she wears?”
I said nothing. I may as well have been buying Reagan fucking tampons for all I knew.
“Right. Okay. This is a thong.” She held up a pair with not much fabric to them. “These are—”
“Do you have gift cards?” I was not gonna stand here and learn about the cuts of women’s underwear. That was way more information than I needed to know, and I needed to get home and shower.
It was hot as balls outside and I’d been training in it all day. I probably smelled like I needed a shower, too.
Roxanne laughed and replaced the underwear. “We do. Come on up to the register.”
I blew out a sigh of relief and followed her up there. She showed me the cards, and I picked the simplest one and put fifty dollars on it. I had no idea how much women’s underwear cost, and I figured that this way, she could get a few pairs in case Poosh went wild again.
Assuming she still wanted to sleep with me after this.
If she did, I’d buy her a fucking wall safe to keep her underwear in.
I paid for the card and put it in my wallet with my debit card, thanked Roxanne for her help, and left the store as quickly as I possibly could.
I was never going in there again.
Fucking ever.
I pulled my phone out as I walked to my truck. It was just before three, so I texted Reagan to see if she was at home. There was every chance I was going to lose this gift card, so I wanted to get it to her as soon as possible.
Also, I really needed to apologize in person.
There was something special about Reagan. Something that drew me to her. Despite the weird circumstances we’d met in, I wanted this to go as normally as possible.
My dog eating her underwear fit with the weird circumstances, but not with the ‘normal’ part.
My phone beeped with a new text.
REAGAN: I’m at home. Why?
ME: Can I stop by and talk to you for a minute?
REAGAN: If you’re lucky, you’ll catch Aunt Bethel between bitching fits.
ME: Sounds thrilling. I’ll be there in ten.
REAGAN: I’ll save your ears and wait outside.
I was pretty intrigued by the endless bitching fits from her aunt, but after that one meeting we’d had, I wasn’t too upset to have to miss it.
I turned the key in the ignition and pulled out of the parking lot. It didn’t take me long at all to get across town, and when I parked outside her parents’ house, she was sitting on the top step on her phone. Her hair was piled into a bun on top of her head, and it didn’t look as though she was wearing any makeup.
She looked up and smiled when I got out. “Hey. How was work?”
“Nobody set anything on fire today, so pretty good.” I returned her smile as she stood up and jumped down the last step.
She adjusted the waistband of her yoga pants and stopped right in front of me. “Always a bonus.”
She looked so awkward standing there. Almost like she wasn’t sure if she should touch me or not.
It was an interesting development. The Reagan I’d come to know was strong-willed and outspoken and confident, but this Reagan was shy and hesitant.
And so fucking adorable.
I put her out of her misery and wrapped my arms around her shoulders. She laughed quietly as she circled hers around my waist, returning the hug.
“So what did you want to talk about?” she asked, stepping back and resting her hands on her hips.
“Right.” I held up one finger and took out my wallet.
“Whoa, you’re not giving me money, are you? That’s a little awkward after we’ve slept together.”
Laughing, I pulled out the pink striped gift card. “No, I’m not giving you money. Don’t worry.”
“Thank God. I didn’t want to have to punch you in your pretty face.”
And she was back.
“First, I want to say sorry about Poosh.”
She tapped my arm. “You already apologized. It happened. I’m not mad. Your boxers are extremely comfy, and I should warn you now that you’re not getting those back.”
I laughed into my hand. “Good to know. Between you and the dog, I’ll be the one going commando.”
“Don’t worry. Santa brings underpants for Christmas in our family.” Her eyes sparkled with laughter. “Seriously, it’s fine. Lesson learned not to leave my panties on your floor.”
“Just don’t wear any the next time you come over. Problem solved.” I smirked. “Here. This is yours.”
She took the proffered gift card and stared at it for a moment. Confusion shone bright in her eyes when she met my gaze. “What is this?”
“It’s a gift card. To replace your underwear.” I put my hands in my pockets and rocked on the balls of my feet. “I went by the store after work to actually buy you a pair, but holy fuck, how do you know what to buy there?”
She laughed, resting her forehead against my chest.
“Seriously. She tried showing me all these different types of underwear and I nearly had a stroke.” I rested my hands on her upper arms. “How? How do you decide?”
She pulled back and peered up at me. “It’s an art form, perfected over many years of wearing uncomfortable underwear until you find the one that fits. It’s a bit like dating.”
That made sense. “Well,
like I said, I didn’t know which pair you’re currently in a relationship with, so I got you the card instead.”
“That is a weirdly sweet apology.” She held the card up and smiled. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” I brushed some wispy strands of hair away from her eyes. “There’s fifty bucks on there.”
“Fifty dollars? Do you think my panties are stitched with gold?”
“No—no!” I laughed and rubbed my hand down my face. “If Poosh stole your underwear, it means she likes you. She’s probably going to do it again.”
“Ahh.” Understanding flashed across her face and she tapped me on the nose with the card. “So this is like a panty pre-payment system. Stock up before she steals them all.”
“I thought of it as several apologies in advance, but a panty pre-payment system works, too.”
Reagan grinned, and her eyes twinkled with it. “Am I leaving them at your house so I don’t have to keep stealing yours?”
“I hadn’t considered it,” I admitted. “I figured you’d just keep them in your purse.”
She raised her eyebrows. “Did I just freak you out?”
“About keeping your underwear in my apartment? Normally, yes, but given Poosh’s little obsession? Not really.” I shook my head.
“All right. Hold on a second.” She spun and walked back up to the house. She flashed me a quick grin before she disappeared inside, shoving the door shut behind her.
What the hell was she doing?
I put my hands in my pockets and clicked my tongue while I waited for her to come back out.
She skipped out of the door with mischief written all over her face. She came right up to me and pulled my hand from my pocket before she stuffed something in my hand.
“I’m afraid to ask,” I said, meeting her eyes.
Her smile was wide and playful. “A pair of my underwear.”
I ran my tongue over my lips. “Thank you?”
“No!” She grabbed my arm, laughing. “You said you’re not freaked out about the idea of having my underwear at your house, so you can take a pair of my underwear to your house.”
“Not that it isn’t thoughtful or practical,” I said slowly. “But I was thinking that you’d take the pair there yourself.”
“I could,” she mused. “But I’m having dinner with the girls tonight. I don’t have time to go shopping to buy new underwear, and I’m not hauling a pair to a restaurant in my purse.”
“That still doesn’t explain why I need to take these right now.” I held up my fist.
“Oh.” She stepped closer to me, smiling coyly. “I was going to get a cab to your place after we’ve had dinner.”
I paused. I didn’t even need to think about that, to be honest.
I stuffed her underwear in my pocket with a nod. “Shall I leave the door unlocked or do you want to keep that key?”
She grinned. “You’ve got my underwear. I’ll keep your key. Look at that—a booty call you don’t even have to get out of bed for.”
I grabbed her and pulled her into me before kissing her firmly. “You’re no booty call, Reagan.”
Our eyes met, and her smile softened. “Shall I bring anything with me?”
“Yes. A toothbrush.”
“Why a toothbrush?”
“Your panties are in my pocket. A toothbrush seems like a logical step.”
She fell into me, burying her face in my neck as she laughed. “Now that I’ll carry around in my purse.”
***
I didn’t know how Reagan liked her coffee.
I didn’t know if she even liked coffee.
She had to like coffee. Even though I’d never seen her in the morning, she struck me as the kind of person who needed coffee to function.
How she took it, though… that was a mystery.
I poured a cup of it black, then put sugar and creamer with the mug on a tray. I added a bottle of water and a strip of aspirin and headed for the stairs. She’d still been asleep when I came down here, but it was nearly ten now, and I wanted to wake her up.
I wanted to know how much she remembered of last night.
And if she didn’t remember a lot, I had pictures.
I nudged the bedroom door open with my hip and peered inside. She was lying on her side, snuggled with the covers up to her chin. Her hair was a curly mess that was spread across the pillows, and her lips were parted as she gently breathed in and out.
It was creepy to watch her sleep. I knew that. But I also knew she probably had a marching band in her head, and any peace she felt right now would disappear the second she woke up.
I set the tray on top of my dresser and perched on the edge of the bed. She was so fucking beautiful. She looked like she belonged in my bed, sleeping or otherwise.
The way I felt about Reagan was overwhelming. She’d wormed her way into my life and now into my heart, and while this was all still new and we hadn’t actually spoken about anything other than sex and one date, I did know one thing.
I didn’t want to let her go.
I wanted to keep hold of her to see where this went.
“Stop staring at me,” Reagan muttered, rolling onto her back. “Oh, Jesus Christ. My mouth feels like Ghandi’s flipflop.”
“Ghandi’s flipflop, huh? That’s a new one.”
She propped herself up on one elbow and rubbed her eyes. “Do you have any water in here?”
I grabbed the glass and the aspirin from the tray. “Here. These will help, too.”
“God, I might marry you.” She tossed the pills into her mouth and finished half the water in one go. “Do I want to know what happened last night?”
“You don’t remember?” Shit, this was going to be fun.
“It’s a bit blurry.” She tugged herself to sit up and looked down at her body. “This is your t-shirt.”
I eyed the faded Metallica t-shirt I’d had for years. “That is my t-shirt.”
“Don’t take this the wrong way,” she started. “But did we have sex last night?”
“Reagan.” I put my hand on her knee. “It took you five attempts to get the name of the bar you were in right last night. Creek Falls only has two bars.”
“Right. No sex.”
“No sex. I promise you. You did give it a good try, though, I’ll give you that.”
“Oh no.” She buried her face in her hands. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t worry. It was Poosh you were trying to talk into getting into bed with you, not me.”
“Oh, poor Poosh.”
Yeah, kinda. “It was more funny than anything. She did lick your ankles for a good minute though before you got so ticklish I had to separate you.”
Reagan ran her tongue over her lips. “Yeah. I remember an alien wanting my feet.”
Poosh did have buggy eyes.
“That alien would be Poosh.”
“Right. Noted.” She pinched the bridge of her nose. “Is that coffee up there?”
“Yep. I didn’t know how you like it. Cream and sugar?”
“Just cream. Thanks. Hey, Noah—can you tell me exactly what happened last night? I know I had dinner with Halley and Ava and we went to the sports bar after. I remember running into my brother, but that’s about it.”
I smirked and handed her the mug. “Oh, you are in for a treat right now.”
“Oh no,” she groaned, leaning back against the headboard. “This is why I don’t do tequila shots.”
“That’s probably a rule you should stick to in the future.” I sat on the bed with her and fought a smile. “Should I start where I came in?”
“Please do.” She winced.
“Okay. It was about ten-fifteen when you called me and said you thought I should come and get a beer. You sounded like you were having fun, and I’m not working today, so I agreed.”
“Sounds reasonable.”
“For now.”
“Fuck.”
I bit back a laugh. “I asked you where you were, and that wa
s when we went through the whole five bars thing before I finally figured out where you were.”
“Did you come down?”
“Sure did. I drove down and when I got there, Ava was dancing on a table and you and Halley were running what I’m pretty sure was an illegal betting ring.”
Reagan rubbed her fingertips across her forehead. “We were?”
“You had a pool going for how long Ava would last before she fell off the table.”
“Yeah. That sounds like us. Did she fall off?”
“Yep. Luckily for her, me and Preston caught her.” I smacked my lips together. “It was when you and Halley tried to get on the bar to do the dance from Coyote Ugly that the two of us all but carried the three of you out of there.”
“Oh, Jesus. I have flashbacks from Ava’s twenty-first birthday.”
“Everyone thought we were spoilsports, for what it’s worth.”
She leaned over and touched my arm. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” I winked. “We threw the three of you in the back of my truck and drove you home. We had to stop one time for you to pee in a bush and once for Ava to throw up on the side of the road. We took Ava up to her apartment and put her to bed, then we went to Halley’s. I have to say I’ve never made peanut butter sandwiches for raccoons before. There was something about leaving them grapes, too?”
“She’s trying to vary their diet a little.” Reagan took a big drink of coffee. “Grapes every other time. Sometimes Goldfish crackers. Occasionally cookies.”
“What?”
“The raccoons. They’re basically her pets at this point. She feeds them. Boris is a horny bastard who humped her chair leg last week.”
“They live in her house?”
“No. Outside. They’re not allowed in—well, Betty is, but she doesn’t hump everything.”
“We’re going to have to come back to this,” I said. “Anyway. We fed the raccoons and put Halley to bed, then I left Preston there with her and brought you here. I was going to take you home, but I figured you’d already told your mom you were staying here last night.”
“Yeah.” She coughed and cleared her throat. “Good call. So after you dealt with my weirdo best friends and my weirdo brother, you looked after me?”
“I’d say tried to control you is a better representation of what actually happened.”
