I closed my eyes. No, I couldn’t let that happen. I had to keep fighting for the little brightness I still had.
I turned back towards the house. It was completely black; no lights were on. Swallowing, I gazed towards the sky, but even the stars wouldn’t give me any hope.
The shadows began to draw closer, crossing the lake, field, and forest until they surrounded me. I held myself tighter. My fingers traced the outline where Colt’s bracelet should have been. I wished I still had them so I could lock them together and make the light come forth. How could I ever go on without him? He was still here with me, wedged deep into my heart and soul. But I needed his touch, his smile, his arms around me…
My body ached for him, my need so great to reach out and feel his warmth beneath my fingers, but it would never be. My heart raced, and I suddenly stood up, unable to bear it any longer. My throat was tight, longing to release a cry, to let out the tears once more. I needed to get away—I needed to move before it overwhelmed me and I fell off the edge.
I leapt from the terrace, and landed hard on the gravel. The impact probably hurt, but I didn’t notice as my legs took over and I bolted into the field. Faster and faster I ran, desperate to leave the abyss behind, and yet still it remained, looming over my shoulder; as close to me as my own shadow. It would never let me be.
I reached the lake and halted, my breathing ragged. The water lapped at the bank as it must have done for years, eroding into the earth. It was almost funny, how such a gentle trickle could carve through entire mountains eventually. Was this what would happen to me in the end? The darkness would eat away at me, little by little, day by day, until it consumed me completely. It didn’t matter if I tried to resist—it would win through in the end. Perhaps not today, or tomorrow, but someday.
No!
Biting my lip, I sprinted along the bank, towards the forest. I didn’t stop, entering the trees and chasing the broken trails. The moon fought to peer down between the branches, brooding. I tried to follow its light, but it always disappeared before I could reach it.
At last, my body couldn’t keep up anymore. My chest ached, my heart drummed against my ribs, and finally my legs gave way.
I hit the ground, and the last of my strength fell with me. The spicy scent of wet earth was rich in my nostrils, and the cold dampness began to seep into my skin. It was finding its home, slithering over my broken defenses, uniting with the darkness and wrapping tight around me. Another piece of my light snatched away, never to return. I couldn’t go on like this. Please, just take the pain away…
The wind rustled through the forest, the mournful creaks and groans of the trees echoing the laments in my heart. I didn’t want to close my eyes, but I was so tired. The darkness was too powerful. I couldn’t fight it alone. Oh Colt, come back, come back to me! I need you…
“Cheyenne.”
I froze. That soft voice mingled with the breeze. It couldn’t be…
“Cheyenne, you promised me you’d live.”
“I can’t!” I cried. “I can’t go on without you.”
“I’m still here. I’ve never left you.”
“But I need your touch, your warmth, your smile,” I whispered.
“Cheyenne, you have Callon now. You need to live for Callon.”
Callon.
The darkness stirred within, and I frowned. Callon, who’d invited everyone here without regard to my feelings. Callon, who didn’t understand what was going on inside me, who couldn’t accept that my heart belonged to Colt and had fought to break us apart. Who had kept my real life and heritage from me, had deceived and lied to me! I was nothing but a tool to him, a weapon against Marcus. How could I live for someone so…
I shot upright, my forehead suddenly slick with sweat. No, that wasn’t right. He had done those things, but only to protect me. And he had never wished for Colt to die. He was doing everything he could to help me, and yet all I’d done in return was run away. Pushed him aside, refused to let him heal my wounded heart.
What was I doing? Who was I becoming?
I pushed myself upright and leaned against a tree, wiping the moisture from my cheeks. Colt was right. I needed to live for Callon. I had to. I had to go on before the line between the darkness and myself blurred further. It was becoming difficult to see where I ended and where it began.
Slowly, I began to walk back the way I’d come. Soon, though, I started to realize my mistake. I hadn’t kept track of landmarks; I was completely lost. The moon, too, had disappeared behind the clouds. I had nothing to guide me. Panic set in, and I broke into a run.
My foot caught on a loose branch, and I fell to my knees. I didn’t bother to stand again. Instead I stared into the forest, into the unknown. Inside and outside, I was surrounded by blackness. It pressed in closer, and my chest tightened. I couldn’t breathe.
“Help me!”
My plea echoed across the trees, before it was snatched away by the wind. My head slumped. This was it. I was on my own. I lay listening to the night’s sounds, waiting for it to take me away.
A branch behind me cracked, and I stiffened. Suddenly footsteps reached my ear, heavy and full of purpose.
Maes.
I closed my eyes and waited for his berating, but it didn’t come. Instead there was only silence.
He stopped a few paces away, watching me. I didn’t look at him, but glanced to the horizon. The pre-dawn light was beginning to emerge. At last it broke through the clouds, and a stream of sunlight danced before me. The sight brought back memories of my mother, Alexis. “Sunshine smiles, Cheyenne. Look!” I could still hear her words so clearly, and felt my tears renew. When would it ever stop?
“Cheyenne,” Maes said, his French accent breaking through. “I’ve come to bring you back.”
I didn’t reply.
“Cheyenne.” A heavy hand touched my shoulder. “You shouldn’t be alone.”
“What does it matter to you, Maes?” I hissed, pushing down my sadness. “You’re only here for yourself. I’m your hope, remember?” My hands flew out before I was able to stop them and I sent a blast of air into the forest, causing a small tree to crack. I clasped my fingers together. What was wrong with me? It was as if I couldn’t control my emotions any longer…
“Cheyenne.”
I shrugged off his hand and rose on shaky legs. His jade-rimmed eyes met mine and I paused, unsure of his expression. Was he actually showing remorse? Was he allowing me to see past all those barriers he’d set in place to protect himself?
“I loved once,” he rumbled. His subdued tone made me gasp. He’d never spoken like this before. It was somewhat frightening. “I’ve begged for the cold grip of death to come and take me away rather than living out the nightmare every day. I watched the one I loved perish right before my eyes and was helpless to prevent it. I replay that image over and over, feeling the guilt and shame for my failure, almost every day.” He paused, and looked me straight in the eye. “I know the darkness you’re fighting, because I’ve been there myself.”
I swallowed.
“You’ve seen the crimson eyes staring back at you, haven’t you?” he said.
My eyes widened. How did he know what I’d seen? It was what I imagined it to look like, and I’d told no one.
He stepped closer, his voice lowering.
“Don’t fall into the abyss like I did. Fight it, conquer it, and live on. Because once you fall in, the climb out will be worse than hell itself.”
“But you came out.”
“Because of you, Cheyenne. You gave me hope again; hope enough to claw myself back into the light.” His jaw tensed. “I won’t allow you to disappear.”
“Stop saying that!” I snapped. “I’ve had enough of the lies. I don’t need yours on top of them!”
“What are you—”
“Don’t pretend you’re innocent!” I cut him off. “I know you only want me to free you from your stupid curse. I’m just a tool to be used when the moment calls for it.” I balled my hands into f
ists. “Why do you all do this? You push so many expectations onto me, and you don’t even give a single thought to my feelings!”
“And how can we, when you close yourself off all the time?” Maes shot back; the barriers were up again. “You don’t speak to us. Instead you hide away like a whimpering pup, feeling sorry for yourself and blaming others for the isolation you’ve brought upon yourself!”
His words struck home, and moisture tingled behind my eyes.
“I can’t be the person you want me to be,” I said, my voice trembling. “I can’t. I couldn’t protect the ones I love, and if it wasn’t for Callon, I’d have killed you all that day.”
Maes sighed. “Perhaps I have been too harsh on you. You are stronger than this, mon espoir. That is not an expectation I place on you; that is a fact I have seen. You must not burden yourself with things you cannot change. The darkness will always be there, but you shouldn’t cower from it. You must learn to master it.” He looked away, as if afraid I’d see into his heart again. “Or it will consume you.”
Stunned, I could only nod. Maes had to be desperate if he was apologizing for shouting at me.
“You need to find a way to distract yourself. Focus on building your strength. Your aim is to beat me in a fight. Let’s see if you can do it.”
“You want me to fight you?”
“I want you to become stronger, so when the time comes you’ll be ready for battle.” He stood motionless for a few moments as we both pondered his words. “Come,” Maes said. He strode into the forest. I trailed behind, fixing my gaze on his broad shoulders. Last time I’d done this was when he’d fished me out of a river, and I’d struggled to keep up. Now that I was Timeless, it wasn’t so hard, though I did notice he wasn’t taking such big strides as before.
My mind wandered back to Callon, and my shoulders sagged. How many more second chances was he going to give me before he decided this fresh start was over? I’d told him I needed help, and yet once again I’d run away. Maes was right; I was a whimpering pup.
“I said I didn’t mean that, Cheyenne,” Maes said.
I stopped. “What?”
“You’re not a whimpering pup.”
“Why would you say that?” How did he know what I was thinking?
“Because I know you well enough to see you’re wallowing, and you need to stop. What’s done is done. Move on.”
I was quiet for a moment. “But you told Callon I ran away at the first sign of trouble.”
He didn’t reply.
“Well, I think you’re bipolar,” I huffed. “One moment you’re supportive and then next you’re…”
“I won’t coddle you. You’re stronger than that.” He picked up his stride, forcing me to jog.
We spent the remainder of the way back in silence. The beast inside had finally calmed; however, I knew it would return again. It was far from over.
I hadn’t realized how far I’d run into the forest, but the sun was high by the time we finally reached the meadow. Callon, Daniel, Dex and Lilly were on the terrace, looking tense. I hesitated, unsure of how they’d react. I was sure it would only be with disappointment.
Rustling in the grass caught my attention, and I looked across to the lake. Callon and Daniel stood just a few feet away. Both were worn out with worry. I clenched my hands, my nails digging into my palms. I couldn’t face him, not after what I’d put him through.
Callon took a step forward, then paused.
“Cheyenne?” He wasn’t sure what else to say.
The dull ache in my chest grew more intense. I’d let him down, again. I’d run instead of seeking him out. Practically telling him he wasn’t good enough to comfort me.
“I’m sorry,” I murmured. “I’m so sorry.”
Warmth engulfed me, and I clung to him. I wanted to cry, but there weren’t any tears left to shed. He pressed me close, crooning softly in my ear.
“Why?” he whispered, “Why didn’t you come and find me?”
I could’ve given a dozen excuses, but in reality it came down to one: fear. Fear of all the failures and all the letdowns yet to come. Fear of that unknown thing inside of me, feeding off all my hurt and anger. Fear that one day I’d allow myself to be overrun and I wouldn’t care anymore, destroying everything I held dear. “I’m sorry.”
Callon’s soft lips pressed against my ear.
“I’m here for you. I’ll always be here for you, love.”
I moved in closer, wanting to wash away the memories of letting him down once again.
“What am I going to do with you?” He stroked my back.
“I’m more trouble than I’m worth, Callon.” I knew the truth in my words. He’d warned me so many times, and yet I hadn’t listened, and had paid the price for my recklessness. How could he have so much patience with me?
“No.” He kissed my ear lobe and drew back, gripping my cheeks. “You’re more than worth it. I’m just lost on what to do.” He sighed. “Come on, you look miserable. You need to rest.”
I nodded and followed, my hand held in his. I kept my gaze averted as we passed the terrace. I didn’t need to see any more discerning stares.
Callon escorted me to my room and waited while I changed and cleaned up. He was waiting beside the bed with the covers down. I crawled in.
“Will you be okay if I leave for a while? I can send Lilly up,” he offered.
I nodded my head.
He brushed the stray hairs from my eyes. “I’ll be back in a few hours to check on you. We have more guests arriving.”
I looked away. The guests Maes had purposely mentioned last night. Koda. My stomach began to churn again.
“Sweetheart, you can handle this,” he assured me.
“I’m not ready for Koda.” I curled onto my side, pulling away from him.
He leaned over me. “You have to face it sooner or later.”
“Callon,” my voice shook.
“There will be more,” he warned me.
“Why?”
“Because we need them. We can’t fight this alone.” He placed a tender kiss on my forehead. “Rest, I’ll be back soon.” He rose, but hesitated. “I love you, Cheyenne.”
I gave no reply as he headed for the door. I couldn’t say the words yet, not when saying them made me feel like I was betraying Colt, and not knowing if my love were truly toxic. I couldn’t face another painful loss.
“Cheyenne, Colt’s here!” I heard Dad calling.
“Give me a minute!” I yelled back; I was in the kitchen, taking a sheet of cookies from the oven.
“Hey, Colt, hope the drive up wasn’t too rough?” Dad was talking with Colt in the hall. “What are you two up to tonight?”
“Movies,” Colt replied cheerfully. “The new one that everyone’s talking about, The Gate.”
I smiled. We’d been waiting weeks to go see it, and tonight was opening night. Colt had pre-purchased the tickets, in celebration of finishing finals and Christmas break, and I was really looking forward to it.
“Mom,” I said. “The cookies are done. I’m gonna leave them—”
“Did someone say cookies?” Colt rushed beside me, staring hungrily at the baking sheet.
“They’re hot!” I slapped his hands as he tried to pull one off. “You can have them when we get back.”
He pouted.
“Oh, stop it, you know the cute routine doesn’t work on me. Let’s go.”
With a playful grin, he trailed behind me as I grabbed my gray coat.
“Have fun,” Dad smiled.
“We will,” Colt grinned, opening the door.
“Be safe, Cheyenne,” Mom added. “I love you.”
The door closed and I sighed, the taste of snowflakes rich on my tongue. The snow had been falling all day, and I could barely find the driveway. As I stepped towards Colt’s truck, it crunched deliciously.
“Here, let me.” Colt opened the truck door and helped me in.
“I can’t believe you got us tickets,” I said as h
e climbed into the driver’s seat.
“It wasn’t easy,” he replied, pulling out onto the highway.
“Yeah right, it wasn’t easy,” I teased. “All you ever have to do is bat an eyelash, and the girls would fall over to do anything for you.”
“Hey, that’s not true. I have to smile too, you know.”
I laughed, and he winked.
We continued down the icy roads until we reached the movie theatre. The parking lot was packed, but we managed to squeeze into a space. Colt hopped out quickly and caught me before I slipped on the ice.
“You just can’t do anything right, can you?” he snickered.
“Oh whatever!” I pushed his hand away only to latch onto his arm again as I lost my footing once more.
“Told you so.”
I rolled my eyes. “You parked there on purpose to make me hold onto your arm.”
“Oh yeah, nothing to do with the fact this was the only space.”
Once we were on the sidewalk, I let go of him. Ahead, a long line had already formed. We secured our spot and then waited. I began to shake and blew on my hands.
“Cold?” Colt asked.
“I’m fine.”
He shifted a little closer.
“I’ll be glad to have a huge bag of popcorn though.” I grinned. “I can warm my hands in it.”
He chuckled and the line moved. Now I could see the posters, and I rubbed my hands together. The movie was based off a novel that Colt had given me as an early Christmas present. He’d laughed because I’d read it so fast he said it made his head spin. Even the movie trailers I’d seen looked awesome. I couldn’t wait.
“This is going to be so great, Colt. Do you know how long we’ve been waiting for this?”
“Forever.” He smiled down on me. “Hope it’s as good as they say it is.”
“I sure hope the male actor lives up to my imagination.”
“Well, don’t get your hopes up. He looks nothing like me.”
I hit Colt’s arm playfully and he laughed.
“Here’s to hoping,” he chuckled.
The line began to move quicker. We were next to be admitted, when Colt reached into his coat pocket. Suddenly his eyes widened.
“You’re kidding me…” He trailed off.
Daylight, a Timeless Series Novel Page 5
