by Melissa Haag
Every time he found me, he helped me. I tipped my head back and stared into his eyes. He watched me intently. Tiny flecks of green and gold peeked through the soft brown of his eyes. Inside, I gave a little sigh of appreciation. How stupid was I to want to trust this man? I needed to be practical. Squashing my tingling awareness, I recalled what happened in my last dream. Even my help had set me up to die. Wasn’t there a way to live that didn’t involve torture or forced servitude?
“Tell me about my sister,” I said as I shoved my arms through the sleeves. The jacket was better than the hoodie alone.
“Sister?” he asked completely confused.
“The one who sent you to find me.” It came out with more force than I intended. I knew better than to provoke his kind. I was tired. Trying again in a softer voice, I said, “You said she was weak. Did you hurt her?”
He snorted. “Not a chance. Her guard dog doesn’t let anyone near her.” He smirked and added, “Well, he tried to keep us away.”
What was that supposed to mean? She was being guarded, and he’d found a way to her. But, which side was guarding and which side was going around the guard?
I eyed him as he stood before me. In just a shirt, he didn’t seem bothered by the cold. They never really did. I needed to know his intentions. Did he really want to help me like Baen, or was he like the rest? I couldn’t ask him outright. These creatures were never honest. But, they were easy to provoke.
Calming my overly attentive physical awareness, I stepped toward him. He watched me with cautious eyes, no doubt remembering my attempt to knee him. Placing my hands on his shoulders, I stood on my tiptoes stretching to get as close to his height as possible. His heat warmed my palms, and my stomach went crazy. The muscles beneath my fingertips twitched, and a shudder passed through him. His pupils dilated. His attention intensified, and I doubted he heard anything around us. His reactions affirmed what I already knew. We had a connection. But what would he do about it?
I leaned in further and let my cheek touched his jaw. His tremors grew. I knew I was playing a dangerous game. His hands settled on my waist, and the touch spiked my heart rate despite my efforts to control myself. I couldn’t be sure whether my reaction was fear or excitement, and it worried me. I needed to stay strong. I knew that a sliver of weakness could bring my downfall.
Against his ear, I whispered, “I will not choose you,” as a test—as a statement of truth.
When I pulled back, his eyes were closed and his jaw clenched. As slowly as I’d approached him, I eased away. His hands dropped from my sides without a fight. My throat tightened as I watched him struggle. Fear pooled in me. He inhaled deeply, and I knew he smelled it on me.
After a moment, he calmed and opened his eyes. “Good,” he agreed amicably. “Someone your age shouldn’t be choosing.”
My age? His words confused me as much as they comforted me. He hadn’t grabbed me or insisted I was wrong, and I hadn’t died. Still, I’d never met one of them that didn’t insist on biting. Even Baen had asked me to bite him the first time I met him, and I’d been nine in that life. Things might just be looking up.
He turned away from me and mounted the motorcycle. Then, he held my duffle out toward me. “Coming?”
He’d found me and, apparently, was set on following me. Why not take advantage of it? Stepping forward with lingering reservation, I grabbed the bag and nodded. If he wasn’t here to help, I’d find out soon enough. At least sleep wouldn’t tempt me so much if the wind battered me as we traveled.
I put the strap across my body and climbed on behind him. As I wrapped my arms around his middle, I noticed his flinch.
“And stay away from my neck,” he said as he lifted his feet from the road and eased forward.
I ducked behind him within seconds. The wind bit into me with ferocious insistence, driving me closer to him. He twitched occasionally and told me to hold still several times. I didn’t have his ability to stay warm though. Finally, red cheeked, I laid my face against his back. Through his thin shirt, he warmed me. Sighing, I closed my watering eyes.
She stood before me in her taupe gown looking sad and serene at the same time. Nothing surrounded us but the tiny glow of thousands of multi-colored life sparks.
“This was the beginning,” she said lifting a pale hand to indicate the sparks. Most had a blue center with a grey halo. Almost as many had a blue center with a green halo. Only a few had a yellow center with a green halo. Among those, I saw six unique colors and knew whom they represented.
“The Judgements must maintain balance,” she said. “Only they can decide what that balance may be. Every one thousand years you all return, though only one will remember.” She reached forward and touched me softly on top my head. “Choose wisely, or there may not be a world to return to in another one thousand years.”
“What the hell was that?” Luke shouted in my face.
I blinked my eyes open trying to pull myself from my dream. Dream? No, it hadn’t felt like the past. What the heck was that? Every one thousand years I returned? How many lives would I need to relive? Those dots...I’d seen them before. One of us had the ability to see the sparks of people around us.
“Well?” Luke continued to look down at me with a furious expression.
Understanding dawned. “Crap! Did I fall asleep?”
“While I was flying down the road on a two-wheeled death trap? Yes!”
He held me cradled in his lap while he still straddled the idling bike. The heat from his thighs warmed my backside. How he’d managed the switch, I had no idea.
“Put me down. Please.” The last word came out a bit clipped. My stomach was going crazy being so close to him, and it annoyed me.
“Gladly.” He surprised me by setting me down gently.
On my own feet, I rubbed my hands over my face. “I’m sorry. I’m tired.” When I glanced back at him, I caught a fleeting look of pity in his eyes. “Save your pity. I don’t need it,” I said. I didn’t need pity. I needed decent sleep and an assurance those things wouldn’t catch me in this lifetime.
He held up his hands in surrender and took a deep, calming breath. “Are you going to fall asleep again? Because we won’t get far this way.”
“Yes, I’ll most likely fall asleep again. No matter what I’ve tried, I can’t seem to avoid it.”
“Maybe you should stop avoiding it,” he suggested with an edge of exasperation in his tone.
I didn’t bother answering. He wouldn’t understand.
He saw something in my face because he sighed and said, “Loosen the strap of your bag as far as it will go then get on.”
He motioned for me to hurry up when I didn’t immediately do it. Stifling an eyeroll, I did as he asked. Once I sat behind him, he grabbed the strap and lifted it over his head—while it was still around me. Then, he went one step further and tightened the strap so I pressed against his back. He grumbled the whole time, and that was the only silver lining in the whole situation.
“Take both arms out so it’s around your waist,” he said.
Understanding he meant to strap me to his back so I wouldn’t fall, I complied. But I didn’t like it.
As soon as he lifted his feet, the dreams pulled me under.
The Taupe Lady once again stood over a new mother. This woman didn’t put the babe to her breast. She set the quiet infant aside and hurried to bury the afterbirth not yet noticing the Taupe Lady. Lying on a coarse blanket shivering in the light warm breeze, I watched her with new eyes.
“The men tracking you have crossed the river,” the Taupe Lady said.
Fear clouded my mother’s eyes, and she spun to face the lady. “Thank you!” My mother scooped me into her arms.
“I did not tell you so you could leave,” the lady explained. “You need them. They are her only protection.”
“I am her protection,” my mother whispered forcefully as she hugged me to her chest to quiet me.
“You protect her from her father, but he wil
l protect her from those who are much worse. For the love you feel for your child, return to him so her life may be spared.”
“Who are you?” my mother asked noticing for the first time that the lady’s feet didn’t quite touch the ground.
“I am a friend. Save your child and return.”
“If I return, he will kill me.”
The Taupe Lady’s eyes filled with sadness. “Yes, he will,” she agreed.
“Then, I cannot.” My mother ran with me.
* * * *
I woke lying limply against Luke’s back as he braked hard and turned into the parking lot of a small motel.
Instantly alert, I lifted my head. “What are you doing?”
“You keep twitching. You can’t ride sleeping. It’s not safe,” he said over his shoulder as he parked in front of the office.
Not safe? My whole life was not safe. Riding anywhere with one of them was probably not safe. Adding my narcoleptic tendency to sleep didn’t really decrease my life expectancy that much more.
He loosened the strap as I argued. “Sleeping strapped to you is better than sleeping here. We need to keep moving.”
“Believe me, I’m all for hurrying, but I’m not going to risk you falling off.” He lifted the strap over his head so we were no longer pressed against each other.
I scrambled to dismount. “I’m not tired anymore.” I saw in his eyes he didn’t buy it for a second. “I don’t want to stay here,” I said as I started to panic.
Taking a ride from him was different from locking myself in a room with him. I didn’t trust him—us—in a room. There was too much pull going on. My stomach went wild at the idea of a room with a bed and him in it. And my eyes dipped to his snug fitting shirt. Given his reaction when I got close to his neck, I didn’t see how this would end well for me.
“Too bad. Inside. Now,” he practically growled at me as he pointed to the door marked “Office.”
I met his eyes for another moment and then pivoted on my heel intent on walking if I needed to. I took one step toward the road. He stood in front of me before I took the second step. He didn’t look happy that I hadn’t immediately complied. We scowled at each other. A yawn ruined any hope I had of him taking me seriously. His expression changed to one of concern.
In my crazy, sleep deprived state, all I wanted to do was lean into him. If he happens to kiss me, I thought vaguely, I’ll just have to endure. Wait. What? No! No kissing. It led to other things, which led to a life of misery. I shook my head to clear it.
He sighed and tilted his head at me.
“You are so tired, luv. Please. Sleep a few hours,” he said.
My stomach went crazy with the pull. Disgusted with myself that a caring tone and a few nice words could cause such a reaction, I snapped at him. “As if sleep is what you really have in mind.”
His eyes widened, and he held up his hands. “Sleep. That is all. I can’t drive fast with you sleeping. Too many things could happen. I might not be able to catch you in time. If we keep going as we are, snow will cover the roads before we reach the Compound.”
“Compound?” I asked, wondering why I was even listening to him.
“It’s where Gabby said to bring you. She promised she would be there.”
The way he worded it gave me pause. “No one is holding her there?”
“Holding her there? No. She...visits. Honestly, she doesn’t seem to like it very much.”
I looked down at the faded blacktop. If they didn’t hold Gabby as a prisoner and she remained free to wander as she pleased, it probably meant Luke truly wanted to help me get to her. Though, it could all be a lie. Calling the number he had given me wouldn’t prove anything. Any woman could answer, and I wouldn’t know the difference.
“I don’t trust you. But...” I looked at the motel. Sleep tugged at me. I was doing what I thought the dreams wanted me to do. Maybe they would leave me alone, and I would actually get some real sleep. “I’ll stay. Just not with you in the same room.”
“Fine.”
His easy agreement didn’t help settle my nerves, but I still followed him into the office. He paid cash for the room and led the way back outside. A sidewalk, protected by the eves, ran along the building. We didn’t follow it far. He stopped at the door marked with a two. Too close to the office for my comfort.
“I got kicked out of one hotel already. He’s going to hear me for sure.”
“Maybe you won’t have bad dreams,” Luke said as he unlocked the door and stepped aside so I could enter.
I snorted but didn’t bother disagreeing with him. I entered the room then turned to look at him with an arched brow. He still stood there with his hand on the doorknob.
“I’ll sit on the bench outside and wake you in a few hours.” He started to close the door.
“The key?” Seriously. Did he really think I would be okay with him keeping it?
He smiled. “I’ll hold onto it. Better I wake you when you start getting too loud than the owner.”
I scowled and opened my mouth to argue, but he closed the door too fast. I started at it for a moment. Could I do this? Could I fall asleep with one of them close by? What could he do to me while I was sleeping that he couldn’t do while awake? Nothing, really. It just made me feel so vulnerable.
Behind me, the mattress sang its siren song luring me enough to turn toward it. It didn’t matter that Luke had a key. He could easily break through the door without it. After all, he’d snuck into one hotel room already.
Kicking off my shoes, I did my usual belly dive into the quilt and closed my eyes with my feet still hanging off the end of the bed. This wouldn’t last more than a few...
The dream that claimed me had a new twist. It split into four views of the same thing. I was my current self, yet at the same time, I was all three of other girls in the dream. Disoriented by all four viewpoints, I struggled, trying to focus on just one.
I crouched in my pen with three other girls. Branches, thicker than any of our arms, jabbed into the ground to make the walls of our pen. Trees towered around us. Sunlight occasionally speckled the ground as the canopy above shifted.
The stench of our feces and unwashed bodies clogged my nose. We’d been kept in the pen for seven days. The youngest girl, with the strawberry blonde hair, had been first. She placed the earthen floor as she glared at our captors who lounged languidly beyond our pen wall. Her tiny stature and youth didn’t make her very menacing, yet. But when she hit puberty, she would be a force to reckon with.
The most recent captive sobbed softly. Still in her teens but older than all of us, she’d been made to Claim then mate with someone. She kept her eyes fixed on the ground. I sat next to her with an arm around her shoulders. And, like the youngest, I watched our captors.
The fourth member of the party slept and twitched as she did so.
I felt the pain and anguish of the one crying, the rage of the one pacing, the determination of the one holding her sister, and the pure terror of the one dreaming. We were all the same yet different. Sisters of the same womb. Daughters of the Taupe Lady. Pieces in a game we never wanted to play.
The branch door of our pen drifted open in the breeze. None of us moved to run, but it still caught the attention of the men watching us.
“If she is old enough to look at us with hate, she is old enough to mate,” one said as he stood. He towered over all of us. A scrap of leather covered his loins. The rest of him remained dusty and bare.
The sister who paced stopped moving and stared at him, her chin tucked close to her chest so she watched him from under her brow. He strode purposely toward her.
The dream narrowed so I no longer felt the other three. Just her. Just her anger. Her fear. She knew what he wanted. What he intended to do. She would die.
He gripped my arm tightly and pulled me from the pen. The sobbing one flew forward like a wildcat and tried fighting him. It did no good. She sailed back and hit the branches with a hollow thump. The girl next to her
tried pulling my arm back. It didn’t matter; he swatted her away, too. His big hand reached for me. I bit him hard and felt my teeth hit bone. He hit me; the flat of his palm connected with a crack. I saw stars. My heart beat wildly. I struggled as he lifted me.
The dream faded and restful oblivion cocooned me. I barely registered the gentle kiss pressed against my forehead. I slept.
* * * *
Stretching my arms wide, my hand lightly smacked into a face. I stilled and opened my eyes. The white ceiling above greeted me. Cautiously turning my head, I met Luke’s amused gaze peeking through the fingers of the hand that still covered his face.
“What do you think you’re doing?” I sat up with a scowl. We both laid on top the covers; a line of pillows separated us. I felt rested, but waking with him next to me unsettled me.
“You were having a bad dream. I came in to wake you, but you quieted. So I decided to use my time wisely and sleep, too.” I narrowed my eyes at him and he quickly added, “I kept it proper. See?” He gestured to the pillows.
“I don’t care if you put a —”
“I’m starving. Let’s eat.” He rose from the bed with a stretch and moved toward the door. I continued to glare at him.
“Don’t think I don’t know what you’re trying to do. I won’t let my guard down. A few moments of kindness will not make me fall into your arms.”
He stopped by the door and turned to look at me, his face carefully blank. “I don’t want you in my arms.”
“Liar.” I swung my legs off the bed and stood. Did he think me stupid? I yanked my bag up off the nearby chair.
Luke scratched his jawline as he hesitated by the door. “I don’t understand why you’re so angry.” Frustration laced his words despite his relaxed pose.
I barely understood myself. I didn’t really think he wanted to wear me down, but getting angry seemed a better way to keep some distance between us. The idea of someone watching over me just to watch over me...well, that swayed me more than it should have. It also made me miss my mom. She used to do that before my world broke. Before I discovered there were some things she couldn’t protect me from. My teeth clenched against my resentment. I hated knowing. I hated the dreams, and at the moment, I hated him, too.
