Diana was not used to physical contact. She had never had any warmth or affection shown to her and she didn’t know how to take it. No loving parent had cuddled her or stroked her fondly, and in the area of physical affection, she was frozen. No wonder Alex threw her off her stride with his unaffected show of emotions and feelings! He was in a whole different league. It was a way of living that fascinated her and yet frightened her, for she didn’t understand it. In Alex, she glimpsed a world alien to that which she had always known. While deep down in the secret places of her heart she acknowledged that her past experience of life had not been exactly satisfying or happy, she could not accept that his was better. And yet…
“Every time I get around him, I start losing all my resolve not to see him outside of business contact!” Diana hit the steering wheel with one hand as she muttered angrily.
She spent the weekend in an agony of indecisiveness. On the one hand she didn’t want to go on the picnic, but on the other hand, she couldn’t bring herself to call Alex and tell him. When he called she merely gave him directions how to get to her apartment. She realised that if she tried to back out, he would simply bulldoze her into coming. She would just have to see to it that she didn’t go out with him again. She asked Alex if there was something she could bring for the picnic and he replied no. “I’ll bring everything we’ll need,” he told her. “How does baked chicken sound?”
“It sounds delicious,” she assured him.
“Good. See you tomorrow.” He rang off quickly, and Diana replaced the receiver thoughtfully. Now she really was committed to the picnic. She couldn’t very well back out now.
She tidied up the apartment Sunday morning and then looked outside. It was a very bright and warm day for the beginning of September, but there was a definite change from the warmth of the summer. Now, when a stray cloud passed overhead, the wind blew chill. She changed into an old worn pair of jeans that hugged her figure, and a warm turtleneck sweater, cream coloured and wooly. The door bell rang and she went to answer it. It was Alex.
“Hi,” said Diana without any surprise. “Would you like to come in?” As she spoke, she eyed him approvingly. He had on a tight pair of dark jeans that flared slightly below the knee. A grey shirt was tucked in at the waist with a black cardigan sweater over it. His hair was windblown and there was a trace of red along his cheekbones.
“Not now, thanks, unless you’re not ready,” he replied. She shook her head.
“All I have to do is lock the door,” she grinned, and ran back into the apartment to grab her key on the dresser. Shoving it in her pocket as she walked, she jiggled the doorknob to make sure the lock was latched, then slammed the door hard. As she turned towards the car, Alex tested the door to see if it locked.
“All set?”
“Yep,” she said. They went down the steps and Diana stopped short as she saw the black Porsche by the kerb. “I didn’t know you had two cars,” she remarked with surprise. His other car was a light blue Mercedes, very proper.
“This one is my fun car.” Alex patted the hood of the Porsche as he walked her to the passenger side and opened the door. “The other one I use strictly for business.” There was a sun-roof on the car that was open.
Diana pointed to it and laughed, “So that’s why you look so ruffled up!”
He chuckled, “I never can resist opening up the top when I drive. It really gets depressing when winter comes! Like it?” He climbed into the driver’s seat.
“Like it!” she exclaimed. “Just try to keep me from stealing it!” He laughed, and turned the key in the ignition. They took off from the kerb with the engine at a muted roar, and Diana knew that when she got home, she would have to tell Terry all about it.
Alex drove smoothly and well, heading for a main highway. Soon Diana was quite lost, not having lived in New York very long, and all she knew was that they were headed roughly north.
“Where are we going?” She had to shout a little to be heard.
“To a little wood that I know of up here,” he named a place that was lost in the wind. “Do you know it?”
“No. I don’t know New York well yet.”
“You wouldn’t know of this place unless you were taken there or unless you were a member of the club. It’s very private.”
It’s very exclusive, you mean, Diana thought, but kept quiet. She was just going to sit back and enjoy herself, and not make waves. After travelling for about half an hour, Alex signalled to turn right and turned down a small one-lane road. There were two signs on either side of the lane, saying, “Private, No Trespassers. Poachers will be Prosecuted”.
They travelled down the lane for maybe a half a mile when Alex pulled over to the side of the road and told her to get out. He picked up a covered basket from the back of the car and preceded her down a little path. He acted as if he knew where he was going, so Diana shrugged her shoulders and followed. They walked in silence for a few minutes, listening to the call of birds overhead, when suddenly they came into a small clearing surrounded by tall trees and thick bushes with a little stream gurgling at the other end. There were rocks evenly spaced in the water, and she exclaimed with delight, “Stepping stones!”
Alex set down the basket and grinned at her. “That’s a definite hint if ever I heard of one. Would you like to go exploring before we eat?”
She turned to him with her eyes shining, “Oh, yes! I love to tramp in the woods.”
“Then tramping in the woods we will go,” he stated. “Come on.” They left the picnic basket in the clearing and went over to the stream to look across. It seemed suddenly very wide to Diana and she glanced apprehensively at Alex. She was sure she would never make it. He caught the look and laughed. “All right, little coward! I’ll go first.” He grabbed her hand and started carefully across, steadying her when she got a little wobbly.
After they made it across the stream, they explored the woods and slopes for hours. They played hide-and-seek and Diana stumbled upon a small cove hidden by ferns and small bushes. She hid in the cave-like hollow that was situated near the bottom of a slope for the longest time, covering her mouth with one hand to stifle her chuckling as Alex came at first very near and then moved farther away and never finding her little hiding place. She listened to him call finally in exasperation when he gave up finding her, and instead of answering, she started to sneak out very quietly. She made it halfway up the slope when Alex spotted her and gave a shout. At that she shrieked and started to run pell-mell for the clearing. He roared and she almost fell from laughing so hard at the sounds of crashing behind her. She started to believe that she just might make it first to the clearing where the picnic basket was when something big behind her cannoned into her and tumbled her to the ground. Then she just dissolved into giggles at the sight of Alex with leaves sticking out of his hair. He had a hard time refraining from grinning.
“You think it’s funny,” he gasped out in between breaths, “that I damn near fall on my head on that crazy slope—where were you, anyway? I had no idea.”
“There’s a little half-cave hidden with ferns,” she chuckled, explaining. “If I’d just kept quiet, you wouldn’t have found me in a million years!”
He snorted. “I probably wouldn’t have. I’d have given up long before then!”
She started to laugh again.
“You look really funny,” she choked out between sniggers. “All those leaves sticking out of your hair!”
“You don’t look a whole lot better,” he retorted. “In case you hadn’t noticed, you have some interesting dirt on the back seat of your pants from your precious hiding place.” He stood up and stretched out a hand to help her up. They laughed and talked as they walked the short way back to the clearing. Alex put his arm casually around her as they went. She made no objection; it seemed so right and natural a gesture.
Diana was surprised at the excellent basket of food that Alex had brought. There was baked chicken, a fruit salad with apples, oranges and walnuts, and
boiled eggs and rolls. When she commented on the delicious fare, he smiled.
“I’m willing to bet you didn’t think I had it in me,” he replied with a grin. He was leaning back on one arm while chewing enthusiastically on a leg of chicken.
“You’re right, I really didn’t. Hmm—this fruit salad is very good,” she murmured, licking the last bit of juice from her fork.
“I’ll have to tell my mother how much you liked it.” Alex’s voice was bland.
“Your mother? Was it her recipe that you used?” she asked. She caught a glimpse of his face as he fought to conceal an inner amusement and comprehension dawned. She said deliberately, “Why don’t you tell her how much I liked the rest of the meal while you’re at it? Those homemade rolls were delicious.”
His eyes went to her face, but there was nothing there to tell him whether Diana suspected anything out of the ordinary. He lied without a flicker of expression to give him away, “I’ll have to check the recipe when I get home to see if it’s one that she gave me.”
At that she snorted. He really had gone too far! She said dryly, “I meant you should tell her she did a terrific job fixing the meal. Not every mother would do that for her grown son.”
Alex laughed out loud. “When did you guess that I didn’t fix the meal?”
She grinned. “I’m not really sure, but it wasn’t anything you said, it was the expression on your face. You ought to be ashamed of yourself! You deliberately set out to deceive a poor unsuspecting girl like me!”
“‘Poor, unsuspecting girl like you’?” he hooted in derision. “Only a devious and conniving mind would have been able to guess that I didn’t cook that meal—a mind that works like mine does. You would have done the same thing, my girl, given half the chance and with no culinary talents to speak of.” Alex wagged the chicken leg at her as he spoke.
They continued the light bantering conversation as they cleaned up the remains of the meal and packed what little was left over away in the picnic basket. Then, lying side by side, they watched the clouds in the sky and picked out various shapes that caught their imagination. Diana found a flying horse and a swan, and Alex found a grinning witch and a gnome, although no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t see how he had found a gnome in the oddly assorted lumps and bulges that he pointed to in an effort to show her where it was. Eventually she felt her eyelids grow heavy, and her answers to his comments grew shorter and shorter. Presently she fell asleep.
In sleep, Diana’s face was changed subtly. Her face was relaxed as all faces are in sleep, and in the relaxation the lines of her cheeks appeared to be more vulnerable and young, the set of her mouth less tense and defensive. As Alex gazed down at her face, he was amazed at the difference the absence of tension made in her face. Awake, Diana always held herself in an unconsciously aloof manner; in repose her face always had a rather cold set to it, denying any familiarities, any unasked-for advances. She had a very light and easy charm in most conversation, but there was always a definite line that was almost physically drawn around her that clearly stated, “Back off, no trespassing allowed.” Here, in sleep, for the first time Alex looked down at a totally defenseless Diana.
Flickering eyelids indicated that she was close to waking, and when she finally opened her eyes to look around, he was lying back in the grass with his hands linked behind his head as he contemplated the late afternoon sun. She noted the change in the sun’s position with surprise. “But I only just now shut my eyes,” she protested to him. He cocked an eyebrow and started to smile as she faltered, “At least I thought I’d only just shut my eyes.” She watched him as he continued to look up at the sky. There was a thoughtful air about him; he seemed to be pondering some inner revelation or secret and he barely seemed aware of her existence. She sat up quietly and began to look at the sky too. She searched the whole expanse and had just started over when a voice spoke by her ear.
“What are you doing?” Diana jumped exaggeratedly and looked around with a good show of surprise.
“I’m just trying to see what’s fascinating you so much,” she exclaimed with a false innocence. She peered up at the sky again. “Nothing very interesting now, not even any funny cloud formations.”
He smiled, “Did I seem far away? I’m sorry. No, you’re right, there isn’t really anything interesting up there. I was contemplating something else.” There was a silence for a few minutes. It was not an uncomfortable silence, but a companionable one, full of thoughts and easy sharing with no trace of emptiness. Alex asked suddenly, “Would you tell me about yourself?”
Diana turned her head towards him in surprise. She hadn’t been expecting this type of conversation. She said lightly, “You didn’t tell me this was going to be a deep sort of a thing. I don’t have my notes prepared.” He didn’t smile. She leaned back on one hand and began to recite in a parrot-like voice, “Diana Carrington, born 1957, educated at the Terrence Elementary School, Illinois, and later at the Farthington High School. She graduated with honours from the graduate programme at Rhydon University with her MBA and was promptly snatched up by the prestigious and innovative Mason Steel Co., where she is presently employed as the New York Operating Manager, working directly under the great Alexander Mason himself.”
He said impatiently, “I know all that. I’ve read your application.”
“Then you know everything there is worth knowing,” she spoke easily.
“I want to know about your family, your parents. I want to know what kind of past you’ve had—has it been happy, has it been sad? What has made you the person you are?” he asked quietly, twirling a piece of grass between his thumb and forefinger. His expression gave away none of his feelings as he glanced at Diana’s face with its hard expression and tense mouth, bearing no resemblance to the sleeping girl of a few minutes ago.
“When I told you there was nothing else of importance, I meant it.” She now spoke with no trace of lightness in her voice, but instead with a hard, uncaring tone that made Alex flinch inwardly.
“Surely your family life held some importance?” he continued, unknowingly causing a great ache in her chest as she took in his words. “Where do they live?”
Diana’s voice was expressionless, but her face was bleak. “I don’t know where I was born, and no one else does either. I was found outside a small church in a cardboard box with a note pinned to a ratty old blanket I was wrapped in that said, ‘Her name is Diana.’ My last name was given to me by the local authorities. I was no doubt some poor girl’s bastard child,” her mouth twisted the words bitterly, “someone too young and poor to raise me herself. I’ve lost count of the foster-homes I’ve lived in, and never bothered making friends because I moved too much. The elementary and high schools mentioned in my file are the ones from which I graduated. I’ve been to five—or was it six? I can never remember.”
Alex’s face looked to be all angles as he listened to her monologue. His hand slowly crushed the slender blade of grass held in one hand and it dropped to the ground, mangled and forgotten. He said abruptly, “But you’ve made good in spite of your past. Bad memories can be overcome.”
Diana shifted restlessly and looked at him sharply. She enquired, “What bad memories?” His head snapped up and he met her gaze with narrowed eyes. She went on, hard and defiant, “I didn’t make good in spite of my past, I made it because of my past. I put myself through college and graduate school, no one else. The one thing I’ve always had is myself. I made me what I am today; I can always count on me to pull me through anything. I am my best provider. I clothe me and bathe my wounds and I put food on the table. As long as I have myself, I’ll never go hungry. End of story.”
Alex said quietly, “That’s not all there is to living, Diana.”
She raised her eyebrows. “That’s all there is to my life. I’m not missing anything.”
“That’s because you don’t know anything else!” He paused and continued more carefully. “There’s a whole new dimension of emotion that you have
yet to discover, a deeper and more—”
“An illusion,” she interrupted his sentence and he stared at her, incredulous at her statement. “It’s all an illusion, Alex. None of it is real or reliable. Rely on yourself only; in the end it’s all you’ll have. No—don’t bother.” It was all said harshly as she forestalled his attempt to speak. “Whatever you’re going to say, I don’t want to hear it. When I said that all I ever had was myself, I wasn’t complaining. That’s all I’ve ever needed.”
There was a quietness, a stillness that had nothing to do with the sounds of nature that surrounded them. Neither Alex nor Diana looked at each other. Then she said softly, “It’s been fun. I think it’s time we headed back, though.”
“To reality?” Alex was sarcastic, his face a mask.
“Of course.”
He was still for a moment before he finally nodded. They packed the things in the car and drove back. The trip was silent. Alex was intent on his driving, his eyebrows lowered in a frown and his mouth in a straight line. Diana was aloof, thinking her own thoughts and wearing her pride like an invisible mantle, sheltering herself from the outside world. The car pulled up to the kerb outside her apartment and she turned to thank him, but he was opening his door.
“I’m seeing you in,” he said tersely.
She shook her head. “There’s no need…” she began, but he interrupted her.
“I know you don’t need it,” the sarcasm was still evident in Alex’s voice and Diana stared at him. She had never heard that particular bitter note from him before. “But I never take someone home without seeing her inside, if you don’t mind.”
She shrugged and slid out of the car too. As they walked up the sidewalk, still with that charged silence from the trip home, she was aware of a violent emotion that emanated from Alex’s person. She was confused by it and she couldn’t identify with it. She walked warily with this unknown person. At the door, she reached in her pocket for her front door key, and inserted it into the lock. Alex turned the knob and pushed the door open, propelling her in with one hand at her back as he followed quickly. She began to protest in anger since she had had no intention of inviting him in, but he told her to shut up. They faced each other in the shadowed hallway.
A Deeper Dimension Page 9
