A flicker of something like fear washed across her features, which gave Andrew a pang of something rather like shame. He repressed it firmly. This was good. He was in control and Alice Palmer knew it.
‘What’s going on?’ he queried crisply. ‘And where am I needed?’
‘We’ve got major trauma from an MVA in Resus 1 and 2,’ Alice told him in exactly the same tone. ‘We need someone circulating for the moment.’
Circulating? Looking at minor cases in the cubicles when there was major trauma to deal with? Alice might have the responsibility of assigning priority to patients and deploying the department’s resources, but this felt remarkably like her trying to undermine his control.
‘Where are all the junior staff?’
‘One’s gone to CT with an unstable stroke patient. I’ve got two in the middle of dealing with an arterial laceration and the rest are tied up with the trauma cases. There’s a cardiac chest pain in Resus 3 that hasn’t been assessed yet.’
‘Peter?’
‘Resus 1.’
More staff were arriving. Specialists summoned to help deal with the car accident victims. Andrew recognised a cardio-thoracic surgeon and an anaesthetist pushing through the curtains of the first Resus area. In the gap they created, he could see the huge team of departmental staff surrounding the bed in there. They didn’t need another consultant.
An alarm sounded from an overhead monitor and Alice glanced up swiftly, touching a button to silence the alarm.
‘Resus 3,’ she said calmly. ‘VPBs.’
Her gaze caught Andrew’s and he nodded. The cardiac patient was unstable and his rhythm suggested that he could deteriorate at any time. Even as the thought formulated, the alarm sounded again.
‘VF. I’ll get the crash cart.’ Alice was already moving, turning her head only briefly to look towards the cubicle area. ‘Jo? Take over triage, would you, please?’
They arrived in the third Resus area at the same time but it was Alice who took the lead. She had the head of the bed flattened in less time than it took Andrew to step towards the bed. Then she raised her fist and thumped the middle-aged man in the centre of his chest.
A precordial thump. Sometimes, it was enough to jerk the heart into producing a viable rhythm again. Not this time. Andrew tilted the man’s head back to open his airway, pulling off the oxygen mask. He found a bag-mask being handed to him. How had Alice managed that at the same time as sticking the gel pads to the man’s chest?
‘Shock?’ she queried succinctly.
‘You do it,’ Andrew said. ‘Where’s the airway trolley?’
‘Right behind you. Stand clear.’ Alice had her finger poised over the button on the defibrillator as the sound of the machine gathering its charge changed to an alarm.
‘I’m clear.’ Andrew unrolled a sterile cloth that contained everything he would need to intubate the patient if necessary.
‘Shocking again at 360,’ Alice said. ‘Clear.’
‘I’m clear.’
A third stacked shock was delivered but there was no change to the fatal rhythm showing on the monitor. Andrew delivered another lungful of air with the bag mask, noting Alice’s perfect hand position as she started chest compressions.
‘Where’s the rest of the crash crew?’
‘Obviously busy.’ Alice kept pressing, one hand on top of the other. The sound of agonised groaning was coming from behind the curtain. He could also hear machinery being manoeuvred and orders being barked with the kind of urgency that advertised a struggle to save a life.
‘Twenty-five, twenty-six, twenty-seven…’ Alice counted aloud.
Andrew picked up the bag-mask again. He would be due to deliver another two breaths when she got to thirty.
‘I need someone else in here,’ he snapped.
Alice paused to let him deliver the oxygen. ‘This is where I work, Andrew.’ She might be slightly breathless but the tone was final enough. ‘Deal with it.’
It took the blink of an eye for Andrew to realise she’d misunderstood. ‘We need someone else in here,’ he said tightly. For goodness’ sake, how inappropriate was it to bring personal issues to this kind of scene? ‘I need IV access. Some adrenaline drawn up. I’ll want some assistance to intubate and I want uninterrupted CPR.’
Alice looked up. Her gaze was determined. Confident. ‘If we have to,’ she said calmly, ‘we’ll manage.’
And, somehow, they did.
Extra staff arrived five minutes later but they could only stand and watch. Their patient’s airway was secure. IV drugs had been administered and…best of all…a viable rhythm was showing on the monitor.
‘Good save,’ someone said.
Alice was still on the other side of the unconscious man. She had her fingers on the man’s wrist, checking the strength of his radial pulse. Again, she looked up and caught Andrew’s gaze and, this time, she held it for a fraction longer.
There was satisfaction in her eyes. Triumph, even. And more. Andrew could see the warm acknowledgement that this had been a team effort. Neither of them could have managed this without the other.
Her face was flushed from the stress and the effort of doing CPR. Some tiny curls had escaped the tight braid her hair was tied back in and one was stuck on her cheek. The dusting of freckles on her nose was like a faint splash of colour coming from the deep auburn of that wayward curl. And her eyes! Was it the triumph of a job well done that made those golden flecks shine against a background of dark hazel? Or were they catching the glow from lips that were lifting into a smile?
‘We did it,’ Alice said. ‘Well done us.’
Andrew could only nod. Returning the smile was too much of an ask when he was grappling with the horrible awareness that he found this woman attractive.
Very attractive.
As if she wasn’t causing enough of a problem in his life already, here he was, fighting a ridiculous urge to lean across and brush that curl back into place.
A movement from their patient mercifully doused the disturbing thought.
‘He’s lightening up.’
‘Spontaneous respiration,’ Alice noted.
Andrew considered sedation but the rhythm on the screen was steady now. Looking remarkably normal, in fact.
‘Let’s get that tube out,’ he decided. ‘And get the cardiologists to come and sort this chap out.’
With a bit of luck, he would be able to sort his own problems concerning Alice Palmer out with equal success. The fact that she was an undeniably attractive woman made no difference.
None at all.
So why did he seem to become increasingly aware of her as the day wore on? He noticed her deftly slipping an IV cannula into a patient’s arm as he walked past a cubicle. Saw her patiently supporting a very elderly woman as they moved very slowly towards the toilets. Got caught in the backwash of the smile she sent her friend, Jo, as they passed each other pushing wheelchairs.
It simply wouldn’t do.
Fortunately, the department became a lot quieter in the afternoon.
‘You needed to get away early, didn’t you?’ Peter queried. ‘To collect your daughter.’
‘I should stay on. I still feel bad about being so late in this morning.’
Peter smiled as he shook his head. ‘Hardly your fault the place was chaos. You did well managing that arrest on your own.’
‘I wasn’t entirely on my own.’
‘No.’ The head of department seemed to be giving him a curiously intent glance. ‘Alice is worth her weight in gold, isn’t she?’
Gold. Like those flecks in her eyes.
‘Indeed.’ Andrew’s tone was far more level than his state of mind in that instant.
His heart was sinking rapidly on two fronts. Not only had he failed to squash this unwanted awareness of Alice’s appearance but his boss seemed to be giving him a subtle warning that she was a valued staff member. Had he picked up vibes that they were finding it difficult to work together?
Had Alice s
aid something to him?
She happened to be behind the triage desk again, only a few steps from where Peter had paused to speak to Andrew and suggest he head home. He could have sworn she sensed his gaze when she looked up and her expression was slightly startled. A flush of colour touched her cheeks—as though she was also aware of his suspicion. As if his suspicion was justified.
Andrew took those few steps towards the desk as soon as his brief conversation with Peter was finished.
Alice threw a swift glance over her shoulder but there was no one within earshot. She raised her chin and met Andrew’s gaze squarely.
‘You have a problem?’
‘I think we might both have a problem,’ Andrew said very quietly. ‘Don’t you?’
‘I know I do,’ Alice retorted softly. ‘Being evicted from my home could certainly be considered a problem.’
‘The lease is due to expire. Renewing it is simply not an option.’
The upward quirk of her eyebrows suggested otherwise.
‘I need help with my property,’ Andrew said evenly, ‘and responsible care for my daughter. I don’t want staff living in my house and that makes the cottage you’re inhabiting essential for other purposes. It’s not personal,’ he added.
This time the eyebrows were joined by a wry twist of her mouth. ‘Sure.’
Andrew sighed. ‘Did you really think I was stating a personal preference when I said I needed someone else in that arrest scenario?’
Alice looked away. She focused on one of the telephones on the desk in front of her as though she expected it to ring. Or wanted it to.
‘You’ve made it obvious that you aren’t exactly thrilled to be working with me,’ she said finally. ‘You still believe I took those drugs, don’t you?’
‘I never said that.’ The words came out more fiercely than intended. ‘Did I?’
She was silent for a long moment. When she spoke again, her voice was so low that Andrew had to duck his head to catch the words.
‘You said you couldn’t trust me.’
He had said that. As a departmental head with the responsibilities of many others to consider it was the stance he’d been forced to adopt. He couldn’t have afforded to trust her at that point in time, no matter what his heart might have told him.
And maybe he still couldn’t. He wanted to, but she had the power to undermine his desperate wish to start again. To build a new life. Something that was too precious to risk.
Alice had looked up again. There was a challenge in her face. And…and hope, dammit! This was his chance to undo the wrong he had done. He could restore a pride that she had every right to have in herself. All he had to do was deny his mistrust.
He opened his mouth to do exactly that but there was a heartbeat’s worth of hesitation before any sound emerged. Just long enough to recognise that yes, the mistrust was still there, but it was personal and not professional and he could therefore answer her with conviction.
But the damage had been done in that tiny fraction of time. He saw the way that hope died in her eyes. The way she turned away, holding up her hand to stop him saying anything.
‘Don’t bother,’ she snapped. ‘I really don’t want to hear it.’ Her back straightened noticeably. ‘We both work here and we’ll both have to deal with it. Let’s keep it professional, shall we, and leave anything personal in the past.’
That suited Andrew admirably. ‘Sure.’
‘If you have any issues with my performance as a nurse in this department, feel free to discuss them with me. Or you can refer them directly to Peter.’
‘I don’t expect to have any issues.’
‘Good.’ Alice was reaching for the phone that was now ringing. ‘Neither do I.’
Had she really expected him to pat her on the back and say that of course he didn’t believe she had stolen restricted drugs? That he trusted her? Why had she even entertained such a hope? Because they had worked so well together on that arrest case? He was good at his job. So was she. Being able to work as a competent team should have nothing to do with how they felt about each other on a personal level.
She was the one who’d been unprofessional and made it personal. Extra staff were certainly called for to deal with a cardiac arrest but she’d misunderstood. Not only that, she’d attacked as a form of defence. Remembering her tone of voice was enough to make Alice cringe even now, when she’d been at home for long enough to exercise and feed her pets and unwind from her day. Had she sealed her own fate by reminding Andrew of the past like that? Especially then?
The scene had not been dissimilar to what had happened just prior to the final straw regarding her employment under Andrew’s watch. There’d been a big pile-up on the motorway and Emergency had been stretched to the limits of everyone’s abilities. The cardiac arrest had had no chance of being successfully managed when it had been due to such major chest injuries, but she’d been the one working alongside Andrew.
Just how that ampoule of morphine had got into the pocket of her tunic was still a mystery. Or why Andrew had chosen that day to ask her to empty her pockets. On top of the history of drugs going missing on her shifts and the empty ampoules found in her locker, it had spelt the end. Maybe someone else could have planted the empty ampoules, but why would they have put one in Alice’s pocket that day? The weight of evidence had been too heavy, despite tearful denial on her part.
Right now, when she was at home and in a place that had always put anything negative into perspective, Alice had the horrible sensation that a ticking clock had replaced her heartbeat for the purpose of reminding her that this refuge was temporary. That any hope of remaining here was in the hands of a man she had just reminded why he couldn’t bring himself to trust her.
Positive thinking could only go so far to counteract feeling powerless.
Vulnerable.
It wasn’t nearly far enough.
Alice went through her usual routine, but her actions were so mechanical she forgot the little extras like having music on while she cooked the dinner or lighting a scented candle to enjoy while having her bath. She even forgot the cup of tea she always made when she turned on the computer to check her email before going to bed.
The message from her old friend in London was a welcome surprise in her inbox. A bit of moral support from someone who would understand was exactly what she needed. Alice double-clicked to bring the email to full screen size.
‘Good to hear from you at long last,’ Pam had written. And then, after expressing sympathy for the process of finally dealing with her grandmother’s estate. ‘I’m gobsmacked to hear that Randy Andy has turned up in your neck of the woods!’
The nickname grated. It always had. Sure, Andrew had had a reputation with women, but it hadn’t taken long for Alice to realise that it was the women who did the running and that they never got as far as they wanted with the eligible young doctor. Except for Melissa, of course—the vivacious blonde who’d been assigned to showing Alice the ropes in her new job.
‘Forget it,’ she’d smiled, after introducing the newcomer to the head of department. ‘He’s mine.’
‘He is,’ Pam had confirmed as her friendship with Alice blossomed. ‘Or he will be. You just watch.’
Alice had watched with disbelief that a man as intelligent as Andrew could have fallen for the campaign. Could he not see that Melissa was more interested in him as a status symbol and guarantee of a secure future? Surely he would see through it. And then he’d see that another woman might be able to offer something a lot more meaningful.
It had been hard to give up the wish that she could be that other woman. Even when Andrew had done absolutely nothing to suggest he would be anything other than faithful to the woman he was in a relationship with. She’d been invited to the wedding six months later, where Melissa’s smile had only hinted at triumph and the gorgeous dress made sure that no signs of her pregnancy were showing.
‘Mind you,’ Pam’s email continued, ‘I’m not surprised tha
t he went as far away as possible. I was with you on those rumours after Mel kept turning up with those injuries like the broken wrist and the bruises but now I just don’t know what to think. It added up to a pretty nasty picture when the file got pulled in for that last admission.’
So Pam had been there. Alice’s lips were parted as she leaned forward a little, reading on swiftly. The gap between her lips grew wider as the unfolding story made her jaw drop.
‘She’d fallen down this set of concrete steps,’ Pam reported. ‘Awful head injuries. She got taken to Theatre but never regained consciousness. She was in ICU on a ventilator for weeks and it was all anyone could talk about. The police were involved and what with the evidence in her file right from the start of that marriage there were noises about charges being laid. One of the porters overheard a cop saying that there was a suggestion that Mel had been pushed rather than fallen down those steps.’
Alice’s breath came out in a gasp.
No!
She hadn’t only watched Melissa in action stalking her intended husband over those months. She’d watched Andrew as well. Had worked with him. Had seen and heard enough to know exactly why Melissa and so many others thought of him as a prize. It wasn’t just his looks, though, heaven knew, they were enough. The man was an exceptionally talented doctor without being arrogant about it. He had been generous with his time and knowledge.
And he was gentle. The quality that had captured Alice more than any other. She had seen him use split second initiative, skill and strength to do something like cracking a chest or relocating a dislocated shoulder, but she’d also seen him take the time to do procedures as painlessly as possible. Even if he was over-committed and especially if the patient was a child. She’d seen him reassure a frightened person with words or a touch or…that smile. The one that made the lines deepen around those incredibly blue eyes. That made his face soften and change so you just knew how absolutely sincere it was. The smile that had made Alice realise she had—unintentionally—fallen in love with him herself.
She hadn’t seen quite that smile since his reappearance in her life but she’d seen that his manner with patients hadn’t changed. She’d seen the bond he had with his daughter. There was simply no way she could ever believe he had deliberately pushed his wife down a set of steps. It was…outrageous.
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