by Lauren Helms
"He slept there, on the couch last night. They wouldn't let him stay the first night, but he wouldn’t leave the waiting room. Finally, they let him stay here in your room. Your dad had to tell the nurses it was alright since he isn’t family," Ruby adds, brightly.
Again, I find myself overwhelmed with information to process. Dex has been here the whole time, by my side.
"So…so where is he now?" I ask, realizing that if he'd been here the whole time, why haven't I seen him yet? What if he was only here because he wanted to make sure I was ok but didn't really want to talk to me? Now that I was ok, he could go home. Move on.
Nerves start to build in my stomach, and I try to adjust my body, but all I can feel is pain and nausea. I push the red button. Within seconds, I start to feel the pain fade away into more numbness.
"He's eating," Ruby happily says. Like the thought of him enjoying a meal excites her.
Gia can read the confusion on my face, rolls her eyes at Ruby and adds "She means that he isn't here right now because we forced him to leave the hospital to get a real meal. I don't think he has slept or eaten since we've been here. It took several of us, but we were finally able to force him to go home, take a shower, because, oh my God, he smelled bad. Then, the guys and Bernie took him to get something to eat. The only way he agreed to do it was if we promised to stay by your side until he got back." She says this with a hint of annoyance.
"After I called your dad, I texted Bernie. They had just sat down to eat. She was going to wait till he ate before she told him. If he had found out you were awake, there is no way he would have eaten, and he probably wouldn’t have left your side again," Ruby adds with a chuckle.
"He has been a major pain in the ass. I bet you anything Bernie gets her head chewed off when he finds out she waited to tell him you woke up,” Gia offers bluntly.
But then, with all trace of annoyance gone from her voice, "That boy loves you, Morgan."
Ruby, with a slight bounce in her posture, nods enthusiastically.
Warmth floods my body, and not from the pain meds this time. Does this mean that after all of this heartbreak, confusion and pain, I might get what I've always wanted…a happy ending?
Chapter Thirty-seven
Morgan
Ruby and Gia keep me company for a while with idle chit-chat. Ruby pulls a comb out of her purse and works on the rat’s nest that is my hair. She also has fuzzy socks, PJ’s and a brand-new toothbrush and toothpaste for me, too. My nurse says I can change out of the hideous gown tomorrow, once they unhook me from all of these machines. To my utter embarrassment, they still have me hooked up to a catheter.
When my father shows up, the doctor walks in shortly after that. Ruby and Gia excuse themselves while we talk with Dr. Davis. We talk about my healing time and when I can go back to work. I'll be on medical leave for a few weeks, but I have decent insurance through work.
It's really hard to focus on what Dad and the doctor are saying because I keep willing that door to swing open and for Dex to come through it, but it doesn't happen despite how hard I push my nonexistent mind control.
My mind snaps back to the present conversation when I hear my dad tell Dr. Davis that I will be moving back home with him for the three weeks of recovery time the doctor says I’ll need. I’m sorry, what? There is no way I’m going to go home with him. He’ll be at work the whole time anyway! Why does he think he gets a say in this?
“I’m not going home to Indy for three weeks, Dad. I’m staying here. I live here.” I say defiantly. Both he and the doctor swing their gazes to me as if they forgot I was here. The patient that they’ve been talking about for the past twenty minutes.
Dad pulls his bottom lip into his teeth as he looks over at me. “Morgan, kiddo, you will need extensive help recuperating. I can’t be away from work for too long. So, you will have to come home so I can check in on you throughout the day, or work from home.” He is talking to me like I’m a five-year-old about ready to lose my shit over not getting to do what I want.
“Uh, no. Gia and Ruby will help me and plus, they will be around more than you would once you go back to work. Also, like I said, I live here.” I protest. Ok, I may not be five, but I am about to lose my shit.
He laughs uncomfortably, “Morgan, let's be reasonable here. Gia and Ruby don’t need to take on this burden. They are both great girls and very responsible but it’s a lot of work to put on them. I’m your father and I’ll take care of you,” he crosses his arms over his chest.
I start to open my mouth to fight back, but Dr. Davis clears her throat. “For the record, I really think Morgan will bounce back fairly quickly from this. I think after a week she will be able to do a lot for herself. I’ve talked with Gia and Ruby quite a bit over the past few days and find them both perfectly capable of helping Morgan in the areas she will need help with the most. But, I will let the two of you discuss this in private. I will be back later to check in.”
Yeah, she’s right, there is no way I’m gonna let my dad help me shower or go to the bathroom. Or shave, or help me get dressed. What the hell is he thinking? I shoot her a grateful look as Dad thanks her.
We both look at each other for several seconds after the door closes behind the doctor. I take a deep breath before I speak.
“Dad, I appreciate that you want to help. But, let's face it, there is no way you are going to have time to help me over the next three weeks. I live with Gia, and Ruby is practically a second roommate. Gia works from home. It will be easier for all involved if they are the ones helping me out.”
He hangs his head and sighs. He sits down in the chair next to where he was standing and leans his forearms on his knees. Looking up at me, I see tired eyes full of unshed tears.
His voice is hoarse when he says, “I know, kiddo. I’ve just been so worried the past few days that I jumped the gun. I’ve been a horrible father since your mom died. I was afraid that I wasn’t going to get the chance to say I’m sorry. I was afraid…I was going to lose you too.” A lone tear starts to drop out of his eye, but he reaches up and wipes it away.
Unfortunately for me, I can’t catch the tears that silently start to fall from my eyes.
“Dad, you haven’t been horrible. Just preoccupied.” I want to ease his guilt, even though I’ve been hoping for years that he would realize what was going on.
“No, I was running away and that wasn’t fair to you. I was heartbroken and scared. You are so much like your mom, that it made it harder for me to be home. But that was a terrible excuse, and I’m ashamed of myself. You needed your father more than anything after she died, and I failed,” he says choking up over his words.
“Daddy,” I croak, “stop crying, please. You did what you had to do to deal with Mom’s death. Maybe it wasn’t the right thing to do, but everything turned out ok. I’m ok. We are ok.”
I don’t remember the last time I called him Daddy. Once we started to grow apart after Mom died, it just didn’t feel right. It felt childish, and he didn’t want a child, he wanted a daughter who was old enough to take care of herself.
He reaches over and grabs my hand, “Morgan, I love you so much. I’m so sorry. I know you are all grown up and have your own life, but I want to do better. I will be better. Work has never and will never be as important as you are, and I’m sorry if I ever made you feel that it was. I’m sorry if I made you feel that anything was more important than you,” he says as he wipes more tears away from his eyes.
He just said the words I’ve longed to hear for so many years.
“I love you too, and I forgive you,” I assure him with a squeeze of his hand and a smile. He chuckles but I can see the tension leaving him as he hears my words. “Ok, kiddo,” he returns with his own smile.
“So, are you selling the house?” I ask, but after that heavy conversation, I keep my voice light. I’ve let my issue with him selling the house go.
“Are you going to fight me on it?” he asks with slight trepidation in his voice.
He straightens in his seat. “I’m glad to hear you say that. I’ve just been spending a lot of time lately thinking about where I am in life. I’ve decided I want to do more than just work. But when I’m home, all I think about is the past. I talked to a realtor and she said with a few do-it-yourself projects, the house will be ready and will be easy to sell.” He takes a breath, “At first I laughed it off, there was no way I was going to sell the house. But I started to dwell on the idea and… it seems like a step in the right direction.”
I understand where he is coming from. I nod, “I would have been more understanding of the whole thing if you would have said all that in the first place, Dad.” I give him a teasing smile. “I don’t live there anymore; my life is here. The thought of you selling the house I grew up in makes me sad. I will always think of it as home. It was where Mom was. But, you are the one who has to live there, so I get that it’s hard.”
He leans over and kisses my forehead. “I love you so much.” I smile up at him. This is the Dad I remember. This is the Dad I’ve missed for all these years. It almost makes me break down in happy tears, but I need to rein in the emotion.
He clears his throat; it is almost like he is mentally preparing himself for what he is about to say. “Since you took that so well, there’s something else I wanted to tell you.”
I blink at him.
He hesitates, “Uh, I’ve…I’ve met someone.”
I start to laugh. Again, these emotions are all over the place. “Dad, that’s great! Tell me about her.”
He just stares at me, dumbfounded.
“Dad? Tell me about her,” I repeat, smiling at him.
He quickly shakes his head, “Oh, right. Well, she is the realtor that came and looked at the house. I met her through a friend, and she wanted to look at the house. After she came by, I didn’t see her again. When I called her weeks later to tell her I changed my mind about the house, we went out for lunch to talk about it. Then it kind of went on from there.” He stops for a moment, presumably to give me time to process, but I just keep smiling. Then he continues, “She is really great and hasn’t once pushed me about the house. I’ve talked to her a lot about you and your Mom and the house. She is very understanding. She really makes me happy. And she calls me on my bullshit about working too much… and she really wants to meet you.”
My smile widens. My mom hated it when my Dad worked too much, so I’m pleased to hear there is someone hassling him again. “She sounds great, Dad. Does she have a name?”
He laughs, “Yes! Her name is Anna.” He lets out a sigh of relief. “I hope you can meet her soon.”
I nod, “Is she here with you?” I really do want to meet her, but I’m surprised that neither Gia nor Ruby mentioned a woman with my Dad.
His face sobers, “No, I asked her not come. She was actually going to drive up the other day, but once I knew you were going to be OK, I figured you wouldn’t be up for meeting your Dad’s new girlfriend. I told her to stay.”
Feigning shock, I say, “So this thing is serious then? You just referred to Anna as your girlfriend.”
He laughs, “Yes, kiddo. It’s serious.” And pats my hand.
We go back to talking about recovery and we both decide that I don’t need to go back home with him. He agrees that Gia helping me is the best decision. But he insists that he will stay in Chicago for a few days after I’m released from the hospital. He also asks that, if I feel up to it, in a couple weeks he and Anna will come and visit me again to see how I’m doing.
My body has gone through absolute hell but I’m finally in a good place with my Dad. It makes me feel incredibly light and happy. I might have broken bones, but I'm not actually broken. I will heal and be whole again.
Chapter Thirty-eight
Morgan
Shortly after the heart-to-heart with my dad, I find myself alone. If I think about what I've been told, it's the first time I've been truly alone since I was admitted to the hospital. I stare out the window and watch the sun get lower in the sky. It's just past 6:00 p.m., and the sun is already setting over the beautiful Chicago skyline.
There is a gentle knock at the door, which startles me.
"Come in," I say. It feels strange saying that from a hospital bed.
The door opens and finally, after what seems like forever, Dex walks in. I feel the smile grow on my face as I take him in. While I can tell he hasn't slept in days, he still looks handsome with the days-old scruff on his face. I find his eyes and they are full of relief, but then I realize that he isn't coming any closer. He stops just shy of the foot of my bed. If I could, I would crawl out of this bed this instant and go to him. I want to feel him wrapped around my body so badly it hurts more than any physical pain.
He pulls in a deep breath and then releases it. He almost looks conflicted. My smile falls, and anxiety flutters in my belly. Something is wrong.
"Hey," he finally says.
"Hi."
"You have no idea how happy I am to see you awake, Morgan."
"Yeah, sorry it took me so long."
His face softens at that, but he still doesn't smile.
I don't know what to do or say. Only seconds ago, I wanted to be engulfed in him. For the last hour, all I could think about was how I was going to tell him the truth and hope for the best, but now I'm speechless.
"I'm sorry, Morgan," he says with a grimace.
Tears start to fill my eyes. "For what?" I ask sounding stronger than I feel.
"For not being there with you. For making you come to me in the first place. I should have been at your door fighting for you since the night we broke up." He grips the railing at the foot of my bed. "If I had fought for us, then the past month without you wouldn't have been hell to get through. If I had fought for us, then I wouldn't have spent the last three days sick to my stomach and scared to death that I wasn't going to see or talk to the love of my life ever again." His knuckles are white, and his eyes are red-rimmed.
Tears stream down my face at his admission.
"Morgan, I'm so, so sorry," The words come out in a choked whisper.
"Why are you so far away?"
"What?"
"All I've wanted since you walked out of my apartment, was you. All I could think about was you and how I just wanted to be close to you again, to touch you. For the past week, I’ve been ready to get you back. And now you're here, right in front of me, yet you're so far away."
He moves quickly, then, and he is beside me now, with his hands on each side of my face looking down at me. I can see now that the red-rimmed eyes are from unshed tears and not just exhaustion.
"Morgan, I love you so much. So much. I can't lose you, again."
"I love you too, Dex." The relief that floods through his entire body is palpable. I can feel his tension dissipate. "And you won't; not ever again. I'm yours forever."
He crushes his lips to mine. My face is already wet from tears, and the kiss isn’t sweet and romantic. At that moment, it feels like a kiss of life or death. It is carnal and harsh. I will never forget this kiss.
I reach my hands to his arms because I need to touch him, to feel him, but I'm greeted with a sharp, stabbing pain through my body, and I let out a cry.
He breaks the kiss and pulls away. "Shit, Morgan, I'm sorry. Where does it hurt? Are you ok? Do I need to call for a nurse?" he asks through panicked concern as he searches my face then body for the source of the pain.
"No, it's my ribs. I forgot that it hurts to move." I try to laugh it off, but it hurts really, really bad.
He shoves a hand through his perfectly messy hair in worry.
"That kiss was so worth it though. I've missed kissing you." I smile up at him through the pain.
He smiles and leans his head down so his forehead is touching mine and says, "I'm never going to stop kissing you, babe."
Epilogue
Morgan
Three weeks
later
"I swear, Morgan, I just can't get into New Girl," Gia says with a sigh.
"You haven't given it enough time yet. Some people don't like it at first, but it really grows on you. Schmidt is hilarious. Please give it another chance."
"Fine, only if you give Breaking Bad another chance. God, that show is pure genius."
"Deal." I say with a smile, as I un-pause the New Girl episode I was watching when Gia decided to join me.
I have been out of work for the two weeks since I was released from the hospital. During the day, when I was by myself I was reading, but when I wasn't by myself, I was binge-watching Netflix with Ruby and Gia or cuddling in bed with Dex.
Dex and I have been spending a lot more time together since the accident. Our relationship feels different now. It feels more real, and the intensity of the relationship isn't scary like it had been before. Maybe it's because at any given moment you can lose everything. It makes living life all the more important. I had made the decision to get Dex back, but after everything that happened on my way to his apartment, there was no turning back. I was all in. I wanted to live every day to the fullest, and I wanted to do that with Dex by my side. Fortunately, he felt the same way.
It was actually kinda funny that first week out of the hospital. Dex took a week off from practice and pretty much moved into our apartment. This drove Gia nuts because she felt she was the one who needed to be on "Morgan duty." Needless to say, there was a little bit of head-butting between the two of them. To my surprise, though, it all stopped when Simon started coming over. There was almost always more than three people in our tiny apartment that first week, but Simon started showing up during the day and sat in the living room…with Gia. They didn't do much talking. They’d be on their laptops or watch TV, but they seemed to be content in each other's company.
When we were holed up back in my room, Dex and I tried to figure the two of them out, but neither of them wanted to share much detail about their past. From what we put together, they had been good friends, probably more. Then when Gia’s family suddenly moved, she left the friendship behind and never contacted Simon again. The fact that they could sit in the same room, even on the same couch for hours at a time without talking, and seem content, was impressive.
