I put the phone down. I needed to stop torturing myself. I’d come a long way to keep Blake safely out of my life. Further than I ever thought I’d come. Now I was on a high-speed train moving backwards, letting the addictive, potent moments I’d shared with Blake take hold again.
I checked the clock. Time to make my daily attempt at a meal. What I really wanted was an adult beverage, but that would have to wait. I moseyed down to Mocha and looked over a menu at a table in the corner.
“Hey, woman.”
Simone slid into the chair opposite me.
“Hey,” I said.
“What’s new?”
“Oh, you know. Same old stuff. Work is busy.”
“Yeah? How’s investor guy?” She pursed her lips and propped her chin up on her hand. She looked like she was in the mood to gossip. This worried me, because I wasn’t.
“He’s fine.”
“And how’s James? Still in love with you, I imagine.”
“I’m not sure that’s what I’d call it.”
“In lust?” Her eyebrows shot up, as if that wasn’t entirely a bad thing either.
“No, it’s not like that. He’s a good guy. I don’t know. There’s definitely an attraction there.”
“Are you thinking about ditching investor guy for him?”
I shook my head. “I’m not with Blake anymore, but no, I’m not ready to be with anyone else. I like being friends with James, but I also feel like I’m not being fair to him because I know he wants more. Does that make me a bitch?”
She shrugged. “He’s a big boy. If you consider him a friend, I’m pretty sure he picked up on the fact that you’re probably not ready for another relationship. If he wants to push the issue and risk being rejected, that’s on him.”
I sighed. “Maybe you’re right. I just don’t want this to blow up in my face one day.”
“There’s always that chance when you let relationships blossom at work.”
“I know. I get it, but I feel like it’s too late for that now, you know? I can’t just tell him that we can’t be friends anymore without causing a lot of tension.”
“Sounds like you’ve already got enough tension.”
I groaned. “I know. Jesus, what a mess.”
“Well don’t break his heart too badly because when you drop him, I’m coming in with a vengeance.”
I laughed. “Why wait? Do me a favor and deflect some of this off of me.”
“Believe it or not, Erica, I consider you a friend, and I’m not about to voluntarily engage in a love triangle with you.”
“That should be easy because I’m not in love with James. I don’t expect I ever will be.”
“What if he loves you though?”
I shook my head. “That’s impossible.” We’d only known each other a few weeks. Plus, he worked for me. Then again, Blake and I had known each other only a few weeks before I was already head over heels for him. But James and I weren’t sleeping together. Nothing was nearly as intense as my relationship with Blake in the beginning. I’d fought so hard to stay away, only to find myself back in his arms, happier than I’d ever been. Our happiness had been too brief.
“What are you thinking about?”
I frowned. “Why?”
“Because you just got all dreamy. I have to know, who were you thinking about just then?”
“I was thinking about Blake actually.”
She smiled. “Well, there you go.”
I stared back at Simone. She was like a wise Sufi in her own right.
I rubbed out my frown. “I wish it were that simple. I really do.”
“Well, don’t fret, okay? You’ll figure things out. I don’t know what to tell you about Blake, but when it comes to James, be honest with him. That’s all you can really do.”
“I know. You’re right.”
“Let me get you something to eat before you waste away on me.”
“Sure.” I grabbed a menu and hoped something would catch my eye.
* * *
James popped in at the end of the day, his smile a welcome sight.
“Hey, I’m hitting the gym after work tomorrow. Do you want to come with me?”
I laughed a little. “Are you trying to tell me something?”
His eyes got wide for a second. “Definitely not. You have an amazing body. But I thought you might want to blow off some steam. That usually helps me when I’m stressed out.”
My face heated at the compliment. He needed to stop saying things like that. I should have told him, but I didn’t.
“Are you stressed out?”
“I don’t know. Maybe.” He shifted his weight a little, as if the question made him uncomfortable.
I tried to ignore the little voice saying that was probably my fault.
“What do you say?” He abruptly interrupted my little voice.
“You’re determined to cure me of my malaise, aren't you?”
He grinned. “Yes. I like happy Erica. I also like drunk Erica. We should go out for drinks again sometime.”
My thoughts went back to that night at the bar, when he couldn’t keep his hands or his eyes off of me. “Let’s stick with the gym.”
“Cool.”
I hadn’t been to the gym in a while. A little part of me wanted to bow out when the time came the next day. The fatigue alone was enough of a deterrent, but James was right. I needed an outlet. Maybe I’d wear myself out enough to get some decent sleep for a change. We decided on a place down the street where he’d just picked up a membership.
James showed me around and went to hit the weights. I found an empty treadmill and set what I thought was an aggressive program. I wanted to sweat and burn, see if I had enough mental strength to physically run myself into the ground. Maybe I could crush out the last of this pain. I put in my ear buds and pushed myself into a rhythm, almost eager for the challenge ahead.
I vaguely noticed someone step onto the machine next to me. I stayed focused on the music and my pace until my headphone was yanked out. I nearly lost my footing. Blake stood next to me. My breath caught at the sight of him. I thought we’d have more time apart before I had to face him again.
“What are you doing here?”
“I work out here. Wanna race?”
He smiled, reminding me of the playful, teasing lover I used to wake up to every morning. He also reminded me of all the orgasms I wasn’t having since we’d broken up, except for that one delightful slip up.
“That hardly seems fair.”
“Maybe not. I’m a little out of shape though. My endurance isn’t what it usually is.”
His meaning was obvious. If his endurance had taken a hit, mine had been pulverized. He was always in incredible shape, a well oiled machine, lean and powerful.
I rolled my eyes, wishing he’d leave me alone, but knowing that wasn’t his style.
“I thought you liked to be challenged?”
Without waiting for my response, which would have contained some choice words, he leaned over to change my settings to match his. My comfortable incline soon increased until we were both in a full sprint. I wanted to dish out some trash talk but saved my breath for the run that I felt certain would be testing me shortly.
What the hell was I thinking? I hadn’t exercised outside of the bedroom or a yoga studio in months. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d slept through the night. I was running on fumes. My lungs burned and my muscles ached as I struggled to keep up speed. Only sheer pride kept me from admitting defeat. I couldn’t give him the satisfaction, even now, when it hardly mattered.
Several minutes later, I was silently praying for relief, unsure how much farther my legs would take me on the mile sprint Blake had committed our machines to. Drenched and drained beyond recognition, I finally slowed to a walk.
Blake hopped off his machine and leaned casually on the railing behind us. I could barely stand, let alone walk. Somehow I kept my legs under me and disembarked, wondering how I was going to drag my s
orry ass home in this condition.
“How are your legs?”
He gave me a smirk that made me want to slap it off his beautiful face.
“Fuck you,” I managed between the jagged breaths. I took a long swig of my water. Our little jaunt clearly hadn’t had nearly the same effect on him. He barely looked winded.
“Gladly, but you seem a little wiped out. Hope you didn’t have any plans for later.”
He lifted the bottom of his T-shirt to wipe the light sheen of sweat from his forehead, blatantly showcasing his abs. They looked as good as ever. He wasn’t exactly letting himself go.
“Hey.” James walked up to us, his chest puffed out at the sight of Blake.
Blake gave him the kind of look he reserved for other unfortunate men who had made the mistake of getting too close to me. Pure disdain, as if James’s mere existence offended him. This wasn’t good on any level. As much as I insisted that James and I weren’t sleeping together, Blake had an uncanny propensity for finding us in the same place at the same time.
“You done?” I said to James, hoping to break the stare down between them.
“Yeah, ready when you are.” James’s eyes didn’t move.
“I’ll see you later, Blake.”
I gave James a gentle push on his chest, prompting him to turn and follow me out. When I looked back, I caught Blake’s tense expression, his hands fisting tightly around the railing.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Friday was the day I was going to meet with Daniel’s campaign people. I chose a chocolate brown scoop neck dress that flowed loose at the hemline. I paired it with a thin belt and my nude heels. The look was sophisticated and more in line with who I was professionally rather than who I was auditioning to be. I refused to wear a suit at this pretend interview for a job I didn’t even want.
The governor’s election was still a couple months off, but people buzzed around the headquarters office as if today were the big day. Campaign signs filled every window. Paperwork was everywhere, scattered on people’s desks and piled up on every available surface. A dozen or so people were on the phone talking, their voices mingling into one unintelligible audio blur.
Young men and women my age passed by me, moving across the office as if they were coordinating the moon landing or something. The perpetual sense of urgency put me on edge.
I stood there somewhat stupidly, taking it all in, when a tall young man emerged from one of the few enclosed offices and walked toward me.
“Erica?”
“Yes.”
“I’m Will, the assistant campaign manager. Come on back and we can talk.”
We stepped into his office. The room was windowed on two sides. He shut the door and all the noise of the main room with it. I relaxed, immediately relieved by the separation. Thank goodness I didn’t have this reaction to our office. Even Blake’s office, which had two or three times more people, didn’t feel this hectic.
Will sat down at his desk and shuffled through some papers. He was probably in his mid-thirties. Attractive with dark blond hair that seemed slightly shaggy and overgrown, he looked like a more mature version of the interns and volunteers out on the floor. His eyes were slightly glossy and he radiated a kind of energy that I knew from personal experience came from copious amounts of caffeine and minimal sleep.
“So thanks for coming in. I understand that you know Mr. Fitzgerald already?”
“Yes.” The word came out awkwardly. We sure knew each other, but Daniel hadn’t prepped me on how we were supposed to know each other officially. “We have some mutual business connections.” I hoped that was vague enough to discourage any further prodding on the subject.
“That’s always good. I’m assuming you are up to speed with the position’s requirements?”
“I am, but I’d love to hear your take on what exactly you’re looking for.”
We spent the next ten minutes discussing the structure of their marketing efforts, shortcomings, and concerns, and how they were hoping to improve. I listened intently, taking notes to fill in the gaps from the documents Daniel had given me.
“I’m probably not supposed to mention this in an interview, but we don’t have a lot of time to dance around things here. Mr. Fitzgerald seems especially eager to find a way to work with you. I’m guessing you feel the same way?”
Wow, was that ever a loaded question. I clicked my pen. The stubborn part of me wanted to scream out, No! Instead, I smiled politely and withdrew a thick document from my bag. The size of it rivaled the marketing plan that Daniel had given me the week prior.
I dropped it on his desk. “Will, I have a proposal for you.”
* * *
The meeting with Will went well, but I wasn’t sure how or when Daniel would react to what I’d proposed. I had a feeling he wouldn’t be too pleased, even though I’d laid out a plan that made perfect sense for everyone involved. He’d likely see it as another attempt to negotiate the hard line he’d drawn. I’d still try to convince him all the same. I had to.
Mark was dead, but as long as Blake was safe, I was going to fight Daniel on this. Because the kind of life he had planned for me wasn’t much of a life at all, as far as I was concerned. At least for now, I was willing to face the repercussions of standing up to him and hope for the best.
Letting someone else run my life went so far against the grain of who I was as a person. I was growing weary of Daniel’s attempts to coerce me with violence and fear. In the long run, no one could possibly win. Any talent he expected to extort out of me would be swiftly crushed if I followed him blindly into this new life.
I pushed the apprehension out of my mind. Daniel would let me know his thoughts on the matter sooner or later. I wouldn’t worry about it in the meantime.
Back at the office, I was talking with Chris and Sid when something caught my eye out the window. Blake’s Tesla had zoomed up to the curb. My heart leaped. Even without seeing him in the flesh, the terrible ache that haunted me resurfaced. The ache was quickly replaced with a fiery rage as I watched him help Risa out of the car. She was smiling and laughing, her hand flat on his chest.
Oh hell no. I found my legs and rushed downstairs, meeting them a few seconds later.
“Erica, hi.” Risa froze, a white-knuckle grip on her purse.
I quickly assessed her, desperate to find a hair out of place, some indication of what had gone on during her overlong lunch hour. I continued to stare, imploring her to feed me an excuse.
“Um, Blake wanted to go over some of the new marketing numbers with me. So we decided to grab lunch.”
“Did he?”
She nodded anxiously. I stared at her a moment longer. I couldn’t stomach even the loose vision my imagination was stringing together right now.
Blake going behind my back to get information about the business was one thing. Coercing Risa into bed, with presumably very little effort, was another matter entirely.
“I should go up and get back to work,” she said.
“You should.”
I turned my focus to Blake, whose face twitched with the slightest of satisfied smirks. He circled the vehicle and slipped into the driver’s side before I could say anything. He zoomed off as quickly as he’d arrived, while I stood there trying to figure out his angle.
Risa had long disappeared into the building by the time I walked back in. I was hoping to buy myself some more time. My mind was spinning with the things I wanted to say to her. Trying to separate professional from unprofessional might have been a lost cause at this point. James met me on the landing, looking concerned.
“What’s going on?”
“Blake just dropped Risa off from a ‘business lunch.’”
“Okay, so what?”
“First of all, he has no right to meet with my employees behind my back, and secondly, I could tell right away that the meeting was anything but innocent. First I had to tell her to leave you alone and now she appears to have set her sights on Blake. She’s fucking r
elentless. The nerve that he has, showing up like this.” I was talking fast, not taking much care with what I was saying. “No part of that is going to fly. There are plenty of other people out there. He can stay out of my office.”
Risa sure knew how to get what she wanted. That was all fine and well until now. Blake knew better. I paced back and forth over the landing. He wouldn’t get away with this.
“You go on in. I’ll be back in a little bit.” I turned to go back down.
Before I could make the first step, James caught my elbow and spun me toward him.
“Where are you going?”
“I’m going to give him a piece of my mind.”
“Why don’t you wait a while and cool down. You’re taking this too personally.”
“No, I’m not. This is totally unacceptable.”
“Why are you letting him get under your skin?” He frowned, seeming genuinely irritated.
I didn’t care. I was furious. “I’m not letting him screw my employees, okay? I don’t think that’s him getting under my skin.”
He took a step forward, bringing our bodies dangerously close. I tore my gaze away from his penetrating eyes. I focused on the wall behind him, trying not to think about how he made me feel when he was this close.
“You have no idea if he’s screwing her or even pursuing her.” His voice was low and matter-of-fact. “But you can’t stay away.”
I shut my eyes tight and prayed for strength to get through this moment and the rest of the day without losing my mind.
“Erica.”
“What?” I kept my gaze low, unable to face him. I couldn’t give him what he needed. I was barely surviving in the aftermath of my break up with Blake. I had no heart left to give to someone else.
“Will you hear me out, first, before you go running to him?”
I bristled slightly at the way he said that. I didn’t like how it sounded at all. “What do you have to say?”
His expression softened slightly, as if he sensed my irritation.
“I know this is complicated. You and me. But as much as you want to ignore it, there is something between us. I can feel it, and I know you can too. I care about you, and I can’t stand to see this guy torturing you, ripping your goddamn heart out.”
Hardpressed Page 19
