“In some cases, the feeling of a special connections is negative (one feels threatened by and uncomfortable with and full of animosity for) the other for unknown reasons.
“In other cases, the feeling of a special connection is positive with the feeling translating into a wish to be with or near the other one forever. When there is a special positive connection, the one feeling the connection (the feeling is sometimes but not always reciprocated) spends a lot of time when alone thinking about the other, seeing visions of the other, anticipating future interactions with the other, and recalling fondly past interactions with the other.
“What makes the feeling of having a special connection with another being so very interesting is the fact that such a feeling simply does not exist when it comes to the great majority of relationships, both fleeting and long-lasting. Such relationships tend to be purely utilitarian or matters of convenience.
“Here are some examples: One lives near another so one says hello or goodbye from time to time simply because it would be awkward not to say something. One plays tennis with another because one likes tennis and the other person also likes tennis and is a member of the same club and has a schedule that dovetails with one’s own. One goes to a store where another is a clerk and exchanges a friendly greeting from time to time simply because it would be awkward not to say anything and also because friendly might pay off in terms of getting a discount or information about a good sale.
“In those cases and cases like them, there may be no feeling of a special connection whatsoever. No effort is made either to avoid the other person (the negative connection) or extend it (the positive connection). When the context that creates the interaction is severed, the person is simply put out of one’s mind. Not a lot of time is spent anticipating being with the person or recalling the times of interacting. There are no daydreams about or visions of the other person.
“And it would not be surprising if all relationships were like the examples just given. Yet, every once in a while, a relationship that maybe starts out as purely utilitarian or convenient or that maybe does not even have a utilitarian or convenient side to it turns into something powerful, either in a positive or negative sense. The turn might occur (and probably frequently does occur) at the very beginning of the very first encounter and lingers in the mind of the one having the feeling whether or not the feeling ever gets translated into action.
“A mystery exists. The mystery has to do with the feeling that there is a special connection whether positive or negative. And, while both kinds of feeling are worthy of thought and study, this essay will focus on feelings of a special positive connection.
“And, with regard to such a feeling, we must ask these questions: is there a mechanism inside of beings that, when activated, generates the feeling of a special positive connection? If so, what is it? Where is it? How does it work? Why does it exist? How can it be honed?
“The author of this essay has no certain answer regarding whether or not there is a mechanism inside of a being that is behind the feeling that is the subject of this essay. Even so, the author is inclined to think that beings possess some organ or part of an organ that vibrates at a certain, very precise frequency. When another comes along with an organ or part of an organ that vibrates at the exact same frequency, then the special connection is felt.
“Uncertainty comes because, depending on the culture and on the physiology of the body one has, the organ or part of the organ that is involved might or might not be known by science and might or might not be consciously sensed. Regardless of the culture or body one has, according to this theory (which the author of this essay favors and will concentrate on), the vibrations nevertheless occur and some known or unknown sense reacts to it.
“Why would some beings vibratory organs vibrate at the same frequency (or, if a different frequency, frequencies that harmonize)? The author has a number of ideas but cannot choose among them. One idea is that the frequencies are matters of purely chance variations among beings.
“Another idea, one this author favors, is that the organ and sensing mechanisms involved reside in the soul (that is, the part a beings that is composed of particles other than what is known as material particles) rather than in the body. If that were the case and taking into account the fact that the soul lives longer than the body and gets reincarnated from time to time, then the feeling of special connection might have to do with the fact that a limited number of types or groups of souls exist, each type being characterized by a distinctive frequency and sensing mechanism. The feeling of a special positive connection, therefore, comes about when souls of the same type come in contact with one another. The feeling is heightened if memories of coming into contact with another in other lives are evoked.
“To move from possible answers to questions about fundamental mysteries to possible answers to questions about the implications of the feeling of a special connection, a number of points need to be made.
“One point that needs to be made is that the feeling that there is a special connection with another varies in terms of intensity and clarity. This variation, in turn, might be related to the personality and culture of the beings involved. In any case, when the feeling is weak and vague or even when it is quite strong and clear, a being having the feeling might not even notice it exists or might not take note of it soon enough to turn a relationship into something larger and deeper or might confuse the feeling one has or the other has with some other feeling (such as the wish to control or even do harm).
“Errors can also go the other way, namely, believing that the feeling exists when it does not.
“It need hardly be said that errors in the recognition of or understanding of the feeling of a special, positive connection with another can explain much regret, recrimination, and the tragedy that fills many lives.
“A second point that it is important to make is that the feeling of a special connection, when accurately perceived, is never short-lived. In fact, it lasts not only throughout one’s life (even if only intermittently felt) but also through subsequent lives and during the time one spends in that other realm that exists when is in between lives joined with a body. In that other realm, feelings of special connections can of course continue to exist. One can even look there for a being for which one felt a special connection that was very fleeting or prematurely cut off during a prior life lived joined to a body.
“During subsequent lives, when a special connection is felt, the being evoking the special connection may be the same being one encountered in a prior life with both beings now reincarnated and living new lives. In fact, there is a tendency for meetings to occur time and again. Like vines wrapped around the trunk of a tree, one can meet, then lose sight of, and then meet again the same soul. Though time, location, and body type have utterly changed, the feeling remains the same.
“At this point mention might be made of the fact that, though souls live a long time, they might not be immortal in which case new souls might be born that might then fill the void left by a soul that died. One thus feels a special connection that is entirely new, one that has had no prior existence while also feeling an aching sense of loss that one might be utterly unable to understand.
“A third point that needs to be made is that beings vary with regard to the number of others capable of evoking the feeling of a special connection. For some, only one other can do it. For others, two or three up to as many as eight others can do it. For still others, a lot (maybe hundreds or thousands) of other beings can evoke the feelings of special connection which would seem to mean that for such beings the feelings evoked would more accurately be called simply positive rather than ‘special and positive.’
“It need hardly be added that possibilities for tragedy to occur vary according to the number of others that can evoke in the soul a feeling of a special positive special connection. Where only one can do it, a person might meet the person, fail to turn a casual meeting into a longer-term relationship, and never again
during a given life feel such feelings again. Such people might succeed in meeting someone capable of evoking feelings of a special connection and turn that meeting into a longer term relationship only once every three lives, though time spent in between lives might be more satisfying. Such a being would be regarded as pitiful or eccentric or a loner or spiritual or solemn or withdrawn or sad by others.
Less likely to experience a lifetime of regret and self-recrimination and longing for the seemingly unattainable would be those that are capable of feeling a special connection with from two to eight others with the chances of a higher and fulfilled life increasing as the number goes higher. But, as will be shown, this middle group can have serious problems. The last group, capable of feeling a special connection with hundreds or thousands of others might know disappointment but would quickly rebound and find another. This last group is least likely to lead lifetimes of regret, self-recrimination and longing.
“Here are examples of the kinds of disappointments the middle group can experience. Consider then the case of a being subject to feeling a special connection with as few as two others and as many as eight others. Where barriers such as species-type, age, ethnicity, gender, cultural norms, time, and location exist and are accepted as reasonable bases for treating feelings of a special connection differently, problems are minimized because some capable of evoking feelings of a special connection are regarded as being out of bounds or, at most, beings with whom can spend a limited amount of time doing only certain kinds of activities.
“But where no such barriers exist, there can be problems leading to, in some cases, much guilt, self-recrimination, and tragedy. Take the case of someone (perhaps mistakenly or even accurately feeling that a special connection with another being exists) and then, after having established a long-term romantic or even marital relationship with that one meets another being that also evokes the feeling of a special connection. If the other one is not regarded as being out of bounds because factors such as age, looks, life circumstances, gender, class, and wealth present no barriers, then a serious problem exists if the culture to which one or both parties belong demand exclusive relationships. What can a being do in such a case? How should a being deal with the problem? There is no simple solution. One enters difficult and dangerous spiritual regions where the soul cannot avoid being tried and tested.
“Consider also a case where the timing of the reincarnation of souls is such that no more than the number of specially connected souls approved by a given culture are alive at the same time. In such a case, one can feel a special connection with being A and act on the special connection in one life, with being B in the next life, and with being C in a third life, and then go through the process all over again—being A in the fourth life and so on. This can work out fine unless, for various reasons, the sequence is disrupted (by epidemics, accident, murder, suicide, and so forth) resulting in one’s meeting and feeling the special connection with beings B and C while a part of a culture that approves of a committed relationship with only one other being. Much tragedy can result.
“A fourth point needs to be made regarding feelings of special connections: Even when a brief encounter occurs which evokes the feeling of a special connection that is successfully turned into a long-term mutually satisfying relationship, there is no guarantee that the relationship will last. Enormous problems, aside from even the problems associated with meeting and trying to deal with another one of the beings capable of evoking the feeling of a special connection, can occur. For instance, others, out of envy, greed, malice, or pride might try, singly or in combination, to find some way to destroy the relationship and might succeed in destroying it whether by sewing doubts or by erecting obstacles of various kinds.
“Also, the beings involved in a relationship might be part of a culture that does not have the right ideas on (let alone provide sufficient training about) how to help people not take for granted what should be regarded as wonderful, even as years and decades of intimate living pass by. One solution to the problem of coming to regard as tedious what should be regarded as wonderful would be teaching people how creatively to devise routine ways of organizing free time.
“To help beings organize in a satisfying way whatever ‘free time’ they have would involve planning sessions in which ideas for mutually satisfying activities are aired, chosen, and inserted into a schedule. Times for evaluating and, if mutually desired, revising would also be made part of the schedule. Ways of evaluating and turning culturally sanctioned holidays into satisfying events would also be part of this.
“A second solution to problems that might come to erode a relationship in which both parties feel a special connection has to do with how skillful the beings are with regard to problem solving.
“Some beings are not naturally adept at problem solving and need help. If no help is provided by friends, relatives, associates, and schools, then problem-solving might be regarded as trivial—as something to be done impulsively, or as something to be guided by magical beliefs. Also, unless proper methods of problem solving or decision making are employed, the equality of the parties involved can be undermined. Horrible decisions can be made that, over time, can eat away at and ultimately undermine a relationship.
“Beings need to take problem solving seriously. They need to recognize times when decisions can be made. They need to imagine and evaluate options. They need to practice seeing solutions and considering options by looking backwards into their own lives and by considering the situations of other beings’ lives, especially lives of beings unknown personally to them.
“When involved in a relationship, they need to set aside time for meetings to discuss problems (or chances at making decisions) with each party having a chance to state the problem and the solution they think is best and the reasoning behind their thinking. Another, a follow-up meeting, scheduled to occur sometime after the first meeting would give each party a chance to restate the problem and suggest the same solution as before or another solution. There need not be a face-off since beings specially connected are likely to gravitate towards a common solution (which may or may not be the same as solutions earlier favored) after a period of reflection. Thus is equality in the relationship preserved. And thus are better decisions made.
“Much more can be said about techniques of devising routines that cover ‘free time’ and problem solving.
“Before passing on to other considerations regarding problems that might arise in specially connected relationships and how to solve or remedy such problems, it is worth noting that, though such a relationship might be terminated because of errors, misunderstandings or malicious intrusions, the feeling of being specially connected does not end. As noted earlier, such feelings never end. Thus, as the beings involved drift apart and even lose sight of one another, each one feeling the connection feels the pain of the loss from time to time.
“Each one will feel as if a limb has been lopped off but, despite that, the body feels sensations coming from that limb. It imagines it is still there. It misses it. This is because there has been a kind of amputation. Two beings, specially connected, become one. Ending the relationship results in each being feeling the connection being ejected from the entity greater than one being that had formerly existed.
“A fifth and, so far as this essay is concerned, final point that will be made about feelings of special connections has to do with matters of practical guidance regarding how to turn casual encounters into meaningful long-term relationships. A lot can be written about how to help someone understand and act on the feeling of a special connection during even the most casual and fleeting of encounters so that a meaningful, positive, and long-term relationship will exist in place of a poor relationship or no relationship at all.
“Many methods of how to accomplish this exist though not all societies understand the underlying problem or take it seriously enough to develop and teach such methods.
“One method is to explain to beings approaching an age of matur
ity that such feelings are most likely to be felt most strongly during the range of ages that the being now enters. The beings need to be urged to act on such feelings whenever they arise (or are thought to have arisen). Such teaching, which need not take much time and is really very simple, is nevertheless very important.
“Going beyond simply telling beings what is likely to happen and urging them to pay attention and act on the feeling (in some unspecified way) if it arises, a society can and should teach a person that such feelings are not always clear and intense which means that even vague or weak feelings that ‘might be’ feelings of a special connection need to be taken seriously and acted on. Going beyond both of the above, a society should teach simple methods of turning a brief encounter into something more long-lasting, the simplest being simply greeting the being that one thinks might be generating the feeling of a special connection and then waiting to see how the other being responds and how one feels after getting the other being’s response. In other words, one says simply “hello” or an equivalent and waits to see if the other being says “hello” back and in what tone and with what gestures and with what feeling. One then decides how one feels after getting the response.
“From such a simple encounter, a being sometimes might know whether or not a special connection exists and might other times regard the chances of a special connection existing as having been elevated or lowered. In either case, one has to be ready to say or do something to get beyond the simple greeting and especially to avoid being so mesmerized by the power of the other’s greeting as to be rendered incapable of doing or saying anything that will help make possible a meaningful relationship.
“In a society where beings are made aware of the fact that feelings of special connections exist and are important and yet are sometimes not easily recognized for what they are, a being might be encouraged to say something as straightforward and as heartfelt as this during even a very brief encounter: ‘I want to see you again if only to ascertain that these unexpected feelings of having a special connection with you are real. Whether or not you yourself recognize that such feelings exist reciprocally inside of you, please be so kind as to let me meet you again so that I can better tell whether or not my suspicions are real.’ Because the society teaches that feelings of special connections exist and are important, such a speech would be less likely to seem strangely aggressive or insincere than in a society that does not recognize or regard as important feelings of special connections.
A Theory of Gravity Page 33
