Her brother appeared as she was putting the bags on the side.
‘Guess what?’ he said, grinning and waving his phone in that goofy way of his.
‘What?’
He looked as proud as a strutting peacock. ‘Massimo’s giving me a job.’
The name landed like a cold sharp shock against her face, just as it did every time Gianluca uttered it. She took a moment to compose herself. ‘A job? Working for him? You’re moving to America?’
His grin widened. ‘You’re not getting rid of me that easily. He’s opening his European headquarters in Rome and has offered me a job on the security team.’
‘He’s opening headquarters here?’
Gianluca had the grace to look sheepish. ‘He told me his plans the night of Jimmy’s funeral after you’d gone but said not to say anything until everything was confirmed.’
So desperate had Livia been to get away from Massimo that she’d left the wake without her brother. Gianluca hadn’t cared that she’d forgotten him. He’d had a great time getting drunk on bourbon with Massimo.
‘You were told not to tell me?’
The sheepish expression morphed into the same confusion as she knew she must be showing. ‘He didn’t say not to tell you specifically. Just said it was best to keep it quiet until he’d bought the premises and knew for certain it would go ahead.’ The confusion turned into beaming pride. ‘And I kept my mouth shut exactly as he asked.’
‘You certainly did. A job in security?’ That was quite a step for an eighteen-year-old who’d never held down a job and had left school with only minimal qualifications. She had to practically crack her skin to get a smile to form. ‘This is wonderful news. Congratulations. I didn’t realise the two of you had kept in touch,’ she added casually.
She should have guessed though. Since Massimo had brought in the team to help Gianluca escape the Secondigliano without reprisals, her brother had developed a serious case of hero worship.
Hearing him go on and on about how marvellous her estranged husband was... It was frustrating, to put it mildly. But she had the sense to reason with herself that if her brother was going to hero-worship anyone and use them as a base to model himself on, better it be Massimo than one of the men who had terrorised their lives.
‘He’s going to pay for me to take some courses too, so I can build on my qualifications. He said if I work hard, I could one day run his security for him.’
‘This is wonderful,’ she repeated. And it was. Truly. Livia had tried very hard not to be concerned that her brother hadn’t been actively looking for work, telling herself he needed time to get used to this new life in a new city without the safety net of their family and his friends. She’d planned to give him a month to settle in before broaching the subject, when all along Massimo had already decided to give him a chance.
That was a big thing for him to do, she acknowledged. He knew full well what a handful Gianluca could be.
Handful or not, she’d been glad to have him around, and not only because it meant he was safe. His playful puppy-like ways were a welcome distraction from the painful ache in her frozen heart.
She dug into one of the shopping bags, pulled out the fresh tagliatelle she’d purchased and threw it at him.
He caught it easily.
‘Put the water on and get this cooked. There’s ricotta and spinach in the other bag. I’m going back to the shop to buy a bottle of prosecco. We need to celebrate!’
She hurried out of the apartment, Gianluca’s protests that he didn’t know how to cook pasta a distant ringing in her ears.
As soon as the door shut behind her, her smile dropped.
She walked down the street, her mind in a whirl.
Massimo was opening a headquarters here? In the city she lived in? The city he’d actively avoided throughout their marriage?
He’d once mooted the idea of opening a headquarters in London but that had been over a year ago, a throwaway musing of an idea. He hadn’t mentioned it when they’d been in Fiji...
She firmly pushed the thought of Fiji from her mind. Every time a memory from it flashed through her, the nausea that seemed to have become a constant presence in her stomach swirled harder. It swirled now, strong enough to make her giddy.
As she passed a steakhouse, a customer opened its doors, unleashing the aromas being cooked within. Smells she would normally find tempting swirled through Livia’s airways, increasing the nausea.
Suddenly fearing she really was going to be sick, she rested one hand against a wall, the other to her roiling stomach and forced as much air as she could into her lungs.
It seemed to take an age to pass.
When she finally felt capable of continuing, she looked up, but instead of her gaze fixing on the shop she was heading for, it landed on the neon-green cross on the other side of the street.
She didn’t even realise she was staring at it until a small child walked into her. The mother, who was pushing a pram with a tiny baby in it, apologised but her words sounded like an echo in Livia’s ears.
Thoughts of prosecco all but forgotten, she crossed the busy road and entered the pharmacy.
She’d stopped taking her pill when she’d left Massimo. They hadn’t used protection when they were in Fiji. The thought hadn’t even occurred to her, not even when she’d cuddled baby Elizabeth or when they’d had that angry conversation about babies.
Why had that been? She’d taken her pill religiously throughout their marriage. She’d wanted a baby with Massimo but it had been something they’d both agreed was for the future. And then their marriage had become so cold that it would have been cruel to bring a baby into it.
Two minutes later she walked out, a pregnancy test tucked in her bag.
Twenty minutes after that she was back in her apartment and in the bathroom, having given Gianluca the cash to go out and buy them food—he’d burnt the tagliatelle—and prosecco.
But he would have to drink the prosecco himself.
The test was unambiguous. She was pregnant.
Her head swimming, she did the only thing that made sense. She reached into her bag for her phone and called Massimo.
He answered on the third ring. ‘Liv?’
Just hearing his voice made her heart clench and tears fill her eyes.
She squeezed them shut.
‘Livia? Are you there? Is something wrong?’
She could hardly hear her own dull voice over the roar in her ears. ‘I’m pregnant.’
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
THE SUDDEN PEAL of the doorbell only added to the pounding in Livia’s head.
‘If it’s for me, I’m not in,’ she shouted to her brother, who was playing on his games console in the living room.
Mercifully, Gianluca was a selfish teenager and had been oblivious to there being anything wrong with her when he’d returned with their takeaway. He’d also been oblivious when she’d eaten only half of her portion, using her lack of appetite as an opportunity to consume more food for himself, and oblivious to there being anything out of the ordinary when she’d announced immediately after eating that she was going to get an early night.
The bell rang again.
Grabbing her pillow, she pulled it over her head and burrowed deeper under the covers.
She would wallow for one night, she’d decided. Discovering she was pregnant was an exceptional circumstance that merited wallowing.
But...
For all the fear an unexpected pregnancy had brought there had also been the first flutterings of excitement.
Deciding that suffocating herself was probably bad for the baby, she removed the pillow and put it back under her head and stared at the ceiling.
She put a tentative hand up her nightshirt and pressed it against her belly. It didn’t feel any different but a tiny life form was growing in ther
e. A life created by her and Massimo.
Massimo...
She closed her eyes.
She couldn’t decide if fate was being cruel or kind. When she’d finally found the strength to move forward with her life it played this most magical of tricks on her. She would never be free of him now.
She’d struggled to move on as it was. She’d kept a smile on her face, used iron willpower to stop herself biting her nails and gone through the motions of reclaiming her life but the wrench in her heart hadn’t even started to heal yet.
She lived in hope rather than expectation.
She lived with an ache that left her always feeling cold. The sun could shine as hard as it wanted but she never felt it any more.
A knock on her bedroom door interrupted her wallowing.
She sat up, expecting Gianluca’s face to appear and the request of money to be given.
But it wasn’t her skinny brother who walked into her bedroom.
She blinked a number of times, certain she must be imagining the towering figure standing there, dressed in snug black jeans, a black T-shirt and a tan leather jacket. Her immediate impression was that he hadn’t shaved since his grandfather’s funeral.
She had to clear her throat to get any words out. ‘What are you doing here?’
Massimo closed the door and gazed at the woman he loved sitting like a princess in her bed. He soaked in every detail of the face he’d missed so much.
‘You didn’t think I would take the news of you being pregnant and not come straight to you?’
Her brow creased in confusion. ‘Do you have a time portal? I only told you two hours ago?’
‘I would have been here sooner but I couldn’t find my car keys and I’d already sent my driver home for the night. I walked.’
‘You were already in Rome?’
‘I never left.’
Now her whole face creased.
He grinned and removed his jacket, draping it over her dressing-table chair without taking his eyes from her. God, it felt so good seeing her. Knowing he was in the same city as Livia but unable to reach out to her had almost killed him. He took a step towards her. ‘I’ve bought a house here.’
She shrank back as if afraid he was going to touch her. ‘Since when?’
‘The sale went through yesterday. I was going to wait a little longer for a few of the other pieces to fall into place before I came to you.’
The wariness in her eyes almost killed him too. ‘Came to me for what?’
‘To see what else it would take for you to believe that I do love you and that you can trust your heart with me.’
Since his epiphany at his grandfather’s funeral, he’d done a lot of thinking.
Everything Livia had said about him was true. He did shut people out. Livia was the only person he’d ever let in but the moment he’d felt her get too close, the moment his heart had truly opened for her, he’d slammed it back shut and pushed her away.
He’d got so used to doing everything for himself, to relying only on himself that he’d convinced himself that it was the only way to be. He’d got so used to everything he touched turning into gold that when he’d made the first basic errors of his career he’d automatically blamed Livia for them, forgetting that he was only human.
She’d brought such joy into his life and, fool that he was, he’d turned his back on that joy and turned his back on her.
He’d pushed his parents away too. He’d been a condescending, arrogant bastard about the choices they’d made. They’d chosen family over money and he’d been too blind to appreciate the sacrifices they’d made so he could have that security. He’d taken their love for granted. He’d never had to walk his sister to school or cook her meals as Livia had done for Gianluca. He’d never slept with a weapon under his pillow out of fear. The threadbare clothes he’d been so ashamed to wear had always been lovingly repaired, the holes in his shoes fixed until the shoes could be replaced. He’d been so focused on creating his own future that he’d never taken the time to appreciate all the things he’d had right there. Love. Security. An abundance of affection. All the things that when added together made life worth living.
He’d been blind about everything.
But Livia had seen everything clearly.
He didn’t blame her for dismissing his half-formed declaration of love.
Along with all his thinking he’d done a lot of doing.
The path to bringing her back into his life had been clear. He’d needed to rebuild her trust with actions rather than words.
Her shoulders rose before she brought her knees up and wrapped her arms around them. ‘Not this again,’ she whispered. ‘I told you, it’s too late. I’ve moved on.’
‘Nature doesn’t think so or you wouldn’t be pregnant.’
‘Nature is a joke.’
‘A wonderful joke.’
She rested her chin on her knees. ‘You’re happy?’
‘That we’re having a baby together? Liv, there is only one thing that could make me happier than I feel at this moment but I will get to that shortly. Why didn’t you tell me you’d come off the pill?’
Colour flamed her cheeks. ‘I didn’t think.’
‘And I didn’t think to ask if you were still on it.’ He pulled his T-shirt over his head.
‘What are you doing?’ she asked, alarm in her voice but something different in her eyes.
‘Showing you something.’ Dropping the T-shirt on the floor, he kicked his boots off and climbed onto the bed. Then he leaned forward to take her rigid hand and placed it on his left bicep. Eyes holding hers, he said, ‘The spearheads on this tattoo... One of the meanings for it is willpower. I had it done to remind myself to remain strong. I needed that reminder when you left me otherwise I would have chased after you and begged you to come back to me.’
He moved her hand so it rested on his chest above his beating heart. ‘I married you because the madness of my attraction to you compelled me to. I knew my feelings for you ran deep and I assumed what I felt for you was love but I didn’t know it could grow deeper. I didn’t know my feelings for you would take root in my soul and that you would become my reason for breathing. You challenged me on so many levels I didn’t know where I ended and you began. When you left me I felt as if I’d been freed from madness itself. I threw myself back into my work a liberated man and I would have worked myself into an early grave rather than stop for a minute and open myself to the pain beating right here in this cold, shrivelled heart that losing you caused.’
He reached for her hair with his free hand and ran his fingers down the silky locks he loved so much. ‘I’m sorry for pushing you away. I’m sorry for shutting you out. I’m sorry for throwing your love back at you and demeaning everything we meant to each other. I’m sorry for every minute of hurt I caused you.’
She opened her mouth but he put a finger to her lips.
‘I’m sorry for doing nothing when I knew how miserable you were in LA.’
‘Don’t,’ she whispered, turning her cheek. ‘My loneliness was my fault too. I should have gone out and had English lessons and taken art classes or something.’
‘Art classes?’
She shrugged. ‘Something that got me out of the house. Something that stopped me being dependent on you for my happiness.’
That reminded him of something he’d meant to ask her on the island. ‘Have you had English lessons since we separated?’
‘I started an online course. I didn’t get very far. My head wasn’t in the right place for new information to sink into it.’
He rubbed his thumb along her cheekbone, his heart swelling. ‘There was a lot I could have done to make your life easier and if you come back to me, I swear things will be different. I’m moving back to Italy.’
Her eyes found his again. There was a glimmer of something
in them that gave him hope.
‘Everything you said before we left the island was right, including what you said about my relationship with my family,’ he said quietly. ‘How can I build a proper relationship with them if I’m living on the other side of the ocean?’
‘Is that why you’re opening a base here in Rome?’
He nodded and slid his hands down her cheeks to cup her face. ‘Partly. But mostly for you. Your life is here and my life is with you...if you’ll let me back in it. That’s all I want. To be with you. It took losing you for me to see how much I need you.’
A tear spilled out and rolled down her cheek and over his hand. ‘You said that about our marriage. That you hadn’t realised how unsuited you were to marriage until you married me.’
‘I said a lot of things. I believed a lot of things.’
‘So why should I believe you now?’ Livia wanted to believe him more desperately than she had ever wanted to believe anything but she was frightened. Her heart had been wrung too many times to bloom properly any more.
‘Because now my head is clear. I want to make our marriage work more than I have ever wanted anything and I’m willing to do whatever it takes for it. You’re my priority, now and for ever...you and our baby.’ He could hardly believe he was going to be a father. ‘I was waiting for confirmation of the sale of my house in LA before I came to you...’ He gave a rueful smile. ‘Your news about the pregnancy brought me to you a few days earlier than I anticipated. I wanted to be able to look you in the eye and give you categorical proof that you’re more important to me than anything else. The house I’ve bought here in Rome is in your name.’ Another rueful smile. ‘I’m hoping you will let me share it with you. If not, it’s yours to keep. I’ll still need a base in LA but I’m hoping you’ll come with me and choose a house for us to share there. A house you’re comfortable in, in a neighbourhood you can feel at home in. There’s a lot that I’m hoping for but whatever happens from this point forward is up to you.’
‘And what if I say no?’
He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply through his nose. ‘Then I will have only myself to blame and I will have to be content with having a child with you even if I can’t be your husband. All I would ask is that you allow me to be a proper father to it.’
A Passionate Reunion in Fiji Page 15
