by Lila Felix
“That’s not what I think at all. I think I should’ve set you free before you were involved in all of this. This is not worth it. I’m not worth it.”
She stalked across the room and every cell in me came to life. All I wanted to do was for her to tell me it was worth it. That she loved me. That she was happy. That I’d given her something she would’ve never been able to have with her parents.
It was then, looking down into her blue eyes that a surge of strength took hold of me. It was the same swell that originally seeded the first time I saw her. I knew that day, that I could take her out of the shadows.
I knew the minute her petite foot touched the ground at the base of the stairs that I could show her light when all she did was hide in the darkness.
Except all I’d done was rob one darkness to replace it by another.
She put her delicate hands on either side of my face. Her skin had always been soft, despite the hard labor which had taken up most of her adolescence.
My eyes drew downward, not able to face her.
“Look at me, Porter. If you’ve never looked at me before, look at me now.”
“I’ve always seen you, Delilah.”
“So you know that when I speak, I only speak the truth.”
“Tell me your truth. Tell me it one last time.”
The sting of pain caused me to hold my breath before the full weight of her act piqued my mind. She’d slapped me.
“I’m sorry.” Her hands covered her mouth. “Don’t you dare leave me, Porter Jeansonne. Don’t even think about it.”
My heart beat in my chest. It sounded like Benjamin’s galloping hoofs between my temples.
“All I wanted was for you to have a better life.”
“And I do. Even in the simplest of definitions, Porter. I do.”
“We’ve just made a deal with someone who doesn’t forget things, Delilah. She could ask for anything in return. Don’t you understand that?”
With hands on her hips, she looked to the heavens. Closing her eyes she sent a prayer to heaven. I couldn’t hear all of the words, but saw when she muttered ‘help me’.
“Whatever she asks of us, we will provide. We can’t worry about a future that hasn’t come. We can only hope for the best. If I learned nothing else from my wretched childhood, it was that.”
I sank to the chair behind me in a slump. I’d never wanted her exposed to anything but happiness.
“How did this happen?” I darted my eyes around the room, asking the furniture as much as anyone else. “I went to save you and here you are saving me. I think you’ve been saving me from the beginning. I couldn’t live without you if I wanted to. I want you in my arms in the mornings and I want your laughter at my table. I just—I didn’t know what else to do. Forgive me, love.”
I waited for her response. Instead of speaking, she crossed the room and sat in my lap, burying her face between my neck and my shoulder, her fists holding onto me for dear life.
I loved this woman in my arms.
I’d been empty and cold before her.
We stayed like that for hours. Her warm breaths filtered through my shirt, warming me and my heart over and over like the most reliable of clocks.
Early the next morning, I woke before Delilah. Though I’d come into town for business, all I wanted to do was remove my wife far away from this grime-filled place. The city had lost its luster next to her.
Before leaving, we stopped in at my office and I handled the immediate business and left as soon as I could.
The only thing I wanted was to get home with Delilah.
“Are you sure there’s not more you want to do?” She asked after we’d already left the outskirts of the city.
“I’m sure. I think I’m going to work from home from now on. If they need things signed or a meeting in person, they will have to come to me.”
She stared at me for a while before speaking. “I thought the city had its hooks in you.”
“That was before you got your hooks in me.”
The entire way home, we avoided the bigger issue. I didn’t want to scare her any more than she had been.
“It’s going to be quiet without Marie around. She’s been with me for so long. It will be like mourning her again.”
Delilah straightened her skirt and dusted off some invisible dirt from her shoes. “I’m sure we could find things to do.”
Her blush told me the full intentions of her meaning.
“I’m sure we can.”
“Can I ask you something?”
“Always.”
“I’m still trying to wrap my head around everything and I’m sure there’s more to discover. But why? Why would someone go to all that trouble? Just for your money?”
“Once, when I was small, I overheard my mother tell someone—it must’ve been June or maybe another maid—that above all, every woman wants to be young and beautiful and every man wants to be rich. I’ve always thought it was complete insanity, but in Marie’s case, I think maybe she was right. All this time they were after my family’s money. I know she was always asking me if she was pretty and complained when I didn’t tell her that enough. Maybe we’ll never know the depth of their deceit. Maybe it’s better if we don’t know.
“I guess that’s why she hated me. You didn’t love her because she was ugly on the inside and you love me even though I’m…”
“I love you because you are beautiful in every way possible.”
We rode for a few more hours before she spoke again.
“I stole the necklace from Rebel. It was hanging in the stables.”
“And what if you had gotten caught? I would’ve killed him if he hurt you.”
She looked ahead, to the road that led us home with her chin up. There were so few times that she faced forward with her chin jutted out in strength that I made sure to pay attention to the next words from her mouth.
Inherently, I knew they would be important.
“I didn’t think about myself. I only thought if I could get the necklace that somehow it would rid me of the ghost—and in doing away with the ghost—you could not be so—haunted.” She paused. “You know Rebel killed Marie, don’t you? I know we haven’t accused him out loud, but there’s no doubt in my mind.”
“I do. I had no idea that I’d married an investigator. Honestly, I am a fool for not thinking of it myself. They were involved. Everyone knew it.”
“You can’t very well figure things out if you’re wallowing in unfounded guilt.”
~~
For the rest of the afternoon, I listened to the sounds of Delilah through the house. No longer was my house silent. The issues that surrounded us weren’t buried, but merely creeping below the surface, awaiting their turn to be resurrected.
I feared the repayment to the woman I’d traded for peace.
I anticipated resistance on Rebel’s behalf in ending the contract, but I hoped that a little added blackmail on my part would curtail his efforts.
But most of all, I feared Delilah’s happiness.
Would she ever be able to forgive me for everything I’d put her through?
“He’s out there again, Porter.” My mother poked her head into my office, but kept her feet on the other side of its threshold.
I growled and she grabbed her chest. “I’m sorry, Mother.”
“It’s fine. He makes me jumpy. For the last few days he’s been looking for something all over the grounds. In the bushes, in the back near the pond. It’s disconcerting to say the least. June tried to run him away from the porch yesterday with the broom, but he came back minutes later. He’s frantic with whatever he’s lost.”
“I’ll take care of it. He won’t be working here any longer.”
“It’s about time. He’s a creepy little man.”
My mother called every man little.
After she left, I got up from my desk at the sound of commotion outside. Rebel was talking to Delilah from afar, but her posture and clenched fists told me
exactly how his presence was making her feel.
Rushing outside, I vowed to interrupt his presence.
“Rebel, you need to leave.” Shouting the command, I hoped to get his attention off of her and onto me. I stepped in front of Delilah but she refused to be in my shadow.
My wife was done cowering.
“I work here.”
“You’re not working. Slinking around looking in plants and in the dirt is not working. You don’t know the meaning of work.” Delilah interjected before I could form the words.
“I’ve lost something. I have to find it.”
It was with the scratch of his voice that I initially noticed Rebel’s appearance. While he’d never been well put together, he resembled a roughed-up savage. Deep circles cradled his eyes and even with our distance I could see the clods of dirt underneath his fingernails.
“I said leave!”
He ignored my second demand and I took one step toward him, determined to back my words up with a solid promise.
“Rebel, you would’ve found it by now. Don’t you think it would’ve shone in the sunlight?”
My chest seized with her question. Rebel was operating under the premise that we had no idea what he hunted for.
She’d blown that theory away with the most innocent of intentions.
“Who said it was shiny?” His tone singed my ears with hostility.
“No one. I just—assumed—it was something precious—why else would you be searching so—I…”
“It was you! I thought you were just in the stables looking for a little side action. You were stealing from me.”
“She found it. I told her to keep it. It is my property after all.”
I shook with the lies that so easily flowed from my mouth.
“Found it? And where is it now? It’s mine!”
“Why do you need it? Tell us why it’s so important and maybe we will consider giving it back.”
Delilah stood true. Not even a flinch touched her body at my blatant dig for information.
“It was Marie’s. I loved her. It’s the only thing I have left of her.”
“You loved her so much you killed her.”
There was no bounce-back time from my statement. I thought it would surprise him that I knew.
“At least while she was alive and—not acting stupid—I didn’t treat her like dirt.”
“I was honest with her about my feelings. It was an arranged marriage.”
He huffed out a laugh through his nose. “Is that what you thought? An arranged marriage.”
“Wasn’t it?”
My trouble was that I constantly craved answers to questions that should’ve died with Marie.
“It was arranged by us, if that’s what you mean,” he sneered.
“No. That’s not what I meant. I don’t even care. Just leave us alone. There’s nothing for you here. Marie is gone. There’s no reason for you to still be around.”
He snorted. “Marie is not gone. She won’t be gone until I release her. We had a deal.”
“She’s been released. I haven’t seen her. You haven’t seen her. She’s gone. You should’ve let her go in peace years ago. Contracts can be broken and new ones can be struck.”
He nearly snapped his neck, Delilah his target. “He needed to suffer like I have.”
“It’s over, Rebel. She’s gone. The necklace is destroyed. There’s nothing for you here.”
“She doesn’t forget her debts, you know. I bet you think you’re safe now—just like I did.”
“Let’s go, Delilah.”
I turned to go back into the house, extending my hand for Delilah to follow me.
He’d moved so fast, I didn’t have time to stop him.
As I turned, a roar broke free from my throat.
In an instant, his hands were curled around Delilah’s neck. As I reached out he squeezed, making her squirm.
He had my whole life in his grip.
“Don’t.”
“Or what?”
“I’ll kill you. I swear it.”
“No one has to die. Just give me what I want—what I’ve wanted all along.”
I’d give him everything if he’d just let her go. Delilah’s knees faltered, bending under the loss of blood to her brain.
“Anything. Anything you want.”
“No, Porter.” She pulled a mutinous breath through her nose and her eyes rolled back in her head.
“I said anything, you bastard!”
“I want it all.”
“It’s yours. I’ll sign the papers today.”
“Do it now.”
I shoved my hands out toward him. The sheer anger made my voice quiver. “At least let her breathe.”
With a tick of his head, he looked at Delilah as though he’d forgotten that he was draining her of life by the second. Releasing her neck, he grabbed a fistful of hair and pushed her in the direction of the house.
I thanked God my mother and June had left the house though I could still hear their voices in the front. I hoped they stayed there. I was afraid of what Rebel might do with more witnesses.
“Here.” I scribbled a pathetic statement about giving all of my money to Rebel that would never hold up in court. But he didn’t know that. I thrust it in his direction and watched as he read, little by little letting go of Delilah’s hair. Her eyes and mine stayed locked, but out of the corner of my eye, I saw her hand move—just a little.
I shook my head, telling and begging her to just go along with me.
I should’ve known better.
In a move that rivaled Rebel’s earlier swiftness, she slid my silver letter opener from my desk and flicked it around in her hand, the pointed side facing him.
He never let go of the paper long enough to see what fate awaited him.
He was too interested in the contract that would never come to fruition.
The blade, no sharper than a butter knife, knew its duty, flawlessly slitting into Rebel’s gut.
Delilah ran around the desk, launching herself into my arms with a cry.
“She…” Rebel began, now inspecting the damage.
We were too far away from town to do anything about it—even if I wanted to save him.
He deserved his fate.
And I finally received mine.
Epilogue
Delilah
Six years later
With one finger underneath the circle of pearls around my child’s wrist, I reveled in the sight of her father’s dimple at the side of her chin.
My other daughter had the same dimple.
I saw it once before she was taken from me.
Porter is enamored with Brynna, just as I had been with Katie. In secret, I’d given her my middle name of Catherine, but then changed it to Katie, because like her life, it was short yet sweet.
One child can never replace the other in a mother’s heart. A piece of my soul will always be in the possession of that pint-sized voodoo woman. Her payment was great.
My heart thumps against the remembrance. Katie’s heart beat seven times before another image in the corner took my attention on the day of her birth, with blood still clotting against her fragile skin, the woman in the corner reached out and took her payment in full.
“What are you thinking about?” Porter asks me, placing a gentle kiss to my temple.
I thank the heavens he wasn’t allowed into the room with me when Katie was born—he would’ve tried to put a stop to acts which could never be reversed.
Before she shifted into silent smoke, the woman held my ghostly child in her arms as though she’d just emerged from her womb instead of mine.
“She’s got your dimple.” I respond, not really lying, but not disclosing the full truth either. Hiding Katie’s death from him has been the greatest sacrifice. To the midwives that surrounded me, Katie’s death was a complication from the stress of birth. At least, that’s what they called it.
Porter was under the same assumption and I allowed hi
m to stay that way.
His haunted heart was free.
And my haunting had just begun.
“That she does. But her eyes, those twilight blues, are straight from her mother.”
“You can’t pass down scars.”
He grunted—a noise that I associated with his disapproval.
A knock at the door gave me an out for what would surely be an hour-long discussion about how beautiful I was—I would agree just to end it.
He flung the door open and June whispered something about dinner. We’d been taking our meals when we could, around Brynna’s schedule and Eliza spoke to us several times—more like whined in a loving way about our absence.
“Tell Mother we will be down soon.”
I spoke to my daughter in hushed tones, telling her that her grandmother was jealous and wanting more time with her—which was the truth. Porter and I were downright selfish with our new family member—especially me.
“Her admirers await.” He whispered in my ear, causing a slew of goosebumps to break out over my skin. From this vantage point, Marie’s grave could be seen in the distance. We’d given her a new headstone, closer to the house. Porter thought it was creepy, but she served as a reminder that even the hardest of hearts can come around.
As far as Rebel—Porter and I had only spoken of him once—shortly after I stabbed him. The words were never explicitly spoken, but that night, the alligators in Bayou Sorrel got a hefty supper.
No one ever asked about him or his whereabouts.
There were questions that would remain unanswered. I’d become content with not knowing. Marie had her reasons for deciding that enough was enough in her and Rebel’s charade. We’d never know why Rebel allowed his greed to make such a convoluted deal with a woman whose power kept them in her clutches.
The secrets of this place were as deep as the swamp.
Somehow, I preferred them that way.
Brynna kicked in my arms, bringing me back to the present. I thought about letting her go for a few minutes and didn’t appreciate the notion. A simple sigh was my response.
“I was thinking maybe we could take a night off tonight—maybe go to the cabin.”
“That would be nice. But she’s still so little.”
