by Jillian Dodd
I say breathlessly, “Dawson....”
He stops and looks at me, tilts his head at me in question.
I just give my head a little nod. A barely perceptible teeny little yes nod.
And invite him in. (So this line and the house analogy below came from watching Snooki on Jersey Shore. She was telling her friend that she might “let some guy in” and I was like, does she think of her vagina as a house? But then, the below scene happened. And I thought it was a funny analogy.)
Monday, September 5th
And speaking of Walmart, should I feel cheap?
Monday early
Get woken up by the sun gleaming through the sheer curtains at 6:42. We didn’t get much sleep last night. Turns out my body was right. Dawson did need to be our friend. And he was a very fun play date. He uh, visited, um more than once. And my body and my brain were both eagerly at the door waiting for him, every time, saying, Welcome back, come on in!!!
Like the rugs when you walk in a Walmart.
And speaking of Walmart, should I feel cheap?
Sleezy? Stupid?
But I suppose that’s the thing about sleeping with someone, it feels right at the time, but there’s always repercussions. Repercussions that my mind couldn’t seem to come up with last night. Like you never know what’s gonna happen after they leave. Will he ever wanna visit again? Will he be a jerk like Brooklyn and make me want to slam the door in his face and say no way! Will he tell all his friends about his visit to my house? Will my house get a bad reputation? When we get back to school, will he start walking a block over, so he can avoid my house? (My favorite.) We did use protection, so I shouldn’t have to worry about things like STD’s and pregnancy, but what repercussions will it have in our very young relationship. Do we even HAVE a relationship? And if we do, what is it now? Did this change things?
Will we be closer? Will it make things awkward? Will he want me again? Did he lose all respect for me?
Shit. I really have no idea.
And I’m even more worried because he isn’t in bed with me. Did he creep out in the middle of the night just to get away from me? Like do the walk of shame out to his living room?
I get up, pee, brush my teeth, fluff up my hair. Maybe he went out surfing, and I should go join him. But then I realize that I probably screwed up by sleeping with him. Because if he wanted me out surfing, he would’ve woken me up and asked in to go with him like he did yesterday, before things changed. This thought depresses me, so I throw myself across the bed.
I need to talk to someone about this. Someone who’s an expert on hookups. I know it’s the middle of the night, like 3am, in Vancouver, but I text Tommy anyways.
Me: Since you say you’re a guy, and that makes you an expert on them, what’s too soon to sleep with a guy you really like, and you think he really likes you too, but you don’t know for sure because you’ve only known him for like a week, but it feels longer than that?
Me: And if you did to decide to sleep with him, and you wake up the next morning and he’s not in bed with you, what does that mean?
Me: especially when it’s his house?
Me: I’m asking this for my friend.
Me: Please please be awake.......
Me: Or wake up...............
Me: Okay, I’m asking for me. Please wake up!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me: I’m freaking out here!!!
Tommy: I prefer a girl to turn me down at least once. Twice is good, three times is not a charm. If she turned me down three times, she was out.
Me: And after, she uh didn’t turn you down, how did you treat her? Does sex change things?
Tommy: Yeah, it makes it hotter.
Tommy: This is your mother, Tommy should NOT have said that. PLEASE tell me you didn’t sleep with Gorgeous.
Me: I didn’t sleep with Gorgeous.
Tommy: Don’t lie to me!
Me: Mom! You just told me to lie to you!
Tommy: Tommy here, stole my phone back. Was he sweet to you, before, during, after?
Me: Um, idk about sweet, it was very intense before and during, but like in between, yeah he was. He’s REALLY sweet. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN???
Tommy: Think positive. Maybe he went to get you coffee. Chill baby, it will be okay. And if it’s not, Tommy will come kick some ass.
Me: If you are going to start kicking asses, you should start with Brooklyn’s.
Tommy: Yeah, why aren’t you with him?
Me: Don’t you and mom talk??!!! He was A DICK!!! I HATE HIM!!
Tommy: That why you slept with Gorgeous? What’s his actual name anyways? And when do I get to meet him?
Me: Dawson, and if he speaks to me again, then maybe sometime soonish. I uh, haven’t exactly told people about you and mom yet.
Tommy: You’re embarrassed of us??!!
Me: Embarrassed is not the right word. I just, you know, it’s not the first thing I tell people. I don’t know what his parents do for a living, so don’t feel bad.
Tommy: Maybe you should get to know a boy a little better before you decide to sleep with him, just saying.
Me: Gee thanks, DAD :(
Tommy: I doubt he left you alone in his house. Go find him. Don’t make it awkward. (Oh, this conversation with Tommy and her mom. I went round and round with this scene and did adjust it slightly. But I felt like it’s really important that teens know that adults were teens once too and can probably give them better advice than their friends. Do I think Abby and Tommy are a little too liberal with Keatyn? Yes, definitely. But at the same time, I love how open their relationship is. I also think it helps that Tommy is not her biological father, because that would be much more awkward.)
Just as I read the text, Dawson pushes through the door, carrying a tray of food. I could die from relief. And I text Tommy back quick.
Me: OMG!!! You were actually RIGHT!!! He brought me breakfast!!!!! :))))))
Dawson grins at me, “You’re awake.”
“Barely.”
“I, um,” he acts a bit embarrassed, “I got us some breakfast. Figured we could surf a little later if you want to.”
“Are you feeling awkward?”
“No. I mean, a little awkward maybe, but that’s because I don’t know what you’re thinking, like, if you regret it.”
He sits next to me, bites the corner of his nail and says, “I really hope you don’t regret it. Or like hate me.”
“Why would I hate you?”
“Because maybe you felt like I made you, or talked you into it, or you thought I sucked at it, or you didn’t like it, or you wished we would have waited. I mean, I would have waited. I planned on waiting. But I’m glad, really glad, we didn't wait, but I want you to be glad too.”
“You talk a lot when you’re nervous. It’s cute.”
“You didn’t answer my question.”
“You didn’t ask me a question.”
“Did you just get caught up in the moment? Do you regret it?”
“Honestly?”
“Uh, I think so. Yes, I want to know honestly what you’re thinking. We’ve been honest with each other about our feelings so far. Part of why I like you so much. I want that to continue.”
He likes me so much??!!!
“Hmmm, well I could see you wondering if I got caught up in the moment the first time, but you know, after the second, third, uh fourth time, I’m pretty sure it wasn’t just a moment. I liked it a lot, you were amazing, really. I’ve never felt so good. I just hope I don’t regret it.” (Four times. My imagination was running quite wild here.)
“What would make you regret it?”
“If it messed things up for us. If it made you think poorly of me.”
He lets out a big sigh, grins big, grabs me and kisses me. “Keatie, last night was awesome. I don’t think I’ve ever woken up feeling so happy.”
“I admit, I had a little freak when I woke up, and you weren’t here. I even texted my step dad to ask him about it.
He gets a slightly shocked look on his
face when I mention the d word.
Oh, it’s cool. Tommy’s cool. I can talk about that stuff with him and my mom. Not like details, but you know, in general terms.”
He gets a sneaky look, dives across me, grabs my phone off the nightstand, reads what I wrote.
“I’m Gorgeous, huh??”
Haha, yeah, that’s what I called you before I knew your name. I sorta stalked you a bit.”
“You can stalk me anyyyyy time.” He kisses me.
“Oh, I’ll be like that Audrey girl. I’ll stalk you and bake you cookies and carry your books to class. I’m just teasing, I don’t like expect anything.”
“Well I expect something.”
“More sex?”
“No, well yeah, that’d be nice, but what I meant is I don’t want this to change anything. I like how we’ve become friends, how we talk. I like you. A lot. Do you think we should be going out now?”
“Because we had sex, no.”
“What if I told you I was thinking about asking you before we had sex?”
“I’d say wait a little, see how things go, and then if you still want to ask me out, then ask. Are you going to tell all your friends about this?”
“I don’t kiss and tell. You hungry?”
“I’m starved.”
He grabs the tray off the nightstand, and we eat breakfast, happily talking about what all we’re going to do today.
And truth is, Tommy might be right, I may not know him that well, but I still feel like I am falling in love with him. (This was one thing if someone hated the series that I got slammed on in reviews. That Keatyn fell in love too fast. But when I was writing this book, my children were in 8th and 9th grade. Their friends hung out at our house a lot. And they talked to me about who they liked. And, girls especially, do think they are in love one minute and the next minute they hate him and like someone else. They are fickle. Unsure. But mostly, they really want to be in love. They want that feeling. The closeness. Their hormones want it. Their friends want it. They have boy ADD. I mentioned my high school diary. I laugh when I read it. I had a boyfriend, but always had three other guys I was crushing on. Usually the guy I was crushing on didn’t even know I existed. Or he was clueless I was crushing. Or he didn’t like me. Or a cute boy would do something as simple as smile at me, and I would have our wedding scripted out in my head the next day...see?)
Riley and I are out in the ocean, floating over waves on our boogie boards.
He looks at me, gives me a smirk. “You and Dawson totally did it.”
“What? Why would you think that?”
“Oh gee, well, he skipped going out at sunrise to take you breakfast in bed. I haven't seen him grin so much since he beat the last COD game, and he can't seem to keep his hands off you. Add that to the way he's touching you, the way you lean into him, and boom! You totally did him. So??”
“Riley, don't tell people you think that, okay? If you tell people you think we did, then people will assume we did, even if we didn't.”
“You really like him? Like I thought you were all into Aiden and your surfer dude.”
“I crushed on Aiden, yes. He's very cute, but he thinks he’s so cool, and I don’t know, maybe he’s used to girls like falling all over themselves to be with him. He asked me Thursday night to hang out on Friday.”
“What's wrong with that?”
“If you like a girl, Riles, you don't wait til Thursday to ask her out. So, I told him I was busy and to ask sooner next time.”
“I don’t know what it is about you, but I still have this strange need to protect you. Even tho he's my bro, I'd probably kick his ass if he was mean to you.”
“You're brother is so sweet, he's amazing.”
“Amazing in bed? That runs in the family, you know.”
“Um, no comment.”
We play around in the surf, play tennis, and have some lunch. (Oh, Dawson wasn’t joking, he’s very good and totally kicked my butt. I may have to get more lessons.)
Marcus texts me.
Marcus: Transportation back to school??
I ask everyone. “Hey, how are you all getting back to school?”
Dallas says, “Same way we got here, right?”
“Yeah, cabs, then ferry, then the train, then cabs.” Ace tells me.
“How come you don’t just drive?”
“It’s a hassle, especially with all of us, and traffic is a bitch. I mean, unless you have a driver.” Ace replies.
“She showed up in a limo,” Dawson teases me.
“Ohh, fancy,” Dallas says.
“Hey, I can’t drive yet.”
“You are such a pup,” Riley tells me.
“I’m the same age as you.”
“Naw, I’ll be sixteen next month. I’m almost a year older than you.”
“Then why aren’t you a sophomore?” I lower my voice, “Or are you a little slooww?”
“Shut up. It’s just the kind of grade school I went to.”
“So do you want to go back the way you came, and I come with you, or do you want me to have a limo take us?”
They all say, “Limo, for sure.” (Also, this sort of makes me hate her. LOL)
Me: Need limo for 14, 4pm please :) ily!
Marcus: Done. And ily2 :)
After lunch, we hang by the pool, relaxing, tanning, swimming.
I’m in the water, up against the edge of the pool. Dawson has me barricaded into the corner with his arms on both sides of me against the edge of the pool.
Not that I mind.
We kiss a little, I splash him.
“So did you tell my brother?”
“No, he guessed. I said no comment. But I don’t think he will tell.”
“Yeah, he will. He loves talking about that shit, about what he's done, what he thinks I’ve done. ”
“He won't tell.”
“I'm just saying if it gets around school, don't blame me.”
“Okay.”
He kisses my nose, says, “You’re so cute. I just love you.”
Did he just say, I love you?
“Oh. Uh...,” he mutters.
“It’s okay. I know what you meant. You love me like you love swimming or ice cream.”
“Um....”
“Look, this all happened crazy fast. We talked about taking things slow before and just because we went fast sexually, doesn't mean we should rush our relationship. I still wanna take that part slow. I mean, you might get back to school, see Peyton, and decide you still love her.”
His eyes get soft. “Keatie, I’m not gonna do that. I told you the other night, before all this, I don’t love her anymore.”
“Still, you loved her. And I’m not sure you’re over her.”
“Actually, I’m very over her, and I kinda have a thing for this really hot freshman. She’s on the dance team. You might know her.”
“Oh, really?”
He grins an adorable grin at me. His eyes sparkle. He is so freaking adorable. Seriously, how did I get so lucky?
“And this thing you have for her, that just means you want her, right?”
“No,” he stops, considers that for a second, says, “Well, yeah, I do, but it’s more than that.” He laughs, kisses my neck and whispers in my ear, “But you know, if she wants me now, we do have a little free time before we have to leave.”
And um, we spent that time wisely.
Cute little daisy charm on back.
4 pm
Dallas and Ace yell, “Hey everyone, the limo’s here!”
Everyone is hooting and hollering over the limo. Marcus did good. This limo is sweet. A brand new Range Rover HSE with a jet door. Inside it has all sorts of toys, wild neon colored interior, a couple flat screens, sound system, fog machine, and disco lights. Of course, as you can imagine the thing the boys went most crazy over was the XBox360.
“That’s what I’m talking about,” Riley says.
We all got loaded up, played with the toys, got high, then most everyon
e crashed. I’m leaning up against Dallas’s shoulder, chatting. Dawson’s crashed, his head laying in my lap.
Dallas says randomly, “You have very weird toes.”
“Shut up. I have cute toes.”
“This weekend was really fun, huh? I’ve never been to a party that lasted all weekend like that. And it was cool, like the perfect mix of partying, chilling, girls, sunning and stuff.”
I agree. “This weekend was fun. I’m glad I came.”
“I suspect you had a little more fun than me,” he grins mischievously at me.
“You made out with a different girl each night.”
“Yeah, but I didn't have sex.”
“Me, neither.”
“Kiki, we don't lie to each other remember?”
“Damn, you must be physic about more than just panties.”
“Dawson is like crazy about you.”
“Nawwww.”
“Uh, yeah. He is. He’s been on freaking cloud nine since you got her. Even before y’all had fun. Riley actually is worried you might hurt him, like he thinks you like the hottie god, or what ever you call him.
“The God of all Hotties.”
“Haha, that’s it. Hey, remember how we were talking about redoing Dawes’ image. Did you notice how tight he and Riles were this weekend?”
“I know. And I don’t even care about his image. But I like seeing him happy. He was really sad that night.”
“And someone has cheered him up. Amazing how some orange panties can do that.”
“Oh my god! Have you been creeping through my clothes?”
“Nope. I’m just that good. Plus, I could see them when you bent over to pick up your duffle bag. Cute little daisy charm on the back.” (These little daisy charm undies are the same ones she had on when she got the best kiss of her life in the pouring rain with Aiden in Love Me. Remember when her butt got wet, and Aiden gave her his sweat pants? And her undies got left at the Cave. And then Dallas presented them to her in front of Dawson?)
