by Jillian Dodd
“Can I just go slit my wrists now instead?”
“You really should try out for the drama production at school, you’re being a little theatrical, don't you think?”
“Haha, maybe. So does that mean I get the jet at my beck and call? I might jet off to Fiji this weekend.”
“When it’s available you can use it, but I think they got you one of those fractional ownership things to use. So I’m sure Marcus will be sending you info. You know, it’s okay to enjoy it.”
“Enjoy what?”
“Some of the perks.”
“I’ve always enjoyed the perks, Tommy. Look at the house in Malibu. It’s like heaven.
Hey off the wall question, but why is your hair always long?”
“Hiding my horns probably.” He laughs a full on belly laugh.
“So you ARE a satyr.”
“Kiki, you’re silly. No, I’m not. Besides, I played Zeus, I was a god. How’s things going with the god anyways?”
“They’re not.” I sigh. “He told guys that Gorgeous is just using me. I hate him, and I will not be tutoring him in french. Gorgeous asked me to go out with him. I told him no.
Are you and mom ever going to get married? It’s no wonder I don’t want to commit.”
“That or you are in love with the hottie god.” (Tommy is a smart man.)
“Well there’s that. But I can’t love a jerk, so clearly I can not be in love with him.”
Tommy lowers his voice and says, “Wanna hear a secret?”
“Yessshhhh.”
“I’m going to ask your mom to marry me. I have to figure out a cool way to propose, and I was wondering if you would look at a couple ring designs and tell me which one you think she would like best.” (Eek!)
“Really!!!! I would love to!!!”
“I’ll have Marcus email them to you when they’re ready. I think we’d get married pretty quick, so be ready.
And Kiki?”
“Yeah?”
“Break a leg, baby.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Good luck with your boy issues.”
“Oh. Thanks.”
Oh shit, my bad.
7:30pm
Dawson is laying on top of me, kissing me. One of the perks of being a senior is having your own room. Still don’t get your own bathroom though. He and Jake’s room connect through a shared bathroom. Dawson has his bedroom door locked, but just about the time he has my shirt unbuttoned and his hand up my skirt, Jake walks in through the bathroom door, saying, “Hey Dawes.” Then, “Oh shit, my bad.”
And it sorta breaks the mood.
Well, my mood. Dawson is still in full horn dog mode.
He’s kissing my neck. Running his hands up my sides.
Finally I say, “Um, Dawes?”
And he’s like, “What, Keatie?”
“Can we just talk for a minute, start over maybe. Sorry, uh, that kinda embarrassed me.”
“Really? Oh. I’m sorry.”
He gets off the bed, sits in his desk chair, pulls on a shirt.
“Okay, so shoot, whatcha wanna talk about?”
“You were going to tell me about your parents, your family.”
“Boring,” he laughs. “Well okay, so there’s me and Riles, and then we have an older brother, Camden. He’s at Columbia. Then a younger brother, Bronson. He’s in eighth grade, can’t wait to come here next year. Dad is a bond trader, and Mom used to be a doctor, but she finally gave it up after she had her fourth boy. We’re pretty close, they live in Manhattan, have the place in the Hamptons. That’s about it. How bout you?”
I chicken out.
“He’s so easy to talk to, but still. And that fact that even though he didn’t want to stop messing around, but did just because I asked and didn’t give me a hard time about it, makes me adore him.
And well, I still want him, so smile at him, unzip his shorts, straddle him, and make him forget any questions he might have.
A little bit later, he’s all relaxed and lazily kissing my check. “That was amazing. God, you like always surprise me. It’s so freaking hot. I thought we were gonna just sit here and talk. Well til you attacked me.”
“I guess I couldn’t resist you any longer, plus, it’s been a couple days, and you’ve been good. Like you haven't been all sex sex.”
“What’s wrong with sex sex?”
“Nothing. I just don’t want it to be all about sex.”
“Yeah,” he says, running his fingers through my hair, “you smell so good.”
“You feel so good.” I kiss him, rake my fingers hard through his hair, lean my chest into his face.
“You’re going to make me hard again.”
“Promises, promises.”
And well.....he’s apparently good at keeping promises.
I heart math homework.
10:15 pm
Jake texts me: Don’t forget to do your ceramics homework :)
So Katie, Maggie, Annie and me are laying on the floor of our room, finishing up our homework.
Well, sorta.
Maggie is painting her toenails, worrying about being introduced to Bryce tomorrow at lunch. Katie is practicing a tricky dance combination that she can’t seem to get right. Annie is on facebook, creeping on Ace’s profile and yelling out people’s statuses. I just got back to my room a few minutes ago, and I’m actually finishing up some math problems. Dawson was supposed to help me with them, but well, you know.
No math got done.
Annie screeches out, “OH MY GOD! Listen to the status Dawson just posted. It says, I heart math homework, then a winky face. What does that mean?”
“It means we were supposed to do my math homework.”
“Supposed to??” She raises her eyebrows at me.
Katie says, “You’re doing your math homework now.”
“Yeah, thats why he hearts it, no homework was done.”
Maggie moves over closer to me and is like, “Ohhhhh, what did you do? People are all speculating on if you guys have had sex. You would tell us if you had right?”
“Uh, I don’t know, I think that’s kinda private personally.”
Annie isn’t satisfied, “So what did you do then?”
“Just messed around, you know. It was fun. We have fun.”
Maggie is like, “Must of been, but speaking of that. Here’s a question.”
“Hang on. Jake just texted me again.”
“Jake?? Peyton’s Jake? Why is he texting you??” Annie screeches.
“We have class together, and he gave me some homework.”
Maggie is confused. “Homework for ceramics? What? Wait.”
Annie yells. “Oh my gosh!! Jake just commented on Dawson’s status. He says, Dude, your math homework is hot :)
Katie grins, “What does that mean?”
“Oh, he kinda walked in on us, like making out. Well my shirt was kinda unbuttoned, and my skirt was maybe slightly askew, but we were dressed. Well his shirt was off, but it was when I got there. He had just showered. He smelled so gooooddd. So anyways, Jake and Bryce want to know how a girl decides when the right time to sleep with a guy is. Like do you have to be going out? If so, how long? Maggie, you’re the oldest of us. What did you do?”
“Well, I dated a guy for a year. He wanted to, I never did it. Then this summer, I did it with a guy I dated for a month. And then since then, it depends on my mood.” (I want to hang out in an Eastbrooke dorm and not do my homework but gossip instead. The dorm scenes are some of my favorites. I love how close the girls get and how they care about each other. They are all so different, yet. . . not.)
Katie says, “I went out with my boyfriend for like six months before we did.”
Annie says, “I’m waiting to do it with someone I’m really in love with.”
“Yeah, but if you are in love with him, how long would you make him wait?”
“How long you going to make Dawson wait?”
“No, it’s not about me. It’s like I’
m supposed to get a general consensus.”
“I’m going to go down the hall and ask people,” Maggie says, “I’m bored with history, this sounds more fun.” She goes off with a pencil and a notebook.
Annie says, “Dawson just replied to Jake’s comment. Isn’t it funny, that they are commenting each other, and they like live right next door to each other?”
“That is kinda funny. What’d he say?”
“He said, Effing hot.”
“Oh and Ace just said, I wanna do your math homework too. I don’t think you can handle it by your self.”
“Oh, I don’t like that. Oh, and Dawson didn’t like that either. He said, Not cool, Ace.
And Ace again, Jkjk. This is exciting!” she raves. Oh wait, now Jake says, Dawes looked like he was handling things just fine.
Dawson says, Hell yeah.
I text Dawson.
Me: Love your status, hate the comments.
Dawson: Sorry Keatie :( they just think we made out.
Me: Jake saw your hand up my skirt. I’m pretty sure he knows it was more than that. Plus, you just said, hell yeah. Making out doesn’t usually get a hell yeah.
Dawson: Oh.
Me: Do you want to tell people?
Dawson: No but it’s kinda fun to have them guessing, I never, um, never mind. I’ll tell them to stop.
Me: Naw, it’s okay. Have fun, just keep them guessing.
Dawson: You make me feel so amazing.
me: Doesn’t every guy says that after sex?
Dawson: You don’t get it. YOU make me feel amazing, yeah, the sex is great, but it’s because it’s with you. Go out with me.
Me: :) and no freaking way!!!
Dawson: I’m hurt!
Me: Then don’t ask a girl to go out by text. It’s tacky. Plus, then you will think it’s okay to break up with me by text, and that is not cool.
Dawson: I’m not going to break up with you. Like ever.
Me: Promises promises.
Dawson: Made good on my promise earlier ;)
Me: Yeah you did. Um tomorrow, I do wanna talk to you about something.
Dawson: Tell me now :(
Me: It’s not bad, I’m just going to visit my family in a couple weeks and they asked if I would be bringing you, but it seems like too soon. But I won’t get to see them again until Christmas cuz they are going to be out of town on Thanksgiving and I’m rambling.....sorry.
Dawson: I’d love to go, as long as you don’t have to kill me after.
Me: :) Night.
Me: Hey wait, we are taking a poll, how long do you think a girl should make a guy wait for sex? Like not us, but normally.
Dawson: I think whatever we did was perfect. Seriously. I might just be in love with you :)
Me: <3
Annie is still rambling on. Ace just said, We gonna kick some ass friday night? and then some guy named Brad said, Fuck yeah, and then, oh wait, it’s gone. Ohhhhh, awwww, ohmigawd, Dawson just changed his status. It says, Keatie and then there’s a heart. That is sooo cute.”
Katie says, “That is really cute. You need to like that.”
“No, I don’t.”
“Well, I’m liking it.”
“Everyone is liking it.” Annie informs us. “Like eight people have already liked it.”
“Like who?”
“I don’t know. I don’t know any of them, wait, there’s more, now there’s like fourteen, most of his guy friends, Riley. Oh, Dallas just commented and said, Kiki.
Katie says, “Okay. You seriously need to move away from the computer, you’re obsessed. Where’s Maggie?”
“I don’t know,” Annie tells her, “but I need cookies. Let’s go down to the kitchen.”
“You bring back cookies. I’m gonna be up all night if I don't get to work.”
Katie is standing by the door, turns back around. “That’s what they make redbull for, silly.”
I get about fifteen minutes of interruption free studying, well not really, my phone keeps buzzing with texts, but I don’t look at it, and manage to get my math problems done and start the history vocab before they all come bounding back into the room.
“Okay, here’s the consensus.” Maggie says. “Most girls say they have waited anywhere from one day to one year, they say they should be going out with them, if they like the guy, but if they don’t like the guy, and it’s just a hookup they won’t necessarily wait.”
“They are having sex with guys they don’t like?”
“No. I mean like guys they don’t deem as serious boyfriend types.”
“You guys ever watch Sex and the City?”
“I’ve seen some of them and the movies,” Annie states.
I had a Sex and the City marathon with my friend last summer when she broke her leg and couldn't do anything. Like for four days straight we did nothing but watch the series. And on there they talk about the third date as being the sex date.”
And didn’t Tommy says something like that too?
“Yeah, but they’re grown up. I think it’s different when you date boys our age. Like you don’t want to be just doing it with anyone. And you want them to respect you,” Katie states.
“So basically there are no rules. You just go with what you feel like?”
Maggie laughs, “Uh, well no, if we went with what we felt like, we’d all be sluts.”
We all laugh.
Annie says, “It really is hard for girls. I don’t think guys even understand. I don’t think parents understand. Like our parents tell us don’t do it, be a good girl. Our bodies tell us we should be doing it. Like it used to be once you got your period, you were a woman. You got married and had sex. Guys want you to do it, but they don’t want you to do it too soon. And if you don’t do it soon enough, sometimes they will dump you. So then you think, oh, I’ll wait until I find a guy who really love me. But then some guy tells you he loves you, you do it, and he decides he doesn’t. Society tells us not to do it, but then we have all these sexy images of how we should look. It’s really confusing.” (I love how Annie thinks about stuff from every single angle.)
“That’s true,” I say. I think everyone has to make their own decision. Whether you are 15, 17, 25, 40. I think what ever is right for you is what you should do.”
Katie digests it all and says, “True.”
Maggie says, “So I think it’s a combination of how the guy treats you, how much you like him, if he seems serious, and if he respects you.” Then she adds naughtily, “And then when you can’t say no any longer, you give in.”
Annie says, “So we know Katelyn’s only done it with her boyfriend, wait, have you and Tyrese?”
“No. I can’t with him. I mean, he’s hot and older, and he’s probably good at it, but we’d definitely have to be going out first. And then, I’d still wait some.”
Then Annie turns to me, “And you were just with Brooklyn, and I haven’t done it yet, so Maggie, have you ever had a random hookup? Like not been with someone you weren’t dating?”
Maggie is a sophomore like Annie.
Maggie says, “Um, I have.”
“Andddddd??!!”
“I can’t decide if I’d rather have to deal with a stupid boyfriend and all the love bullshit, or the shame I feel when I hookup.” (LOL Maggie. She is funny.)
“That’s pretty deep,” I tell her. “Okay guys, I’m calling bedtime.”
I lay in bed and think more about Sex in the City, and it pops into my head that Carrie dated a guy named Aiden for quite a while, and they were even engaged, but then she got back with Mr. Big because he was the one for her. So who is Dawson, and who is Aiden? Is Aiden my Mr. Big, or will I end up with him at some point, only to decide he’s not the one? Or is he the one, and that’s why he has such a magnetic pull on me? Or have I even met my Mr. Big yet? And these boys I know now are like the different boyfriends she had over the years, like the guy that played jazz and was like hyper, or the guy that was her sex buddy, or I don’t know, I can’t r
emember then all, which is really the point. They were there, but they weren't special. They were just a short chapter in her life. But she didn’t really know at the time they weren’t special, did she? (Yes, this mess of rambling got cut.)
I’m not sure, all I know is Dawson feels special. And he said he’d go meet the family. He has no idea what he is in for.
I know a lot of actors, maybe I should hire fake parents. Naw, if he’s special, then he should probably know. Maybe.
Kinda like the sex, it’s just not something I want to get around.
I go to sleep, and my dreams are haunted by satyrs, and evil love gods, and centaurs, and eventually I’m in a meadow, dressed in a white gown with golden trim. I walk out to the middle of the clearing and meet the man I’m getting ready to marry. He’s blurry though because I’m wearing a veil, but I can see from his outline he is very handsome, and my heart knows I love him. We he have the wedding, say I do, and he kisses me through the veil. Then he takes me out of the clearing to his dorm room for our honeymoon, and I’m sitting on a chair straddling him, like earlier today. We are kissing and kissing through the veil, and he’s taking off my wedding gown, and then I’m naked except for my veil, and we’re consummating our marriage. Finally, he lifts the veil in the middle of the consummation to kiss me, and there staring back at me is not the Dawson that I expected. It’s Aiden, wearing a gold laurel wreath around his head. I wake up sort of throbbing down there. (Aiden is literally the man of her dreams.)
And wondering what the hell?
Thursday, September 8th.
It’s tutoring with food
French
I walk into French, where my teacher, Miss Praline, pulls me aside.
“Aiden said you won’t be tutoring him. I’d like you to reconsider that.”
“Why?”
“He just really struggled in French 1 and barely passed, so he’s already behind. He needs this to play soccer at an Ivy League school, which is his goal. So the school wants to make sure he passes. I’ll give you extra credit.”
“I don’t need extra credit. I’m very good at french.”
