by RK Close
I’d once tested the old rumor that vampires couldn’t enter the House of God. I figured, if I couldn’t enter, then I was surely doomed. And, if I was struck down when I entered, then my prayers would have been answered. Those were dark days for me.
It was when nothing happened, and I was able to enter a church, that a small spark of hope ignited. The hope that I wasn’t damned kept me from doing anything drastic. There was no big celebration or anything like that; only less despair and self-loathing.
I don’t know how long I sat there, but I heard someone enter the church and I almost bolted. When I turned, I saw the old priest shuffling toward me. Suddenly, I wished I’d left when I heard him enter.
His face was kind and his nature gentle. He smelled like peppermint and it reminded me of my grandfather. I felt dirty in his presence, simply because of what I was. He stopped at the end of the pew. “Good evening. May I join you?”
I didn’t know how to respond. My guilt wouldn’t allow the words to come out. He must have noticed my discomfort.
“It can be lonely here at night. As you can see,” he said, motioning around the empty church. I nodded my head, and he smiled before sitting next to me. He left several feet between us for which I was thankful.
Could he sense evil in me? Did priests have a divine ability to discern such things?
“Is there anything that I can pray for on your behalf?” he asked kindly.
I wasn’t certain why I answered. “I just lost a friend. A really close friend,” I said, my voice almost breaking.
“I’m sorry to hear this. I’ll pray that our Lord grants you peace in this time of sorrow,” he offered.
“Thank you,” I said, looking down at my hands.
“Is something else troubling you?” he asked after a long moment of silence.
I looked up at him and thought I saw something in his eyes. For a moment I imagined that he knew all of my dark secrets and understood where I’d come from. “Why?”
The old priest turned his gaze to the altar. “I don’t know. It was just a feeling. If there’s nothing else, that’s fine.”
For a few seconds, I hesitated. “I’m afraid that I’m not worthy to be loved anymore. I know that I don’t deserve it.” It was all I could do not to clamp my mouth shut with my hands. Why did I say that out loud?
He turned back to me and adjusted his position so that he could see me better. “God’s love is not earned. It’s a divine gift. We receive love and forgiveness by His grace. We have only to accept it,” he said, reaching over to pat my hand.
He didn’t react to touching me as I imagined he might. Then he stood and moved into the aisle slowly, as if unsteady on his feet. Before he left, he said, “We are all God’s children. Even you.” I blinked at him, and he winked before shuffling away.
I heard a door close somewhere in the church and then silence again. I could have been wrong, but I had a distinct feeling that the old man knew exactly what I was, or at least suspected. Warm tears ran down my cheeks--tears of gratitude mingled with tears of loss.
29
Olivia
I don’t remember how long I stayed there in the church. I felt a sense of peace, and I feared the moment might disappear once I left the sanctuary.
Again, I heard a door open behind me, but this time, I didn’t want to run and hide. If someone else was seeking forgiveness, we had something in common—a connection through our shared suffering.
The same moment I caught his scent, Seth stood at the end of the pew, as the priest had. He wore a gentle smile, but his gaze was cautious. I searched his eyes for any sign of anger or rejection but found none.
“Hey,” I said, feeling awkward and shy, like high school all over again. I’d didn’t date much before my death—too busy with sports and academics.
“Hey.” The look in his eyes made my stomach flip. I may not have dated much, but I wasn’t that different from other girls when a devilishly handsome guy paid attention to me. There was nothing boring about Seth McKenzie.
“May I sit with you?” he asked, more formally than he normally would. This made me nervous because part of what I liked about Seth was his devil-may-care attitude. I found it refreshing. Maybe he was here to clear the air and let me down gently. He needn’t bother.
“Sure,” I said, stealing glances at him. “Are you okay?” I looked away, unable to hold his gaze. “How badly did they hurt you?” My voice was a whisper. Another man might not have heard me.
He didn’t answer right away, but I felt him scoot closer to me on the bench. It was like electricity shooting up my body where our thighs touched. I squeezed my eyes closed, then felt him take my hand in his.
When I refused to look at him, he turned my face with his other hand until we were almost nose to nose. “I’m completely healed, Olivia. You don’t need to worry about me, but I’m flattered that you do.” He grinned his typical self-confident smile that melted all the girls’ hearts, especially mine.
“You were hurt because of me. It should've been me. I’m so sorry,” I said, wanting to cry for so many reasons—mostly because I didn’t deserve all the things others did on my behalf.
All I did was bring pain to them; my family, Victor and the others, Seth and finally...Simon.
I had become the cancer.
“Don’t ever say that,” he said, moving strands of my hair from my face. Seth was treating me with such care and tenderness that it made me feel conflicted. I loved his nearness, yet I didn’t dare hope for what I really wanted--for him to love me.
“What you did for me . . . it was brave and . . . stupid at the same time,” he said.
My mouth opened to respond, but I didn’t know how to respond. He called me brave . . . and stupid.
I shyly studied his face. “Why are you here, Seth?”
“Because I wanted to check on you, make sure you are okay. After everything that happened with . . . Simon, and then when you didn’t show for the meeting.” He ran a hand through his hair.
Seth actually looked nervous. That was a change. I’d never seen him this way, and I wasn’t certain if it was a good or bad thing.
He turned toward me and took my hands in his. It was a strange but good feeling. “Because you’re here. That’s why I’m here,” he said, his gaze holding me in place.
It was like a flip was switched. Cast aside was the moment of nervousness. “Do you know that I can’t stop thinking about you, that I dream about you?” he asked.
All I could do was blink at him. Was he kidding? Was the punchline coming?
“Ever since you walked into the Burning Moon that first night, you’ve been tugging at my mind, body, and soul.”
I shook my head. “I—”
“I need to know if you feel anything for me?”
He was saying everything that I’d longed to hear him say but refused to allow myself to hope for. “Why? Why me? I’m a—” I wasn’t allowed to finish.
“A beautiful, feisty, caring, and selfless woman. That’s what you are,” he said, leaning closer and resting his forehead to mine.
I refused to cry. I wanted this so badly that a part of me feared it. The priest’s words came back to me, and I put my hand on Seth’s neck. “Thank you,” I whispered.
Seth leaned in to kiss me, but I stopped him. When he pulled back, a question in his eyes, I pointed toward the altar and smiled sheepishly. He laughed out loud and pulled me to my feet.
We walked out of the church, hand in hand. We climbed onto his motorcycle, and I wrapped my arms around his chest. I thought we were going to my home, but he turned a different way. I didn’t care, because I knew that I’d go anywhere with him.
We drove south on I-17 and turned off on a dirt road. Eventually, we were deep into the forest. I looked up to see the moon and stars through the trees and thought how beautiful and perfect they were.
“Why are we here?” I asked.
“I want you to know everything about me and I want to know everything ab
out you.” He smiled and looked up at the moon. “I thought we could run together.”
A slow smile spread across my face. “Do you think you can keep up?”
“I think you need to meet my other half. He’s a little wild, but I want you to know exactly what you’re getting.” He walked up to me and took my face in his hands.
When he brought his lips to mine, I felt as if I’d explode into a million tiny pieces. “I’ve been wanting to try that again,” he said, smiling mischievously.
“Me too,” I admitted.
“Will you run with me?” he asked, still holding my face in his hands.
I nodded, and Seth moved away from me to began to undressing. He removed his shoes and socks, then his shirt.
I watched until he began to unbutton his jeans. I turned away and crossed my arms over my chest to hide my nervousness. “You and your brothers ever heard of a thing called modesty?”
I heard him laugh softly. “Sorry, the clothes can hang us up when we shift. Sometimes they just fall away, but it can be pretty comical when a wolf is tangled inside a T-shirt. Not the sort of impression I want to leave you with.” He was silent for a moment, and I heard him move closer. I almost jumped when I felt his hand on my shoulder—mostly because I knew he was naked.
“Do you want to watch?” he asked quietly.
Of course I wanted to, but I still sort of enjoyed the mystery.
I made my choice and nodded. The sound of his footsteps moving away from me was a relief. When I thought there was some distance between us, I slowly turned around. My heart threatened to beat out of my chest. I wondered if he could hear it.
Seth was standing about twenty yards from me, facing away so I only saw his muscular backside. His body was sculpted art in the moonlight. Every muscle moved and flexed beneath his skin as he turned his head to look at me over his shoulder. The intensity of his eyes as they glowed a bright amber took my breath away. He took several long strides forward, then leaped as if diving toward a pool of water.
It happened so quickly that if I’d blinked, I might have missed it. I’d wondered about this, since learning that shifters existed. I imagined a dramatic physical change that was painful and ugly.
This, this was magical.
He landed and shook his fur before turning to look at me. Seth’s wolf was large and powerful, and he was beautiful in both his forms. He trotted up to me and moved his muzzle against my hand.
I ran my fingers tentatively through his soft fur and realized, for the first time, how our secrets connected us. He yelped playfully at me, then darted off.
Smiling, I looked up. The night sky was full of stars, and life was full of possibilities. This was what I held onto as I raced after him through the forest. As I always did when Seth was near me, I felt almost human.
Almost.
30
Zoey. Three weeks later.
“It seems like your friends are having a good time.” Bill took the clean glass I handed him and drew a beer from the tap.
I couldn’t help but smile when I glanced over to the rowdy table where three shifters, one vampire, and two humans laughed it up like old friends and new lovers. “They do, don’t they.”
He placed the glass of beer on my large round serving tray. I reached for it before he stopped me by placing his hand on my arm.
Bill looked like an old biker with shoulder-length gray hair, a mustache, and leathery skin that had seen plenty of Arizona sunshine.
“We’re pretty slow tonight. Why don’t you join them? I can close up.”
I blinked at him. This was the last thing I expected to hear from my grumpy boss. If I was a few minutes late, he looked like he was on the verge of an aneurysm for the rest of the shift.
“Besides, I bet Cole McKenzie would enjoy your company,” Bill said with a teasing tone he saved only for me on rare occasions. He was pretty rough around the edges, most of the time—even with the customers.
I raised my eyebrows at him. “Since when do you offer to give me time off? Last week you said the bar would fall apart if I called in sick.”
He paused to wipe his hands on a dingy towel hanging at his waist while I stole a glance at Cole. I shouldn’t have looked. He was watching me, as he often did. My cheeks flushed in response, and I quickly turned my focus back to Bill.
“Look. I know you value your privacy, Zoey. And I know that you don’t like it when I, or anyone else, asks you personal questions.”
I grew restless with the direction the conversation had suddenly turned. “That’s right. Don’t mess up this good thing we have going on.” Not waiting for a reply, I walked away to serve the beer and collect the tab from another table. When I returned to the bar, Bill did not look happy with me.
“You didn’t let me finish. All I’m saying is that those people are the only ones I’ve seen you be friendly to. I think—” He motioned toward Cole’s group before I cut him off.
“I’m friendly with everyone! Where do you get off?” My reaction must have surprised us both by the look on his face.
He paused and took a deep breath. His eyes took on a softness that other people might not notice. “I’m trying to stay out of your business but you spend all your time working or alone. I—I worry about you. That’s all.”
Bill tended to guard his emotions like I guarded my privacy. I knew this conversation made him uncomfortable too, but it was sweet that he cared. I needed to get him to back off. Being forced to find another job wasn’t something I wanted to do. I liked Bill and loved working at the Burning Moon Bar. It felt safer than my apartment above the bakery.
“Bill. You don’t need to worry about me. I’m fine. I like to be alone. It’s the way I’m wired,” I lied.
Bill stood up taller as he looked past me with a growing smile on his whiskery face. “Looks like you’ve got company.”
I turned to find Cole walking toward us. His smile was one part innocence and one part mischievous. That was only a small part of the charm of Cole McKenzie.
“Bill. Zoey,” Cole said.
“Hey, Cole,” Bill said. He still wore a smirk on his face.
Cole nodded at Bill but stopped in front of me. “Would you mind getting me another beer?”
I smiled as I took his empty beer glass and went behind the bar to draw the beer myself.
“Zoey’s just getting off,” Bill said.
I cringed inside while throwing a dirty look in Bill’s direction.
Cole seemed to zero in on the opportunity, just as Bill knew he would. “You should join us, Zoey.” His hopeful expression melted any resolve I could have mustered.
The next look I threw Bill was wasted on his retreating back. His laughter floated over the buzz of conversations in the bar. I handed Cole his beer and smiled. “I’d love to join you. Let me finish up, and I’ll be right over.”
Cole’s face beamed. It warmed my heart and hurt it at the same time. I’d been drawn to Cole’s warm personality and shy charm from the first moment I’d felt him enter the Burning Moon Bar. The fact that I knew immediately that he was a shifter may have made me feel more connected to him. We were both different. One foot in the human world, one foot in another.
But I didn’t view all supernaturals as kindred spirits.
I closed out my last tab and slipped into the back to freshen up in the dingy employee washroom. After dabbing some gloss on my lips, I pulled out the two chopsticks that I’d used to hold my red curls in a messy bun while tending bar. Now the natural red waves framed my face and covered my shoulders.
I quickly combed my fingers through the strands in an attempt to force the unruly mane to behave. No luck. My hair did what it wanted, and unless I felt like spending an hour with a straightening iron, this was my only look.
Back behind the bar, I drew a glass of cider for myself before approaching Cole’s table. Seth noticed me and nudged Cole, who immediately stood to pull out a seat for me. I was embarrassed by the attention, yet impressed when Seth and Liam als
o rose from their chairs and waited for me to sit before doing the same.
That’s something I don’t see often, at least from younger men. Someone raised these guys well.
“Zoey! I’m glad you’re joining us. We figured you were working your usual schedule and closing the place down,” Jessica said. She looked beautiful as usual. It was strange not seeing her on the nightly news anymore, but obviously she was much happier in her new career.
“Yeah, me too. It seems that I’m not needed tonight. Thanks for inviting me to join you.”
“How are you, Zoey?” Seth asked.
Seth’s arm was draped lazily around Olivia’s shoulders. She was a dark beauty—frozen at the youthful age of eighteen. Olivia had changed overnight from a cool and calculating girl with a chip on her shoulder to this—a woman in love. She still had her edges, but they’d softened. Her usual pale complexion was complemented by a pink blush on her cheeks.
Olivia raised her glass of whiskey at me and smiled. We’d formed a tentative friendship after I spelled the dagger for her. The magic cost me, but I knew what it was like to feel helpless to someone with power over me. To be the object of their desire was terrifying. That level of fear grew like a virus.
A conversation ensued about the gallery and then somehow ended up with Seth and Liam arguing about cars versus trucks. I was just happy to not be alone in my small apartment. This felt good, normal—healthy.
“Where’d you go?” Cole asked, close to my ear.
I jumped a little. “What do you mean?”
“You looked like you were a million miles away. I was just wondering what you were thinking about.” Cole placed his hand on the back of my chair. We were so close that our knees were touching.
A nervous laugh escaped me. “I don’t know. Just thinking about the last time we were all together, I guess.” I didn’t want to take the conversation to a dark place, but I didn’t want to talk about me, either.
“I’ve been trying to get up the nerve to talk to you about everything that went down, but the timing never seems to be right,” Cole said.
