Prey on Your Target’s Prominent Feeling State
What prominent emotions does your target experience the most?
Take any emotion that your target experiences often, and double it. For example, one of my past targets was always experiencing the longing and yearning. Amplify it. Be the only person who can provide these intense feelings.
Why is this important?
We're inherently in a feeling state. No matter what anyone says - we're more emotional than logical. Most of us (and I can bet) your target is reacting rather than responding. There is a difference. The difference is that reacting is emotional and responding is logical. Most of us, including myself - have a main feeling state. Sometimes they fluctuate, yet most of the time that emotional state stays the same.
Here's what I'm talking about:
Let's pretend your targets’ feelings are superiority all day, everyday. You'll need to take those feelings and amplify it. This is because if their feelings are so intense, and you're the only person who can evoke those feelings - they'll become dependent on you. They won't even realize why they're becoming reliant on you.
How to discover their usual/favourite feelings are though?
What are they consistently talking about? How do they say it? What memories come up in the conversation - examine the tone of that as well.
Example:
*Liam's feeling state was nostalgia. I'd take him out and create memories. The next time I would see him I'd say: "omg - remember when we did X?" in a dreamy nostalgia state. His particular feeling state was the 80's. This was effortless for me - as I am watching 80's movies and listening to music from the 80's as well. I even dressed the part. My feelings of nostalgia rubbed off on him. (Remember: our mirror neurons - from "How to Make Someone Obsessed With You"). Other things I would do with Liam would be asking him about previous memories, anything of the past.
How did I know Liam's feeling state was nostalgia?
Simple - the 80's were the only thing he ever spoke of. My observations were correct as he would come to me indulging in memories - something no one else would put up with.
What to do with this information:
Learn what their feeling state is - then aggravate it. You can provoke it by speaking around the topic, dressing the part, the tone in your voice, the look in your eye - get creative.
Chapter Seven
Personas They Wish To Be
With regards to making someone obsessed with you, you must be able to detect which personas a person aspires to be. If you’ve read my first book, you would understand this would also be known as aggravating hidden sides they wish to explore, but feel unsafe to do so. Unfortunately this can backfire because their egos can start soaring. In the real world, people tend to confront you and/or call you out on your false pretenses. Telling others they are acting like something they aren’t or shouldn’t be, immediately creates resistance. On the other hand, maintain their delusions of who they affirm they are - and they’re all yours.
Recurring Topics?
The topics they perpetually talk about indicates what identities/subcultures they’ve identified with and annexed themselves to. Matters they’re always bringing up can denote their comfort zones, obnubilate personality traits, lastly - the archetype they long/trying to portray to the world.
How to take advantage of this:
It’s easy to uncover what they’re always bringing up. Just carefully listen - as most of the other chapters stress. Look beyond their words, and listen to how they say it, and their body language when they say it. It’s that simple. You’ll be able to detect concrete topics, people, and prevailing themes that represent archetypes and subcultures waiting to emerge.
Some common conversations and their interpretations:
“The other day I got so high and/or drunk with my friends”. Or, they're always talking about their “little adventures with friends.”
How to take advantage of this:
They want to either be portrayed as someone who is popular and/or adventurous. Another meaning could be: hey, people acknowledge my existence and wish to be a component of it. I'm doing good fun things with my life - what are you doing with yours? Contribute to how astounding their lives are, and make them feel acknowledged.
Once in awhile you'll have to challenge them, and express things like "hey, thought you were adventurous - come on let's do this." Don't be insolent and verbalize things like “why aren't you doing anything on Friday? Thought you had a million friends?" That's rude and nonessential. Instead say " oh, you're conventionally up to something." Be classy about your ambiguity.
Another example:
“Everyone
does me wrong. I'm always so good to people but people do this to me”.
How to take advantage of this:
This person is trying to portray the image of the victim and a potential drama queen. Both usually go hand in hand. Play the rescuer and allow them to be the victim by enabling their helplessness. Do not try to provide solutions like most people - sit there and listen quietly as they unload their idealizations of drama filled victim mentality.
Something else you can do, is wrong them. Give them a reason to drown in their martyr syndrome.
What to do with this information:
To conclude, carefully discern what themes are extensive and allow your target to believe the image they are attempting to project has been projected onto you.
Chapter Eight
Their Expectations
Everyone has their own expectations. In our own minds, we hold a series of expectations and if people don’t fulfil them - we feel disappointed. This is the sole cause of disappointment; our expectations. In our heads, we have movies playing. Within these movies are roles people in our lives play, lines they must say to make the scene. If they don’t - we feel angry behind the scenes if we are not self aware enough. The game of obsession is quite difficult to maintain as we must constantly adhere to our target’s expectations. Failure to comply to their expectations may leave them feeling disappointed. However, when you succeed in complying to their expectations they so badly want fulfilled - expect them to be completely under your control. It is not common that everyday we come across people who are here to please us and us only. Take advantage of this, and understand their deepest expectations of what they would like from a person, and the world. Of course there are specific expectations where we do not have to comply. This chapter will show you how to discover what their expectations are.
Their “Love Language”
A conversation between two friends go something like this:
Friend A: I don’t think my partner loves me.
Friend B: Why would you say that?
Friend A: He doesn’t tell me he loves me.
Friend B: But he buys you flowers, and spends lots of time with you. I think he does love you.
What’s happening here? The cliche conversation between the two friends is a perfect example of partners and people who don’t understand their partner’s love languages. The term is coined from the book “The Five Love Languages” by Dr. Gary Chapman. If you were an outsider listening in on the conversation, you might think the partner does indeed love her. However, friend A cannot see this because she has a subjective experience.
While I loved the book, Dr. Chapman never explained in full detail/analysis how to ascertain your target's love language - therefore I decided to add this part in the book.
Why is this important?
In her mind, her significant other does not display love the way she needs him to; verbally. Friend A’s partner may feel unappreciated, if she complained about him not “loving her”, because in his mind - he is, via quality time/gifts. The lack of understanding of each partner’s love language will create conflict within the relationship - even the death of it. Prevent conflict and create satisfaction by discovering your target’s love language. As mentioned throughout this book: not one size fits all.
What are the five (5)
love languages?
Gary Chapman discovered the five love languages which are:
● Quality Time
● Physical Touch
● Verbal Affirmation
● Gifts
● Acts of Service (which will not be explored here).
The love languages are self explanatory. Thus I will not waste any time describing what all my readers already know. With each love language, I will explain three things:
How to detect this person has this love language.
How to appeal to their specific love language.
An example.
Quality Time
How you can tell:
They are always asking to do things with you.
Come up with some suggestions you can do for the weekend.
Shares things with you they’ve heard were fun and interesting.
Ensures you can spend more than just one hour with them.
Shares good times and memories, like that one time they got so wasted they stole a group of sick turtles.
An example:
Our egos have specific defense mechanisms. One of the mechanisms tends to be disliking something intensely if we know we cannot have it. A man who we'll call Bob, despised wealthy people. I discovered Bob grew up wealthy. Due to an unfortunate event, they lost their wealth. As a result of this, his mind chose to despise rich people as a way to cope with the loss of his family’s wealth. Maybe this was a bit much, but for our “quality time”, I brought him to an elite bar where you need to actually hold elite status. My connections are of this circle, and they got me in.
I never told Bob of my connections. Despite this, he never questioned my “elite” status. We spent many hours at this bar. Slowly, but surely - he opened up about his childhood. The wealth. The poverty. Everything. Hell, I understood, my family went through a similar fate. As time went on, we scaled up to fancier bars. Throughout our time together, I recognized a belief: rich people are evil. Personally, I never believed this. There are evil people - affluent or poor. On the contrary, he was becoming what he “hated” the most. Taking him to these bars raised hell. Around me, he was experiencing cognitive dissonance. Bob went from calm and cool to aggressive, and money hungry. This is what was happening: Bob’s ideal self and lifestyle was to return to his filthy rich life as a snotty spoiled young man. He resisted this idealization because in order to cope with the loss of wealth - his mind decided having a mediocre life made him a noble man.
He was riding a high up until the two of us could no longer afford to spend fuck you money at luxurious bars. He couldn’t fulfil his needs, and I couldn’t either. It was over. Given these circumstances - we fell apart. No more talks, or walks. Pure nothingness.
I enjoyed taking a break from the fast life. Spending thirty minutes putting on makeup to its highest level of perfection was no longer needed. Heels weren’t required during my break, neither were the blisters that came with it. The slow life was the fun life. This was up until I was eager to experience some form of my former socialite life, so I picked up the phone and called my friend Luna. We went to this bar, and there was Bob. Sitting there with one of his buddies. He waved me over to have a seat with him and his friends. Fast forward into the night, Bob was completely out and his friend was the designated driver. He tells me he’s heard lots about me, and that I’ve introduced Bob to this bar. He also went onto explain that Bob has been “different” since then. Bob’s friend explained that they’ve known each other since they were children and that Bob now acts like that child he once knew. An important detail was shared here: Bob talked a lot about me, when he was drunk. Reminiscing in our memories, conversations detailing how we were going to rule the world. This one important detail showed me and now the readers of this book how important, better yet, love languages can be.
How to appeal to this:
Take the initiative, and do something that appeals to their personality. If you’ve discovered they’re stuck in their head, take them out of their own minds by going to a place that will activate all their senses. They’re an attention seeker? Bring your target to a place that will get them all the attention their heart desires.
Physical Touch
How you can tell:
A target who has this love language, is very touchy feely. Oftentimes they will speak about the texture of an item, or the feel of someone’s skin. They are often the kinesthetic type. Listen to their words. Words such as: I feel/felt/that feels so good/learns via hands on, rather than through theories.
Example:
There was a girl whom we’ll call Agnes. She was the perfect example of the physical touch. However, her need for touch varied. It was constantly fluctuating. One day when she was sad, she needed a hug. On a seperate day, she would appear distant. The solution was to allow her to lead. If she needed touch, I would provide that for her. Soon after, allowing her to lead, I soon discovered why she was distant, versus when she wanted physical affection. Many of her reasons had to do with why she was feeling despair. When she wanted affection in the form of physical touch, it was due to her feeling insecure about her worthiness. During times of displaying coldness, (where she didn’t want physical affection, e.g. a hug) it was due to how some people would’ve treated her.
How to appeal to this:
Use touchy feely language. The words mentioned above are to be used - they are sufficient. As for actually physically touching them, you must discern the comfortability of their level of touching. If they are constantly in need of touch - accommodate. If you discover they want to be touched during specific times, during the need for security or affection, touch them during those times.
Verbal Affirmation
How you can tell:
They talk, almost brag about compliments they’ve received. They give you compliments. They’re auditory. They’re fantastic listeners, possibly good with the usage of words.
How to appeal to this and examples:
Easy. Give them compliments. Refer to this article I’ve written on the art of smooth talking, originally written on November, 28th, 2015.
So today I remembered the smooth talkers in my life. I don't have any more smooth talkers in my life. Because they piss me off. They piss me off because they don’t understand HOW to smooth talk. The proper way. There is an art form. If you’ve done your homework on people now you’ll fully understand this article.
Now, what is smooth talking? You usually hear of men being smooth talkers. They’ll say anything to flatter a girl. A smooth talker is someone who has a way with words. Usually you can tell someone is a smooth talker by the way they talk. They’re usually complimenting people. That’s the most common sign.
If you want to be a proper smooth talker, you’ve got to understand what a person’s weaknesses are. And their insecurities are. (Same shit.) But you also have to know what they’re always being complimented on. Usually people have other people noticing and complimenting certain things on them. But most people desire to have someone notice, and compliment them on things they wish people could see.
Example:
In the categories of personas, I fit that incredibly beautiful out of everyone’s league persona. So everyone always compliments me on being soo beautiful/sexy.
Or according to one guy I would be “the sexy beautiful crazy girl. Who is weird and totally oblivious to men hitting on her.” I asked another friend and he says “yeah I can see that”.
But if you were a smooth talker, you’d know their weaknesses. So for me, my weakness would be my intellect. I mean I know I’m intelligent. But, I’m kind of insecure about it. I’m also insecure about my ability to be able to make my future what I want it to be.
A smooth talker would compliment my intelligence. And how intelligent they think I am. But I hide my insecurities so well that no one would be able to tell I feel insecure about it. Unless we’re close - you’d know.
Or, my ability to fit in with a regular crowd. I do horrible with crowds unless I know all of
them. And I try to avoid crowds and hanging out with them like it’s the plague. A smooth talker would tell me how much his friends or her friends loved me.
So the key is… finding out their hidden insecurities. Or things they wish people would notice.
Behind all that exterior is their core. So behind a preppy exterior is someone who wants to explore their crazy dark side. Behind a really hot girl or guy is someone who is more than just a pretty face… you get the point. (That’s also where the phrase “opposites attract” come from.)
I felt this was the most important part of what we will call “smooth talking” because it’s really the core of smooth talking. Knowing what appeals to them. The cords that’ll strike their hearts. (Their hidden insecurities, their hidden selves yearning to come out.)
Gifts
How you can tell:
How To Psychoanalyze Someone Page 6
