by Leanne Banks
But how could she possibly trust him? Especially after that report from the P.I. She would always feel like she needed to be on guard with him.
She wondered if he had truly been in love with her sister, or just infatuated. If he was who he seemed, how could Tabitha, even with her shallow nature, leave that kind of man behind? It didn’t make sense to her. Although Tabitha had always talked about marrying a man both wealthy and famous, perhaps even royalty, Nicole had assumed it wasn’t a serious plan.
After Tabitha had delivered Joel, she’d begun a strict exercise regimen to lose the baby weight, telling Nicole she had to get in shape for her prince. She’d partied frantically in New York, Los Angeles and Atlanta, refusing to slow down even when the doctor had insisted.
Nicole took a deep breath and sent up a silent wish of peace for her sister. Closing her eyes, she concentrated on the rhythmic rocking motion and allowed herself to drift to sleep.
Minutes later, he was in bed beside her. His wide shoulders blocked the bulk of the morning sun just beginning to rise. His rock-hard chest was inches from her. His dark, gold skin stretched over his well-developed muscles.
His physical strength fascinated her at the same time it frightened her. How could a man with such strength possess such gentleness?
His eyelids fluttered open and his dark gaze immediately latched on to her. “You’re supposed to be sleeping,” he said, sliding his hand under the covers to her bare hip. “I thought I took care of any nervous energy you had last night.”
He lifted his index finger to her lips.
“I guess you haven’t been kissed enough,” he said and pulled her flush against his body.
Heat rushed through her and she couldn’t stop a smile at the easy, sexy way he handled her. “I didn’t say that. I was just looking at you.”
“Why look when you can touch?” he asked and lifted one of her hands to his chest at the same time he lowered his mouth to hers.
His mouth sent fireworks through her. He seemed to devour her as if he couldn’t get enough of her. He skimmed his mouth down over her shoulder, sending ripples of sensation in his wake.
He touched the sides of her breasts, teasing her until she couldn’t remain still, pushing her nipples against his palm.
He swore under his breath, but it was a sound of pleasure. “I love the way you move.”
Sliding one of his hands between her legs, he found her wet and swollen. “Ready already?”
A twinge of self-consciousness rushed through her. Did he really not know that he kept her in a state of readiness for him all the time? “Is that bad?” she asked, her voice sounding breathless to her own ears.
“If it’s bad, then we’re both bad,” he said, and guided her hand over his erection.
She slid her hand over him, moving in long strokes.
He let out a hiss of breath, his eyes fixed on her. “I need you again.”
It amazed her how powerful he could make her feel even when she was in such a vulnerable position. Suddenly, touching and needing weren’t nearly enough. “I need you, too.”
He rolled on to his back, pulling her on top of him, sending her equilibrium spinning. “You set the pace. If I do, it will all be over in sixty seconds.”
She laughed despite her own mind-blowing arousal. Pushing herself up and propping her hands on either side of his head, she stared into his eyes as he wrapped his hands around her hips and guided her just over him.
“Take it slow,” he told her. “You do wicked things to my self-control.”
Sliding down him inch by delicious inch, she felt his groan vibrate inside her. She’d never imagined she could feel this free with a man, this desirable, this passionate, this…in love…
Nicole awakened so slowly she almost felt as if she were still dreaming. She heard the sound of laughter. Joel, she realized with a smile. She would know that sound anywhere. A second later, she heard a deeper, masculine chuckle. She blinked, immediately identifying Rafe’s voice.
Disoriented, she sat up in bed, trying to make sense of the hot visual she’d had. Had Rafe been in her bed? Her body felt odd, swollen with arousal. She ran her hands over her night clothes and embarrassment washed over her.
What was the matter with her? How could she be having erotic dreams about a man she didn’t trust? Or was it possible that her feelings for him were more complex than she’d realized? She shook her head, unable to believe it.
“Shhh. Don’t wake your mother,” Rafe said just outside her door.
“She likes me to wake her up,” Joel said. “She likes it when I jump on the bed. It makes her laugh. You can come, too.”
Still horrified by her dreams, Nicole gasped, scrambling out of bed and rushing to open the door. “I hear someone laughing,” she managed, focusing on Joel, who was still dressed in his dinosaur jammies.
“It was me and him,” he said, pointing at Rafe.
Dressed in shorts and a black T-shirt that stretched tight over his shoulders, Rafe stepped forward and leaned against the doorjamb in the hallway, stealing her attention and her breath.
“Somebody’s a pistol in the morning,” he said, giving her a swift, but thorough onceover before he met her gaze.
“He wakes up happy,” she said, feeling self-conscious. “Don’t you, Joel?”
He rushed into her arms and she hugged his sweet little body and gave him a good tickle. His belly laugh made her smile.
“If we could bottle that sound,” Rafe said.
She nodded in agreement and hugged him again.
“Mom, we’re gonna have pancakes. With strawberries and chocolate chips.”
“Not in the same pancakes,” Rafe corrected and rubbed his hand over Joel’s head. “Tell her what else we’re going to do.”
“Fish,” Joel said. “We’re gonna catch fish.”
His enthusiasm was contagious. “What are you going to do with them after you catch them?”
Joel looked at her then up at Rafe. “What do we do after we catch them?”
“We throw them back so someone else can take a turn catching them?”
Joel’s face crinkled in confusion. “Can’t I keep just one?”
“We’ll see,” Rafe said.
“That means no,” Joel said in a glum tone.
“Maybe I could get an aquarium,” Rafe ventured, lifting his thumb to his lip.
“An aquarium is a big commitment. Maybe we could just pick up one of those betta fish,” Nicole said.
“That’s okay. I’m in it for the long haul,” Rafe said, and picked up Joel.
Nicole was struck by the resemblance between the two. With the exception of Joel’s blue eyes, he could have been a miniature replica. It wasn’t the first time she’d noticed their similarities, but every time seemed to underline their bond more and more. She took a quick breath and focused on his comment. “I’m speaking of someone else’s interest. It wanes quickly.”
“Ah,” Rafe said. “Point taken. Betta fish on the way home. Are you joining us?”
“After I get dressed.”
“No need,” he said, his gaze skimming over her again. “We’re casual.”
“I’ll be out soon,” she said and closed her door. Her heart was racing. She frowned at herself, still disturbed by her hot dream. “Get a grip,” she whispered.
Joel didn’t stop bouncing with excitement for most of the day. His son even reached for his hand several times. The gesture tugged at his heart and he was relieved at the small sign of Joel’s trust. Joel would adjust. His son would grow to trust him more each day, to rely on him, maybe even to love him. It would happen faster if he had Nicole’s support and Rafe sensed he was getting to her.
She laughed and he felt her gaze on him several times throughout the day. He sensed both curiosity and skepticism. The latter made him impatient.
That night, after they returned to the house, Joel hit the sack early and Rafe took advantage of the time by inviting Nicole to join him for dinner on the patio.
“Have you ever gotten into a physical altercation as an adult?” Nicole asked him after dinner.
It was approximately the twentieth question she’d asked him regarding physical fights.
“Yes, I have. I was a bouncer for a couple of clubs in Miami. A few times I had to resort to brute strength, but not since. Why do you ask?” He met her gaze directly.
She bit her lip. “I just wanted to know what your approach to life was. If you thought physical intimidation was necessary.”
“In rare circumstances. If someone came at you or Joel, I would defend you,” he said. “I wouldn’t be a man if I didn’t.”
“What do you mean-not a man?” she asked.
“I mean I wouldn’t stand for anyone attacking you.” He shrugged. “I would protect my son. My son’s mother.”
She stared at him for a long moment. “And what about your son? Would you physically punish him? Would you-” She broke off as if she could barely complete her sentence. “Would you punish a woman?”
Rafe scowled in distaste. “A real man never uses his strength against a child or a woman.”
She bit her lip again. “You really believe that,” she said in an unsteady voice.
“Of course I do. Only cowards prey on those who are weaker.” He wondered where her questions originated. “Where is all of this coming from?”
She glanced away. “It was a philosophical question,” she said.
“It sounded like more,” he said.
She lifted her shoulders. “If you are going to be a partner in Joel’s care, then I need to know what to expect. People have different philosophies about physical punishment.”
He studied her for a long moment. “So you’re afraid I’ll beat him?”
Her heart skipped and her stomach knotted. She swallowed over the knot of emotion in the back of her throat. “I need to make sure I understand what you believe.”
“We’ve talked about this before. I was spanked as a child, but I don’t think it hurt me. I think there are better ways of disciplining children. My primary goal is protecting my child.”
He spoke as if he were a modern-day warrior. Nicole tried to compute his words, but struggled to separate them from her father’s actions.
“There’s something you’re not telling me,” he said, his eyes narrowed.
She looked away. “Your appearance in Joel’s life has been so sudden.”
“That wasn’t by my choice,” he said.
“I know. But you’re not the only one who feels protective of Joel.” She pushed her hair behind one ear and appeared as if she were debating something. “I’m not sure of what your values are, what you’ve been taught.”
Rafe felt a familiar twist in his gut. “What you mean is that I wasn’t raised in civilized society and in the cocoon of extreme wealth. You’re starting to sound like your sister. I’m a little too rough around the edges. I’m not quite good enough for prime time. Right?”
Nicole’s lips parted in a soft gasp. “No. I didn’t mean that at-”
He lifted his hand. “Save it. I’ve heard it before more than once. My family was poor, but my father loved us. My mother just wasn’t strong enough to keep it all together after my dad and Leo died. So, yes, I was shuffled off to a foster family, who wanted me partly because I brought in extra income. Didn’t catch up with my brothers until the last few years. Sometimes it feels like my first nine years were just a dream.” He paused a half beat and shook his head. “I pretended I belonged, but I never did. I don’t even have pictures of my family,” he muttered, then looked at her. “Your parents probably commissioned oil paintings of you and Tabitha every year of your life.”
“There were a lot of photos,” she admitted.
“None of this matters. What matters is Joel is my son and I’m going to take care of him. Good night,” he said and knew he had to get out. The walls of his house felt as if they were closing in around him. Or maybe it was his own bones and ribs squeezing his guts into a knot.
He grabbed the keys to his car and stopped suddenly. He couldn’t just pick up and go anymore. He had to think of Joel. He turned to Nicole. “I need to go for a drive,” he said. “I’ll make sure the housekeeper keeps an ear out for Joel. I’ll have my cell. Call me if you need me.”
She nodded. “I think I gave you the wrong impression,” she began.
“Not likely,” he said, hearing the edge of cynicism in his own voice. “I’ll be back in a few hours.”
Sliding into his vintage Corvette, Rafe put the top down and headed for the pier. The wind blew over his face, assuaging just a tinge of his restlessness. Nicole’s lack of trust in him drove him to a level of frustration he hadn’t experienced in years, if ever.
He knew she wanted him, but she kept pulling back. She got under his skin even more than Tabitha had. He shook his head at the thought. No, he’d allowed himself to fall ass over teakettle for Tabitha. Rafe had more self-control these days. Lust was just another word for love.
It shouldn’t bother him that she shared the same attitude about his lack of so-called class that Tabitha had, but it did.
A bitter taste filled his mouth. He could have dismissed any other woman, but this was Joel’s mother. Whether he liked it or not, he would have to bring her around to his way of thinking.
Nicole had never felt so conflicted in her life. Although she knew she was completely justified in making sure that Rafe would be a good parent to Joel, she hated the idea of causing Rafe pain. Given his history with her sister, her feelings were pure insanity.
Why did she care about hurting him? Was it because Rafe was Joel’s father? Nicole suspected it was more than that. Something about Rafe made her feel longings she’d dismissed. She should forget those same longings now.
Five days later, a social-services specialist called the house to schedule a visit. Nicole reluctantly called Rafe.
“What does she want?” he asked.
“She wants to observe Joel and you to see how he is adjusting,” Nicole said, pacing as she talked to him. The two of them had barely exchanged a word since he’d taken off that night after her confrontation.
“What did you tell her?” he demanded.
“I told her that you and Joel had a wonderful time on your yacht,” she said. “But you haven’t given me any new material since then.”
“You told her that?” he said, fury in his voice.
Nicole shook her head in exasperation. “Just the first part. But it would have been the truth. You don’t seem to grasp the concept that fathering is an everyday commitment, not just an every-now-and-then exercise.”
“I’m still catching up from my time in Atlanta,” he said in a clipped voice, then swore. “When is she coming?”
“I wanted to ask you first so you could be prepared,” she said.
Silence hung between them. “Thank you,” he said. “How about Saturday?”
“I don’t think they like to work weekends,” she said.
“Okay,” he said and paused. “Tuesday,” he said. “Tuesday afternoon. We’ll spend some time in the pool. Joel likes that. We’ll go out on the yacht again on Friday.”
Nicole packed for Joel and herself and met Rafe again at the dock. Something raw and unspoken passed between them. Rafe extended his hand to Joel and her son hesitantly took it.
Rafe shot her a look of inquiry.
“A day is a week to a three-year-old,” she said.
“Good point.”
Rafe worked at charming his son and by evening, Joel allowed him to read his bedtime stories. Nicole paced the deck, full of conflicting emotions. She wished the wind whipping through her would bring clarity with it.
“What have you told him about me?” Rafe asked from behind her.
She closed her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest. “That you’re busy working. You have a very important job and a lot of people depend on you.”
“It doesn’t wash, does it?” he said more than asked, moving besid
e her.
“It will for a little bit, then not so much,” she said and met his gaze. “Fatherhood is a huge time commitment. I’m not sure you’re ready for it.”
He narrowed his eyes. “Is that what you told the social-services specialist?”
“Absolutely not,” she said.
“Why not, if it’s what you believe?”
She looked away and shrugged. “You’re new at this, so you’re bound to screw up.”
Silence followed. “Excuse me?”
She met his gaze. “Think about it. How much training have you had to be a father?”
“None, but-”
“Exactly, and like most people, you probably think it should come naturally. But it doesn’t. It takes work.”
The wind whipped through his hair. “If I were in your position, I might be tempted to sabotage me.”
“It has occurred to me,” she said without blinking.
His eyes widened. “Then why haven’t you?”
She sighed. “Several reasons. It ultimately wouldn’t be best for Joel. And you seem to be sabotaging yourself. You don’t need my help.”
His mouth lifted in a half grimace. “This is where you are nothing like your sister.”
“Is that a compliment or insult?” she asked. “I’m not always sure.”
“Compliment,” he said. “Your honesty is one of your most seductive qualities.”
Nicole held her breath, unable to summon a pithy retort. Damn it if she hadn’t missed him, too. It made no sense.
“We need to work together on this,” he said, taking her hand and lifting it to his lips.
Her heart jumped. “Working together implies two people, not just one.”
He lifted a dark eyebrow. “Are you saying I’m a slacker?”
She bit her lip to keep from smiling at his charm. “I haven’t been MIA for five days.”
“You noticed,” he said. “And you counted the days.”
“For Joel’s sake,” she said.
He gave a slow nod. “Point taken.”
The next day Rafe and Joel fished. Rafe even cajoled Nicole into trying her hand at it. He couldn’t help laughing at her squeal of victory when she caught a fish.
