by Debra Kayn
“I’m going to take what’s mine.” He lowered his head, hovering inches from her mouth. “I don’t care if I get it here, in the middle of Main Street, or if you come over to my house and let me have you there. But I’ll be damned if we’re gonna pussy foot around this subject any longer.”
“But … ”
He shook his head. “I’m done fighting, Shauna. I want you. You hear me? I want you as much as you want me. For as long as you want me.”
Oh my God. She forgot to breathe. She’d waited forever to hear him admit his feelings toward her, to confess it wasn’t her overactive imagination dreaming up a future with him. Everyone thought her crush was one sided, but she knew better. She sucked in air, filling her lungs.
Then the magnitude of her dad’s phone call hit her. She stumbled backward.
“My mom … ” She pressed her fingers against her forehead. “My mom’s back, Grayson. Why did she come back?”
“Aw, sweetheart.” He gathered her in his arms.
His body was warm, and she leaned forward. Her body strained against her clothing while her head warned her that they were out in plain view of anyone who was downtown.
“You’re not alone. I’m here. You have friends.” He stroked the hair back from her face. “I’ll help you.”
“How do I know you’re telling me the truth?” She gazed up into his eyes. “I don’t want to turn back into the person I was, Grayson. I don’t want to hurt inside anymore.”
“There was never anything wrong with you before.” He kissed her forehead. “I understood you.”
“But you’re so angry.”
“You painted my name all over town.” He grinned. “I get angry. It’s what we do.”
She laughed softly. “We’re screw-ups.”
“Yep.” He expelled his breath in a whoosh. “Let’s start over. Come to my house.”
She nodded. “I’ll come over.”
“No pressure. I’m not a jerk. I had no idea what else you were going through. Sweetheart, you have a lot going on. I’m sorry. If I’d have known, I wouldn’t have left town.” He studied her.
She gazed up at him. “We can talk.”
“Promise?”
“Y-yes.” She rolled her eyes. “After I go talk to my dad.”
He lifted his hand and traced a finger over her bottom lip. “Hurry.”
She sighed, and gave him a half smile. I will.
Chapter Nineteen
Shauna scrambled out of her car and hurried up the walkway to her dad’s house, her heels clicking rapidly on the concrete. The house looked the same as it had the day she’d left. The lawn still needed mowing, and dad’s overalls still hung at the end of the porch in their usual place.
As she negotiated the steps and crossed to the front door, she paused, steeling herself for what was to come. She planned to support her dad the same way she’s always backed him.
She knocked, and let herself in. “Dad?”
Tony stood up from the couch. His thinning hair stood out from his head and there were grease marks smeared across his wrinkled forehead, showing her how many times he’d ran his hand through his hair. A sign that his frustration level was about to explode.
She walked into his arms and let him hold her tight. His chest trembled and he squeezed her tighter. She swallowed the growing lump in her throat.
“I missed you, buddy.” He stepped back, planted his hands on her shoulders, and sniffed. “I’m so glad you’re here. You belong here. This is your home.”
She smiled sadly. “It’s okay. I’m doing fine on my own. You made sure I was capable of standing on my own two feet.”
He sighed and reached into his front shirt pocket before dropping his empty hand. A former smoker, he still reached for the cigarette pack he expected to be there when times were rough.
“What’s going on, dad?”
“She’s leaving me again,” he said.
“Did you really expect her to stay? She’s good at walking away and not looking back.” She crossed her arms and softened her voice. “I hate that she’s hurting you.”
“Don’t say that.” Tony frowned. “I didn’t raise you to talk bad about your mother, and I won’t put up with it now, in my own home.”
She clamped her lips shut. Her continual hatred for her mother had remained a sore spot between them for years, and one she tried hard not to verbalize aloud when her dad was near. “Anything you need, I’ll help. If you want me to move back, I will. I’ll even cook your dinners and spend time assisting you in the garage, if you want to start going out and having a good time. You work too hard … ”
“All I want you to do is talk with her.” Tony seemed to gain confidence once he’d spoken the words. “She’s leaving because she knows I’m upset and worried about you.”
Shauna snorted and turned around. She walked over to the mantle and straightened the picture Mr. Gunderson, the school photographer, had snapped of her in seventh grade during the father and daughter dance. Oh dad, how could you still love her?
“I’ve never stopped wanting her to come home. Even when she was gone and I thought I’d never see her again, I never stopped hoping and praying.” Tony cleared his throat. “I thought I would die without her, but I didn’t. Because of you. I can’t explain how much having her back here with me makes me feel alive — ”
Shauna glanced over her shoulder. “She didn’t love you enough. Real love doesn’t work that way.”
Tony hung his head and whispered, “Real love is different for everyone, Shauna.”
At that moment, she’d do anything to see her strong, stubborn father stand up proudly and order her to go to her room. It broke her heart to see him weakened by a woman who never gave a damn how she hurt others.
“Fine.” Shauna stepped in front of her dad and rubbed his arms. “I’ll talk to her.”
He mouthed the words thank you.
“I love you, dad.”
“I love you, too.” He kissed her forehead. “She’s up in our bedroom.”
She noticed it wasn’t his bedroom anymore. When had it changed? When had life become so complicated? When would they ever heal from the pain Belinda brought them?
The kind of love her dad talked about was something she never wanted to experience. It hadn’t taken her long after her mom left to know that when she found someone to love, it would be the forever kind. The kind of love that never wavers and no matter what, you never give up.
No one, not even Kate and Diana, knew the reasons she’d never given up on loving Grayson. They would never understand that if she threw it all away, she’d be no better than her mom. She wasn’t stupid. At one time, her love had been forced and a figment of her imagination, but the night she’d taken matters into her own hands and thrown her naked self at him, she’d known that her crush had turned into something more. She’d seen the need in Grayson’s eyes, and his denial couldn’t beat that.
If someone asked her to explain how that happens, she’d have no words. They’d shared a look. She and Grayson had seen the truth. They’d connected on a level deeper than she’d seen two people achieve. And tonight, Grayson had proven that she wasn’t crazy. He felt it too.
She knocked on the bedroom door, and walked in without waiting for an answer. Belinda sat on the edge of the bed, a ball of toilet paper wadded up in her hand. She dabbed her eyes, and stood up. Shauna closed the door, glancing away from her mother.
“Shauna?”
She nodded. “I’ve come to tell you that I’m okay with you staying at the house. I’ve got my own place, or I will soon.”
“This is your home. Your dad wants you here.” Belinda stood up. “I want you here.”
Shauna schooled her reaction. “Dad and I are fine. That’s something that’ll never change no matter where I am.”
“I know, but I want … ” She approached Shauna. “I want to get to know you.”
Shauna stood up straighter. She stood a few inches taller than her mom, and she wondere
d when that’d happened. Last time she’d seen her, she was still young enough to crawl onto her lap and enjoy her mother’s comfort.
“Gosh, I’m swamped at work with the fundraiser in two weeks, and I have to find time to interview a realtor to work with. Not to mention I have an active social life.” She shrugged. “Now’s not a great time to start something new.”
“Shauna. Please.” Belinda reached out, surprising Shauna with the firm grip on her arm. “There are things I’d like to explain. I know you’re mad. You have every reason to hate me, but I need to do this for myself.”
Shauna shook her head in disbelief. “It’s always about you, isn’t it? You want to give me an excuse for why you stopped loving me, so you can go on lying to my dad and eventually kill him?”
“No,” Belinda said. “I don’t want to hurt you or him. There are reasons why I left and stayed away.”
“You know what?” She blew her breath out and smiled. “It doesn’t matter. It seems you’re back. That’s great. Dad’s accepted you. Even better. You want to prove you don’t want to hurt him? Then stay here and make him happy. Leaving him is only going to hurt him more.”
Belinda nodded. “I’ll stay.”
“Great.” She turned and walked through the door.
“Shauna.”
She stopped, but refused to turn around.
“I’d like to talk to you … someday soon.”
Shauna glanced over her shoulder. “I guess I’m more like you than I realized. It doesn’t hurt me to walk away from you.”
On the way out of the house, she kissed her dad and told him she loved him. He never stopped her from leaving, and she never looked back. She had someone waiting for her, and she would not disappoint him. That was what real love was all about.
Chapter Twenty
The cooler air outside Grayson’s home, underneath the canopy of trees, kissed her overheated skin. Her steps faltered. Grayson was leaning against the doorframe, the same intense expression written on his face that he’d had earlier.
Except, he’d removed his shirt and shoes, and the sight of him barefooted, wearing only his shorts, had her imagining what it would be like to finally see his hard body naked, with nothing between them. She slowed down, suddenly nervous. He was a lot of man to take in all at once, especially when he focused all his attention on her.
A small grin curled the sides of his mouth and she moved forward. She needed him. Now. So she could validate her feelings. So she could move on. So she could tell him how much she loved him.
“Are you okay, Shauna?”
His voice, soft yet gravelly, rode over her, caressing her skin. The nerves in her stomach flittered, sending shivers throughout her body. Not once had she strayed from her feelings when it came to him. Oh, she’d tried everything she could think of to stop loving him. There were a handful of boyfriends in college and lately, John, but deep down she’d used each one of them to try to forget about Grayson. It never worked. Grayson was the one she wanted.
“I’m wonderful.” She didn’t stop until she was in front of him, and then she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him for all it was worth.
When she thought she’d pass out from lack of oxygen, she kissed her way down to the hollow of his throat. The heat of his skin, mixed with the slight taste of salt, warmed her insides and she pressed against him.
Her tongue darted out and stroked his collarbone. Grayson groaned and swept her up in his arms. She continued exploring his body as he carried her up the stairs and laid her on the bed.
He hovered over her, staring down at her. She stretched, reaching for him.
“You know what you’re doing.” A slow smile came to his lips.
“Mmhm.” She nodded. She knew they were different people. He was famous and rich. She was a determined small town girl. But their wants were the same. They both needed each other.
The chemistry between them exploded whenever they were around each other. If she was going to break through the hard shell he kept his heart in, she’d have to prove to him, tonight, that she was worth loving.
Her legs loosened, and she arched. Every cell in her body pleaded for more. She wanted to touch every part of his body. She knew when they did come together, they’d fit perfectly. He was her missing part. They belonged together.
She slipped her finger between his hard stomach and the waistband of his shorts, and slowly dragged them down. His breath grew ragged, and she looked into his eyes as her fingers wrapped around his hardness. Surprised when he grew even larger in her hand, she arched her pelvis up, wanting him inside her.
The way his arms quivered to hold himself off her and keep himself in check had her smiling. She pressed her hand against his chest, his heart beating wildly in her palm, and she smiled. She was right. No words were necessary.
“Roll over,” she whispered.
He took her with him, until he was flat on his back with her straddling his thighs. A thrum of excitement at the new position encouraged her to go on. She crossed her arms, grabbed the hem of her blouse, and removed it over her head. She tossed her hair behind her back, wiggling her skirt bunched around her waist. The thong she wore left every inch of her bare to feel the heat coming off him.
“Jesus … ” Grayson ran his hands up her flat stomach and cupped her breasts. “You’re beautiful.”
With him, she wasn’t an innocent. She’d made love to him in her imagination many times, and knew how the night would end. Yet, really being here, being with him, was different than she’d ever dreamed. The heady sense of control and the powerful way her body responded was something new. Her hips instinctively shifted, seeking him. The pressure built within her body, urging her on.
“I want you inside of me.” She rubbed against him, enjoying the way he teased her body into accepting him.
“Let me enjoy you.” He rolled her nipples between his thumb and finger. “You’re shaking.”
“I need you.” She arched back, trembling. “All of you.”
He settled her on top of his hardness. She moaned. The heat coming off him singed her skin and pleasure shot through her.
“Grayson … ” She panted. “Please.”
“God, I like when you beg.” His gaze darkened.
He slipped one hand down between them, and in a move that left her gasping for breath, swept the thin slip of material to the side and positioned the head of his erection into her moistness. She held herself still, wanting, needing, but hesitant to plunge herself onto him. He moaned and gripped her hips with his experienced hands, thrusting off the bed and filling her completely. She gasped and froze.
Grayson’s gaze lifted to her face and darkened. “Dammit, Shauna.”
She might not have expected the way her body reacted to all the new feelings, but she’d presumed he knew that she’d waited for her first time to be with him. His hardness pulsed inside of her, and she swallowed. Her body tightened around him, and the sharp intrusion gave way to a pleasant fullness. New sensations she had no control over sparked to life. She moved atop him, hesitantly at first, pleased when Grayson clenched his teeth together and sucked in his breath.
Growing more daring, she lifted and moved back and forth, up and down on him. Grayson’s eyes closed and his jaw quivered. She sprawled her fingers on his chest, leveraging herself. Her body vibrated with growing excitement.
Grayson opened his eyes, now sleepy with passion. He ran a single finger between her cleavage and flicked open the front clasp on her bra. Her breasts spilled out, leaving them exposed to his eyes, to his hands, and she moaned as he cupped, molded, and caressed.
“Oh God.” She bit down on her lower lip and sped up her movements, straining for what she knew would be the biggest gift of all, but was dangling right out of her reach.
He leaned forward, propping himself on his elbows, and took one of her nipples in his mouth. Waves of intense need pounded inside of her with each stroke of his tongue, each gentle suck of his lips. The spasms drew a l
ong cry of pleasure from her lips, as the zenith exploded from deep inside her core and left her completely limp.
Grayson rolled her back over, until he was above her, planted deep in her body. He closed his eyes and plunged inside of her with a groan of completion, holding himself still as tremors racked his body.
What seemed like hours, but what were really mere seconds later, they both gazed at each other as the magnitude of what had just happened struck them both. She lifted her arms, but he pulled out of her and moved off the bed, keeping his back to her.
“Grayson?” She sat up.
He scooped his shorts off the floor and slipped them on. “Don’t.”
The ice coming off that one word froze her to the bed. She recoiled from his anger, and watched him walk away. Everything she’d ignored in her life came crashing down on her and she curled on the bed, wrapping her arms around her knees. She stared, dried eyed, at the white wall. He should’ve known she could never give herself to anyone but him.
Chapter Twenty-One
Shauna was sleeping when Grayson came back inside a couple hours later. Her lashes lay still on her cheeks. The act of having sex came back with crystal clarity and wounded him. He couldn’t blame her. This time, he’d asked her to come to the house with one thing on his mind.
The truth was, he’d known he should walk away — for her sake. But he’d wanted her too much. He was a selfish bastard.
In the dim light coming through the window from the flood light over the garage, he could see what he’d done. He’d taken her generosity, her idea of love, her goodness, and used her in a way he did every other woman in his life.
She had no indication that what he’d planned had no weight on their relationship. He was Grayson Schyler, playboy and sworn bachelor. Love, even a long-term relationship, was out of the question.
Who am I fooling?
Tonight was more than a mutual satisfaction between the sheets. Somewhere behind the primal, physical need to have Shauna, he’d recognized hope within himself. A desire to feel complete and understood by the one person he wanted more than anything. A dream he thought he’d buried a long time ago. His wish was there, waiting, right below the surface, wanting to come true.
