'A moment ago,' Master Juwain reminded him, 'you were ready to oppose Morjin in any way you could.'
'I? I? No, no - you misunderstand me,' Maram said. 'I have already done my part in fighting Morjin. More than my part. We all have.'
I said nothing as I took a long sip of tea and gazed into Maram's eyes.
'Don't look at me that way, Val!' he said. He drained his cup in a sudden gulp, and banged it down upon the table. Then he stood up and began pacing about the room. 'I don't have your courage and devotion to truth. Ah, your faith in these great dreams of yours. I am just a man. And a rather delicate one at that I've been bludgeoned by one of Morjin's assassins, and nearly eaten by bears. And in the Vardaloon, I was eaten by every mosquito, leech and verminous thing in that accursed forest. I've been frozen, burnt, starved and nearly drained of blood. And the Stonefaces, ah, I don't even want to speak of them! I've been shot with arrows . . '
Here he paused to rub his fat rump, each half of which had been transfixed by a feathered shaft during the siege of Khaisham. To this day, he claimed, it pained him to sit on top of a horse - or on chairs.
'Isn't all this enough?' he asked us. 'No, no, my friends, if there's another quest to be made, let someone else make it.'
I felt the ache in my side where one of Morjin's assassins had run me through with a sword. In my veins stilled burned, and always would burn, the kirax poison that he had fired into me with an evil arrow shot out of the darkness of the woods. 'We've all suffered, Maram,' I said softly. 'No one should ask that you suffer more.'
'Ah, but you ask when you speak to me like that. When you look at me with those damn Valari eyes of yours.'
'My apologies,' I said, glancing down at the floor.
'I just want to drink a little beer and write a few poems for Behira - what's wrong with that?'
In truth, Maram liked to consume much more than a 'little' beer. Ever since we had returned to Mesh with the Lightstone, he had devoted his considerable passions toward savoring life. My brother, Asaru, often accused him of sloth, but he really worked very hard in his pursuit of pleasure, filling up each day of the week. Sunday nights, for instance, were for drinking, and sacred Oneday brought more beer and brandy. Moonday was equally holy, and Arday was needed to recover from so much holiness. Then came Eaday, which he reserved for walks in the mountains and rides through the forest - usually with his betrothed, Behira, or another beautiful young woman - so that he could worship the glories of the earth. Valday nights were for singing and stargazing in similar company, while on Asturday he wrote love poems, and on Sunday he-rested yet again in preparation for the evening's drinkfest.
I smiled at Maram's peccadilloes, and so did Master Juwain, with curiosity as much as concern. Then he asked Maram, 'And what of Behira, then? Have you set a date for the wedding?'
'Ah, I've set at least three dates.'
He explained that he had kept postponing the wedding, offering one excuse or another. Most recently, he had argued that he and Behira should have news of the conclave before deciding anything so private and permanent as a wedding.
'I did not think Lord Harsha,' Master Juwain said, 'could be put off so easily in matters concerning his daughter's happiness.'
'Did I say there was anything easy about ail this? You should have seen Lord Harsha's face when 1 told him I couldn't possibly make vows in Ashte because the auguries were unfavorable.'
Master Juwain pushed back his chair, stood and went over to Maram. He rested his hand on his arm and asked, 'What's wrong? I thought you loved Behira?'
'Ah, I do love her - I'm certain I do. More than I've ever loved any woman. In fact, I'm nearly certain that she's the one I've been seeking all my life. It's just that...'
His voice trailed off as he reached into a deep pocket of his tunic and removed a red crystal nearly a foot in length. It was six-sided and pointed at either end; a large crack ran down its center, and a webwork of smaller ones radiated out from it so that no part of the crystal remained untouched. With this great gelstei, Maram had wounded the dragon, Angraboda, in the deeps of Argattha. But the great blast of fire had broken the crystal so that it would unleash fire no more.
'My poor firestone,' he lamented, squeezing the red crystal. 'I had hoped to find, in the Cup of Heaven, the secret of how it might be mended or forged anew. But I've failed.'
'I'm afraid I don't understand,' Master Juwain said.
Maram gazed at the crystal and said, 'As with this firestone, so with my heart. There's a crack there, you see. Some fundamental flaw in my being. Every time I look at Behira, love flows into me like fire. But I can't quite hold it. I had hoped to find in the Lightstone a way that I could. The way to make love last: that's the secret of the universe.'
Maram, I thought, was no different to anyone else. Everyone who stood before the Lightstone sought the realization of his deepest desire. But no one, it seemed, knew how to unlock the secrets of this blessed, golden vessel.
'I see, I see,' Master Juwain said. Then he reached into the pocket of his tunic. He brought out an emerald crystal, much smaller than Maram's, and stood looking at it. He said, 'Don't give up hope just yet.'
'Why, do you propose to heal my heart with that?'
Master Juwain studied the green gelstei that he had gained on our quest. With it, he had healed Atara of a mortal wound, as he had more minor ones torn into Maram's and my flesh. But too often the gelstei failed him. I knew that he dreamed the Lightstone might infinitely magnify the power of his healing crystal.
'I wish I could,' Master Juwain told Maram. 'But you see, I've little more knowledge of how the Ughtstone might be used than you do.'
'Then your journey was unsuccessful?'
'No, I wouldn't quite say that. In fact, I discovered several things of great interest in Nar.'
'What sort of things?'
'Well to begin with, it's becoming ever clearer that only the Maitreya will show what the Lightstone is really for'.
Here he turned toward me, and his large eyes filled with a soft, silver radiance. 'And you, Val - what have you found in the Lightstone?'
'More than I ever dreamed,' I said. 'But less than I hoped.'
Maram had said that love is the secret of the universe. But why did the One, in love, give us life only to take it away in the bitterness of death?
'I have looked for the secret of life.' I admitted.
'And what have you found?'
'That it's a mystery no man will ever solve.'
'Nothing else?'
I stood up and walked over to look out the window. Above Stlvassu - above all the world - Telshar's white diamond peak was gleaming in the light of the late sun.
'There have been moments,' I said at last, 'Once or twice, while I stood looking at the Lightstone, meditating - these bright moments. When the gold of the cup turns clear as diamond. And inside it, there is ... everything. All the stars in the universe. I can't tell you how bright is their light. It fell upon me like the stroke of a shining sword that brought joy instead of death. I was alive as I've never been alive before, and every particle of my being seemed to blaze like the sun. And then, for a moment, the light, myself - there was no difference. It was all as one.'
As Maram pulled at his beard, Master Juwain listened quietly and watted for me to say more Then he spoke with a strange gravity. 'You should mark well the miracle of these moments. We all should.'
'Why, sir? Others have experienced similar things. I'm no different to anyone else.'
'Aren't you?'
He stepped closer to me and studied the scar cut into my forehead. It was shaped like a lightning bolt, the result of a wound to my flesh during the violence of my birth.
'It was you,' he said, 'who found the Lightstone in the darkness of Argattha when it was invisible to everyone else. As it had remained invisible for all of an age.'
'Please, sir - we shouldn't speak of this again.'
'No, I'm afraid we must speak of it, before it's too late. You see,
Master Sebastian-'
'He's a great astrologer,' I admitted. I hated interrupting Master Juwain, or anyone, but I had gone too far to stop. 'His knowledge is very great, but a man's fate can't be set by the stars.'
'No, perhaps not set, as a chisel's mark in stone,' Master Juwain said. 'It is more like a jeweled tapestry. All that is, or ever will be, is part of it. And each golden thread, each diamond woven into it, reflects the light of all the others. There is only one pattern, one master pattern, as I've said a hundred times. As above, so below. The stars, from where we came, mark the place we will return to. And mark it in patterns within the one pattern resonant with the patterns of our lives. Your life, Val, has already been marked out from all others. Everyone has seen this, in who you are, in what you've done. But Master Sebastian has seen it in the stars.'
He motioned for Maram and me to follow him across the room to where a large desk stood facing the wall. Many old books were heaped on top of it. One was a genealogy of the noble Valari families; another was entitled, simply: The Lesser Gelstei. The largest book was Master Juwain's prized copy of the Saganom Elu, bound in ancient leather. He had placed it, and other books, so that they weighted down the corners of a scroll of parchment. Inked onto its yellow-white surface was a great wheel of a circle, divided by lines like slices of a pie. Other lines formed squares within the circle, and there was a single, equal-sided triangle, too. Around the circle's edge were written various arcane symbols which I took to represent other worlds or the greatest of the heavens' constellations.
'Before I left for Nar,' Master Juwain said to me, 'I asked Master Sebastian to work up this horoscope from the reported hour of your birth.' Here he stabbed his finger at a cluster of symbols at the top of the circle. 'Do you see how your sun is at the midheaven in the constel lation of the Archer? This is the sign of a soul that streaks out like an arrow of light to touch stars. At the midheaven also is Aos, and this is an indication of a great spiritual teacher. And there also, Niran, which portends a spiritual Master or great king. Their conjunction is striking and very strong.'
As the afternoon deepened toward evening, and Maram bent over the desk with me, breaking in my ear, Master Juwain went on to point out other features of my horoscope: the grand trine formed by Elad, Tyra and my moon; my moon, itself, in the Crab Constellation, indicating deep and powerful passions for life that I kept hidden inside to protect myself and avoid hurting others; my Siraj in the castle of service in the sign of the Ram, which marked me out as a man who blazed new paths for others to follow. Directly across the circle from it was to be found my Shahar, planet of vision and transcendence. Its opposition with Siraj, according to Master Juwain, told of the great war that I waged inside myself - and with the world.
'We see here the paradox of your life, Val. That you, who love others so deeply, have been forced to slay so many.'
The sword I wore at my side suddenly felt unbearably heavy. The silustria of its blade was so hard and smooth that blood would not cling to it or stain it. I wished the same were true of my soul.
'And this conflict runs even deeper,' Master Juwain continued. 'It would be as if your soul is pulled in two directions, between the glories of the earth and the still light at the center of all things. In a sense, between life and death.'
As Master juwain paused to take a deep breath, I felt my heart beating hard and painfully inside me. And then he said, 'For one born beneath stars such as yours, it is necessary to die in order to be reborn - as the Silver Swan emerges with wings of light from the flames of its own funeral pyre. Such a one is rare, indeed. A master astrologer, and many men, might call him the Shining One.'
Sweat was now running down my sides in hot streams beneath my armor. I could scarcely breathe, so I pushed back from the desk and moved over to the window for some fresh air. I fairly drank in the wind pouring down from the mountains. Then I turned to Master Juwain and said, 'What did you mean he might be called the Shining One?'
'You see, your horoscope is certainly that of a great man, and almost that of a Maitreya.'
'Almost? Then -'
Before I could say more, the faint fall of footsteps sounded in the hall outside the door, punctuated by the sound of wood striking stone Master Juwain, who had a mind like the gears of a clock, smiled as if satisfied by the result of some secret calculation.
'You see,' he said by way of explanation, 'I've asked for help in deciding this matter.'
There came a soft rapping at the door. Master Juwain crossed the room and opened it. Then he invited inside a small, old woman who stepped carefully as she tapped a wooden cane ahead of her.
'Nona!' I cried out. It was my grandmother, Ayasha Elahad. I rushed across the room to embrace her frail body. Then I placed her arm around mine, and led her over to one of the chairs at the tea table. 'Where is Chaya? You shouldn't go walking about by yourself.'
I spoke the name of the maidservant who had volunteered to help my grandmother negotiate the castle's numerous corridors and treach erous stone stairs. For during the half year of my journey, my grand mother had lost her sight almost overnight: now the white frost of cataracts iced over both her eyes. But strangely although the cataracts kept out the light of the world, they could not quite keep within a deeper and sweeter light. Her essential goodness set my heart to hurting with the sweetest of pains, as it always did. I had often thought of her as the source of love in my family - as the sun is the source of life on earth.
While Maram and I sat at the table on either side of her. Master Juwain made her tea, peppermint with honey, as she requested. He set a new pot and cup before her and made sure that she could reach it easily. I knew that he lamented being unable to heal her of her afflic tion.
My grandmother held herself with great dignity as she carefully moved her hand from the edge of the table toward her cup. Then she said to me, 'I sent Chaya away. There is no reason to burden her, and I must learn to get about by myself. Sixty-two years I've lived here, ever since your grandfather captured my heart and asked me to marry him. I think I know this castle as well as anyone. Now if you please, may we speak of more important things?'
She slowly turned her head as if looking for Master Juwain. Then, to Maram and me, Master Juwain said, 'I've asked the Queen Mother to come here so that she might tell of Val's birth.'
As far as I knew, three woman had attended my entrance to the world: my grandmother and the midwife, Amorah - and, of course, my mother, who had nearly died giving me life.
My grandmother breathed on the hot tea before taking a long sip of it. Then she said, 'Six sons Queen Elianora had already borne for my son, the king. Val was the last, and so he should have been the easiest, but he was the hardest. The biggest, too. Amorah, may she abide with the One, said that he'd baked too long in the oven. She finally had to use the tongs to pull Val out. They cut his forehead, as you can see.'
Although she could no longer see, she tilted her head as if listening for the sound of my breath. Then, with only slight hesitation, she leaned forward, and her hand found the top of my head. Her palm moved slowly down my forehead as she found the scar there, then she traced the cold zags with her warm and trembling finger.
'But what can you fell us,' Master Juwain said, 'about the hour of Val's birth?'
My grandmother hesitated a little longer this time before touching my cheek, then withdrawing her hand to pull at the soft folds of skin around her neck. 'He was born with the sun high in the sky, at the noon hour, as was recorded.'
Both Master Juwain and I turned to glance at the parchment still spread across the nearby desk. Then the heat of Master Juwain's gaze fell upon my grandmother as he asked her, 'Then it was at this hour that Val drew his first breath?'
Master Juwain's eyes gleamed as if he were about to solve an ancient puzzle. He watched my grandmother, who sat in silence as my heart beat ten times. Finally she said, 'No, Val drew his first breath an hour before that. You see, the birth was so hard, he had trouble breathing at all. He was s
o cold and blue it made me weep. For an hour, Amorah and I thought that he would go over to the other world. At last, though, at noon, his little life quickened. When we knew the fire wouldn't go out, we announced his birth.'
In the sudden quiet of Master Juwain's chamber, twenty-one years after the day that my grandmother had told of, my breathing had stopped yet again. Master Juwain and Maram were staring me. My grandmother seemed to be staring at me too.
'The Morning Star burned brightly that day,' she continued. 'It shone almost like a second sun from before dawn all through the morning, as it does once every hundred years. And so my grandson was named Valashu, after that beautiful star.'
Master Juwain stood up and marched over to the desk. He gathered up the parchment and a similar one that had lain concealed beneath it. After tucking a large, musty book beneath his arm, he marched back toward us.
'Maram,' he called, 'please clear the table for me.' I helped Maram clear the pots and cups from the tea table. Then Master Juwain spread both parchments on top of it, side by side. He stepped back over to the desk and returned with a few more books to hold them down.
'Look,' he said, pointing at the first horoscope that we had already studied. Then he traced his ringer around the circle and symbols of the second parchment. As we could see, the array was nearly the same. 'I confess that I guessed what the Queen Mother has just disclosed today. And so before I left for Nar, I asked Master Sebastian to work up this second horoscope.'
Now his finger trembled with excitement as he touched two small symbols written at the edge of the circle described upon the second parchment. 'Here, of course, is the Morning Star, as on the first horoscope. But here, too - look closely - the stars of the Swan are rising in the east at Vat's earlier and true hour of birth'
Master Juwain straightened and stood like a warrior who has vanquished a foe. He said, 'There are other changes to the horoscope, but this is the critical one. Master Sebastian has advised me that the effect of the Swan, thing would be to exalt and raise the purity of Val's entire horoscope. He has said that these are certainly the stars of a Maitreya.'
Lord of Lies Page 2
