“You are,” Jean said. “Having a life doesn't mean you're going against her.”
I couldn't disagree with her more.
The two weeks that followed went by slower than the month before. I went to work and walked through the lobby with nothing more than a smile and a nod. Not once did I get any more than that it in return. We were both doing a great job of avoiding each other. I was actually avoiding everyone in that building except for my guys. They were the ones keeping me sane all day.
I thought often about the asshole that touched her. He did more than touch her, and I wanted to dig deep. I wanted to make him pay for what he was still doing to her. She didn't want me to. She'd asked me to drop it, but I couldn't. I thought about it all the time, and each time, I was more pissed than the last. I knew if I dug into her past and she found out, she would never forgive me. She'd trusted me, and I couldn't break that trust. I tried to put it into the back of my mind and lock it away, but it wasn't that easy.
Bridget and I attended both of the Monday night meetings. We sat next to each other, but neither of us said a word to the other. As soon as they'd ended, one of us would get out of there as fast as possible. I honestly thought I'd never miss coffee, but I did.
That third meeting was different. Stephanie had started the meeting by reminding everyone that Gabe's first birthday was that Saturday. How could I forget? It had been looming over me, right along with Doug's words, for weeks. I thought about the party through the whole meeting. Everyone would be there, including the punk that was always trying to talk to her. Jenny would have a great time, I knew that for sure. Then I thought about Doug and Gabby and what my being there would start between them and Bridget. She'd tell them there was nothing there, but they'd both ask her questions anyway. I didn't want to cause her trouble, and we hadn't talked in over two weeks. Doug was right about some of the things he'd said. I didn't want a relationship. I also didn't want to hurt her. Bridget deserved the best, and that wasn't me. She deserved to be happy. She deserved someone that was going to shout from the rooftops that they loved her no matter if she wanted them to or not. Gabe had never done it, and that wasn't fair to her. She definitely didn't need someone hanging around that was going to be a pain in the ass. That was me. I was that person for her. Shit! Doug had even said straight out that he didn't want me there, in their home. What more did I need?
When the meeting was over, Stephanie stood back up and asked for a show of hands of everyone that was going to the party. She wanted Bridget to know what to prepare for. I looked around, and all of their hands were up. Bridget really had made an impact on the group. They all liked her. I hoped she could see that she had so many people in her corner. Stephanie looked at me, and I shook my head slightly. I wasn't sure what exactly was going through her mind, if she was happy or sad that I wasn't going, and I honestly didn't care. I could feel Bridget watching me too, but I never turned her way.
Stephanie called out a count for Bridget and ended the meeting. When I stood up, I saw the usual guy walking toward us. As soon as he started to talk, I took off. It wasn't me he was looking for, and I didn't care to hear what he had to say to her. The damn door to my truck wasn't even open yet when I heard her calling my name. I thought about acting as if I hadn't heard her, but I couldn't do it. When I turned, I saw her running toward me and shook my head. Who was I fooling, her ass would have stood behind my truck and stopped me from leaving. She was definitely one of a kind.
“You're not coming,” she snapped out.
It wasn't a question at all.
“I don't think it's a good idea,” I said, trying not to show any emotion at all.
If she sensed my concern, she would have been all over that shit. One thing I could give her was that she'd figured out a lot about me in that almost year we'd been friends.
“Why?” she asked roughly.
Did she think she was going to bully me into an answer, probably.
“I don't want to talk about it,” I said, as I hopped up into my truck and closed the door.
Then I started it up and backed out. I could hear her calling me as I drove toward the road, kind of like I'd called her that day she walked out of my house and left me standing there, and I did exactly what she did, I left anyway. I drove out of the lot and made damn sure not to look back to see her standing exactly where I'd left her. There was no way I was going back. There was also no way I was going to be in Gabe's house. I'd already felt bad enough for what had gone on between me and his woman. There was nothing she could say to change my mind.
Chapter 36
Bridget
He'd shut down on me. It was like we were back at the very beginning, before he ever opened up to me at all. When I got home, it took all I had not to text him. He didn't care if I'd gotten there or not.
The next week went by so slowly, and I'd felt more alone and lost than I ever had before. I'd at least seen him in the mornings those couple of weeks before, but not that week, not once. I even got there early and left late. Not once did I see him. I wasn't sure if he was working a case with the police or if he was working from home. Maybe he'd even gone on vacation with Jenny. I wanted to ask one of the guys, but I couldn't. I knew they'd tell him, and I didn't need him thinking I cared where he was. If he didn't care about me, then I didn't care about him either.
Taylor walked in Friday morning, and I watched him shake his head when he looked at me.
“What?” I asked, as he stopped for what I knew was only going to be a second or two.
“You two are something else,” he said.
“What did he tell you?” I quickly asked, knowing my cheeks were turning pink.
“Not a thing,” he answered. “You just did though.”
“Taylor,” I said in warning.
“You two need to get your heads out of your asses. I think you're the only two that don't see it. I know I joke about stuff, but if I found someone good, I'd fight for that shit. See you tomorrow. TJ is super excited about going to Gabe's house. I'm not sure what he's going to say when Jenny doesn't show up.”
Then he shook his head again and walked away.
I sat all day thinking about Derek. Each time he popped into my head, I'd see him holding me up as he drove into me. I'd see his sexy dark eyes and his broad shoulders. Then I'd see the intense look he had on his face as we came together. I'd shake the view from my head only to see it again hours later.
After work, I picked Gabe up, went home, and got to work on cleaning and preparing for the party. I started thinking about the group and bringing them to our house. Had I made the right decision by inviting them there? What would Gabby say? What would she think? Then I looked up at the fireplace and thought about Gabe not having his dad there with us to celebrate his very first birthday. He deserved to have the best day filled with people he knew. Those people weren't just Gabby and Doug. They were also everyone from the group, everyone.
I sat on my bed wondering what Derek was doing that very moment. Was he tucking Jenny into bed like I had just done with Gabe, or was he out having fun with the guys? What if he was out with someone else? I felt an instant pain in my chest and hurried to push it away. Then I thought about Gabe, Jenny, and TJ. Was it fair to them that Derek and I weren't talking? The answer was no. It wasn't fair to them, and they were the ones that would have been enjoying the following day. I grabbed my phone and took a deep breath, ready for the rejection I was sure was coming. Then I typed out a message.
Me: Are you really not coming tomorrow?
I instantly got a reply, which told me he wasn't too busy, and that brought me a bit of relief.
Derek: Can't
Me: Why not?
Derek: Already told you, I don't want to talk about it.
Me: Talk to me. Don't shut me out.
When I got nothing back, I knew I had to push him.
Me: What about Jenny? She would have a great time. Gabe loves her. So does TJ. They're going to be so sad she's not here.
Derek: Are you seriously going to try and make me feel guilty?
Me: Is it working?
Derek: A little.
Me: Answer your phone.
Then I called him. As soon as he picked up the phone, I started talking. There was no way I was letting him go first.
“Please come,” I said.
“Why?” he asked.
I sat thinking for a moment. Was the real reason I'd wanted him to come that I didn't want Jenny to miss out? That was a huge part of it, but it wasn't the whole thing. The thought of going through the whole day without seeing him bothered me. I'd felt so damn lonely all week, for weeks actually, and I didn't want to go through my son's whole day, with people all around me, feeling that way. I wanted him there for me. If I wasn't honest, if I didn't tell him how I really felt, I knew he was going to turn me down.
“Why, Bridget?” he asked again, pulling me from my thoughts and the internal struggle I was having.
If I told him the truth, would he use it against me? Would he use my own words to hurt me? There was only way to find out. If I didn't try, I'd never know. I learned before what happens when you don't put it all out there, you have major regrets.
“Because I want you there,” I said, before pausing and then adding the real truth. “I need you there.”
“No you don't,” he said, totally rejecting me. “Doug and Gabby will be there. I'm sure they're more than enough. They'll take care of everything, they always do.”
I heard something in his voice. That sure of himself, demanding tone was gone. If I didn't know better, I'd think it was hurt, but I knew that couldn't be it, Derek didn't care about me.
“I need you,” I repeated.
It was true. Each time I thought about him showing up, I felt instant relief. Then the stress would fill me again knowing that he wasn't going to be there with me.
“Are you sure?” he asked.
“I am,” I said. “Do you want to be here tomorrow, Derek?”
The phone was silent. I knew he was thinking about things just like I had been.
“Yes,” I heard him finally say.
“Then be here,” I said.
“I'm not sure,” he began, but I quickly cut him off.
“Just think about it,” I said. “Please promise me that you'll think about it.”
I heard him release a huge breath into the phone before he said “I'll think about it.”
“That's all I'm asking,” I said. “Goodnight, Derek.”
I didn't wait for him to answer before hanging up the phone. I honestly didn't want to give him a chance to say anything else before I closed my eyes to try and get some sleep for the night.
A few seconds later, I heard my phone ding and picked it up.
Derek: Goodnight, Bridget.
It was two tiny, simple words, but I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face as I fell back onto my pillow and closed my eyes, hoping so badly that I'd dream about him. Those dreams were so much better than the ones I'd been having just a year before.
“Please come. I'm not sure I can get through this without you,” I whispered, just before closing my eyes and drifting off to sleep.
I was up early the next morning and moving fast. The cake, decorations, and party favors were all picked up, hung, and ready before the first person arrived. I could see the stressed look filling Gabby's features and hoped so badly that it all went smoothly. She was going to find out exactly who was in the group and what it was about. She was also going to be thinking about her brother. I was too, just not in exactly the same way she was. I'd come a long way in the year since Gabe had been born, and I owed most of my progress to the group and even more of it to Derek. He'd been there to listen to me cry and hear my complaints. He even knew more about me than anyone. Doug and Gabby had both been amazing. They did the best they could. They also put their all into running the company and making it stronger.
“You okay?” I heard Doug's voice from just behind me, as I stood in front of the fireplace.
“Fine,” was all I said.
I hadn't said anything to him about him telling Derek about my past. I'd thought about it, but I hadn't done it. He'd been there for me when he didn't have to be, and I didn't want to come off sounding like I didn't care or appreciate the things he'd done for me for years. We lived in the same house and worked together. Actually, I worked for him. So, there was no way I was going to put an awkward wedge between me and someone I had to see every single day. It just taught me that he would be willing to say shit about me behind my back. I knew from then on that I needed to be careful what I did and said in front of him.
“Today's going to be great,” he said. “Gabe will have a perfect birthday.”
I looked back over my shoulder to see concern in his eyes. Wait a minute, I thought. Derek had gone to his office before he stormed out that day. He'd also told me Doug was lucky he hadn't kicked his ass for what he'd said to him. What had he said? We'd never discussed it. Was Doug the reason Derek was fighting me on coming?
“Doug,” I said, and I turned to face him. “Did you say something to Derek about the party?”
The look that crossed his face told me everything I needed to know. Gabby walked into the room before he could answer, but it didn't matter. I'd already gotten my answer.
The first ring of the doorbell happened only a few moments later. It was one of the girls that worked in accounting for Gabby. She'd brought her little girl with her. I had toys all over the living room for the kids to play with. The second she saw them, she was gone. I was glad Gabby had invited the first person to show up. It helped me to relax a tiny bit.
Each time the bell rang, I hoped it was him, but it never was. The guy that always came over to talk at the meetings showed up first with his little ones. I could feel Gabby watching our interaction the entire time and had never been so happy to see Stephanie when she walked in just after him. We were all in the living room talking when Stephanie asked the one question I knew was coming.
“Is he really not coming?” she asked.
“I don't know,” I said. “If you want him here, maybe you should call him.”
“I couldn't do that,” she said. “I know the two of you are.”
“Friends,” I said, before she could get any other words out of her mouth. “The two of us are friends.”
Before long, the house was filled with the sounds of kids running around and the sounds of adults talking. Each time that damn doorbell rang and it wasn't him, the knot in my stomach became tighter and tighter. There were more people there than I thought would fit in the house. Some of them were from work, and some of them were from the meeting, but none of them were him.
Gabby opened the door while I was getting something for Gabe. I heard her gasp and hurried to look up.
“Taylor,” I yelled out, as I took off for the door and pulled him into a hug.
When he pulled back from my arms, a surprised look covered his face. It was the closest to even the tiniest bit of relief I'd felt since the first person had gotten there. Don't worry, you're not the only one that can't believe my thoughts. I would never have imagined Taylor being anything but a pain in my ass, but he was.
“You okay?” he asked quietly.
“He's not coming,” was all I could say.
“Bridget,” TJ yelled, as his arms came around my waist. “Where's Gabe?”
“He's in the other room,” I answered with a smile. “Your dad will show you.”
“Is Jenny coming?” he asked, his voice filling with excitement when he said her name.
“I don't think so, TJ,” I said.
His face instantly fell, and I felt horrible. It was all my fault.
“Let's go find Gabe so you can tell him happy birthday,” Taylor said.
TJ grabbed his dad's hand and took off toward the living room. Gabby had been standing there the whole time, and when I looked over, her eyes were still wide.
“He's one of Derek's guys,” she said.
“He is,” came my response. “I better serve the food.”
I took off for the kitchen. Dinner went off without a hitch. Everyone was able to have seconds and there was still food left. When it came time for cake, Gabby was right there next to Gabe, and I was on his other side. He tore into it like I never thought he would. I couldn't believe my little boy was covered from head to toe in cake. I had a smile on my face so wide watching him wipe the frosting on TJ's face. When the doorbell rang again, Gabby looked over with a smile on her face as well.
“I'll get it,” she said. “You stay with Gabe. I can't believe him. He likes cake as much as his dad did.”
The twisted feeling in my stomach doubled at her words. The day had been so stressful. I'd finally been able to relax long enough for Gabe to have cake before it all hit me again. When I heard her next words, every single bit of stress left me, and I felt my entire body relax.
“I didn't know the big man was coming.”
Those were the best words I'd heard in a long time. When I looked up, Taylor had a smile on his face, but not two feet from him, Doug stood there with his jaw clenched tight. With a slight shake of his head, the smiled he'd been previously wearing covered his face again and he headed toward his wife.
Chapter 37
Derek
I couldn't decide what to do. She'd actually said she needed me. That shocked the shit out of me for sure. I knew she was right, Jenny would surely have a blast. I just wasn't sure I was willing to deal with everything I'd have to in order for that to happen. It was at Gabe's house, where she lived with Gabby and Doug. Was I really willing to go for Jenny? Would Jenny really be the reason I was going? Of course she was.
I woke up very late that next morning and went downstairs to find Jenny, snuggled in a blanket, watching cartoons. She looked up at me with a sleepy smile on her precious face.
“Come watch,” she said, as she lifted the blanket and waited for me.
Derek (Hunter PI & Security #1) Page 31
