I saw Greg eating a Tic Tac. If he comes up with a perfect score this week, we will all know he’s a big fat cheater.
And who wants to be known as a big fat cheater? No one. That’s who.
* * *
A word from Heide Banks on Integrity
Most people don’t understand what integrity really means. It is not about doing things that are right/wrong or good/bad but rather keeping your word with yourself, 100 percent. You decide to do something, agree to do it 100 percent and you stop weighing options from that moment forward. To paraphrase John-Roger, doing anything at the 99-percent level is a bitch; move to 100 percent and everything becomes a breeze.
Living outside of personal integrity has some very real consequences. Even the smallest of lies takes energy—both mental and physical—to maintain. This is also why when you keep your agreements, especially to yourself, you will often feel a surge of energy.
I think you have to start with the assumption that we are all very good at lying to ourselves, and unless we keep an antidote on hand that counteracts our ability to do this, we will fail at whatever we attempt. That magic pill is integrity, complete, unfettered, 100 percent integrity.
Don’t be surprised to find other areas of your life start to change as a direct result of your new commitment to yourself. Friends and relationships that supported and perhaps even encouraged your breaking agreements may drop away, and don’t be surprised if you have more time and energy on your hands. Use this time to reward yourself with nurturing activities and welcome in new relationships…especially the one you are creating with yourself, your authentic self.
There is another benefit, perhaps even more important than weight loss, that we encounter when we stop lying to ourselves and demand 100 percent self-integrity. We finally come in touch with the emotional pain we have been pushing down with food and other distractions, and now have the ability to heal and transform that pain into joy and fulfillment.
—Heide Banks, coach, psychotherapist, and author www.heidebanks.com
* * *
Play.
Play all out.
There is no benefit for you in cheating at this game. No benefit for you and no benefit for your waistline. One of the main objects of the game is to take weight off. Guilt is a mental and emotional weight, so lying entirely defeats the purpose. (And may lead to sleeplessness, which will lose you sleep points, and may find you raiding the fridge at 3 a.m., which will lose you snacking points. See? Vicious cycle.)
* * *
• • • A Tip from Az • • •
If you are truly not sure about your score—like, say, you ate a meal that you think maybe shouldn’t be sanctioned—take it in your mind to the most incorruptible person you can think of. Maybe it’s your mum, or Buddha or Jesus or the Dalai Lama or Nelson Mandela or Mother Teresa. Ask yourself how they would score themselves in this situation. Usually, this will give you your answer. Because usually, if you’re not sure, it’s because you’ve lost points and you’re looking for a way out of it. But if, after practicing this exercise, you’re still not sure, then take it to an opponent (not a teammate!) and ask him or her to be the judge. (And ideally, it should not be an opponent who is married to you and can be made to suffer for his or her answer. If it is, get a second opinion!)
* * *
It all comes down to this: When I play honestly, I feel tremendous pride when I have a high-scoring week because it’s HARD to get a high-scoring week in this game. It requires huge effort for most of us and a huge commitment to change. And the pride of victory leads to further commitment to change.
And when my scores slip, I always learn something about myself. Well, first, I watch my brain try to formulate the lie. But then I learn something about myself. Whether I lost points because I wasn’t paying attention or because I was doing some emotional eating, or because I stayed up too late composing e-mails to a crazy friend (Hey! Look at that! I prioritized her crazy over my own health!) I always learn something. Of course, learning something is one thing. Facing my team, and telling them I let them down, is always another. That part is hard. That part is why it’s sometimes VERY tempting to lie. But when you tell the truth, you not only get to learn about yourself, you get to learn something about your friends.
Guys…I think I have to drop out. As you know, I’m launching my new business and I can’t do the work till the baby goes to sleep which means I can’t get 7 hours of sleep a night and get done what needs to be done. It’s actually humanly impossible. And I have deadlines I have to meet. And I can’t stand that I keep losing sleep points for you guys. Can I play next time? I’m so sorry.
Brooke
Brookie,
You need this game right now. If you aren’t getting enough sleep, you need to be eating well and drinking enough water and getting a little exercise. So even if you lose sleep points every night, we want you to keep playing. Besides, you know the guys’ team is losing points like crazy. I heard Greg was eating Tic Tacs. Don’t drop out!
xoxo,
Us
The fact here is that Brooke was telling the truth and her team knew it. And so she got the support she needed to prioritize her health to the best of her current ability. Which is what the game is all about.
So if you slip, face your team, tell them what happened—and try to do it on the day you slip rather than at the end of the week. That way, you will get support throughout the week so it’s less likely to happen again. Of course, sometimes the support looks more like this:
Dude. I ate onion rings last night. Oops.
Joe
You are a lazy bastard. I am not about to lose to a bunch of chicks. So stop losing us points or I will kick your fat ass the next time I see you.
Jake
Now, Joe was indeed being a lazy bastard. But at least he was an honest lazy bastard. He could’ve just lied. You could always just lie. But don’t do it. The gain is simply not worth the loss. Seriously. Lie on your scores and the next thing you know the lady from the Jade Pagoda could be chasing you through the mall yelling, “Stop! Thief!” Which makes for a great story eventually, but at the time? No fun at all.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q:
What should I do if I think an opponent is lying every week to make his or her points?
A:
Keep your own scores honest, play all out anyway, and don’t play with the lying fuck next time. Maybe put a side bet on the table with one of your opponents or a teammate or even with yourself—that way you stay motivated to keep your scores honest and high. Remember, the liar has to live with himself. So you don’t need to take revenge, because a liar’s miserable mind is its own revenge.
Q:
I don’t trust anyone. How can I possibly play this game?
A:
Umm…maybe you should play by yourself and make a weekly appointment with a good therapist to work on your trust issues? Seriously, not trusting anyone is no way to go through life.
Q:
What if I suspect my own teammate of lying?
A:
Talk to them. Tell them that because you are a true friend, you would not have them sacrifice their soul for a winning score. Also, consider a group weigh-in each week. You can’t confirm all their scores with the weigh in, but you can be sure that they are at least doing the work to lose the weight, and thereby gaining some health benefits. Finally, use the power of example. Often, a liar lies because they’re desperate to present a perfect face to the world. If you lose points, call your friend and tell on yourself. Show them that it’s okay to not look perfect all the time.
Q:
Sometimes I lie about doing 20 minutes of exercise one day, but I do 40 minutes the next, that’s okay? Right?
A:
No! No lying!! The rules are called rules for a reason. And they are all designed with your very best health in mind.
Q:
Can our team make up a rule that if a team member makes an honest mist
ake, they get to be forgiven one time without a penalty?
A:
No. They can and should be forgiven. But they have to take the point penalty. The goal here is not a perfect score at any cost. The goal is the best score you can honestly accomplish. The slips teach you about yourself, your life, your health habits, and where you need to start to pay more attention. Letting yourself off the hook is actually selling yourself short. Don’t do it!
Q:
What if I eat something that I think is sanctioned and then find out it was cooked in butter or something unsanctioned? Do I lose the points?
A:
Before I started playing this game, I thought crab cakes were a healthy choice at a restaurant. Crab is relatively low-calorie and high-protein and it’s a small portion, right? So I ordered them and I ate them and they were delicious. And then, out of curiosity, I typed them into the calorie-counting Web site and I was, like, yay! Only 400 calories! And then I realized it was 400 calories per crab cake. And I had eaten two. 800 calories—as an appetizer. Clearly, I was not understanding the ingredients. Clearly they are full of butter and mayonnaise, which I now understand but truly did not before. I lost points—but I learned something. If you ate something without knowing how it was cooked, you are probably in the habit of eating things without knowing how they’re cooked, which is probably a big part of why you have weight you want to lose. So yes, you lose the points. But the good news is you probably won’t make that mistake again.
Q:
Have you ever had a situation where you felt you were losing points unfairly?
A:
Yes. When my daughter was sick with a terrible cold and she was up every fifteen minutes all night nursing. By 2 a.m., having not slept a wink, I was STARVING to death because making breast milk requires calorie intake, so I ate a banana and took a snacking penalty. The next day, I told Az about it, and he said hell no, that should not be a penalty. You prioritized your health and the health of your daughter. So we took it to a vote—all the players on all teams had to vote. And it was voted that I should not lose the points. BUT! This kind of circumstance is rare. If you have a similar situation—don’t just assume it’s not a penalty! Take the penalty and then put it to a vote. A vote keeps you honest. And when voting, everyone should keep in mind that the spirit of the game is to support your teammates and opponents in their pursuit of health. Don’t be an asshole and vote against anyone just because you want them to lose the points. (That’s a great rule for life in general: Don’t be an asshole.) That said, if you lose the vote, take the penalty and do not be bitter. As with any sport, if you think the ref made a bad call, you still have to play the game in the spirit of good sportsmanship. Or you can go all John McEnroe on their asses. Which is always fun to watch.
* * *
Play by the Rules
* * *
Keep your own score with absolute integrity.
If you’re not sure about a rule, look it up in this book; don’t just assume.
If you think you may have lost points, but aren’t sure, you probably lost points; but if you’re really not sure, run it past an opponent.
Consider weekly group weigh-ins to keep yourselves honest (and to add fun and camaraderie to the game).
Never prioritize how you “look” over how you feel. Lying will make you feel like crap. Don’t do it.
Mandy Collins, lost 55 pounds
While pregnant with my third child, I gained more than seventy pounds. I’m naturally slim, and I knew I needed some extra weight to sustain a healthy pregnancy—but this got a little out of hand! After my daughter was born, I was a little overwhelmed by the uphill battle I saw in the mirror each morning. The game gave me the added incentive (not to mention the hilarious daily trash-talk e-mails) I needed to do the work to take the weight off. I played several games, and kept up the eating and exercise plan between games and eventually, came to look like myself again! (Chasing my three-year-old twin boys around all day helped too!) I love the game—I love the healthy competition, the supportive community, and I love what it did for my body and for my spirit!
Mandy Collins, 37
Chapter 7
THE WEIGH-IN
(Or, You’re Kidding, Right? You Want Me to Buy a Scale? SERIOUSLY???)
What kind of scale compares the weight of two beauties, the gravity of duties, or the ground speed of joy? Tell me, what kind of gauge can quantify elation? What kind of equation could I possibly employ?
—Ani DiFranco
* * *
The Rule: Weigh yourself on the Monday morning you start the game, within 10 minutes of waking. Then, weigh in once a week on the morning of your day off. Weigh yourself Saturday morning if Saturday will be your day off. Weigh yourself Sunday morning if Sunday will be your day off. (The point is, you don’t want to weigh in the morning AFTER your day off!)
Each week, you must lose 1 percent of your body weight to earn a bonus that equals 20 percent of your points scored for the week.
Calculations: Your weight x .01 = The number of pounds you must lose to earn your bonus points
Your points scored for the week x .2 = Your bonus points if you make weight!
If in any given week you do not earn your weight-loss bonus (lose 1 percent of your body weight), you lose your alcohol privilege on both your free day and during your meal off for the rest of the game.
Note: If weight loss is not a goal, you can set yourself a fitness goal instead.
Penalty: DO NOT WEIGH YOURSELF MORE THAN ONCE A DAY. IF YOU DO, YOU LOSE A POINT EACH EXTRA TIME YOU GET ON THE SCALE!
* * *
Believe me, Az and I spent a looooot of time discussing and debating whether or not to include this rule. The arguments went something like this:
Me: No way. No way are we asking women or men or anyone to weigh in every week. Scales suck. Scales are mean. People hate scales.
Az: The game is played on an honor system and it’s not an exact science. How else can we be sure people are (a) not cheating and (b) playing correctly for their maximum health benefit?
Me: Did I mention how much scales suck?
Az: Do you have a better idea?
Me: (silence)
Az: The scale’s important. It’s about making sure people are on the right track. It’s a feedback tool. All it’s letting us know is whether we’ve eaten the right amount of food or too much or too little. It’s one thing to be eating healthy, but if you’re eating too much of healthy then you will put on weight, which is not healthy. I know a lot of people who only eat organic health foods and their body is a temple, but they are thirty pounds overweight. These are the people who come to me and say “What the fuck, man? I’m the healthiest person I know!” The fact is they’re eating too much of a good thing, and if they’d gotten on the scale when they were five pounds overweight instead of thirty, they could have made changes sooner. We have to include a weigh-in.
Me: (silence)
Az: Krista? You still there?
Me: Shut up, you Aussie bitch.
If your reaction here is no way in hell am I getting on a scale because scales make me crazy and make me want to cry and make me want to throw them across the room, believe me, I relate. But in the end, I gave in to Az on this one not only because I didn’t have a better idea about how to help you confirm that you’re playing right, but because I didn’t weigh myself for many, many years and that was a big part of what allowed me to get so heavy.
I gave up scales for a good reason. I gave up scales because I tend to go to extremes, and scales in my bathroom, historically, got way too much play. Like, I’m not really this heavy, right? This has to be some kind of mistake. This thing must be broken. Hmmmm, if I weigh myself after I pee, will I lose a pound? What about after I shower? Could I scrub off a pound or two of dirt? What about after I sweat? Worse than that, the number on the scale in the morning would dictate my mood for the entire day. I would fixate and obsess and feel powerless and then fixate and obsess some mo
re.
So I got rid of the scale. And I never once missed it. I didn’t miss it to an extreme. I didn’t miss it so much, I became obese and didn’t notice.
So when Az asked me to get a scale for the game, I had a strong reaction, somewhere between fear and loathing. And I ranted at him for a while about how crazy I am and how crazy having a scale in the house would make me. And then he cocked his head at me and said, “Are you sure you’re still that kind of crazy? You don’t strike me that way. Maybe you could just get a scale and keep it in the closet and weigh yourself once a week.”
Honestly, it hadn’t even occurred to me. It hadn’t occurred to me that when I was last making myself crazy with a scale I was a teenager. And that maybe now I have grown and changed and healed enough to have some moderation, to have all the information without using it to torture myself all day every day, to not have my day defined and shaped by the number staring up at me from between my toes each morning.
I lost eight pounds playing the game but more important I can fit into my pants again (with no muffin top!). I really loved all that I learned about food. It is amazing what junk we put into our bodies that should not even be called food. I feel I learned how to respect myself and my body while I was playing the game. Krista and Az are geniuses. They should win a Nobel Peace Prize or an Academy Award for all the work they do. I want to be just like them. (Did I go too far?)
The Game On! Diet Page 6
