Q:
Sometimes when I don’t make my weight I get so depressed, even if I know why. What should I do?
A:
Reread the list of things you’re grateful for. Then make a new list, adding fifty more things. The air. The sky. My television. The fact that I live in a free country. The fact that women get to vote… FIFTY THINGS THAT HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH THE SIZE OF YOUR ASS. Also talk about your feelings to a friend. Sometimes it really helps just to say it out loud.
* * *
Play by the Rules
* * *
When you burn more energy than you eat, you will lose weight.
If you don’t make weight, don’t beat yourself up. Take a breath, and then look at your portion sizing, food choices, and exercise. Make adjustments the following week.
The day off and meal off are in place to keep your metabolism burning at optimum speed and to keep you from feeling deprived.
Bingeing on your day off or meal off can sabotage your entire week and result in weight gain.
The morning after a day off or meal off your body is adjusting and may carry some extra water weight, so don’t panic. (You may want to skip weighing yourself this day.)
You will carry extra weight if you are constipated or premenstrual. Again, don’t panic. Just notice and keep playing all out.
Food sensitivities are common and can affect your body’s ability to function optimally. If you suspect you are sensitive to certain foods, try eliminating these foods from your diet and see how it affects your weight loss.
If you’ve reached a plateau, try mixing it up by doing different exercises or changing the amount of calories you eat per meal (while still keeping within the rules of the game).
If playing this game is triggering obsessive, unhealthy behaviors and awakening an eating disorder, please stop playing and seek support.
Even if you have a “bad” week, you are still improving your health. Be sure to give yourself credit for what you have done and all the hard work and courage it takes to play this game. You rock!
Chapter 17
POSTGAME WRAP-UP
(Or, I Am Liking This New Ass of Mine.)
If you want a happy ending, that depends, of course, on where you stop your story.
—Orson Welles
I’m on the East Coast at a reunion of my husband’s family, and my husband and baby and in-laws have been out playing on the beach in Cape Cod all week while I sit holed up in the dark writing because I’m up against some pretty tight deadlines. I love writing but I love my family and the beach even more and so I’ve been a little sad about missing out. And so I have been comforting myself with donuts. Also, I have been consuming copious amounts of coffee, not stopping to exercise or getting up to stretch, not drinking enough water…Pretty much every healthy habit I have ever learned while playing the game has gone to hell this week while I write the book about the game. Ironic, no?
My husband’s cousin’s lovely wife, Enid, walked in this morning and said, “How are you?” and I said, “I don’t know. Fine, I guess. I’m fine. Panicking, but fine. My deadline is hurtling toward me like some unseen force of darkness while everyone plays on the beach but I guess, y’know, whatever, I’m fine.”
Poor Enid. She smiled gently and asked if there was anything she could do for me. And I realized that unless she could go buy me a little slice of sanity at a corner market, no, there was nothing she could do for me. But there was a lot I could do for myself. If there’s one thing my months of playing this game have taught me it’s that I can start over at any time. I can start my day over, I can start my mood over, I can start my week or month or morning or moment over. I put down my computer about an hour ago and I got up and I walked the 200 feet to the ocean. I played with my baby and splashed in the water with my husband and my sister-in-law. I took a jog down the beach and did a little yoga on some rocks perched out over the water. And then I sat down and meditated for 5 minutes before I jogged back to play with my baby some more.
I was on the beach for about an hour. And EVERYTHING shifted. I got my sanity back. I came back to the house and I ate a plum and then I sat back down to write, feeling like a wholly different human being. Amazingly, I have tools now. I know exactly what I need to do to feel better. I need to eat well. I need to sleep enough, even when it feels impossible. I need to play and I need to drink water and get a little exercise and maybe sit still and contemplate something larger than myself for a few minutes. I need a little balance.
If you are reading this before playing the game, then please come back and read it again in four weeks. My hope is that you will experience what I’m describing by playing. My hope is that you will, once the game is over, go back to your regular life and apply the principles you’ve learned and when you forget to apply them and start to feel like crap again, you’ll remember in short order and apply them again. My hope is also that you’ll play again whenever you want to or need to—but that in between games, you’ll utilize the tools you’ve picked up and draw on the community you’ve built by playing.
Remember, this isn’t just a diet. A diet has a start and a finish and then sends you back to your regular life to fall apart until you’re ready to start the diet again. This game is designed to teach you and your friends and family a way of life that you can keep on living together long after the trash-talk has subsided and the prizes have been collected.
I loved the game! The last week of it, I pretty much had it down as a habit. When it was over, I made the effortless decision to continue with this new lifestyle. I was in good health and had good habits before the game. But the game gave me great health and a great structure to live by.
—Sarah, 26
Once the game is over, take a week off and see what you can carry into your game-free life. My guess is you’ll keep exercising a little and if you’re like me, your body will now crave the extra water and the fresh fruits and veggies. See what you can do while you’re not competing and then, when you want to, whether it’s after a week or a month, PLAY AGAIN. I have lost forty pounds playing this game and I’m still going. And yes, in between games, I occasionally gain a pound or two back, but much more often, I continue to lose or I hold my weight steady—despite tight deadlines and long work hours; despite an addictive personality and a genetic predisposition for obesity and happy laziness. If I can do this, you can do this. You can change your body. You can change your life. And when you slide back into old habits, you can start over again. One game, one day, one hour, one point at a time.
* * *
• • • A Tip from Az • • •
No matter how far you’ve come on your journey toward the healthiest possible you, stop now and acknowledge yourself. For just a moment, take note of your success, take note of your accomplishments, take note of all your hard work. Maybe you’ve met your fitness goals, maybe you still have miles to go—but you’ve taken a big step forward by embarking on this game and I really want you to take the time to appreciate your own efforts. Most of us beat ourselves up for a thousand reasons every day. Let’s balance that a little by giving ourselves credit for how far we’ve come.
* * *
Frequently Asked Questions
Q:
My team is training for a marathon. Can we play one game for seven weeks instead of four?
A:
Absolutely! The first game we ever played lasted nine weeks. That said, we were a little sick of it at the end of nine weeks. By limiting it to four weeks, we’ve found that we are always eager to start again. But if you’re using it to train for a marathon, I say go go go!
Q:
I want to keep eating and exercising the same way but I don’t want to play another game with a team. Any suggestions as to how to stay motivated?
A:
Notice how much better you feel physically and emotionally when you are treating your body well. And if that doesn’t work, reread Chapter 4, Playing by Yourself. You might find some tidbits in there to
keep you going.
Q:
None of my clothes fit now but I’m afraid to throw them away in case I get fat again. What should I do?
A:
GIVE THEM AWAY! Bundle up every item that is too big and drive it to a homeless shelter (or a local church or Goodwill). This is (a) a great good deed and (b) makes getting fat again a way less appealing option because when you start to gain weight you will have nothing to wear! The first time you start thinking about going out and buying bigger clothes, you will KNOW it’s time to play again!
Q:
Now that I’ve lost all this weight, I get a lot more attention from guys. It makes me a little uncomfortable because I’m so used to being the fat girl. When I get uncomfortable, I start to feel the need to hide behind my weight again, but I don’t want to gain it all back. Any suggestions??
A:
Get a good therapist. I mean it. Good therapy blew my life wide open. I can’t recommend it highly enough.
GET A PEN!
In the following spaces, write at least three things you accomplished by playing this game. Then write three more things you’d like to accomplish when next you play.
Jana Harper, 15 pounds lost
When my son was two, I could no longer claim that the extra pounds I was carrying were “baby fat.” I embarked on losing weight. I did a twelve-week program to get the ball rolling but had a hard time staying motivated. When Krista said she and Aaron were starting a game to lose weight I thought, “What do I have to lose?” I’m competitive and love having set “rules” to work within. I did however believe they were crazy when they told me I had to get seven hours of sleep a night. Crazy! I had been getting along just fine on five to six hours, thank you very much. But I wanted to win so I figured I would give it a go.
I not only lost weight and got into better shape, I was having fewer memory issues, my mood was better, and I had loads and loads of patience for my children. The latter was so profound for me. Five to six hours of sleep had not afforded me much patience and, in hindsight, I realize my kids and husband suffered as well. Now I’m rested, eating better, and in the best shape I have been in for twenty years! All while beating my friends at a game (except in the end, the girls lost). But it was a win for ME! I love how this game has evolved and I am still motivated to play and pursue increasing my health for myself and my children. I am doing things today that I did not think possible. All in all I have lost nearly thirty pounds (the last fifteen by playing the game), but, more important, I have found a sense of joy and play again. I love new challenges, I love showing my kids how fun being active can be, and I love being able to keep up with them! And now, even if I‘m not playing a game, I have the tools to take better care of myself. I know and my body really knows when I am not treating it right. Play! What do you have to lose?
Jana, 40
Chapter 18
PEP TALK
(Or, GAME ON!)
Finish every day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some absurdities crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.
—Ralph Waldo Emerson
You are not just your body. But your body and its state of health inform your well-being—your thoughts, your heart, your spirit. What you are doing by playing this game is monumental. What you are saying to the world by playing this game is, I rock. I just fucking rock. I am not a victim of anything or anyone. I am certainly not a victim of my cellulite. I can effect change in the world and I’m going to start with my physical health. So there, fuckers!
If you are not as big on the F word as I am, feel free to modify the above statement according to your taste—but know that the spirit is right. Don’t come to this game feeling like you have to play because you’re fat and gross. Come to this game knowing that you are playing because you are alive and you are vibrant and you are capable and you want to live your fullest, happiest, healthiest life.
Don’t come to this game because you are defeated. Come because you are determined and inspired. Come because despite how you may feel, feelings are not facts. The facts are (or I hope they are) that you are healthy and physically able to take this on. The facts are that no matter what your experience has been in the past, you have the power to change your experiences in the future.
If you put words in your head and in your heart like, “I’m playing this game because I’m so fat and gross,” you might make your points but you’re not gonna have nearly as good a time doing it. Life is too short for that shit. You wouldn’t take it from a friend so don’t take it from yourself. Replace the negative thoughts with the truth. The truth is that if you take healthy actions one meal, one hour, one day at a time, your body and your heart and your mind and your life will transform. It just will.
When I catch myself feeling sorry for myself or feeling bad about my body, I put on some happy music and jump around my bedroom, and OUT LOUD I give thanks that I can jump. Try it. (And if you have a kid, do it with your kid—it’s even better. And if you have a dog, your dog will love it!)
If a couple of songs’ worth of that doesn’t work, call in sick (because you are sick, you are soul-sick) and head down to your local soup kitchen and be of service to the homeless for the day. Or go to the library and teach an illiterate adult to read. I promise you, you will leave with a new perspective on the extra calories you consumed or the coworker who was mean to you or whatever kind of bad day you couldn’t shake.
If you feel as if you might quit, remind yourself why you took this on. Is it because of your health? Your waistline? Your self-esteem? All three? Remind yourself and then recommit.
You are kick-ass. You know it, and I know it. And if you don’t know it, read this quotation from Marianne Williamson and then come talk to me.
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we’re liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
Play the game. Play all out. Bring your whole self. Bring your fears and bring your joys and bring your competitive spirit and bring your trash-talk. Bring it. You know you want to. GAME ON!
Contributors
Heide Banks, who has an MA in spiritual psychology, is a master in helping individuals to release blocks and unleash their true self-expression, the ultimate key to success in all areas of our lives. Her insightful work in relationships, career, and health has made her a fixture in the national media with regular appearances on such shows as The Oprah Winfrey Show, CNN, Entertainment Tonight, and The Tyra Banks Show. In addition, Heide serves as the executive director of the Center for Partnership Studies and is its representative to the United Nations. For media and more information about her coaching services, Heide can be reached at HeideBanks.com.
Dr. Michael Bernard Beckwith is the founder of the Agape International Spiritual Center, located in Los Angeles, California. Agape is a trans-religious community that today counts a membership of thousands locally, and hundreds of thousands of worldwide friends, as well as regional and international affiliates. Dr. Beckwith is a sought after meditation teacher, and facilitates conferences and seminars on the Life Visioning Process, which he originated. He is the author of Spiritual Liberation: Fulfilling Your Soul’s Potential, Inspirations of the Heart, Forty Day Mind Fast-Soul Feast, and A Manifesto of Peace. He has appeared on The Oprah Winfrey Show, Larry King Liv
e, and is a featured teacher in the book and film The Secret. He is also featured in the following films: The Moses Code, Pass It On, and Living Luminaries. For more information visit www.agapelive.com.
Jen Bloom brings her practical out-of-the-studio style of yoga right to where you need it: the stressful situations of everyday life. Her revolutionary Yoga in the Car CD has been featured on ABC Boston Chronicle, online by Yoga Journal, and received Best in Show for the CA Gift Show by New Age Retailer. Yoga on the Plane and Yoga for the Armchair are on their way! A cancer survivor, Jen works with private clients to bring the gentler aspects of yoga into their healing process. She teaches workshops throughout L.A. To book a session or take a class, please visit www.yogablooms.com.
The Game On! Diet Page 23
