Disappointment and a hint of anger flash across his face, but it’s gone as quickly as it arrived. “Sure. Let’s get you home. Maybe I can take you out again,” he says nonchalantly.
I don’t say anything because I don’t want there to be an again. I really have gotten myself into a pickle.
Leaving Besitos, my skin tingles and I look over my shoulder to see Kane staring at me. His eyes pierce me, making me wonder how I could ever think Chase could substitute the burning desire I feel with Kane. Chase is water while Kane is fire, and I want more of his heat.
Chapter 7
After Chase drops me off, I need a release. As fast as I can, I grab my big orange vibrator and go to lay down on my bed. The first time the buzzing sounds and the rubber material reverberates against my clit, I come. It is the hardest I have ever come, and the more embarrassing part is that I came screaming Kane’s name.
After three wet dreams, a vibrator that needs new batteries, and a sore vagina, I’m exhausted. I have a full day of work, but my body is sluggish. I can’t take this anymore. I need him to take me. I need him to relieve the aches in my body. I’ve never felt like I might explode because I don’t have someone’s touch and that is exactly what is happening right now. My body is rung tight, my skin is in a constant state of oversensitivity, and my brain is jumbled with thoughts of him. Not just sexual thoughts, maddening and confusing thoughts too. I don’t want to want him. I don’t want him to make me feel like this. Why does he? Why can’t Chase make me feel alive? So alive that I feel like I’m about to combust from sheer and utter sexual frustration.
It’s time to nip this in the bud. He wants me. I want him. Why fight it? With newfound determination, I swing my legs out of bed and stand. Looking out the window, I notice it’s a beautiful warm day, yet Flamingo is on his back with this head on a pillow, all four legs spread, and his cheeks above his gums. Ha, gravity is not his friend.
“Oh my God, why are you so cute!” Being the mom that I am, I snap a few pictures and send them to Molli and David.
Me: Look at my child!
David: He definitely takes after you.
Molli: He is adorable! And David, you don’t look much better when you’re sleeping!
David: I look like sleeping beauty, thank you very much.
Rolling my eyes at their antics, I get ready for work. Instead of a light sweater, I decide to go with a yellow tank top that has the shelter’s name on it. It’s warm and summery out, so why not? Leaving my hair curly from my awful date with Chase, a little deviation from the norm makes me decide to look cute for work. A little mascara, blush, and gloss goes a long way. I need Kane to want me. The need runs deep too. It’s made its home in the marrow of my bones and it’s latched on to every molecule my body has to offer.
After his declaration of wanting me last night in Besitos ladies room, I don’t think it will be much of a fight. The mirror shows that I look cute. I’m ready. We can do this.
“We can do this. Right, Flamingo?” I look at him still sleeping and slightly snoring.
“Dude, wake up!” I throw his favorite toy at him and he jumps up with a yelp. He seems confused for a second, like he doesn’t know where he is.
“You’re a goof.” I walk over and kiss his nose. “You ready for the day? I’m making some moves. You know, stepping out of my comfort zone. No matter what happens though, you have my back, right?” Scratching behind his ears.
He barks.
“Yeah, that’s what I thought. Come on, let’s go. Time to get started!”
I take the top of my jeep off, wanting to feel the wind in my hair and the sun on my skin. The seagulls are singing, the waves are crashing, and the smell of the beach hangs heavy in the air. I need a day where my toes are in the soft sand, my butt is in a beach chair, and an ice-cold beer is in my hand. Maybe I’ll message Molli or David to see if they want to get together this weekend and go. I need a break.
Or maybe Kane could come…
The thought has me smiling. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves though. The familiar crunch of gravel sings to me as I pull up to the shelter. Flamingo jumps out and runs to the front door, but what he doesn’t know is that I’m not going there first. I need to go see Kane before I start my day, so he sees me at my freshest. Not when the haggard day has made me look like roadkill at seven o’clock tonight.
Seeing Kane’s truck affirms that he is here, and my stomach knots. “You can do this,” I breathe.
Walking up the porch, Flamingo sits in front of the shelter door. “I’ll be right back, bud. I need to ask our new neighbor something.” Flamingo whines and lays down on the welcome mat. “You’re a drama queen.” My eyes roll, and I turn to walk into Ocean’s Ink. It’s close to nine-thirty when I stop in front of the doors.
Taking one more deep breath to pull myself together and not look like a sexually-crazed walking dishevelment, my hand pulls the door open. The cool metal below my palm refreshes the sweat already pooling on it. The door jingles, letting Kane know someone has arrived.
“We aren’t open yet,” Kane yells from the back.
Wow. He has done so much work. I’ve only been inside one tattoo shop and that was with David to get his nipples pierced. That tattoo shop was plain and, I don’t know, grungy? Tattoo shops seem simplistic for the most part, but not Ocean’s Ink. You walk in and the chandelier shines above you. The walls are white, the rug is red, and the seating looks Victorian. The loveseats are red as well, curving at the arms, with silver studs to decorate the seams of the seat. The counter is stainless steel, but the top half of it looks like liquid gold was poured on it, mimicking rain drops as the gold liquid pools and chases to the bottom of the stainless-steel counter. It looks goth, but classy.
“Woah,” My eyes can’t stop looking at everything. A lot of money was poured into this. Does he do that well at tattooing? Does he have a lot of money? He doesn’t wear fancy suits or anything. Don’t rich people wear Italian loafers or something? Is that a stereotype?
Even the floor looks pristine. It looks like concrete, but it’s almost black and it has a high shine to it. Looking around further, a gumball machine fills my vision, except it isn’t full of gumballs. It looks like it’s filled with a bunch of different tattoo designs. There is a sign above it that says, “Test your fate.”
“Well, why not!” I whisper to no one. Putting fifty cents in the machine, I crank the metal knob. The machine is big and bright red, like the kind you would see in a candy story. The bottom half has that swirly slide that the gumball slides down and for some reason watching it brings a hypnotizing fascination. That’s what it is, but instead of gum, it rolls out a plastic container with a piece of paper inside. It swirls and swirls until finally it’s at the bottom.
“I believe you are officially my first customer.”
The sound of Kane’s voice startles me, and I jump. “You scared the Starbursts out of me!” My hand is on my chest.
“Sorry, that wasn’t my intention,” Kane sits on one of the arms of the fancy loveseats. “So, which one did you get?” Those blue eyes flash with mischief.
“Umm, well…I don’t know yet. I can’t get the lid off.” I chuckle. Fighting with it for a few more seconds, it pops off like a champagne cork and hits Kane right in the face.
Inhaling a sharp breath, I run to him. “Oh my god! Are you okay? I didn’t mean to do that!” My hands seem to have a mind of their own since they grip his face to make sure that plastic lid didn’t leave any damage.
He pulls away from me and grabs the plastic out of my hand, “It will take more than a plastic lid to get me down. Come on, let’s see what your fate is.” He unrolls the design with his big hands and for a moment, I’m jealous of a little stupid piece of paper. I want his delicate touch. I want to be handled like that sheet of paper with delicacy and determination.
“Well, when do you want to book your appointment?” He shows me the drawing of the planet Saturn. It’s beautiful. The swirls and stars of the galaxy
surround the rings, giving it a realistic look. Plus, it’s fitting because Saturn’s is where I, Molli, and David go for karaoke. It has significance.
“I don’t know. I’ve never gotten a tattoo before. The thought makes me nervous,” I say, wringing my hands together.
“Oh? Virgin skin?” That crooked smile appears, along with that dimple, and I melt into a puddle of goo.
“Umm…” I blush.
“So, what brings you in the shop today then?” Kane leans into the counter and crosses his legs. He seems…off. It’s almost as if he is distancing himself from me. What happened to the man that wanted me last night? What happened to the man that ruined all dates for any man that will ever be interested in me?
“Well, I wanted to talk about what happened last night.” I clear my throat. “I was hoping we could see where that would lead, maybe go out to dinner, or take a walk on the beach.” My voice gets steadier as I find my vibrato. My eyes meet his and I see want, but I also see denial.
“What happened last night was a mistake. It won’t happen again. I don’t do relationships. If you’re looking for a good lay, we can definitely act out the sexual tension between us.” He winks.
“A mistake? So you ruining my date, touching me, and locking me in the bathroom was a mistake? You seem to have gone through a lot of trouble last night for a little mistake like me!” I should have known. For some reason, the word mistake rips my heart out. I feel empty.
“You’re hot, I’m hot. It’s natural for us to want each other, but you obviously want romance or love, and I can’t give that. What I can give is a few nights of amazing pleasure. We could finally give in to our desires.” Kane struts towards me in all his glory. His black hair is so dark, it reminds me of what the sky looks like without stars. His blue eyes sink into me, shredding apart each and every restraint I have holding me back. His hands circle around my waist, making our bodies line up together.
No. I won’t let him use me. I’ve been used plenty in my past and I’m over it.
“Get away from me!” I push him away. “You have some nerve, Kane Bridgeshaw. How dare you. How dare you do what you did to me last night. How dare you ruin my date with a good man, and how dare you try to use me! You are just like every other man. You are only looking to please yourself and you don’t care what gets destroyed in your path. I’ve been used. I’ve been the means to an end. I’ve been the girl who got shattered by lies because I was too stupid to see the truth, but not now.” Angrily, I yank the door open, and it jingles again. It’s like my damn theme song. It’s maddening!
“You have Chase anyway. So why are you here if that isn’t what you want?” He spits at me.
“I wanted more than what you’re willing to offer, but you’re right, I have Chase. He isn’t a manipulative asshole. Unlike some men!”
“Oh, sweetheart. There you go believing lies. That guy is worse than any of us. The heart in your eyes is blinding you.” He gets his face directly in front of mine to the point where I can feel his nose against mine.
“Screw you!” I turn my back on him and walk out the door.
“When and where, Crazy?” he shouts.
“Never!” Opening the door to the shop, Flamingo flies past me. Slamming the door, I lock it. My back slides down it and I cry. My sobs echo through the lobby and little paws click against the floor until they reach me. Flamingo whines and lays his head in my lap.
At least I have him.
Chapter 8
Realizing I can’t sit on the floor forever and that I’ve got a business to run, I get up. I wipe the tears off my face, turn on the lights, and open the blinds. The moment I do though, Kane is outside my window.
“Open the door, Leslie.” His voice sounds muted from the glass between us.
“Why? You said everything you needed to say. You just want me as a piece of ass. Something that lets your feelings be numb, but at the same time get your rocks off. Forget that, I wish I would have never met you. You jumbled up everything. I had everything planned and you came and ruined it!” My eyes start to tear up again, and my voice is laced with anger or heartbreak, I can’t tell anymore.
“The last thing you would ever be is a piece of ass. Can’t you see that? You drive me mad. You shake everything up inside me. I’m not used to that. I thought I turned that part of myself off a long time ago, but then I see you. I see those green eyes, light brown skin, and curly hair, and it flips everything on inside me. But I can’t give you what you want. Please open the door. We can talk about this face to face.” His hand lands on the door knob as if I’ll just unlock it.
“I actually prefer this. I prefer the glass between us. It’s funny cause right now this glass is pretty symbolic. We aren’t saying anything different now then we would if glass wasn’t in the way. We just won’t get caught up in our lust for each other. The glass stays. It’s always been there, and it always will be.” I look away from him.
“Bullshit. That’s bullshit. You and I both know there is more here than lust. You think I don’t see that? It scares the living hell out of me! I don’t want to feel anything for you. I don’t want to miss you, but I do. Everything that’s happened, everything I’ve lost in my life, I couldn’t afford to love you and lose you too,” he whispers. Both of us are inches between each side of glass, looking at each other.
Love? Everything he has lost? What is he talking about?
“I’m not asking you to love me. I’m just asking for a chance.” My eyes well with tears and they fall one by one.
“But I would love you.” He shakes his head and he pounds his hand on the door. “Open the door, Leslie,”
“No. I know what will happen. All this built up aggression, want, need, and lust would explode. We would devour each other.” My hand goes to the lock, readying myself to let him in.
“Is that really such a bad thing?” His eyes are full of torment and his black brows are pinched, causing a few lines to pop up on his forehead. I want so bad to feel the creases with my fingers.
“Yes.” No.
“You make me feel…” His forehead rolls against the glass from the shake of his head. “Primal. That’s it. You make me feel animalistic. You don’t know how bad I want to tear you apart, only to put you back together again. That’s what scares me. I’m afraid I’ll tear you apart, and I’ll miss a piece. Then, I would have broken you and I can’t live with that. Please open the door,” he pleads. His voice shakes with emotion that breaks my heart even further.
“Kane. Why are you saying this? Why are you doing this? Why would I open the door? We want different things. I want you, but you only want the physical part of me. You want the part that’s easy. Can’t you see that everything about this is far from easy? I think only giving pieces to each other would make everything that much more difficult.” My hand flattens against the glass and my fingers are spread. The tears that fall taste like the hint of salt that the breeze always blows, and my body trembles. I almost feel cold, but I know it’s worse than that. It’s what you feel like moments before you shatter.
His fists ball and hit the door’s frame. “I need some part of you. I know that much.”
“I don’t think the part of me that you need is physical, Kane, but until you see that, I think it’s best if we stay out of each other’s way.” I back away from the door slowly.
“No, Leslie. Wait! Don’t go. Just…” His hand goes to his hair and his foot kicks the porch beam. “Damn it!” he yells. I didn’t realize how tortured he was. What happened to him? What happened to him to make him so afraid of feeling?
He rushes back over to the door. “Leslie, Crazy, please. I…I don’t know what I want. I don’t know what I’m feeling except complete and utter madness. The alternative you are giving me doesn’t sit right with me. I know I can please you. I know I can be good at that. Why does it have to be more?” It sounds like he’s questioning himself more than he’s questioning me.
“I know it would be more. I already feel more for you t
han I have for anyone in a long time, which is insane because I hardly know you, but it’s like my body is a magnet towards yours. You pull me to you. I don’t understand it. What I do understand is that you know it would be more. I’m afraid I’ll give you that piece of me you want, and you’ll shut me out the moment you start feeling something for me, and then you’ll leave me devastated. It’s all or nothing, Kane. I won’t apologize for that.” My heart is torn and tethered, and I have never even dated the guy!
“Okay,” he whispers.
“That’s it? Okay?” I scream and bang my fists against the glass. “Are you kidding me!”
Exasperated he says, “What do you want from me?”
“Let’s get to know each other. Let’s start with that. We can be friends,” my emotionally-clogged voice states. Yeah right, friends. Please.
A sarcastic chuckle fills the other side of the door. “Friends? Right. I don’t know how that would work.”
I barely hear the whispered words, but I silently agree. Oh my God! The shelter phone, I haven’t turned it on yet. Checking the time, I see that it’s almost eleven and Rorie is supposed to be here at twelve.
“I’ll be right back!” I run to the desk and turn on the phone, the blinking red light indicates voicemails. I bang my head against the desk. “Today is not my day.”
Glancing over to the door, Kane rests his arms above his head, but leans his hands on the door. He looks straight at me and the emotions play like a film on his face: fear and lust. As much as I want to give in, as much as I want to only give him a piece of me, I’m not stupid enough to think that would work. When does that ever work? Someone always ends up hurt, and I’m hurt right now, and I barely know the guy.
I want to know everything though.
Sighing, I go back to the door. “Kane, I have to get to work. I’ve lost track of time and Rorie is supposed to be here soon,”
“What about Chase?” he asks.
The Ink Romance Series Page 5
