by Emma Nichols
“I think so. Thank you.” I eyed Harlow again. “What did you do?”
She shook her head and wrapped her arms around her body like she was trying to keep warm. “I need the money,” she murmured.
My eyes widened as I stared at Avery who had gone out onto the balcony to make the call. “Jesus,” I growled. “Are you trying to sell my baby?” I swear Avery heard me through the door because she suddenly whipped around, her eyes wide.
“Not yours.” Harlow shook her head as her eyelids drooped.
“Go sit down before you fall down,” I urged as she rocked on her feet.
Finally, she seemed to listen to me and stumbled over to the couch. “This is new.”
I licked my lips and glanced at Avery for a reaction. She simply stood there silently, her brow furrowed. I could practically hear all the wheels turning and I wondered what she was thinking. From down the hall, Molly began to whimper, which spurred Avery to action.
“Bottle,” she murmured as she passed me on the way to the fridge.
I numbly watched as she warmed the water to heat the bottle. Though it had only been a few minutes, thanks to the gas stove, it felt like an hour. My mind raced. I couldn’t imagine what was going to happen now. I wanted Harlow gone. I needed the peace and serenity we’d experienced before her arrival. Most of all, it was obvious I needed the lawyer DeSean recommended. How had my life suddenly become so crazy?
Soon after Avery strode back down the hall to feed Molly, there was a light knock on the door. I opened it to discover two uniformed officers waiting to speak with me. And I had no idea what to say as I ushered them into the room. Harlow had passed out on the couch, slumped over the arm of the sofa.
I took a deep breath. “This is my ex-girlfriend. She dropped my baby on my doorstep almost a month ago. Now she wants her back. And I think she plans to sell her.” I ran a hand through my hair. “There were two shady guys down the hall before you arrived. And she’s obviously on drugs. She kept talking about needing the baby back because she needed money.” I crossed my arms over my chest.
“Okay, so you have the baby here?” the first officer asked.
I nodded. “When she arrived, she had a diaper rash and her skin was raw under her chin. But my personal assistant assumed the role of nanny too. She’s all better now.” I tried to smile, but the fear was so strong, I couldn’t quite manage it.
“So, why are we here?” the officer asked.
I pointed to Harlow. “Can you get her to leave? Can she be arrested for trying to sell my child?”
“Not yours,” Harlow mumbled from the couch.
My brow furrowed. “What are you talking about?”
Somehow, she roused herself from the couch, came to a standing position and took a series of hesitant baby steps to reach us. “Not your baby.”
I rubbed my forehead. “Of course she is. You left her here with a note and named me as the father.” My stomach hurt and my heart was racing. “Avery! Where’s the paperwork?” I shouted for her out of panic.
“It’s in the top drawer of your desk in the office,” she called quietly.
Without hesitation, I rushed to the office to retrieve it. Once I had it in my hands I wandered back out to the officers. “See. This was with the baby. She dumped her on the doorstep like something out of a damn movie. It was terrible.” I shook my head.
The officer looked over the note and frowned. “Why would you say it was his baby if it wasn’t?” he asked Harlow.
She looked at him, her eyes almost completely glazed over. “Because he’s responsible. That’s why he didn’t want me.” Harlow threw her hands in the air. “I’m not.” She let out a sick laugh. “And the baby’s daddy definitely is not.” She shook her head. “He’s a drug dealer.” She giggled. “He’s my drug dealer.” Her head tilted. “I think he’s down the hall.” She tottered to the door and peeked out. “Hey, baby? Where are you?” She waited a minute and backed up enough to shut the door. Finally, she turned around, leaned against the door and slid to the floor. “I guess he left.” Harlow rubbed her face. “He was gonna help me.”
“Help you do what?” the officer asked quietly while squatting in front of her.
She shook her head and held a finger in front of her lips. “Shh! I can’t tell you.”
“Why not? I help people.” He smiled kindly at her.
“Because selling babies is illegal.” She sniffled and tears began to drip down her cheeks. “And I need money. I can’t take care of her.” Harlow held out her arms, while wearing a tank top. “See? I can’t do this and have her. The drugs are easier.” She nodded solemnly and passed out again.
I didn’t know what to say. I thought I might throw up. “You can’t give Molly back to her.”
The officer nodded. “I know we can’t, but I’m not sure I can leave her with you either.” He looked at his partner. “I’m going to call this in.” He wandered away from us to use his radio.
Turning, I leaned on the counter and found Avery sneaking into the living area with Molly in her arms. “We thought you might need a hug,” she murmured.
She had never been more right. I opened my arms and waited for my girls to walk into them. “I love you,” I whispered vaguely. Avery said nothing, but held me more tightly with her free arm. This was a terrible time to realize how strongly I felt about them.
12
Avery
* * *
“Well, the word from my chief is that we have to have DSS come and claim the baby. So, he gave the address and put in a call. Someone should be here shortly.” The officer clapped his hands. “I’ll stay up here with you while my partner takes the mother down to the car.”
I swallowed hard. I knew why someone had to stay with us. I completely understood. After all, everything in me was screaming run! And God knew Paxton had the means for us to do it.
As I peeked his direction for a reaction, he shook his head sadly. “She might not be mine. Did you hear that?”
I nodded. “I did.”
“She might be some drug dealer’s baby. And she might not be able to stay with us.” I watched as his Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat and knew he was struggling too. “Could you write in your report that we took good care of her? I still want her.” He whipped around and looked at me. “Don’t you? We were a good family. We made a nice home.” He gestured to encompass the entire place. “Wanna see the nursery?” Paxton jerked a thumb over his shoulder while I stood there swaying with Molly.
“I’m sure it’s really nice, sir.” The officer smiled kindly. The situation had to be hurting him too. He glanced around uncomfortably.
“I’m gonna need some help,” the other officer mumbled. And together, the two of them lifted Harlow from the floor. Once upright, the officer responsible for moving her was able to wrap an arm around her waist and basically drag her out, since she weighed next to nothing.
We were silent for a while. There was nothing to say. Paxton and I were in our own private hell. I’d offered to let him hold Molly, but he didn’t want to and I understood. It would be harder for him to let her go when the time came. So, I held her and snuggled her close. “They won’t let her stay?” I asked the officer. “You’re sure?”
He nodded sadly. “Yes. They won’t let her stay. She’ll go into foster care tonight.”
I watched as Paxton’s face turned deep crimson and he stormed into his bedroom. I felt his frustration. Unfortunately, I was unable to fix it.
“Okay then,” I mumbled as I walked back down the hall with Molly in my arms. She had fallen asleep holding onto my finger. I’d grown so used to it, I barely noticed anymore. Only this time, I had to pry her off. I had to do something while we waited, so I decided to pack her things…not for long, but for a few nights. I couldn’t simply give up everything. “Time to lay in your crib, little one,” I murmured as I peeled Molly’s hand from my finger. “I’m going to get your diaper bag packed for your little adventure. Before you know it, you’ll be back he
re with me and Daddy forever.” I babbled on, fully believing everything I said. She was going to come back. She had to.
“So, let’s grab enough diapers and clothes for a couple of days. I don’t want anyone to think that you’re neglected.” I loaded the bottom of her bag with an entire bag of diapers. “Now some burp cloths. No one is as burpy as you, little princess.” I forced a laugh and tried to hide my sniffle. She was so aware of our emotions already, I didn’t want to upset her more than we could help. “Time to choose some clothes. We have a couple pairs of jammies. You look so pretty in pink and purple. Oh, and a couple of dresses and rompers. These will be comfortable for a growing girl.” As I was finishing up, there was a knock on the front door. “Almost forgot formula,” I commented as I threw the bulging bag over my shoulder and lifted Molly back into my arms.
We wandered out to the kitchen. I didn’t want to know who it was. I didn’t want to see the person who was stealing our baby from us. I couldn’t even look the woman in the face, but I saw her out of the corner of my eye. “I’m just going to finish packing her up,” I whispered, hoping it would hide the sob I was forcing back in my throat.
“Okay, that’s good.” She glanced around the condo. “Is Mr. Gentry here?”
I swallowed hard and nodded. “Paxton is in his room.”
She took a deep breath. “I get this is hard on you.”
For a second I blinked back tears. “I don’t think you do. A baby was dumped on his doorstep and instead of running, Paxton embraced the challenge because Harlow said it was his baby. So, I moved in to be the nanny. And together, we’ve been raising her, loving her, caring for her.” I kissed Molly’s forehead. “She didn’t look like this when she arrived. She had diaper rash and her neck was raw. She was quiet for a baby, probably because she’d learned it was useless to cry. Now, she’s healthy, happy, and well-adjusted. Why can’t she stay?” I all but stomped my foot I was so frustrated.
“She might not be his. You heard. Until we establish paternity, we can’t leave the baby with you. Either of you.” The woman frowned at us. I felt like her emotions were genuine. She rubbed her tired eyes and tucked some of her loose braids behind one ear.
The door to Paxton’s room opened slowly. He stuck his head out and then emerged. “So, if I take the paternity test, we can get her back?”
“Absolutely. The mother is definitely in no condition to care for her.” She nodded and offered a half smile.
“And…what if I’m not?” He licked his lips. “What if Molly isn’t my baby?”
“Well, then she’d have to stay in foster care until we can establish some kind of guardianship.” The woman frowned.
“What would I have to do to become her guardian?” He moved closer to me until he was standing close enough to wrap an arm around my waist. “What would we have to do?” Paxton looked at me seriously.
She took a deep breath. “I’m not going to lie to you. Everyone wants to adopt a baby. You would have an edge because you’ve already proven yourself capable of raising her and providing for her, but at the same time, you’ll be in competition with married couples in stable homes.”
“I see,” he murmured. The pain was pouring out of him.
I could feel it in every bit of my being. I ached for him and me. This was my hurt too. We’d been doing this together. “Do you have a card? How do we get in touch with you?”
The woman reached into her jacket pocket. “I’m Althea Jessup. This is my direct line.”
Paxton took the card from her hand. “I’ll go get the test tomorrow.”
Her brow furrowed. “Tomorrow is Saturday. No labs will be open until Monday.” Then she turned to me. “Do you have a car seat handy?”
I nodded and pointed to the closet on the other wall. It had become our habit to leave it on the floor in there after we pulled Molly out of it. Then it was easy enough to grab and load her on our way out of the condo.
The officer opened the door, grabbed the seat, and set it on the table. Reluctantly, I walked over to it and laid Molly inside. She barely whimpered. She’d grown used to me moving her in her sleep and had complete and total trust in the process. I strapped her in and covered her with her favorite blanket. “We call this the magic blanket because it helps her fall asleep. Can you tell the foster parents that?” My eyes started to water.
Ms. Jessup nodded. “Of course.”
I laid the bag on the table. “There’s a couple of outfits and jammies in there. And diapers.” I paused and rushed to the cupboard in the kitchen. “I almost forgot formula.” Then I reached into the fridge and pulled out three bottles I’d premade to get us through the night and early morning. “This should be good for tonight. She had her last feeding about half an hour ago.” I sniffled and tried to blink back tears, but I couldn’t, so I gave up and let them simply drip down my face. “I think that’s everything,” I whispered. I threw my shoulders back as I struggled to be strong for Molly and for Paxton, but I couldn’t. I swiped at the tears until Paxton grabbed one of the spare burp cloths we’d kept in the kitchen drawer for emergencies, but his act and the reminder of everything we were losing made me breakdown even more.
“Monday. I’ll test Monday,” Paxton whispered. Then he leaned over the car seat. “Daddy loves you, cupcake. I’ll see you soon.” Then he stepped back and pulled me into his arms. “Okay. Let’s do this.”
I glanced up at him, wondering how he could be so calm when I was absolutely broken. When I saw his face, I knew I wasn’t alone. His nostrils were flaring. His eyes were rimmed in pink. And his cheeks were so red, they could pass for purple. I buried my face in his chest and choked back sobs as best I could. I guess I imagined that in our grief, we might bring each other comfort. Only the minute the door closed, he gently pushed me out of his arms.
“I need some time,” he whispered hoarsely.
I nodded as if I understood, but I didn’t. I just felt so alone. And he left me like that, to suffer without him. Paxton hid in his room with the door closed. And not just closed, but closed to me, closed off from me. At first, I sat on my couch, just outside his door, waiting for him to exit. Hoping to be there when he finally did. As the hours passed, I realized he wasn’t going to come out. He didn’t want to mourn with me. Maybe he no longer wanted me here period. After all, I’d only moved in for Molly. Maybe without Molly, he couldn’t stand having me around. With that single thought in my head, I sent my first text message. It was after midnight, but I was desperate. The response was swift.
* * *
Tegyn: Come over.
* * *
Since I had no apartment and I didn’t have Paxton asking me to stay, I decided at least for tonight, I’d go.
13
Paxton
* * *
Avery would understand.
That’s what I told myself when I hid like a damn coward in my room. I had hoped it would soon be our room, after last night, but we didn’t even get to discuss the permanent sleeping arrangements I had in mind before Harlow showed up and yanked the rug out from under me...from us. Seeing her was a gut punch. I wondered why I’d ever been attracted to her. I wondered how I ever thought we might end up married. Now that I’d experienced the joys of a real relationship with Avery, I couldn’t imagine ever being with anyone else again.
So, I mourned alone and shut her out, never thinking there would be a problem with my need for space. I guessed in the morning we’d talk, and everything would be fine once I’d managed to purge all the bad feelings. Avery would help me get over the sadness weighing me down. Saturday, we’d try to forget our pain while on a double date with Royal and Laci. Then on Monday, Avery would accompany me to take the paternity test.
I could barely think past getting Molly back, past getting my family together again. At some point, I drifted off to sleep. I have no idea when. All I know is I woke up in the morning feeling completely spent but calm because I knew when I walked out that door, ready to face my fucked-up life, Avery would be
there to help me pick up the pieces of whatever was left of me.
I took a few deep breaths and I listened to the sounds of the condo. Usually by now I’d hear Avery making breakfast for us. After all, it was nearly ten in the morning. I’d slept way past what was normal for me, but all I picked up, no matter how hard I listened, was silence. There was no tapping on a keyboard, no morning shows on television; it was as if I was alone in the place. The more I considered that possibility, the more I struggled to breathe. She’d become my touchstone, even before I realized I had feelings for her.
Slowly, I rolled out of bed and strode over to my door. I yanked it open and scanned the area, but there was no sign of life. There was no sign she’d even been up yet this morning. I considered she might be taking this even harder than I had, and might still be in bed, so I padded down the hall to her room, only to discover an empty bed that didn’t even look slept in. I rushed to her closet and discovered her bag was missing.
That was the moment I knew I was fucked. I stumbled back out to the living room, feeling as if the wind had been knocked out of me. I sank down on her couch, rocking back and forth for a few minutes while I tried to figure out what to do. I needed my phone. Maybe DeSean could talk me down. Hell, maybe Avery had texted. Maybe I didn’t need to panic after all.
Only when I rushed back to my room and grabbed my cell from the nightstand, I discovered there were no messages. None.
I didn’t feel like talking at the moment, so rather than call, I dropped DeSean a text.
* * *
Me: She’s gone. They’re gone.
* * *
I didn’t know what else to say. Even typing those few words caused an indescribable ache in my heart. I had a void that might never be filled. His response was swift and direct.
