Sawyer puts his arms around me and forces me to sit again for the EMT.
The police officer says to me, "Mr. Tremaine is not under arrest."
Thank god for that.
"There’s nothing wrong with me," I say finally. "I’m hungry, and my wrist and ankle are bruised, but I’m okay. Admittedly I’m still kind of scared and pretty shaky, but okay."
They let me go to Sawyer, but I know I have to go with the cops and give my statement. Sawyer says, "I’ll go with you. I don’t want you out of my sight. I want to know you’re safe. I want to know all night that you’re safe."
I want to be with him, so I can feel safe. But there’s something I know I need to do after I finish with the police. "I need to go home to my mom." I shiver. "But I can’t face the thought of getting on a bus tonight."
"I’ll drive you," Sawyer says.
"You can’t do that. My home is almost six hours from Westingham and it’s almost midnight."
"No problem, Claire. I’ve driven twenty-four hours straight before."
* * *
I plan to stay awake. Maybe just because I need to keep looking at Sawyer to convince myself that it’s over, I’m safe and unharmed, and he’s free. And alive.
But the warmth of the truck’s cab, the endless dark road, and the glare of the oncoming cars make my eyes close. I know I fall asleep because I keep waking up.
I’ll see Helman’s face in front of me. Or dream I saw Sawyer crash. Each time I jerk awake and find it wasn’t real.
"Are you okay?" I mumble to Sawyer. How can he keep driving when I can’t even keep my eyes open?
"I’m good," he says. "Try to sleep."
I close my eyes because I can’t fight to stay awake.
Next time I open them, the sky is streaked with red, and we’ve reached a sign that says, "Welcome to Opeongo." The small town where I grew up. I’m home.
"I’ll drop you off," Sawyer says, glancing over at me.
"Oh. I thought—I thought you might stay. You should get some sleep. But you don’t have to come in, obviously, if you don’t want—"
"I didn’t think you’d want me around. And I’m pretty sure your mother won’t. When she finds out what I dragged you into, she’ll probably want to kill me."
"Of course not. You saved me, Sawyer. And she’s probably going to thank you for that. As well as feed you."
"What about you, Claire? If you want me out of your life, I understand." He rakes his hair back out of his eyes. He isn’t looking at me—as if he’s afraid of what he’ll see in my face.
"Out of my life? Sawyer, I—" I want to say I love you, but I hesitate. Will it scare him? Is it too early?
Hell, I didn’t know how to kiss and I don’t know how to do relationships, since I have so little experience. Maybe the best thing is to be honest.
"Sawyer, I love you."
Chapter Eight
What is he going to say?
He’s driving and he hasn’t said anything for several minutes. I gave him directions to my house and that’s where we are headed.
I’m scared I’ve blown it, just like I did with that impetuous kiss I tried to plant on Trey weeks ago. I’ve said too much, gone too far, and scared Sawyer. Impetuous things do not work for me.
Of course, if I hadn’t bestowed that awkward, terrible kiss on that idiot Trey, I would never have propositioned Sawyer.
Nervous, I glance at Sawyer. He keeps looking from the road to me and back again. Finally he asks, "How can you be in love with me?"
I gape at him, drinking in his gorgeous profile. "Maybe because you are an amazing guy. Because—because I just am!" My cheeks are burning, I’m blushing so hard.
He lets out a deep breath. "I am so in love with you, Claire, it hurts. I’ve never loved anyone as much as I love you."
I’m astounded.
His hands are tight on the steering wheel, his knuckles white. "It makes me realize what an effing jerk I’ve been. I thought I loved Kerry. I was so scared I would lose her that I wanted to be her whole world. I didn’t want her spending time with her friends. Her family was pretty screwed up and when she felt bad, I wanted her to come to me instead of talking to them. I told myself I knew best because I loved her. I’m scared that what I really needed was for her to need me. That doesn’t make me deserving of love now."
I realize he has told me his darkest secret. He has completely opened his heart to me. This is what haunts him.
"Why?" I ask bluntly.
"What do you mean, ‘why’?" He hits the brakes for a traffic light.
"Why did you need all of her attention? Why couldn’t you share her, Sawyer?"
"I was a selfish bastard."
"No, you aren’t. I don’t believe that. You were scared for some reason. You were scared and on top of that, you were afraid to lose her love. Did someone break your heart before?"
"No." He says it shortly.
"What about your dad and your mom?"
"My dad walked out. It broke my mom’s heart."
"I lost my dad. It made me very protective of my brother when he was sick."
Sawyer focuses on traffic as he drives. Then he says, "I guess I was afraid of losing her. Afraid she would leave me like my dad did. I didn’t understand the danger of what I was doing. I just wanted her to be happy and I thought I could do that for her."
I lean over and kiss him tenderly on his cheek. "I love you," I whisper. "For your strengths and your vulnerabilities. They are what make you special and beautiful and amazing." I realize that he doesn’t believe he is worthy of love. "You deserve to be loved intensely," I say. "And you deserve more than one night stands. I don’t think you had one night stands because you were protecting women from the dangerous world of street racing. I think it was because you feared the women you were with wouldn’t love you. Well, I do."
He reaches out and holds my hand, threading his fingers through mine. He kisses my hand, then releases it. "I love you so much, Claire."
Now I’m blushing again. Suddenly I realize I forgot to point out one of the turns to my house, and of course Sawyer wouldn’t recognize it. "Actually, we have to turn around. We should have turned left at that last intersection to get to my house."
He grins. "Sorry. When I’m with you, I can barely focus on anything else. You give me a bigger adrenalin high than street racing."
I am stunned.
Ten minutes later, I am standing at my front door with Sawyer. I ring the bell. I phoned my mom to tell her I was coming home so she probably hasn’t slept. I hope she did a bit, but I doubt it. To my surprise, my little brother answers the door. He’s wearing red pajamas with large black spiders printed all over them.
"Claire?" Charley frowns. "Claire, why are you here in the middle of the night?" Then he looks at Sawyer. Way up at Sawyer. "Mom!" he shouts.
My mom comes into view. She has a terry cloth robe belted around her. Her hair is loose and shows streaks of grey. She looks older and worried. She sees me and rushes to me, giving me a hug.
"Oh my god, Claire, when I heard about what happened to you—I should have gone to Yardley to be with you. I just want to kiss and hug you and make sure you are real—"
She squeezes me even tighter. "I’m okay, Mom." I told her this on the phone. "Nothing happened to me. I didn’t get hurt."
She releases me and she glares at Sawyer. "Who are you?" she asks. I’ve never heard Mom be rude.
"Mom, this is Sawyer. Sawyer, this is my mom and my little brother Charley."
"You are the boy who was involved in street racing. You’re the reason a crazed man kidnapped my daughter."
"Mom, it wasn’t Sawyer’s fault," I protest. But she pulls me into the house, then she grips the doorknob. I realize she intends to close the door on Sawyer.
"I want you to stay away from my daughter," she says.
"Mom, that’s ridiculous. Sawyer is not to blame."
Mom grips my wrist and holds onto me, as if I’m going to run back outside. "H
e is when he chooses to get involved with men like that."
"I’m sorry, Mrs. Thomas." Sawyer speaks softly, but he looks as if he just got kicked in the gut. "I never meant for Claire to be in danger."
"Mom, he broke up with me and tried to push me away to protect me. I made the decision to be with Sawyer. I’m not a child anymore. The person to blame is that lunatic Helman, and he’s going to prison."
I pull away from her and I step outside to stand beside Sawyer.
Charley is watching us. And he says, "Mom, it’s not going to help anyone to argue."
My mother and I both stare at Charley. "He’s right, Mom. We should listen to Charley." For a thirteen-year-old, my brother is astoundingly wise.
Mom’s gaze goes from me to Sawyer. She bites her lip. Then she says, "All right. Come inside, both of you."
"I’m going to make Sawyer something to eat," I warn her. "And I think he should spend the night here. I don’t want him to drive back to Yardley tonight. He’s tired from being up all night to bring me home and he could have an accident."
"I don’t want to be any more trouble than I’ve already been," Sawyer says.
Mom hesitates. "Both you and Charley are right, Claire. Why don’t we order a pizza from the 24 hour place? Sawyer, you can use the fold-out couch in the basement."
While we eat, Sawyer explains to my mom and Charley why he got into the illegal bike racing world. I make sure mom understands Sawyer did it to help his mother. That seems to change her opinion of him.
After pizza, my brother goes back to bed—to get some sleep since it’s almost morning and he was so worried about me that he couldn’t sleep all night. I take a look through his door after mom tucks him in. He drops off to sleep instantly.
I take sheets and blankets downstairs for Sawyer’s bed. We make his bed together. My heart pounds hard. I want to come to him at night. I want to be with him. But I feel strange. Last night at this time, I was a prisoner.
Sawyer kisses me tenderly. He takes me back up to my room, kisses me one more time at my door. "You could come up to my bed later," I whisper. "When my mom is asleep."
"I won’t have sex with you under your mom’s roof," he says gently.
I nod. I guess, in a way, I’m not ready for it yet either.
The next day, when Sawyer goes to leave, my mom touches his arm. "Claire has made me see that you got trapped in something that was out of your control. You were as much a victim as she was. And you tried to protect her. That does mean a lot to me."
"Thank you," he says. "I’m really sorry for what happened to Claire. Mrs. Thomas, if you want me to keep away from her, I understand. I’ll respect what you want for Claire."
"I want her to have a decent young man who stands by her. I have no problem with you dating Claire. As long as you are not involved in any other…criminal activity."
"No, I’m not." Sawyer looks at me and smiles. "I’ll come and drive you back to Yardley whenever you’re ready," he says.
* * *
Two days later, I go back to Yardley with Sawyer. I have to make up for lost time. Midterms are approaching. I throw myself into studying. Sawyer helps me catch up in calculus and statics, and I breeze through all my tests.
But Sawyer and I haven’t had sex since I returned to school. I spend a lot of time at his house, but we study until late, then I’m exhausted and he tells me to just sleep. We’re sharing the same bed, but nothing is happening.
It can’t be that he doesn’t want me. If he wanted to break up, surely he would do that instead of having me sleep over. So why won’t he make love to me?
Finally, I go over to his place, determined to be honest and direct. I find him in his garage.
Actually, all I can see of him is his gorgeous ass and his long, long legs. The hood of his car is up, he’s leaning over the engine, and his leather motorcycle pants are pulled tight over his amazing butt.
My pussy gets instantly wet. I can’t live without sex with Sawyer for another minute. I race over to him and I cup his ass. He jerks up. The car hood jolts a bit as his head hits it.
Aak! So much for yet another impetuous manoeuver. "I’m so sorry! So sorry! I shouldn’t have done that. I keep doing this. I keep following my instincts and I fuck things up—"
"No, you don’t." Sawyer stops rubbing his head and kisses me. He lifts me, his hands on my ass, and he kisses me deeply.
The garage practically spins around me.
He breaks the kiss just long enough to murmur, "I like it when you do impetuous things like grab my ass and ask me for a one night stand. Don’t ever stop being you, Claire."
I always hated being me in the past.
"That’s what I love about you. Everything that makes you Claire." Then he grins against my lips. "Fuck, I don’t think that makes sense. When you said it to me, you did a way better job."
"You did a fine job. It’s the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard." My lips move against his as I talk and that inspires him to open his mouth, kiss me hard, and do wicked things to my tongue with his. Shivers tumble through me.
I reach down—not easy since my legs are around him and my crotch is pressed tight to him. I manage to rub the bulge in his pants. I want him to understand how much I want him.
But he sets me back down.
"Do you really want this?" he asks. "I’ve been scared to ask you for sex after what you went through."
Now I understand. "You think that I have something like post-traumatic stress? I did have nightmares, but they’re going away. Being with you helps. Making love with you isn’t going to hurt me."
"Maybe I don’t have the right—"
"Stop feeling guilty, Sawyer. Everything I said to my mother is true. It isn’t your fault. I wasn’t just making that stuff up to make her happy. You are not to blame. You had reasons for what you did—noble reasons. And you tried to protect me."
I walk away from him and stand beside his street racing bike. I know he’s selling it, using it to raise money since he’s lost the income he made from racing. He was going to sell the house, but his mom refused to let him do it. I made him call her and they talked for hours. He apologized to her for getting into trouble, then she apologized to him. She told him she was sorry for making him feel bad for his stutter, and she told him that he was not the reason his dad left.
"We fought all the time," she said to him. "Your father blamed me for your stutter, but that was because he and I blamed each other for anything and everything. He wanted a reason to leave me, and when he was gone, I couldn’t admit to you that I made mistakes too. I’m so sorry, Sawyer. So very sorry. And you don’t have to worry about supporting me. I should look after myself and it’s my responsibility to look after your younger sisters."
"No, Mom," he said. "I want to help out."
Sawyer got a part-time job with an oil-change franchise to bring in extra money. He’s an incredibly hard worker, studying full time during the week, then going to work on weekends.
I want him to see that I love him and desperately want to make love with him.
"You know, you’ve never taken me for a ride on your bike." I run my fingers suggestively over the curved gas tank.
He swallows hard. And I think I actually see his erection buck in his jeans.
"Not that one," he says. "I’d like to take you out on this one." He has a touring-style Harley. I know he intends to sell it too.
"I’d like to go now." I have something in mind, and I really want to do it now.
"Sure. I’ll get you a helmet you can wear."
"You have a helmet in my size?"
"I got one after our first date. I always intended to take you for a ride."
"I wish you didn’t have to sell your bikes," I say. "I wish there was some way you could hang on to them."
"I want to sell them. The money I get for them will be there, in case Mom needs more treatment. I know she says she can support herself, but she can’t if she gets sick. Or I can use the money for next year’s tuit
ion. When I’ve graduated and I have a job, maybe I’ll buy another bike. Or—" Sawyer pauses and picks up the helmet he got for me. It’s black and silver and looks sleek and gorgeous. "Or maybe I’ll be more interested in getting an apartment with someone special and doing some traveling. We could eat Thai food in Thailand."
We. Someone special. I realize he’s thinking of a future together. "I would love to travel with you," I say. "I’ve been interviewing for a summer job with a big geotechnical engineering firm. I’ll be able to put a lot of money away…" Suddenly I think of something. "You could have applied for the job too." It was on the job posting board in the engineering department. My statics prof approached me and suggested I apply.
"You’re going to get that job," Sawyer says. "I’m sure of it. With your brain, the company is going to fall over themselves to get you. That’s what I told our prof."
"You told our professor to approach me about the job?"
"He came to me at first. I recommended you instead. You’d be perfect for the job, and I had researched the company. They want to hire women into engineering jobs. I bet, when you finish college, they’ll offer a permanent job." He frowns. "Of course, maybe I’ve screwed up my plans to take you on a trip around the world, if they seduce you into a high paying full time job—"
He has to break off because I’ve thrown my arms around him and I’m kissing him. My mouth on his, my tongue playing with his. Heat races all over my body. My heart and my pussy are revving like an engine. This will be an amazing opportunity. I was too fixated on getting through this term to even think of the future. But Sawyer was thinking about it for me.
"We are going to travel," I vow. Even if I work for a while, then take time off. "But first, let’s ride."
Sawyer gently helps me put my helmet on. His long-fingered hands skillfully adjust it for me. He hands me a leather jacket in my size. Black with lavender and silver leather details, it matches the helmet and it’s beautiful. "You’re wearing jeans, which are okay for riding, but I got you these."
Captured Boxed Set: 9 Alpha Bad-Boys Who Will Capture Your Heart Page 49
