by Lucy Rinaldi
She never gave us special treatment because we were her children. We misbehaved, she punished us the same way she would any pupil.
Dad wanted to be a cop. He worked for it, now he's sheriff. Kory and I followed in his footsteps, not in the cop sense, but in the law sense. My sisters all took off in their own directions. But none of us ever flaunt the wealth that we've been gifted.
But there are some women out there who smell wealth, and those are the women who pretend to give a damn about you. They'll do anything for you as long as you're splashing the cash and making them look good.
I thought Maya was different.
I thought she wanted me for me.
Of course, I told her what I was worth the more serious our relationship became. She made no fuss about it, told me she didn't care about money. She loved me for who I was, she said. Lying bitch that she was.
The only thing I did right was making sure she signed a prenup. Not that she wanted to, but Kory forced it on me. I didn't think I needed it, my brother thought otherwise.
I'm glad he did now.
I don't think I'll ever be able to look at any woman without thinking about the hell my ex-wife put me through. I doubt I'll ever have a relationship where I don't wonder if she's constantly lying to me, cheating on me.
And what if I fall in love and want to start a family?
Will I always wonder if she's lying about the child's paternity?
Will it actually be mine?
I don't think I could ever allow myself to love another child again. Not after the lies, Maya told me about Dean. I will always love that boy, always miss him, but I have to tell myself that kind of thing only happens to a man once. Don't think I'd be able to have any kind of productive relationship if I didn't.
Maya will not ruin me. I won't let what she did fester in my heart or mind. Especially when the beauty in front of me is already showing me that there's more to life than pain.
Once we're done eating, I pack everything away and leave the basket where it is. Dani likes to walk, so we'll walk.
I hold my hand out to her. She smiles and takes it willingly. Her hand fits mine like a glove. She's perfect, voluptuous, beautiful. Her hand in mine has electricity zinging through my whole body. I don't want to let go.
“Have you always lived here?”
“Born and raised.” I clutch her hand a little tighter. It doesn't feel like she has any intention of letting go, but I want to be sure. Never enjoyed holding a woman's hand so much.
“But you live in Seattle now?”
“Yes. I run the law firm Kory and I own out there.”
“What brought you back here?”
Something I'm not ready to talk about.
“It was time for me to take a couple months break. Haven't had one in years.” She nods beside me thoughtfully, turning her eyes to me and smiling. Her smile lights me the fuck up inside. “What brought you here from sunny California?”
“I was tired of the constant rush of life out there. Don't get me wrong, I love what I do, but the life was just too fast-paced out there. My boss mentioned a transfer to this little town. I'd never heard of it,” She giggles, and that giggle warms my very soul. “It was nothing like I thought it would be, though.”
“How so?”
I gently help her on to the big rock I'm now sitting on. She sits beside me, right beside me. God, I can feel her body heat warming me through. I could get used to this, spending time with a woman like Dani. She's warm, kind, her smile captivates me.
“Well, I didn't expect the people to be so friendly, for one. Everyone here knows everyone else. When I lived in California, I was lucky if I spoke to one person who knew who I was. I guess it's just bigger out there.”
She says nothing else, just picks up a pebble and throws it into the water. I watch the ripples disappear with a smile on my face. When was the last time I felt this relaxed? I don't even remember. Years, I think.
“What are you thinking about?”
I turn to look at her, she's smiling at me. That smile does something to me. Something I've never experienced before. “Just how nice it is to be here with you.”
“Oh.” She's blushing. Her cheeks are a beautiful rosy color, and she's biting her lower lip to hide the smile she's sporting. She's enjoying being here with me too. I like that.
I slide my hand over the top of hers. She doesn't move her hand, but she does look at me, eyes locked, and I can't look away. She's drawing me in. How is she doing this to me?
Usually, I'd fuck the girl and walk away right after. But this girl? I don't want to just fuck her and walk away. Surely I shouldn't be feeling like this so soon after Maya leaving me?
Okay, I wasn't in love with Maya, there was no spark when we kissed. We grew apart long before she left me. But when is it too soon to move on?
I stroke my knuckles down her soft cheek, I can hear her breathing altering. Her perfect full lips are parted, she's almost panting for Christ's sake.
“You're so beautiful.”
“Are you going to kiss me, or just keep looking at me?”
She's forward, I like it.
I smile while leaning into her, my hand still on her face. “Is that what you want, Dani, do you want me to kiss you?”
She smirks and takes me right off guard by pressing her mouth to mine. Jesus! I clasp the back of her head, our mouths opening, tongues crashing together. I've never kissed a woman like this before, it's like she's molded into me instantly.
She's moaning into my mouth, suddenly straddling my lap and grinding into me. Shit! I wrap my arms around her, pulling her closer. I can't get this beautiful creature close enough. “Greg,” She moans against my lips.
I'm breathless, so is she. “You take my breath away, Dani.”
There's something so tender in the way she's stroking my face. “I really like you, Greg Harper. Something about you tells me that I'm safe with you.”
“I give you that sense of feeling, do I?” She nods with a smile on her face. I don't know what this girl has been through in the past. Probably a bad relationship like me, but I do know that she'll always be safe with me.
Always?
There's an always for us now?
Maybe there is. Who knows.
“Yes, you do.”
“Does that mean I can see you again?”
“Whenever you want, handsome.” And she kisses me again.
This date couldn't have gone any better. I'm already looking forward to the next one.
Dani
“Are you kidding?” I can't stop laughing, my sides hurt!
“It's not that funny.” Maybe not, but he's laughing along with me.
Greg and I are on another date. We've been meeting up as much as we can over the past week or so. Even though this thing between us has gone no further than us kissing, sometimes for hours. Even if we do both want to take it further, Greg is a real gentleman and told me that we need not rush into anything. Once sex is brought into things, then things change. I get the feeling he wants me more than just for sex.
It makes a girl feel good.
But I'm not sure how much longer I can wait. I want him so badly I ache everywhere for him. Every time he kisses me I feel it in every part of me. My pussy throbs something chronic for this man.
Over the past few days we've gone hiking, been to the museum, he cooked dinner for me at my place, we saw a movie. He's been so good to me, dating me around my work schedule.
Today, he's brought me to Mason's park. The park I saw him bring Echo to. It's filled with kids and their parents. As the kids aren't at school for another few weeks, it seems everyone had the same idea today.
But Greg was just telling me about the time Kory pushed him off the top of the slide when they were kids. We're sitting under the big tree facing the swings and the slide. I didn't mean to laugh when he told me how he landed funny on his wrist and broke not only that but his whole arm. But the way he described landing had me in stitches.
> I shouldn't have laughed, he was just five years old, and I can't imagine how much that hurt him. And kids hurting themselves is not funny in the slightest. I suddenly get a rush of sadness hit me. I wonder if my little boy has hurt himself while he's been away from me the way Greg hurt himself. I wonder if he cried for me and if he still wonders where I am.
It kills me to think about, and I turn my face away from him to hide the tears that are now falling down my cheeks. I'm trying to push the feeling back, but it's overtaking me and I hate it.
“Hey,” He takes my chin in his big hand and turns my face toward him. I don't want him to see me cry, but I can't stop it. “My story wasn't that bad, was it?”
I shake my head and smile through my tears. This man has no idea what he's starting to mean to me. I shouldn't be feeling like this, I told myself I wouldn't. But how can I not feel something for this wonderful man when he's so kind to me all of the time?
“What's wrong, beautiful? Have I done something to make you cry?”
“Of course not. You've done everything right, Greg. I've never met anyone like you before. You care about what I want. You treat me like...” I don't even know the word to describe how he treats me. “It's just sometimes, I remember how much I miss my mother. I see you with your family and it hits me that I don't have one.”
It's not a total lie, but I don't feel ready to talk about my little boy with anyone just yet.
“Oh, baby, I'm so sorry.” He pulls me into him, I lay my head on his shoulder and feel his arms engulf me. I feel so safe in his arms.
How is that even possible when I haven't known him a month yet?
“I can't imagine how you feel right now, Dani,” He kisses my head and my eyes close to the feeling. “But I want you to know that you are not alone anymore, sweetheart. I'm right here with you. I'm not going anywhere.”
He might now be, but I know it won't be long before I have to disappear again. This is so cruel of me because I know he's starting to feel more for me, the way I am for him, and I know I'll break his heart when I have to leave. But why can't I pull myself away from him, tell him this thing between us is over?
I'm selfish and I know it.
I also know I need him, even if it is just for a little while.
I cling to him tightly, my arms around his waist. “I'm sorry for bawling all over you.”
“Don't be sorry, we all have to let it out now and again. Just remember, you can talk to me about anything, Dani. You don't have to keep it all inside.”
I wish that were true. I can't tell him the secrets I hide, it would be too dangerous. I would never put him in danger.
Isn't that what you're doing by being with him, Dani? If Joel finds you and finds out you're dating this man it could mean the end of his life, and you know it.
I know but I can't let go. Not just yet.
I will.
Soon.
I promise.
“Thank you, Greg.” I squeeze him tighter. “Thank you for being you.”
I sense his smile as he kisses my head once again. “Anytime, beautiful. Anytime.”
* * *
There are a few things in life that define us. Just a few things that will shape us and our future. Things that we will either survive or succumb to, letting them destroy us.
Nothing has ever pulled me down far enough to destroy me yet, no matter what I've been through in this life, I've always survived it. But I would be a liar if I said I hadn't come close to giving up more than once.
I lost my mother when I was twelve. I was sent to live with a father I hardly knew in a place I'd never been, a country he one day promised to show me. America. It was a massive adjustment. Living there was nothing like Tulum, Mexico. Tulum is a town on the Caribbean coastline of Mexico’s Yucatán Peninsula. It's beautiful, the beaches are out of this world, and the well-preserved ruins of an ancient Mayan port city is a must see.
But in America, there was no dancing in the street on a Sunday just because the old man next door wanted to get his party on. There were no neighbors willing to give their last loaf of bread to the beggar on the street like back home in Tulum.
In fact, people were cruel to the little half-Mexican girl who couldn't speak much English. People in my father's social circle turned their noses up at his little brown daughter, his bastard child – yes, one or two actually referred to me as such, including his wife, who resented me. Those people were supposed to be his friends, but they were no friends to anyone.
Don't get me wrong, my father never stood for anyone saying mean things to me, but he couldn't seem to make himself be my father either. He was already in his mid-fifties by then and he enjoyed his life the way it was before I came along.
When my mother was alive he sent money once a month, enough so that we lived comfortably. He even visited once a year, always bringing his son with him, my big brother. The three of us would spend the day together, per his arrangement with my mother, and I loved every minute of our time together.
They'd teach me new English words so that I would understand them better. My mother always tried to teach me, but her English was limited. She knew enough words to land her in my father's bed, but that's as far as it went.
The only person who really looked out for me was my brother. We were always close, I loved him and he loved me. His mother tried to welcome me at first, to be nice, but I was just a permanent reminder of her husband's affair, and she ended up telling me daily that she hated me.
I wouldn't say I was unhappy as such, but I was lonely a lot of the time. I had friends, I lost my accent after many expensive elocution lessons, but something was missing.
Then I met Joel when I was sixteen. He charmed me, the older man, a younger girl with daddy issues. He was everything to me, I would have done anything for him. I married him when he asked me because even though he hurt me a lot, I loved him and just wanted to be with him. I married him against my brother's advice and wishes, but my father was happy to see me marry a man of power. I know my father knew what kind of man Joel was, how could he not? But he didn't care.
When my brother moved away, Joel was all I had, my father was too busy to spend any time with me, and Joel soon turned even more violent. He groomed me in a way.
Isn't that what they call it when an older man makes a young girl think she's his world, that he'd do anything for her?
Charms her into being who and what he wants of her?
Isn't that what they call it when he brainwashes her into thinking the horrible things he makes her do are because he loves her?
If she doesn't do them it means she doesn't love him in return?
It was a horrible few years, lots of horrible times, lots of threats about what would happen to me should Joel decide I wasn't pulling my weight, that he was finished with me. Threats about how I'd end up like his other girls. I should have thought myself lucky I was special to him, he made me his wife. The least I could do was be a good girl and entertain his friends.
Those are the things he would say to me, to frighten and guilt me into being a good girl.
And I would do them because I didn't want to end up dead. I should have fought harder to get away from him sooner, to help those young girls get away from him. It still eats me to this day that I didn't find a way.
One day, I'll find a way to help people who are victims of sex trafficking. I'll help them have better lives. No matter what I have to do, I know it's my calling. One day, when all of this is over, that's what I'll do.
There will also come a day when my little boy is back in my arms. Joel wasn't his father, one of his “friends” was. When Joel found out I was pregnant, that my son's father wanted to help me get away – ironic, right? A man like that wanting to help me get away – Joel shot him dead right in front of me. Then he grabbed me and raped me right there next to the dead body as punishment.
I think out of everything I'd endured with Joel, that was the worst thing of all. Mentally, at least, because it fucked me up for
a long time. But it was my trigger to finally get away from him.
Emotionally?
The day Joel knocked me out and took my beautiful baby boy from me will forever haunt me. And he was beautiful, my little boy. It didn't matter to me who his father was because he was my son, mine, and he was my whole world. He gave me a reason to carry on, to keep on fighting. He made everything worthwhile. Every day I told him how much I loved him, and he told me the same thing. Then he was gone and I died inside that day.
But I'm strong. If my Mama taught me anything it was never to give up. There are many wolves in this world, many bad men. A woman will try to tame the wolf, but she will fail, for there is no taming or domesticating a wild wolf.
Joel was a wild wolf. A dangerous man. A sociopathic, psychopathic monster of a man. He cared for no one but himself and the money he could make.
I only hope beyond all hope that he gave a damn about my little boy enough to keep him safe.
“Everything okay? You look a little lost there.”
I smile up at Callie Ryker. I came into her bakery earlier for one of her berry smoothies and got lost writing in my notebook.
I never actually wanted to be a writer, but since moving here, I've found myself writing my life story down, changing names and places, building a decent story arc. But what started out as a short story, a way to rid my mind of everything soon turned out to be a three-part novel.
Every little thing from the beginning of my life until now has been written down. Everything since I met Greg, every place we've been, ever kiss we've shared, how he makes me feel, all goes down in my book.
I don't know what it is about him that has me feeling like I could take on the world and win, but my head is now full of hope. The character in my book – me – is happier. She has hope. I have hope. Things don't seem so helpless anymore.
I have to trust that Daxton will find Alejandro, my son. He's four now. I've missed his last birthday and Christmas. I pray I won't miss another.
