“And you think they’ll allow Ismini? The Universe calls for balance, even in times when said balance is threatened. Ismini’s soul will take the place of Dimithinia’s, and she won’t be allowed to reincarnate. Ever.”
Zen says it so fucking calmly. Yet I hear the condemnation in his tone.
I fall onto the bed and pull at my hair. “Why are you pushing this? You know there’s nothing to be done. Damn it, why are you forcing the girl on me when you’re running from what you feel for her friend?”
Zen flinches.
“I . . . you know well that anything that upsets my tranquility threatens the wellbeing of those around me.”
I’m about to ask him what the fuck he means but then the answer comes to me.
Mavrak.
It’s that simple.
It’s that fucked up.
Zen wasn’t born as Zeniel, God of Tranquility. He was born as Mavrak, the God of Vengeance, and I remember a time, eons past, when Zen was trapped within that form.
A time when his need to punish the guilty and avenge the victimized had consumed every bit of his rationale, causing destruction and chaos.
Even those who told little, white lies had been in danger of being consumed by the demon Mavrak was.
I still remember the painful and never-ending “ceremonies” that took place over a span of centuries. Ceremonies in which the God of Vengeance was beaten into submission and locked inside his own body until his psyche finally broke.
From the shattered pieces, Zeniel emerged. The complete opposite of everything Mavrak had become after losing control to his powers. The change was so profound that Zen hadn’t remembered me when I went to get him out of the dimension where he’d been isolated.
But there’s no eradicating Mavrak completely. Just like Salicyar still lurks inside me.
Ismini forced my flip side out of me with a fury I never expected. If she could do that to me, it makes perfect sense that Evesse threatens Zeniel’s calm to the most perilous point imaginable.
That’s why Zen has to stay away from Evesse, no matter how much he wants her.
“What the fuck are we going to do?” My shoulders slump. I want to tell Zen what I suspect, that I’m mated to Ismini and will soon die, but I’m almost afraid that voicing it aloud will make it that much more of a reality.
“I know what I have to do, however much it pains me. Now, you on the other hand . . . I am here on behalf of all of us, as well as Nylicia. Stay. Stay because it’s the girl’s last days and she deserves some happiness. We’ve all seen how she lights up near you. Stay because Destiny asks that you stay. If you choose to leave, only the Fates know what will happen. Stay, Dy.”
His words carve into me, making the poisonous self-hate running through my veins grow thicker. “What good would it do? Why would Destiny want me here? So I can grow closer to her? So she can grow closer to me? So that the sacrifice can destroy us both when the time comes?”
“Can I ask you something? Do you plan on being with Dimithinia once she returns?”
“No.”
The response comes out faster than I can assimilate it. It doesn’t surprise me, but it does make more guilt land on me with the weight of a continent. “Fuck . . . I . . . I mean . . . what if she still loves me? I . . . care for her. I know I do. But—”
“You don’t love her the way you love Ismini, Dy. You never did. You’re the only one who hasn’t seen it yet.”
I want to punch Zen for stating the obvious. Does Zen really think I don’t know that?
I’m in love with her.
And I fucking know it.
I want to beat into something, anything, until the feeling Zen’s words evoke disappears. I’m drowning in a sea of chaos.
All I can do is nod, yet I refuse to say anything aloud. The moment I do, I’ll set forth events that will fuck over my promise to the Fates.
The inevitability presses down on me. An inevitability that I thought I’d escaped a long time ago.
“All right, I’ll stay,” I finally say.
Zen smiles. “Good. I’ll let everyone know. Go spend some time with Ismini and show her the valley. From what I gather, her life has been lacking in many things.”
I cringe before glaring up at Zen. “I know. Are you trying to torture me now?”
“No. Just saying. Take her down to the other side of the isle. We’ll set up a picnic for you guys. I’m sure she hasn’t seen anything like it.”
I nod again, my hands hanging listlessly off my thighs. I sense that Zen might want to say something else, but he doesn’t. He walks away, his steps echoing down the hall.
I let him go, feeling as though my soul is threatening total anarchy. It rails against me, but I learned long, long ago that once a being decides upon a path, it’s up to him or her to see it through and make the best of it.
Gods and mortals alike are bound by that one universal law. Destiny puts choices before you, but once those choices are made, that’s that.
And I made my choices, didn’t I? Asshole that I am, I condemned Ismini to her fate. The least I can do now is be here for her, regardless of what it costs me.
Not that I don’t know what it’s going to cost me. I can already see it unfolding in front of me. I’ll get to know Ismini better. Her fucking essence, what makes her who she is, will brand me and haunt me for all eternity.
If I don’t die first.
And isn’t that a head-fuck? Not only am I in love with the woman I sentenced to die fourteen-thousand-years earlier, I’m also certain she’s my mate.
I won’t just mourn her death; I’ll most likely be consumed with it, and then Dimithinia will return. But to what?
I’ll be dead, and even if I’m not, I won’t be able to give her anything. If I survive this, shell will be a kind way of describing what’ll be left of me.
Fuck me.
No matter how much I try not to, I keep coming back to one thing. I don’t fucking want Ismini gone. Can’t imagine it now that it’s so close at hand. Now that I know what I feel for the girl.
“I can’t imagine her gone, either. Know that?”
I raise my head at Nylicia’s voice. She’s standing in the same place Zen occupied moments before, her tiny, translucent form glowing. Her expression is one of compassion and sympathy.
Not something one sees often.
“You’ve been so confused.” She walks into the room. The long skirt of her cream and gold dress makes it seem as if she’s floating despite glimpses of her legs through the gossamer folds.
“Why are you here? Tell me it’s to help me out of the mess I’ve made. Actually, the mess you helped me make.”
Nylicia’s lips tighten, but she doesn’t respond. She sits next to me, staring off into space.
“I never hated Dimithinia. I very much formed a bond with her from afar. If not for a decision the Aviraji made thousands of years before she was even born, her soul would’ve never been chosen for the destiny that awaits her.”
Dimithinia? What does she mean? And what decision? Is she saying they planned that war for millennia before causing it? I wouldn’t be surprised to find out they did.
I stare down at the small figure next to me, wondering where she’s going with this.
Nylicia takes a slow breath. “Destiny calls for Dimithinia’s return. But it also calls for Ismini to be a part of our future.”
My chest nearly caves in from the hope that blooms. “You didn’t say that before,” I say, voice sharp. I glare at her, unsure of what to feel. My thoughts race between anger, despair, desperation, and the possibly cruel, just awakened hope.
Nylicia hasn’t moved, that calm stare still unfocused. “I didn’t see it before.”
I can’t tell if she’s lying or not.
“Well, then, what do you see now?” I try to control the excitement. Is there really a way that I can bring back Dimithinia and keep Ismini?
“Destiny is changing. The Aviraji have messed everything up. Although I cannot
see the full detail, I do know there is a war coming again. And I see Dimithinia alive and well and a part of that.”
“And Ismini?”
“I gave her powers at great cost to myself, because I saw it was meant to be. I also saw that she’s meant to give her life for Dimithinia and . . . eh, eh.” She shakes her head when she notices that I’m about to interrupt her. “Let me finish. It’s not clear how the things I see will come to pass . . . not yet anyway. But this war? I have seen that we all have a part in it. Dimithinia, Ismini, Evesse, even their friend Soleria. I don’t have details, but for once, can you please trust me, Salicyar?”
The idea of blindly putting my life, Ismini’s life, in Fate’s hands once more . . .
“I might complain, but I always trust you. Hence my being in this predicament in the first place. And I don’t go by that name any more.”
“Be that as it may.” Her eyes glow mischievously. “That horny fucker is inside you and very much kicking.”
I scowl as Nylicia laughs delicately. She stands, leaning down to put a translucent hand on my shoulder.
“Ismini is pissed at you, thanks to your constant mood swings and that disappearing act you pulled. Either way, I agree with Zen that you should spend time with her, but she’s going to be downright obstinate about that one. So, I’ll do you the favor and tell her that she should.”
“You mean you’re going to lie and tell her it’s Destiny she go on a picnic with me?”
“It’s not really a lie if it is Destiny, now is it? Goodbye, Dy. Have fun. Oh, and you’re welcome.” She waves over her shoulder and walks out of the room without looking at me.
Oddly, I can almost swear I hear her mumble, “At least one of us should get laid . . .”
I can’t fight back my amusement, nor the hope that continues to blossom within, despite Nylicia’s revelations being less than reassuring. Except the fact that Ismini is supposed to be a part of whatever’s heading our way.
That means she’ll survive.
Right?
Even if it doesn’t . . .
Yeah, I understood now. I owe Ismini more than I ever owed Dimithinia. I set her up to be sacrificed. And I failed to make sure she had a good life until then. Regardless of how much time she has left, I’ll give her everything I have while I still can.
If she’ll let me.
It occurs to me that, during my long life, I’ve never done something so human. I’ve never spent much time with any woman, human or otherwise. Never really sat and got to know a female the way one would during a regular courtship, especially a human courtship. My time with Dimithinia had always been hurried and brief.
With Ismini, everything is new—uncharted territory. I have no idea what I’m doing; have never been so fucking infatuated.
My body’s obsessed with her. My mind and heart, too. Excited is too tame a word to describe what I feel at the thought of being alone with her.
However, as I walk into the bathroom to get ready, I resolve that I won’t take anything from Ismini that she isn’t willing to give.
This isn’t about me.
But she wants you, too.
She wanted me before. She’d been willing and ready. Now, I’m not so sure.
Despite how angry she is, if she still wants me, there’ll be nothing holding me—or that dark, sadistic fucker inside me—back.
Especially now that I don’t have to worry about breaking my female to pieces while fucking her.
CHAPTER 21
DYLETRI
I ’m nervous as all hell as I wait for Ismini.
Me. A god. Nervous.
You’re acting like a straight-up fidiot.
Losing my mind here. Someone should V8 the fuck out of my head. Maybe hit me with all of the blue trees behind me. Maybe then I’ll grow my balls back.
I took the time to pick out which jeans I was going to wear, which shirt. I ripped through my whole closet and hated everything in it.
Frustrated, I ended up materializing a new pair of dark blue Gucci jeans after browsing for them online. If Cy ever finds out I used the internet signal for that, I’ll never live it down. Not after all the complaining I do when it comes to Cy’s use of it.
After getting the jeans right, I settled on a black button-down, even though I hate them.
This isn’t about me, though, remember? It’s all about her. Although I did end up leaving the collar unbuttoned and rolled the sleeves up to my elbows.
Can anyone say “pussy-whipped”?
Hell, I can. Cyake would, too.
And Ianthen? Fuck. Me. I don’t know what it’s going to cost me, but I gotta make sure that motherfucker never finds this out.
Without a question, I’ve turned into a pussy. But I can’t find it in me to care.
Especially when Ismini comes into view.
She comes bounding down the front steps of the compound in tight blue jeans and a black tank top. It’s such a regular outfit, but on her? Destructive. My mouth waters as she walks closer.
Jesus Christ, as the humans say. I have to swallow several times to stop myself from drooling.
Fourteen-thousand years without sex, with the powers of Lust trapped within me. And then Destiny sends me a female that perfect.
The sun hits her head-on, making that fascinating aura of hers flare out in arcs around her. Her hair falls around her in waves, shiny and dark as coffee. She approaches me with a weird look on her face.
What does it mean? What is she thinking?
Damn Sil for blocking her thoughts from me.
Her eyes land at my feet and slide up my body.
She tries to hide her expression again, but there’s no mistaking the heat that flares behind her eyes.
Unfulfilled need wraps around my cock and squeezes down tight.
She stares a second too long at my crotch. At the same time I move to slide my hands into my pockets in an effort to control myself, Ismini’s hands slide into her own pockets.
She glances away, her gaze landing on the picnic basket. “So . . . they weren’t lying. A picnic? Are you serious?”
She looks back at me, and I swallow again, almost getting sucked into the glittering colors of her eyes. She’s close enough that I see her new powers shining behind the familiar gray and hazel irises. The small sparks of colors that make up her aura are reflected there, as well.
Fuck, this female’s too beautiful. Without the shield my denial provided me, I’m left speechless before her.
“Dyletri?” Ismini raises her eyebrows, waiting for a response.
“I . . .” I cough, almost choke, and have to clear my throat to try again. “Just humor me, okay? I want to show you something.”
Ismini bites her bottom lip, her expression pensive. “Okay. I’ll play. Where are we going?”
I bend and pick up the picnic basket, then raise my hand for her to take before realizing it’s presumptuous.
If she wants to touch me, she’ll be the first one to make a move. Have to remember that.
I lower my hand back to my side and motion with my head.
“Just follow me. It’ll be a bit of a walk . . . unless you’ll let me dematerialize with you? I know you can do it on your own now, but it takes practice and I don’t want to lose you while we travel.” By the gods, I sound like a nervous teenager.
Ismini falters mid-step, and I realize why. Dematerializing together involves me holding on to her. For the first time since we met, she doesn’t want to be near me. It’s obvious in the hard set of her jaw, and in her hesitation to let me touch her.
I’m about to tell her that we should just walk when she nods. She doesn’t say anything, just steps closer to me with her face downcast.
I wrap my arm around Ismini’s waist and give her enough time to pull back.
Well, I try to. The moment I feel her heat, I lose control and pull her to me. I hold back a groan when her breasts slam against my upper abs.
Beneath her breasts, her heartbeat pounds for me, igniting m
y own. Even through her obvious misgivings, she still reacts to me.
It’s that kind of knowledge that can push a male into doing something ridiculous. Like popping straight into my room and slamming her onto my bed.
“Sorry. Didn’t mean to—” I begin, voice rough, arm still tight around her.
“It’s okay,” she whispers, refusing to meet my eyes. Her pulse races faster.
The sound of her blood rushing through her veins fucks with me. Flames lick at the wall of my restraint. I need to fucking move before I have any more time to react.
I will us across Enzyria, reappearing on the far side—where the mountains break apart, as do the woods.
Ismini’s breath rushes out, her eyes full of wonder. “Oh my God . . .”
“You like it?”
I’m acutely aware that she hasn’t stepped out of my hold. She takes in the glowing, empty temples spread throughout the valley. Her eyes widen even more when she notices the huge waterfall to the left of where we’re standing. The water here is nothing like the water on Earth. It shimmers, different colors mixing below the surface as it spills into the river below.
A smile spreads across Ismini’s face. “This place is . . . holy shit.”
I bite my lip, fighting the urge to grab and tilt her head so I can take those lips.
“Come. We can sit by the pool and eat.” I grab her hand and stiffen, waiting for her to protest. She doesn’t. She just allows me to lead her to the field below.
Some of her tension eases as I lead her over the glittering stones that make up the path. I peek at her out of the corner of my eye and catch her doing the same to me.
Ismini tugs on the corner of her lip, her cheeks darkening, and looks away. “This place is like something out of a movie. It reminds me of the Haklanayasas.”
“Nylicia’s realm? I’ve never been there.”
“Really?” she asks, surprised.
I shrug, stopping by the small pool and materialize a thick blanket on the ground. “It’s not a place one can visit without her permission or outside the dream world. I guess she never needed me there.”
Ismini’s pace is slow as she walks towards the blanket, and I feel her stare on me. I’m actually afraid to make any sudden moves lest I scare her away. When she takes a seat, I exhale in relief.
Ryze Series: Books 1 & 2 Page 15
