by Eric Vall
“It’s a fucking glue trap.” I whistled.
“Holy shit!” Tris gasped. “You mean I can actually hold people in place? Like, I won’t have to run around and chase them any more? Woohoo!”
A beam of golden Hellfire shot across the landscape of the coliseum from Sia and encased Lilith in its glow. As it did so, the tar began to melt away, and the Demon Queen was freed from her enchanted prison.
“Good job, Tristitia.” She nodded to the Sister of Sloth. “Oh, and by the way … your weed is fine. I just said that to give you a little shot of fear.”
Tris’ thin lips spread into a smile, and she grinned from ear to ear. “So, my doobie is safe and sound? This day keeps getting better and better!”
“Now, I know Eligor said you all had to stay, but I think you’ve earned a few puffs of your treat.” Lilith smiled.
“You mean it?” Tris asked, but Lilith just nodded.
“Well, if your king says it is okay,” the demon queen said as she turned to me.
“Of course,” I said to the beautiful brunette genius.
Tris threw her hands up in victory and then dashed off the stage at the speed of light while all of her sisters cheered.
“Can I go next, Scully?” Todd offered with a raised hand. “I’ve totally got an episode of Bigfoot Files on the DVR with my name on it. The new season just started, you know. I think this is the one where the butterface blonde chick finally shows her tits, and I absolutely cannot miss that.”
“On Bigfoot Files?” I scoffed. “Isn’t that supposed to be a ‘nature documentary?’”
“It went off the rails in Season Ten, bro,” the imp explained as he scurried up to the stage, “like, waaaaay off the rails. Now, what do I gotta do to pass the test?”
“You are a peculiar case, Todd,” Eligor explained. “You’ve already got your fear magic down pat, but I know for a fact you’re not reaching your fullest potential.”
“Sheesh,” Todd mused, “you sound like my English teacher from junior year after I submitted my ThunderCats fanfic.”
“Wait,” I said as I raised my hands, “you wrote a ThunderCats fanfic for your junior English essay?”
“Yep!” Todd declared with a wide grin. “It was super erotic. Talk about a parent teacher conference that would make Mumm-Ra moan and groan--which he did a lot of in the story I wrote, let me tell you.”
“Oh, my god.” I winced.
“Anywho,” Todd continued, “I hate to break it to ya, Goldilocks, but this ain’t gonna be too easy. The Toddster doesn’t scare that easily.”
Lilith was already standing behind the imp, and she was silently morphing her body while he spoke to Eligor. Her elegant golden armor transformed into a pair of old leggings and a baggy purple sweatshirt with my alma mater’s logo on the front. At the same time, her hair grew darker, and her lips became fuller.
I instantly recognized who she’d become, and I couldn’t help but chuckle at how perfect it was for this situation.
She was my ex once more.
“Yo, Todd!” Tamira-Lilith exclaimed as she tapped him on the shoulder. “Did you leave the fucking toilet seat up again, you little bitch?”
Todd’s eyes went wide as he recognized the voice, and then his body went rigid. He slowly turned his head around like a curious owl, until his vision fell upon the figure of my ex-girlfriend. Almost immediately, Todd let out a shriek of terror, surrounded himself with black Hellfire, and zipped up into the sky.
“No! No!” he screamed as he put his two index fingers together to make a cross. “Be gone, foul spawn of Satan!”
Without warning, Todd began to hurl balls of black Hellfire down onto Lilith’s position. The Demon Queen was able to dodge most of them fairly effortlessly, but there was a twist.
As each ball of black flames struck the stage, it exploded into a blinding flash of light. My retinas felt like they were burning, so I had to toss my arm up in front of my face to shield myself from their glow.
“Todd!” I called up at the imp. “You have dark magic flashbangs, bro!”
When the imp heard my voice, he finally calmed down and stopped assaulting my ex.
“Huh,” he pondered as he looked down at his hand curiously. “I really gotta watch out for that when I’m chokin’ the chicken. Mom always warned me I was gonna go blind if I touched it too much … How fucking ironic would that be?”
“Thank you, Toddddd,” Tamira giggled and blew the imp a playful kiss.
Todd scowled at my ex as she snapped her fingers and then turned back into Lilith. The Demon Queen must have enjoyed messing with Todd, because she was still smiling slyly as she scanned the crowd for her next volunteer. Finally, her beautiful green eyes locked with mine, and I knew what was coming.
Lilith pointed at me, turned her arm over, and then beckoned for me to come closer with a crook of her finger.
“I believe it’s your turn, Jacob,” the Demon Queen purred while the rest of the audience whistled and cheered.
“Uhhhh, this is where I make my exit,” Todd chuckled, and then he floated off into the sky while humming the theme song from Greatest American Hero.
“Are you sure you want me to go next?” I asked. “I’ve told you how dangerous my black Hellfire is.”
“We know the risks,” Lilith promised, “but we if can crack the secret to your powers, we will be able to rein in just about anybody else’s.”
“I’ll be right here to call you back, if things get too crazy,” Cupiditas offered with a smile.
“If that even works,” I warned, “we don’t even know if that was the reason I escaped last time. For all I know, it could have been the gas my breakfast burrito was giving me that evening.”
“We have to try,” Lilith reiterated. “Your powers will be quintessential to defeating Beelzebub.”
Well, she had a point there.
So, I took a deep breath as I weighed the options in front of me. On one hand, Lilith was right. We needed an “ace in the hole” against Beelzebub, and black Hellfire magic would be perfect. Then again, I remembered the experience from the last time I tried this.
I may have only been in there for a matter of minutes, but they were minutes I was never going to forget. I really, really didn’t want to go back there.
“It’s already working!” Eligor gasped as she pointed to my hands.
Sure enough, I glanced down at my hands to see them aglow with black Hellfire.
That only made me more fearful. Fearful of what was about to happen next.
“What did we do?” Lilith questioned as she stared at me in awe. “We haven’t even tried to prompt him yet.”
I was a King of Hell. A former demon hunter who had encountered dozens of horrific creatures and killed them without so much as a second thought, but there was one thing that still scared me.
The Shadow World was that thing.
“Jacob, are you alright?” Eligor questioned, but I couldn’t answer her.
That was the last thing I remembered before my entire body was engulfed in black flame, and I felt myself being transported through space and time.
It wasn’t like traveling via green Hellfire. Instead, it was like I was sitting in a pure void of blackness, and I was alone in the universe as I floated toward my destination. Then the world around me reappeared, and my heart fell into my knees.
I was still in the coliseum. Or, at least, a distorted image of it. Everything was frozen in time, and everything looked like it was being reflected into a funhouse mirror.
The succubi were standing in their circle, and each one was stretched out into a Picasso-like caricature of themselves. Even the sand beneath my feet seemed off. It didn’t seem to have any weight to it, but rather felt like I was standing on styrofoam.
Then there was the noise. A crackly, droning white noise rang in my eardrums as if someone had put a speaker right up to my ear canal.
It was fucking unbearable, but I pushed through.
What the fuck was
I even supposed to do right now? My magic had once again transported me into another dimension, the dimension that was essentially a prison for Heaven and Hells’ most wanted. What good did this do me in defeating Beelzebub?
Suddenly, my thoughts were interrupted by motion to my left.
Without a second’s hesitation, I spun around and blasted a shot of red Hellfire directly toward whatever was watching me. There was a loud snarl as a lanky, borderless shadow was tossed up into the air like a ragdoll. Its form hung in the air for an unusually long amount of time before it crashed back down to the Earth, let out a frustrated squeal, and then dashed off out of sight.
Was that a Shadow Person, or was that one of the many other horrific things locked away in this place? Honestly, I didn’t give a fuck.
Whatever it was, I was going to fuck it up if it got any closer.
I drew the Unhallowed Sword from its sheath and then slowly began to make my way toward the edge of the distorted coliseum. As I passed by the first layer of pillars, my body began to shiver, and I got the strange feeling I was being watched. Suddenly, I saw a figure appear just off to my left, and I thrust my weapon out in front of me.
There, at the point of my blade, stood one of the same figures I’d encountered the first time I was here. Its body was at least six feet tall, with long legs that came up to where a normal human’s chest would be and arms that extended all the way down to its knees. It had glowing red eyes, fangs, and wild strands of what appeared to be hair at the top of its head.
“Welllcome back, Jacob Ralston,” its feminine voice whispered, and it sounded like the fucking thing was right up in my ear.
“Stay the fuck away!” I growled. “I don’t know what you want from me, and I don’t care.”
“Want?” the creature tilted its head to the side. “Weeee don’t ‘want’ anything from you, Jacobbbb.”
“So, what?” I shot back as I tightened my grip on my sword’s hilt. “You’re just gonna kill me?”
The Shadow Person was silent as it tilted its head in the other direction.
“Killll you?” it finally asked. “Who said anythinggg about killing you?”
“Then what do you want?” I demanded. “Why do you know my name?”
“We knowww mannnny things, Jacob,” the voice whispered. “Especially when it comes to the son of Luciferrrrr.”
My heart hammered in my chest as goosebumps rose on my arms. They knew I was the son of Lucifer, the man who put them in this place. I didn’t know what they wanted with me, but there was no way it was anything good.
I let out a growl of anger as I took a swing at the Shadow Person, but she simply sidestepped the blow. At the same time, she reached up, grabbed the sword, and then pulled me in closer.
Oh, fuck no.
As she drew me in, I whipped out my goat headed dagger and shoved it directly into her stomach.
The Shadow Person’s eyes turned into slits as she threw back her head and howled with pain. Tarry black blood splashed out onto my boots, but I didn’t have time to inspect it too closely.
I tore across the sandy ground of the coliseum like a bat out of Hell as I tried to escape this thing. I tried to summon up an emerald portal of Hellfire, but all that emerged from my hand were a few green sparks.
“What the fuck?” I gasped.
Green Hellfire didn’t work here, apparently.
“Jaaaaaacoooooobbbb!” the Shadow Person called out from afar.
The creature’s tone still sounded like she was in pain, but it didn’t have a hint of anger to it.
That made it all the more eerie.
Finally, I heard it. The familiar voice calling me home.
“Jacob … ” Cupi’s voice cut through the white noise, “come back to us, Jacob … ”
I closed my eyes as I let the warmth of the succubus’ voice wash over me like a hot shower. Then, the next thing I knew, I felt myself traveling back through space and time.
When I finally opened my eyes, I saw I was back on the stage, in the coliseum, with all of my succubi surrounding me. They all had looks of grave concern on their faces, but none of them said a word.
Finally, Superbia spoke up.
“What happened in there, Jacob?” she asked. “What did you see?”
“I-I saw a Shadow Person,” I explained in horror. “She knew I was the son of Lucifer, and I’m pretty sure she wanted to capture me or torture me or I don’t fucking know.”
“The Shadow Person knew you were the son of Lucifer … ” Lilith trailed off with a thoughtful expression. “Fascinating. We’ll need to get you back in there as soon as you’ve recovered so you can--”
“Nope!” I interjected as I stood up and began to walk off the stage. “I’m not going back there. You guys keep working on your black Hellfire magic.”
“Wait, Jacob!” Eligor called out. “Where are you going?”
“I’m going to Ariel’s workshop,” I announced with a shudder, “after what I just saw, I think I’m gonna join Tris in her little ‘relaxation room.’ I really need it right now.”
I turned away from the succubi and headed toward the back of the coliseum, back to where Ariel’s workshop was located. I hadn’t smoked anything in months, but I think today was going to be an exception.
“Hold on, Jacob!” Ariel’s voice panted behind me, and then she appeared to my right. “Here, let me come with you. I can’t use Hellfire magic, anyways.”
“You, smoke weed?” I chuckled as I tried to lighten the mood. “Doesn’t that violate like, every single code of Heaven’s laws?”
The redheaded angel simply smiled and gave me a shrug.
“I broke three fugitives out of Heaven and then took up residence in the Fourth Circle of Hell,” she mused, “I don’t think the rules apply to me anymore. Besides, there are plenty of other things to do in the workshop…”
I couldn’t argue with that.
I extended my arm, and Ariel wrapped hers inside of mine. Then we continued toward the workshop.
As much as I wanted to push it out of my mind, I couldn’t help but think about what I’d just seen in the Shadow World. Was that really the only way?
Because if it was, I still needed a lot more practice.
Chapter 3
When Ariel and I finally arrived at her workshop, we found the door had been left slightly ajar, and a large, dank blanket of smog billowed out through the crevice and assaulted my nostrils with a powerful, sweet smell.
“Looks like Tris has already got the party started,” I coughed out as I pushed open the black wooden door and then motioned for Ariel to enter.
The angel looked at me somewhat hesitantly as she pondered whether or not she wanted to enter the cloud of reefer smoke. After a few moments of consideration, though, Ariel took a large breath, held it, and entered the workshop.
She was so fucking adorable when she was trying to be innocent.
I slid in right after the redhead and then tried to hold back my amusement at what was awaiting us.
Tristitia had moved all of Ariel’s tools and current projects off her workbench and dumped them haphazardly onto the floor. Meanwhile, the succubus herself was sprawled out like a puppet with its strings cut on top of the bench, with two fat doobies in her mouth and her right leg crossed sexily over her left. When the Sister of Sloth saw us enter, she slowly turned her bloodshot eyes in our direction.
“Welcome to Tris’ Yurt of Wonders,” she slurred with a sly grin. “You wanna try a ‘Mellow Marley’? It’s a new strand Todd and I just came up with that’ll put you on your ass for hourrrrss. I rolled up three of them, just for us.”
“But you only have two … ” Ariel pointed out.
Tris furrowed her brow as she processed the angel’s words. Then she reached up, pulled the two joints out of her mouth, and struggled to count them through her baked-out haze.
“Huh,” the succubus pondered, “I guess I smoked one of ‘em already. Wait … how long have I been in here?”
Tris’ bloodshot eyes stared off into the distance, and she nodded into the void. Meanwhile, I stripped down until I was just in my undergarments, a simple white t-shirt, and a pair of black compression pants.
“I guess that explains a lot,” Tris shrugged and then offered the joints to us, “anyways, take a few puffs. It’ll make you feel waaaaay better.”
“Oh, I don’t know … ” Ariel said as her freckled face turned as red as her hair. “Is it … safe? Metatron was always going on about it being a ‘gateway drug’ and how just one or two puffs could make you addicted.”
Tris and I both looked at each other for a moment before we burst out laughing.
“Ariel,” I guffawed and placed my hand on her delicate shoulder, “Todd knew how to hotbox before he knew simple algebra. If it was really as dangerous as Metatron claims it is, he’d have died in a crackhouse a long time ago.”
“It’s totally safe,” Tris promised as she offered the joint to the angel. “Besides, if worse comes to worst and you do get addicted, we can totally just have Superbia fix you up.”
Ariel pursed her lips for a moment as she mulled it over, but then she finally nodded her head with determination.
“Alright, I’ll do it,” she huffed as she swiped a joint from Tris’ hand, “what’s the worst that could happen?”
The redheaded angel held the doobie up to her lips and inhaled as deeply as she possibly could. Then her body relaxed, and she swallowed the smoke.
“Wait!” I gasped. “You don’t--”
Before I could finish, the angel doubled over and broke out in a fit of harsh coughs. Her slender hand reached out and grabbed my arm for stability as she hacked, but within seconds, she was back to normal.
Or at least, almost back to normal.
Her eyes were filled with water from her hacking fit, and her pupils were now dilated immensely.
“Well?” Tris questioned as she rolled over, sat up on the bench, and leaned forward excitedly. “What do you think? Did we knock it out of the park?”
