by Eric Vall
“Precisely.” I nodded. “It was a gift from Zilla, a trophy representing my achievement, but there’s one problem … ”
“It doesn’t fit,” Ariel said through a grin.
“It doesn’t fit,” I chuckled.
“Well then, you’re just in luck,” she mused, “because you just so happen to have the best blacksmith in the universe at your disposal. Just give me a few hours, and I can have this ready to go before we set out for the Eighth Circle.”
“Really?” I gasped. “You think you can get it turned around that quickly?”
“I’ve done more with less.” The redhead winked.
“Good,” I sighed, and then I slowly drew the Unhallowed Sword from its sheath, “because I’ve got another problem for you to solve. I had to melt down the Unhallowed Sword during my fight with Tenebris, and it got all fucked up. I tried to put it back together from memory but, well, you see what happened.”
Ariel took the weapon from my hand, inspected it thoroughly, and then frowned.
“Oh, dear,” she sighed, “I’ll see what I can do.”
“Thank you, Ariel,” I said as I turned back to the door, “I’ll let you get back to your workout.”
“What, that?” the angel laughed and pointed to the pull-up bars. “That was just my mid-afternoon sets. I only do one-hundred, so it’s not even a full workout.”
“Whatever it is, I appreciate you having such a great body.”
“Oh, thank you, my king,” she giggled.
“No, thank you.” I glanced down at her athletic body, shook my head, and sauntered back to the exit.
“No problem, Jacob,” the redhead called out. “You know my door is always open. For weapons repairs and other activities … ”
“I’ll be back,” I retorted as playfully as I could.
“For the weapons and armor?” Ariel cooed. “Or for something else?”
“We’ll see when it happens.” I smirked and shrugged, and then I slid through the doorway.
I sighed as I cracked my neck and mentally went down my to-do list. I still needed to get back to the castle and prepare for the arrival of my allies. Just before we’d set off for the Shadow World, I’d sent Mirage and Sia off to gather up all of my allied Demon Kings. If we were about to launch an assault on Beelzebub, we needed to have all of us here, at one table, discussing a battle strategy.
Because when the time came, we were all going to march into Beelzebub’s territory and take him out once and for all.
“Jacob!” I heard Cupiditas’ voice call out from behind me.
I turned around to see the Sister of Greed running at me full-tilt, with her hand raised up over her head to try and grab my attention. I stopped in my tracks, and the next thing I knew, Cupi was right up on me.
“I thought I heard you talking to Ariel,” the blonde woman panted as she bent over and placed her hands on her knees. “Did you really think you were gonna get away without saying ‘hi?’”
“I fully intended to say ‘hi,’” I shot back, “but only after I got my bearings back. I’ve only been back for like, thirty minutes.”
“I left Daniel in charge of the training,” Cupi explained, “let me walk you back to the castle.”
“I’m not gonna say no to that.” I smiled and held out my arm.
The fit succubus wrapped her delicate arm around mine, and then we set off toward our home base. As we walked, I told her the story of what went down in the Shadow World.
“Holy shit,” she whistled as we came to the sulfur pits, “so that means we not only can pass through the Shadow World unscathed, but we might also have the Caliginis on our side?”
“Kind of,” I mused, “they’re loyal to me for sure, but it’s not like they’re going to come to Earth Realm and fight alongside my army. They’ve already given me more than enough with the armor and the Book of Bezaleel.”
“If we can unlock the secrets within those pages … I don’t think even Lucifer himself can stop us,” Cupi noted.
“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves,” I reminded the succubus, “we’ve still got a long way to go before we can even think about facing that guy. In fact, let’s not even talk about him right now. The last thing I need is him showing up and spoiling my victory.”
“My point still stands,” she shrugged, “if you can figure out the spells in the last part of the book, you’d literally be dealing with spells that are on a god-like level.”
“Why do I need to be a god?” I joked. “I’m already a Nephilim. Aren’t those supposed to be super overpowered, anyway?”
“Stooooop,” the Sister of Greed laughed.
Finally, after a short yet hearty journey, we reached the castle. Then we walked across the drawbridge and through the courtyard before we came to the grand hall. Once we were inside, I saw Libidine and Gula were already there, waiting for me.
“Well, well, well,” Gula clicked her tongue and crossed her arms, “look who finally decided to show up.”
Meanwhile, Libidine wasted no time in showing her affection. The dark-haired Sister of Lust bounded over to me, swept me up in a strong bear hug, and squeezed me until I felt like all the air had been drained from my body.
“Alright, alright,” Cupi chuckled, “let the man breathe.”
Libidine sat me down on the ground and then blushed heartily.
“Sorry,” she apologized, “I’m just excited to see you, that’s all.”
“So am I,” Gula grinned as she strutted over and gave me a kiss on the cheek, “we were starting to worry you weren’t going to come back and were trying to figure out how we could rescue you.”
“I always find a way out of tricky situations,” I laughed.
“Speaking of ‘tricky situations,’” Libidine chuckled, “here’s one for you … Raphael called on the radio. He wants you to call him back in approximately twenty minutes.”
“Raph called?” I pondered aloud. “Alone? No Metatron?”
“No Metatron,” Liby shook her head, “it was strange, he was talking very quickly, almost like he didn’t want anyone else to know he was communicating with us.”
Oh boy. The Archangel Raphael was notoriously friendly and open. If he was trying to be secretive, something really foul must be afoot.
“I’ll call him back in twenty, then,” I agreed, “but first, I want to know how things have been going here. Have any of you heard from Mirage or Superbia?”
“Unfortunately not,” Gula shook her head, “though we did receive another candygram from Asmodeus. He said it’d be his ‘Almond Joy’ to come to the Fourth Circle and that he’d be making his ‘Milky Way’ down here shortly. Something about being too busy at the moment ‘Butterfinger’ing or something like that.”
“Ughhhh,” I groaned, “his filter is almost as bad as Todd’s.”
“Worse,” Cupi shuddered, “at least Todd usually doesn’t know he’s making a foul comment. The King of the First Circle knows exactly what he’s doing.”
“What about Mammon or Ziminiar or Mephisto?” I questioned. “Anything on them?”
“Nope,” Liby shook her head, “but I’m sure they will be here, Jacob. Especially when they hear what this meeting is about.”
“Lilith and Eligor?”
“They’re hiding out in their bunker,” the Sister of Lust explained.
“Lilith wanted to lay low until we were ready to face Beelzebub,” Cupi added, “once that happens, there will no longer be any way to hide the fact she’s allied herself with us. And apparently once that cat’s out of the bag, it’s not going back in.”
“I just don’t get it … ” I pondered aloud, “Lucifer can see everything we’re doing, right? So, why is it such a big deal if Lilith is officially with me or not? He already knows.”
“Of course he does,” Libidine said as she turned to Gula and nodded slowly. “So, why even hide it, eh?”
“I feel like there’s something you’re not telling us, Sister,” Cupi snorted with a raised e
yebrow.
Gula looked around quickly and produced a small piece of chalk out of her pocket. Then the curvy redhead bent down, placed the chalk against the stone floor, and began to draw a wide circle around our position. Finally, she straightened her back and stood back in her original spot.
“Protegam eum de terra perdere,” she mumbled, and then the chalk flashed with a white light for a split second.
“Thank you, Sister,” Liby acknowledged. “Now, we can speak freely. Lilith explained this to all of us while you were gone … She’s currently playing your father like a fiddle. Apparently, since Lilith was originally a being created by the Exalted One, Lucifer can’t follow her every move like he does us. He can only see her when she’s around those he can see, like you or Beelzebub. So, Lilith has been telling your father she is simply manipulating you, pushing you headfirst into your final battle with the Lord of the Flies.”
“Then,” Gula picked up the story, “she told him she was going to accept whoever was victorious as her new King, and anoint him as Lucifer’s right hand man. But of course, that’s all a lie.”
“Lilith and Eligor want you to emerge victorious,” Libidine explained, “and they intend to do everything in their power to see that you do.”
“I get it,” I nodded, “she’s playing the long con behind the scenes.”
“Exactly,” Gula confirmed, “the second Lucifer finds out she’s in kahoots with you, and that she’s serious about helping you take him down, he’s going to disown her. Maybe even try to kill her.”
“Then I guess we’ll keep this little charade going,” I said as I stepped outside of the circle, “now, I think it’s about time to call up Raphael. Let me know if any of the Demon Kings arrive in the meantime.”
Libidine gave me a thumbs up as I headed up the next set of stairs, toward the wing that housed my study.
Before long, I made it to the cozy, candlelit room, filled to the brim with books from all time periods of human history. There, on a small table against the far wall, sat the HAM radio I used to communicate with the Divine. This time, however, I wanted to make sure our conversation was truly confidential.
I summoned green Hellfire into my hands, encased it around several dozen of the titles on my shelf, and then levitated them into the air. Next, I formed them into a large circle on the ground and surrounded myself and the desk. Finally, I bowed my head and closed my eyes.
“Protegam eum de terra perdere,” I mumbled, and then the books flashed with a glint of white light.
There. Now, our conversation would be completely cut off from my estranged father’s eavesdropping ears.
I sat down in the chair, adjusted it to make myself comfortable, and flicked on the radio. I toyed with the dials for a moment or two, until I finally got to the frequency we normally used. Then I raised the stand-alone microphone to my mouth.
“Silver Falcon?” I asked into the mic. “Silver Falcon, are you there?”
There was nothing but static on the other side for several seconds, until finally I heard the familiar, flat voice of the Archangel.
“Jacob?” it crackled through. “Not so loud, Jacob! They might hear you!”
“They’re only gonna hear me if you have the volume turned up loud.” I rolled my eyes.
There was silence on the other side, followed by a high-pitched screeching that was immediately squashed.
“Fiddlesticks,” the Archangel growled, “I thought that was the volume.”
“Fiddlesticks?” I laughed. “What is this, one of them talkie pictures?”
“This is a serious matter, Jacob,” Raphael hissed back.
“Black Knight,” I reminded him. “We use our code names here, Silver Falcon.”
I heard the Archangel’s fist slam down on the table, probably so he could prove a point.
So much for being quiet.
“There’s no time for code names, Jacob!” Raph exclaimed. “I needed to speak to you about an urgent matter. It appears the truth about your heritage has begun to spread around Heaven, and, well … let’s just say it’s not going as well as Metatron and I had hoped it would go.”
“What do you mean?” I asked as my heart sank into my stomach. “I thought me and the Exalted One were cool? I was supposed to be his spy and shit.”
“And you still are,” Raph reiterated, “but you have to understand the Alpha and the Omega allying himself with the son of his greatest enemy doesn’t exactly elicit confidence from the other Archangels. It’s been a PR nightmare up here, and the big guy’s been trying to fix it for the last few weeks.”
“Sooooo, where does that leave us?” I questioned. “Is that why Metatron isn’t in on this call? He’s abandoning us?”
“You know how Metatron is, Jacob,” Raphael sighed, “he’s a…”
There was silence on the other side, and for a brief moment, I wondered if the signal had cut out.
“He’s a what?” I repeated.
“Jacob,” Raphael sighed, “didn’t you clearly hear me making a kissing face through the microphone? Metatron will do anything to stay in the good graces of the Exalted One, and unfortunately that means he’s sworn you off for the moment.”
“Of course he has,” I groaned, “I figured that broadly-built bastard would toss me under the bus the second it suited him.”
“Fear not, my friend,” Raphael continued, “for I, Raphael, the banisher of Azazel … the one who is over the spirits of men … the one who healed Abraham’s circumcision … ”
“Uhhhh, did you really need to include that last one in there?” I questioned.
“Of course!” the Archangel shot back. “The day I held the foreskin of the Father of the Hebrews in my hand was one of the best days of my eternal life. ‘No homo,’ as Todd would say. Anyways, I was saying that, even if my brethren refuse to ally themselves with you, I reject their position. I will stick with you until the end, Jacob Ralston. For I don’t see you as the evil, conniving Nephilim of Lucifer. I see a noble king, a powerful warrior, and, most importantly of all, a loyal friend.”
“You’re gonna make me blush,” I joked.
“Please,” Raph retorted, “you own The Velvet Lips. I don’t think there’s a single thing in the world that would make you blush anymore. Not after what I’ve seen your girls do on that stage.”
“What’s the matter?” I prodded. “You still get nervous when pretty girls take their clothes off in front of you? They’re just dancing naked women, Raph. They don’t bite.”
“Dancing?” the Archangel retorted. “They’re supposed to be dancing?”
“Wait … if they’re not dancing, what have they been doing on stage?”
Silence.
“Nothing,” Raph reassured me with an awkward chuckle, “they’re just doing normal naked dancer things. Nothing more, nothing less.”
I remained skeptical of the Archangel’s words, but whatever the girls were doing at The Velvet Lips could wait. There were much more pressing matters at hand.
“So, what happens now?” I asked. “We lose all communication? Heaven completely abandons us?”
“Not at all,” Raphael scoffed. “In fact, there are still many of us up here in Paradise who wish to see you successful in your endeavors. I’ve been going around collecting the names of your sympathizers on my PDA, and there are at least a dozen of us!”
“Your PDA … ” I said as I tried to hold back a laugh.
“That’s right,” Raph said proudly, “a personal digital assistant. My Jitterbug phone only has so much memory, so it can’t store all the names and information of the other angels. But my PDA? It has portable Excel, Jacob. Portable Excel. And you know what the best part is? It lets me send faxes and browse the internet on the go! What will they think of next?”
“I dunno,” I chuckled, “maybe a touchscreen phone that does all of that and more?”
“Nonsense,” the Archangel dismissed, “PDAs are the future, Jacob. There was one more thing I wanted to tell you about
. Something that could completely change the landscape of our relationship.”
“Oh?” I wanted to hear more. “Do tell.”
“Well, once I saw the other Archangels weren’t too thrilled about your heritage, I went to Angelo Martatelli to see if he had any knowledge that could be useful in this situation,” Raphael explained, “and he told me there was a spell he learned back when he was still alive on Earth Realm, a spell rumored to be written in the language of the Gods.”
“Deorish,” I mused.
“You’re familiar with this language?” the Archangel gasped.
“I’m not,” I admitted, “but we now have a contact that might be. What about it?”
“Well,” Raph continued, “Martatelli claimed this spell would shield all Divine magic from those who could detect it. Even in the domain of dark spellcasters.”
“Are you saying what I think you’re saying?” I asked as I sat up in my chair excitedly.
“I am. With this spell, the Divine can walk through the Circles of Hell, completely undetected by Lucifer or any of his minions.”
“Holy shit … ” I muttered.
That could be a total game changer. The forces of the Divine had never been past the Gates of Hell before. If we had this spell in our bag of tricks, we could bring the forces of the Divine all the way to the Sixth Circle without so much as a hint of resistance. And, if all went well in the battle with Beelzebub, the Divine could literally be on Lucifer’s doorstep before he would even realize they were here.
Raphael was right. If Martatelli was correct, and this spell did exist, it would change the entire tide of this eternal war.
“Jacob?” Raphael’s voice nearly screamed through the speaker, accompanied by a loud, high-pitched screech. “Jacob! Come in, Jacob!”
“I’m still here!” I growled back and rubbed my aching ears. “I was just thinking it over. If Martatelli can find that spell, send it to me. I know a guy down here who could translate it, and then who knows where we’ll go from there?”
“Excellent,” Raphael noted, “I’ll fax it to you the second I have it.”
“Why don’t you just contact me on this thing?” I questioned, “I don’t really have a fax number… ”
