by Thianna D
"Do you think I'm not? Shit, I could be out of a job again and I didn't do anything to cause it."
"Maybe not, but I can't help thinking you didn't do enough to prevent it either. I tried to tell you what she was up to."
"So you were right, and I was wrong. Are you happy now?"
"Not really, but it's nice to hear you say it. It always seems to be me in the wrong nowadays and you get to punish me. Do I get to spank you now for not heeding my warnings? How about six strokes of that cane?" Ange was still laughing at him, but there was a note of bitterness about her words. They needed a heart to heart about taken in hand; he didn't want it to destroy them as it was supposed to make them closer. But he wasn't letting it go without a fight, either. For the last couple of weeks, they had been much closer and he intended to keep it that way. Jim was particularly impressed how Ange hadn't flown off the handle over Carla. If that had happened back in Ireland, she'd have freaked, automatically holding him one hundred percent responsible.
Chapter 12
The phone had gone to voicemail before Ange got to it. Dammit, she was dying to hear how the day was going. She really hoped that Jim wasn't going to lose his job over this whole sorry mess. Really his biggest crime had been foolishness in not preventing it. Of course when she redialed his number, he was busy. Typical. A couple of minutes, later she got a text.
"Can't talk now. Hank's fine. Doubt he knows. Carla's not here."
Although Ange had the momentary relief of knowing all was well for today, of course she knew it was only delaying the inevitable and Carla would have to return to work sooner or later. It turned out she didn't have long to wait. Jim messaged her again a couple of hours later.
"Carla's here. Avoiding me."
"Try to get the chance to say hello. Show her everything's fine."
"But it's not fine."
"Just do it. Let me know how it goes."
Ange had to wait until Jim returned from Denver to hear the rest of the story. Carla managed to avoid him all day, but Hank had been completely normal and Jim told her he was satisfied that he was in the dark and Carla intended it to remain that way. The break in the weather meant that Jim would be stationed in Corbin's Bend, working on the units there for the rest of the snow season as travel would become more and more difficult, and Carla would return to Denver tomorrow to stay with her parents so she could continue to work from the office. The only likelihood of their meeting would be around Corbin's Bend and even that would be extremely unlikely until the new year. While Ange considered this separation a good thing from the point of view of her marriage, it was also a worrying development as she was only too well aware of how the situation could fester, simply by being put on the back burner. She decided to take matters into her own hands. She lied blatantly to Jim and told him she had to call over to Maeve and asked him to watch the children.
Her tummy was doing somersaults as she knocked on Carla's door. She couldn't help but notice that Carla didn't look too pleased to see her, either, as her eyes widened when she saw who was standing on the doorstep.
"What do you want?" Carla asked. She didn't invite Ange in but Ange stepped in to the hall regardless.
"Don't worry. I'm not here to cause trouble, I just want a word. Can we go and sit down?" Ange replied as calmly as she could. She followed Carla into her living room.
"You've this place done up very nicely," Ange commented as she took in her surrounds.
"I'm sure you didn't come to discuss interior décor, Ange. Say what you came to say."
"About yesterday…" Ange saw Carla color and tense up. "Just forget it; blame the medication. Jim was tipsy too, and it might even have seemed like he was flirting. If anything, I'm grateful to you. Since your accident you've reminded me that he's a good man and to appreciate what I've got. We're a good couple Carla, and what happened yesterday won't change that. So, no hard feelings?" Ange offered Carla her hand, which she accepted. Ange hoped she got the right mix in her words, she meant to Carla offer a way out of her humiliation. But she also meant to say back off, you won't win, in as nice a way as she could.
"Thanks," Carla replied. But Ange could see that behind the thin watery smile, there was something else. Anger? Shame? Bitterness? Defiance? Ange couldn't tell what it was, but it sure as hell didn't give her a warm and fuzzy feeling. But then she didn't expect that she would come away with a new bosom buddy, either. Carla rose, indicating that Ange's time was up.
"I do hope that we can put it behind us, maybe even be friends," Ange said as she exited. And she actually meant it. Carla had made her appreciate what she could lose and Ange did understand where the hero worship was coming from. If Carla could just analyze her feelings and realize they were gratitude rather than love, they could be friends, or at the very least, neighbors on friendly terms. But she was glad that the work situation was going to enforce a temporary absence, both between Jim and Carla and indeed Ange and Carla. A cool off period.
In an effort to continue with their newfound closeness, Ange did her best to adhere to what she considered Jim's crazy document. She even tolerated a number of spankings she considered unfair on the strength of it, putting it down to an investment in their marriage. To her surprise, Ange realized it wasn't the spankings she had a problem with. As soon as she felt the heat in her bottom, her nether regions flooded and she was hooked. And the fact that they were disciplinary and outside her control only seemed to add to the excitement. If she got a text from Jim reminding her that he had to discipline her, she spent the whole day in nervous anticipation, waiting with baited breath until his return and the kids being settled for bed. She loved how they made Jim assertive and Domish. They seemed to be much more unified overall. And their sex life had certainly benefited.
Her problem was with the reasons for her discipline. If it continued in this vein, over time she knew that the real Ange would disappear and a Stepford wife would replace her. She knew Jim, knew what he liked and admired, and she understood that while he was new-fangled with his little bit of power, he never wanted to surround himself with yes men, but rather had respect for those who could express a true opinion. By subscribing to his rules, Ange knew she could do a quick patch job on their marriage, keep Jim satisfied and try to make the best of it herself. But that wasn't good enough. They had come this far and now she wanted much, much more. They had chosen their exile, Ange was determined it should bring them unity.
While these things troubled Ange, Christmas was around the corner and she was up to her tonsils in preparations, both family and bakery. Her worries had to be put on the back burner as she had more orders for cakes and puddings and yule logs than she could ever imagine being able to produce and was baking around the clock. Jim relaxed some of the rules to enable her to fulfill them as long as she adhered strictly to the no callers outside "shop" hours rule. They were both of the opinion that Ange should take a unit in the new year and set the wheels in motion with Brent, who was incredibly accommodating and more than willing to set what was a nominal rent while she started out. The success of Corbin's Bend was a priority to the board, and that included the success of any enterprises setting up there. Ange would benefit from their benevolence.
No sooner had Ange determined to give it a shot before trouble came calling, in the form of Brent and Lelo. The Corbin's Bend board of management had received a notice of inspection from the FDA. It appeared it had reached their attention that there was food being prepared for sale on an unlicensed premises and they planned a full inspection of all premises as soon as the roads were passable again. The board felt they had no option, but to follow through on their warning and had agreed that a public disciplining would be in order.
Ange and Jim protested and appealed the sentence, on the grounds that Ange had stuck to her end of the bargain and had ensured no confections were brought outside Corbin's Bend. It was one of the stipulations she made before each order, and was initialed by each customer in the order book. They both felt that the punishment
was unjustified, especially as the board had already agreed to give Ange a couple of month's grace. However, when it became apparent that Ange herself had given a cake to Betty, the appeal was upheld, even though it seemed unlikely to be the source of the complaint as it had been a gift rather than a sale. Both were angry at the prospect of Ange being punished for an act of generosity, a good deed that would have been perfectly in order under normal circumstances. A further nail in her coffin was the fact that in an attempt at transparency, Ange had been in contact with the Inland Revenue regarding tax requirements. The discipline was set to occur on December twenty first, rather than have it hang over them over Christmas and it could be attended by all adults in the community who chose to go. Ange was gutted. It seemed that her escape from humiliation in Ireland was simply being replaced by further humiliation in Corbin's Bend.
Most of those she had come to consider friends had agreed that they would not attend. They didn't want to partake in her public shaming, especially as they had all enjoyed her wares. Ange had to beg Maeve to come, because she wanted to have at least one friendly face there. Temporarily at least, Jim would become the enemy, as he had to administer the punishment. Ange knew he was no happier with the situation than she was, but he would be under scrutiny and would have to obey the rules. Maeve would be there to hold her hand, metaphorically at least.
The morning of the discipline, she asked Jim to go to work as usual. Ange was sick with nerves, but she needed to make her day as normal as possible. Ange rose, showered and started to prepare to fill the orders for the day ahead. It wasn't too full a day thank God. Just a few cakes she had deliberately held over so she would be busy. The kitchen was warming from the heat of the ovens. As she popped the six loaves in, the heard signs of life from upstairs.
Flipping into mammy mode, she set the milk on a low temperature to heat before running upstairs to supervise Jack's descent. As an over-exuberant three year-old, the stairs were still a treacherous trek for him each morning. She set him into his booster chair at the dining table, where he was joined by Ava. Once they were tended to, she started on an apple tart, Maeve's favorite. She had promised to spend the day with Ange and the children, and keep her distracted. Using yet another food processer, she had the pastry made within seconds. There was a time she used to make the pastry by hand, but experience had taught her the less handling it got the lighter it was, and Ange gave way to gadgets graciously. The secret of her pastry was the small amount of sugar she added to sweeten it. She covered it and set it in the fridge as she peeled, cored and sliced the cooking apples. By then it was time to bathe the children. Ange never understood how some people said bath time relaxed their children and left them ready for sleep. With her two, it signaled fun time, setting them off into hijinks. Exactly what Ange needed right now, anything to take her mind off the jitters. It was going to be a long day.
"Mammy, look, ducky needs to go wee wees," Jack giggled as he squirted Ava rudely through the bottom end of his plastic duck. Not to be outdone, Ava joined in the fun, squirting and blowing big fistfuls of bubbles at Jack. The bathroom floor was like a swimming pool by the time they were finished, but Ange could not help but laugh at their antics. She tried to run with the fun, keeping her mind as far away from the afternoon's proceedings as she could. Right now, she envied them their carefree existence but she was well aware that for Ava in any case, it would all too soon be coming to an end. Had they remained in Ireland, she would have started primary school already. By moving, she had been bought another year of freedom from institutionalization and conforming to rules and societal norms, and Ange was glad of the extra time as so much time had passed in a haze of depression.
Once dressed, they went down and Ange set to removing the cakes from the oven and setting the two little ones at the table for an hour of home-schooling. For Jack, it was simple, alphabet, picture books and coloring. With Ava it was a little more intense and Ange smiled at the look of concentration on her bright little girl's face as she copied out words from workbooks, trying to pronounce as she wrote. Ange tried to let her attempt each word first, even if she knew she was getting it wrong as she loved the look of elation on her face on those occasions she got it right. Already she was a little perfectionist, and too often this led to tears as she rubbed out her pencil strokes on letters that were perfectly formed in the first place, tearing the page beneath. She hoped in time, Ava would learn to go easier on herself and praised every effort in an attempt to teach her to focus more on the positive.
Hovering between schoolteacher and baker, Ange prepared the tarts for the oven. Then she released the little ones for "recess" – a snack and some free play. She called Maeve to say she was ready for her. She may have cursed the open plan arrangements when they first arrived but it had actually worked out splendidly for her. She could keep an eye on the kids, and interact with them as she baked or entertained. She loved how Ava mothered little Jack. Nature or nurture, she wondered? Did Ava act like a mini mammy because Ange had made her that way, or was that nurturing instinct innate in her? She was aware that both she and Jim had babied Jack for two long. It had been part guilt, but also part because he had been weak, plagued with Bronchitis and chest infections from birth. For the first time, Ange realized they had been in Colorado for over three months and Jack hadn't once been ill. No wonder he had grown so much, his body had more energy to put into development. The drier climate was obviously good for him. Looking at them both, Ange realized she had a lot to be thankful for. As she was lost in her thoughts she was jolted back to reality with the sound of the back door opening.
"Only me, can I come in?" Maeve asked. She neared Ange as if to hug her, but the sight of flour everywhere was enough to cause her to back track with a laugh.
"Sit down there at the table, I'll just go wash my hands," Ange said.
Ange joined her at the table with a couple of coffees and two generous slabs of sticky apple tart with a good dollop of whipped cream. "I really shouldn't," Maeve protested, her eyes dancing at the sight of the plate laid in front of her.
"Neither should I, but sure we will, anyway," Ange laughed. Maeve's incredibly portly figure must have been as a result of a lot of "I shouldn'ts" Ange surmised. The apple tart looked good, with gooey caramelized sugar oozing all over the plate but Ange couldn't bring herself to do anything more than pick at a few crumbs.
"So how are you bearing up, honey?" Maeve asked as she watched Ange push the tart nonchalantly around the plate.
"I'm not. I feel like a child waiting to go into the principal's office, only this is much worse. You know I used to read stuff about public floggings or birchings and get turned on. It was a secret fantasy of mine. It's not too fecking arousing when you're actually facing into it."
"I know it's easy for me to say, but maybe you could try to capture that fantasy. Shall we go online and try to find one or two of the stories you used to read? Or do you want to think of other things?"
"There's something else troubling me, I think I'd rather talk about that. Take my mind off it. I really could use a little of your wisdom."
"Wisdom, ha! I wish Joe could hear you. How can I help?"
"Isn't it funny how you only appreciate things when they seem to be of value to someone else?" Ange asked. She saw the look of bewilderment crossing Maeve's features.
"Whatever are you talking about?"
"Okay, let me try to explain." Ange sighed, and took a deep breath before continuing. "Since Jack was born, our marriage has gone downhill, between court cases, public humiliation and of course the fact that we were both under one another's feet all the time. When we came here, it picked up but not quite far enough. I want to ensure I get Jim's undivided attention, if you catch my drift. And for now I think that means going along with domestic discipline, whether I like it or not."
"What sort of help had you in mind? And why are you worried about getting Jim's attention suddenly?"
"Let's just say I think someone is showing an unhealthy interes
t in him."
"You don't think Jim…" Maeve started
"Good Lord, no. Although in a way I wouldn't blame him if he did. Being married to me hasn't exactly been a walk in the park for the last few years. I want to stop it before he does get tempted."
"And what are you planning?"
"Well, I've been going along with this," Ange said, handing Maeve Jim's document.
"Ah, I see. Have you ever discussed it properly?" Maeve asked.
"No, I was about to tell him he could use it to wipe his arse, but then the other thing happened and I decided I'd use it as a strategy to hold onto him. At that stage we were at rock bottom and I'd have done anything. But now I need help on how to change it into something more workable. I can do the DD, but just not on those terms. So how do I fix it?"
"What do you want to fix? Do you want to get rid of it all together, or just come up with something you think is more reasonable? How do you feel about domestic discipline now that you've tried it?"
"Mostly it's okay, well better than okay." Ange felt her cheeks heat and she saw Maeve's knowing smile. "It's kind of sexy. And the making up is hot," she admitted, burning furiously. "But I don't agree with the list. As if I would put the children at risk, for example? It's pretty insulting."
"I wouldn't get too bogged down in the details. Most of it is probably based on websites. And if you know you don't do it, why worry? You're not going to be punished for it. But if it makes you that uneasy, talk to him. Go through it one by one and come up with alternatives or compromises. You give on some, if he agrees to give on others. Just because you agree to DD doesn't mean you don't have a voice."
"I know you're right, but I'm afraid to push him at the moment, in case I push too far. But if I don't do something, I will go mental."
