The thick burr of his words made her tingle with desire. He made her want to toss up her skirts and behave like a simpering, love-struck idiot. However, she hadn’t searched him out for a tryst. They had important matters to discuss. His hand, still extended to her, flicked ever so slightly, and she felt his pull straight to her center.
Neatly tucked under his shoulder, his arm wrapped tightly along her back and arm, she lay her head against him, realizing how sheltered and secure he made her feel.
“I didn’t sleep well. My mind bursts with unanswered questions. The why and how this happened to me, and all that we discussed yesterday. I have come up with a plan.”
He squeezed her shoulder. “Why do I feel as though this plan will not be to my liking?”
“Like it or not, I feel certain we must return to the spot where you first found me.” She rushed the words to maintain her courage.
“Nae, Andra, I definitely dinnae like this idea.”
She pried herself from under his hold and turned to face him. “Did you mean what you asked me yesterday?”
“If you mean my request that you become my wife, I did and still do mean every word. I want you with me, Andra. You make me feel whole in a way I have never known.”
Her cool fingers sculpted the curve of his face, studying with their touch as if to memorize its contours even in shadow. “I have fallen madly in love with you. I want to stay with you yet am equally terrified of staying. Before we go any further, we must know if I am meant to return.”
“Love, I can make certain that you are never in that spot again in your life. You simply have to decide that you want to be with me as much as I want you to stay.”
She shook her head. “Despite the fact our time together has been relatively short, I have never loved nor wanted to be with anyone more in my life than with you, Kendrick.” Yet every possible scenario of an abrupt catapult through time scattered through her mind like a swarm of annoying wasps.
“You confess your love, yet persist in this desire to explore something even you don’t understand?” His clipped response, lacking any of the previous endearments, revealed his frustration. His expression hardened. “As you wish.”
Yep. He was angry. Nevertheless, though she desperately wanted this man, she could not ignore her feelings. If she didn’t do her best to find an answer, her fears would endlessly trouble her peace of mind.
“Please, don’t be angry, my love. If I should be torn away, I don’t want a moment of our time marred with bad feelings.”
He pulled her hard against his chest and crushed his mouth to hers, invading and quarreling with his ravenous tongue, imploring, pleading with the prowess of his kiss.
Breaking the connection, he said, “This is what you will leave behind: a family and a man who will always love and protect you. Will you find that where you might go? How do you even ken you’ll return to where you came from? Mayhap you’ll land somewhere else.”
She could barely concentrate when he broke away, “I—I do not minimize the significance of your love or offer of marriage. I simply must have this answered. Please try to understand.”
His hands clamped ahold of her wrists. “Are you saying you will only stay with me if you have no other choice?” She could see him bite down on that last retort, holding other words at bay. Anger and disappointment flashed across his brow. “You wound a man’s pride,” he snapped.
She knew him to be a most prideful man, and this must feel like a rejection to him. Her eyes filled with tears she fought hard to blink away. “It is difficult to explain, Kendrick. In answer to your question, no, I would not stay simply because I had no other choice. I want to stay. I want to become your wife. Yet I feel I must have an answer to whether I can or might be forced to leave.”
“You seek assurances and answers for things that are impossible to ken.” He studied her carefully. “I can see there’s no sense refusing you this chance to try, though I think it a most foolish endeavor. What ridiculous plan have you concocted?”
“I believe we must re-enact the scene of the day you found me as realistically as possible. I will take my things and place them on my plaid. You and the men will charge through the forest toward me, and we shall see what happens.”
He remained stalwart and silent, his hands lightly holding hers. “You dinnae expect Lorne to suffer similar injuries to those he sustained that day, nor recreate your head injury, do you?” The asperity of his attempted jest confirmed his discontent with her.
“Of course not,” she huffed. “If it is any comfort to you, I promise if this attempt fails, I will never try it again.” A piercing intensity blanketed his expression but he uttered no additional protestations.
“Perhaps you will ask...?” She quickly clamped a hand over her mouth and dropped her head stopping the words about to spill forth. They should not discuss a future together until it was determined whether she would be staying.
His arms clamped around her like a vise as he pulled her hard against him. He breathed deeply, absorbing her scent. A breath never sounded more cheerless. “Let us get this over with then. We will go before first light tomorrow. You’d best get busy preparing for our trip. I’ll speak with the men.”
She turned to leave, then turned back, “Do the men know what I disclosed about being…?” She lowered her voice and leaned in. “About being from the future?”
“Rabbie knows, and Lorne suspects something unusual is amiss, but telling Struan is another matter. You handled his superstitious reaction at the river, but this revelation might cause him a fatal fit of apoplexy.” He laughed at the thought.
“Perhaps we should just say that I lost something very important and want to search for it.”
“Aye, I’ll think on that. But if I say we go, my men will obey without question.” He turned her away and smacked her bottom, none too lightly, “Now off with you. I must see to my men and prepare for our departure.”
That evening she joined the family and clan in the great hall. If others noticed her state of quiet reserve, no one mentioned it. After the meal, Kyle pestered her about teaching the children a song of their own. She finally relented and took them aside, settling the girls on one side of her and the lads on the other. This song is about Old MacDonald and his farm of singing animals. The children burst into guffaws and giggles. She gave each group a number of animal sounds they would sing and then the refrain, “Old MacDonald had a farm, EIEIO,” which they would all sing together. It didn’t take long before the children eagerly practiced their lines and ancillary noises mimicking the animals mentioned in the verses.
When the song ended, the audience awarded their efforts with much applause and pounding of feet. After she declined to sing additional songs and excused herself for the evening, Kendrick escorted her from the hall. “You have made the bairns and their kin verra happy this evening, Andra. These songs you sing, they are well kenned where you’re from?”
“Oh, yes. All the songs I’ve sung are very popular.”
When they reached her room, he followed her in and went to stoke the fire. “May I sit with you a while?”
She tilted her head and gave him a lopsided smile. “We must be up early and should be well rested before we leave.” While she spoke, she fumbled at the ties of her stomacher then dropped it to the floor.
With no further preamble, he removed his brooch and folded his plaid neatly over the chair by the hearth. Wearing just his knee-length linen shirt, he approached her, a smoldering heat in his eyes.
“Will you help me with the ties to my gown?”
He growled in compliance and helped her strip away each piece of clothing with exquisite tenderness. Then she removed his shirt.
They stood toe-to-toe, naked and glowing from the fire’s light. She placed her hands on him, trailing her nails up the sculpted muscles of his chest to cling behind his neck. Leaning into his strength, she lifted her legs and wrapped them around his hips. “I need to feel you inside me,” she breathed into
his ear.
A responding groan rose out of his throat. With hands firmly gripping her buttocks, he walked her to the bed. They made love with slow, exploratory touches, and she saddened over what they might soon lose. Before long, they both cried out in a frantic rush of passion. They quickly plunged into the oblivion only sexual congress afforded.
Later that night, Andra woke to find her bed empty. She rose and carefully packed all of her things in her bags.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
The men gave little more than cursory greetings to Andra as they strapped on their weapons and tied their gear to the horses. It was still dark when the guard lowered the bridge and opened the gate for them to ride out of the castle. Heavy swirls of misty clouds draped the upper ramparts and towers. She cast one final, longing gaze on the place that had become her home and refuge during the past months. A worried, forlorn ache welled in her chest, and she could not prevent the tears that slid down her face. No one had come to see them off. Kendrick left the castle’s defense in the hands of his chief guard, Alec. The previous evening, Kendrick had informed the family they’d be gone for a few days. His manner of declaration informed everyone he would not tolerate questions about their absence.
Under a steady drizzle of rain, they rode fast and hard. The ghost-gray sky seemed to droop against their heads making it impossible to judge the passage of time by the sun. A somber mood enveloped the now well-wet travelers.
“We’ll rest here to refresh ourselves and the horses.” Kendrick announced as they approached a small clearing beside a copse of young saplings and a few scattered pines.
The area was not familiar to Andra. “Is this a different route than we took to return to the castle from the cave?” she asked, stretching her stiff back and legs, pushing off the sopping plaid she had worn over her head.
“Aye, ‘tis a much steeper and harder ride, which was not possible when we carried the bairns and Lorne with his grave injuries.” He scanned the scraggy peaks shrouded in fog.
“Don’t blame it on me.” Lorne chided, his mood more jovial once they stopped. “I did just fine. ‘Twas Cormag and his renegades that you sought to avoid on the ride home.”
Andra flinched, sucking in a breath as if the words had punched her in the stomach.
“Och, beg your pardon. I dinnae mean to remind you of any unpleasantness.”
Struan piped in on the subject as well. “Dinnae fash yourself over the likes of him. You did the world a great favor wiping that filth off the face of the earth.”
She doubled over, bile burning her throat, feeling as if she would hurl everything in her stomach.
“Hold your wheesht, you fools,” Kendrick admonished.
“Well, ‘tis nothing to be ashamed aboot is all I’m saying,” asserted Struan.
Andra stood up abruptly. “I know all of you are accustomed to killing your enemies and the blood and guts and violence don’t faze you, but I still find it overwhelming.” Kendrick moved to comfort her but she lifted a halting hand.
“I’m not saying I would not do exactly the same thing if faced with similar circumstances. I’m certain I would. I’m just not ready to discuss it, if you please.” On that note, she turned and stomped a few feet away.
She caught a few of the Gaelic phrases they spoke. As far as she could tell, none of the men raised a question about why they were traipsing over the countryside. She hadn’t thought to ask Kendrick what reason he had given them for the trip, if any. The powerful connection she felt for these men surprised her. They had shared hardships, laughter, fear, passion, and love, all of it at a visceral level. It stunned her that she did not miss daily newspapers, magazines and forgot about television. Why had she ever wasted time on that medium when there was so much life to be lived?
“The hapless five.” She laughed aloud.
Kendrick moved behind her. “You find something amusing, lass?”
“Not really.” She dropped her chin shaking her head with a smile quirking the corner of her mouth. “It’s just a name came to mind for our auspicious group.” she chuckled.
“Och, I’m thinking it might be unflattering of me and my men?”
“I mean nothing derogatory, but the term hapless five popped into my head and made me laugh.”
“Humph. No offense taken then.” His attempted scowl failed miserably.
She searched the hills, afraid to focus on Kendrick for fear she would lose her nerve. “How long before we reach the cave?”
“If we ride hard and keep our stops brief and infrequent, we might arrive there by midnight. Depends if the weather continues to hold.”
It had been drizzling steadily since a short while after they left the castle. “You consider this,” she waved her hand and wrung out her soaked plaid, “to be held weather?”
Rabbie had been quiet the entire ride, but piped up with a smirk, “This is a veritable bonny day in the Highlands. Winter will be upon us soon, and then you’ll think on this day as extremely pleasant.”
A frown quickly replaced the brief smile. She thought Kendrick had advised his cousin of their purpose, and the possibility she would not be here come winter.
They made only two other quick stops. For the most part, she thought they made them for her benefit and not their own. Her back ached; her butt and legs had grown numb. It seemed as though she’d ridden her blasted horse for a lifetime when they came around a small loch and started another assent. Night had slipped its dark fingers around them hours ago. The men seemed capable of riding indefinitely without conversation. They could doubtless ride in their sleep. She’d suspected they were simply riding around in circles, completely lost, until they passed a loch that reminded her of the place where they’d encountered Rabbie the night of the children’s rescue. Perhaps they were not lost after all.
The drone of the horses’ hooves over damp ground or rocky escarpment invaded her ruminations. Was she making the right choice? Could she turn back now and forget her past, forge a new future in this land of harsh yet exquisite beauty and even harsher living conditions? A knot formed in her stomach when she considered a future without Kendrick. She knew, without a doubt, that she could carve out a life with him by her side and relish whatever time they could grasp.
Suddenly, an even more disturbing thought punched through her consciousness. The first Jacobite rebellion would be happening in less than ten years. What would happen then? Now her mind fidgeted over all manner of horrific new concerns. Did she dare tell them what little she knew of their history? Would the consequences of such a revelation be catastrophic? Did these thoughts represent more reasons why she should not stay? Exhaustion covered her more heavily than the sodden weight of her cloak.
“Andra, love, we are here.”
Kendrick’s hands lifting her off the horse jerked her to the present. “Was I asleep?” she asked, placing her hands on his shoulders.
“If not, then you were verra deep in thought.” He stepped back but didn’t release her immediately. Tension marred his beautiful face. “We dinnae need to continue with this experiment. We can leave on the morrow after a bit of rest and reconnaissance of the area. It’s not too late to stop.”
“I’m weary and soaked to my bones, Kendrick. Now is not the time to discuss this further. Let us face tomorrow and see what comes.”
Rabbie, Lorne, and Struan busied themselves at the back of the cave lighting a fire and laying out pallets for sleep. She wandered toward the pools and waterfall. Dropping to her knees, she splashed icy water on her face. The thoughts of their last time in the cave swamped her with kaleidoscopic visions, and heat tingled between her legs. If she weren’t so exhausted and confused, she would grab Kendrick’s hand, drag him to her spot under the pines, and beg him to ravish her senseless, making all her worries dissolve under his heated ministrations.
Then what, you dolt? There was no sense rehashing anything. Sleep, they all needed sleep now.
She could feel Kendrick’s gaze on her. Obviously, he could not
rest either. Finally, he moved his pallet next to hers and pulled her back against his chest. She snuggled against his heat until they both finally nodded off.
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Andra was running, her legs felt like lead weights. Fire engulfed everything around her, people were screaming and heavy smoke filled the air. Though she tried desperately to scream, no sound would escape her parched throat. Suddenly, the thunder of horses’ hooves pounded toward her and she faced a ghostly charger carrying a golden god. They didn’t see her, and in seconds would trample her under their slashing hooves. She startled awake, her brow drenched with sweat.
The men attended to their business oblivious of her terror. The smell of roasting rabbit made her mouth water while her stomach roiled in revulsion. She went to the pool, splashed moisture on her face, and gulped refreshing water from her cupped hands.
“Are you well, Andra?” Kendrick had approached silently. How did they manage to come upon her unawares all the time?
“Yes, I just need a moment of privacy.” She headed to the entrance noticing the sky had turned a pale gray; it must be at least an hour or more past dawn, she decided.
When she re-entered the cave she stayed by the horses and gear and waved Kendrick toward her. “What have you told the men about our mission?”
“As yet, they only know that you’re looking for something you lost,” He quirked his brow at her inquiry.
“Thank you. I’ll join everyone shortly.” She turned back toward her gear that someone had removed from her horse the night before. She had carried a bow and quiver of arrows on the trip. She took them in hand, and then she went to Struan’s pack and removed his broadsword. The hiss of his sword as she removed it from its sheath riveted eight eyes on hers.
They started to move toward her when she stopped them with a firm command. “Stand down. Hold there, if you please.”
“What danger worries you, lass?” Struan asked, eyeing his sword precariously clasped in one hand while she held her bow in the other, an arrow notched in readiness. Rabbie stood back, his hands loose at his sides. Lorne stepped toward him, a worried look on his face.
Finding My Highlander Page 26
