by Sarah Morgan
She’d settled Fiona in a chair with her back and her feet supported.
Fiona wriggled again and held out her arms. ‘Yes. I really wanted to put her straight on the breast after she was delivered, but she was totally out for the count.’
Tia nodded. ‘You had pethidine during your labour, and it can make the baby sleepy.’ She placed the baby in Fiona’s arms, positioning her carefully. ‘That’s right. We want her mouth to be opposite the nipple, just like that—perfect.’
Fiona stared down at her baby daughter. ‘Does the position really matter?’
‘Oh, yes. It’s vital if you’re not going to get sore and disheartened by the whole thing. Everyone thinks that breastfeeding is instinctive, but it isn’t, you know.’ Her voice was soft as she tucked the baby into a good position, moving Fiona’s arm so that she supported the baby’s shoulders. ‘It’s a skill that has to be learned like any other. That’s great, Fiona. You can use your fingers to support her head—like that. Brilliant.’
She slipped a hand behind the baby’s downy head and gently moved the baby’s mouth against the nipple, encouraging her to suck. ‘Come on, sweetheart, take a nice big mouthful for me…’
‘Oh!’ Fiona breathed in sharply and then looked up, her eyes misty. ‘She’s doing it! I can feel it.’
‘That’s great.’ Tia watched the baby closely, checking that she was sucking properly. ‘You’re both doing really well.’
‘So is that it? I expected it to be more complicated than that.’
Tia smiled. ‘Well, sometimes it is. And for the first few days it’s a good idea to let someone help you put her on the breast so that we can check that she’s feeding properly.’
Fiona stared down at her daughter with an awed expression in her eyes. ‘I can’t believe that it doesn’t hurt. I always expected it to.’
Tia shook her head. ‘It shouldn’t hurt. Not if she’s latched on properly.’
‘And how do I know that?’
‘Well, for a start there shouldn’t be any pain,’ Tia said, ‘and also if you look down you can see that she’s taken the whole of the nipple and some of the breast into her mouth. That’s how it works, you see. The nipple goes right back as far as the soft palate and that’s what makes her suck. Her lower jaw closes on the actual breast tissue and she uses suction to strip the breast of milk. You’ll feel her feeding but it should never be painful.’
‘And what if I can’t make enough milk?’
Tia gave a lopsided smile. ‘Well, that’s where nature is very clever. It’s all about supply and demand. The more you put the baby to the breast, the more milk you produce.’
Fiona gave a contented sigh and settled down to enjoy feeding her daughter.
‘You have a very unusual name.’ She glanced up at Tia with a curious smile. ‘What’s its origin?’
Tia pulled a face. ‘It’s short for Portia.’
Fiona lifted her eyebrows. ‘As in The Merchant of Venice?’
Tia gave a nod and a rueful smile. ‘My parents were actors.’
‘It’s a pretty name,’ Fiona commented, breaking off as her husband walked into the room, a bag of coins and a sheet of paper clasped in his hand.
‘Mike, look!’ Fiona spoke softly so that she didn’t disturb the baby. ‘She’s feeding!’
Mike Adams flopped onto the bed and grinned soppily at his wife. ‘Clever girl. I knew you could do it.’
‘It’s her that’s doing it, not me.’ Fiona touched her daughter’s downy head with her fingers. ‘She’s brilliant.’
‘She knows what’s good for her,’ Mike said stoutly, and Fiona gave him a wry look.
‘And you, too, of course. You can’t get up in the night if I’m breastfeeding.’
‘Oops. Caught out!’ Mike smiled sheepishly. ‘I’ll do the nappies.’
Fiona smiled placidly. ‘Too right you will. And the winding.’ She frowned at her husband. ‘You look really rumpled. As if you slept in your clothes.’
Mike gave a short laugh. ‘Sleep? Just remind me what that is again. You may have been the one who had the baby, but I’m exhausted!’
‘Poor thing!’ Fiona laughed. ‘So, who did you phone?’
Mike gave a groan and ticked them off on his fingers. ‘Your mother, my mother, your sister, Pam and Rick, Sue and Simon and Nick Whiteshaw.’
‘Oh, great, well done.’ Fiona turned her attention back to the baby and then glanced at Tia. ‘How long do I keep going for?’
‘Until she stops feeding.’ Tia gazed down at the baby, noticing that she was still swallowing. ‘She’s still guzzling away at the moment.’
‘Do I have to give her both sides?’
‘Always offer both sides,’ Tia advised. ‘But let her take all that she wants to from the first breast. When your milk comes in it’s important that she stays on the breast for as long as she wants to because the milk changes during the feed.’
Fiona’s eyes widened. ‘Really?’
‘Really.’ Tia smiled. ‘What the baby gets first is what we call foremilk—it’s lower in calories and thirst-quenching. After that they drink hind milk which is much more filling. If you take them off the breast too soon then they miss out on the milk that fills them up.’
Mike blinked. ‘Clever.’
‘Very.’ Tia nodded and helped Fiona remove the sleepy baby from her breast and wind her carefully. ‘Have you decided on a name yet?’
‘We’ve narrowed it down to three,’ Fiona said with a chuckle. ‘Mike’s first choice is Georgia, mine is Isabelle and we both quite like Megan.’
‘Megan Adams.’ Tia tried it out, nodded her approval and took the baby from Fiona, snuggling her against her shoulder with an easy confidence that brought an envious sigh from the mother.
‘You’re so natural with her. Do you have children?’
‘No.’
Not yet…
Suddenly Tia needed some air. She placed the baby carefully in the cot and drew the curtains back round the bed. ‘Give me a shout next time she’s ready to feed and I’ll help you, Fiona.’
Forcing a smile, she hurried out of the four-bedded bay and back to the nurses’ station, taking a long, steadying breath as she tentatively touched her still flat stomach.
Her heart stumbled and panic swamped her.
This wasn’t the way things should have turned out.
She’d never wanted to bring a baby into the world on her own. After her own experiences it was the last thing she would have wished on a child.
Taking a deep breath, she forced herself to think rationally. She’d cope, of course she would. Plenty of people did. Not everyone was like her own mother and there was no reason why she should be, but still…
Dragging her mind back to her work, she settled herself at the computer and updated Fiona’s notes, glancing up as Sharon, in full professional mode as the unit sister, bustled up to the nurses’ station.
‘Are you still here, Tia?’ She frowned and checked the clock on the wall. ‘You should have gone home hours ago.’
Tia ignored her.
She didn’t want to go home. She liked being at work. It took her mind off her problems.
‘Baby Adams has taken her first feed nicely,’ she told Sharon, her smile overly bright. ‘I’m just updating the notes and then I’ll go and check on Mrs Dodd if you like.’
‘What I’d like is for you to stop pretending nothing is wrong.’ Sharon lowered her voice and glanced up the corridor to check that no one was within earshot. ‘Have you called him?’
‘No.’ Tia turned back to the computer, vaguely registering that Sharon looked slightly agitated about something. ‘And I don’t intend to.’
‘But if he comes to you, you’d talk to him?’
‘Sharon, I left the man standing at the altar,’ Tia reminded her patiently, wondering why her friend was looking so nervous, ‘and he’s in love with another woman. There’s no earthly reason why he would possibly want to see me ever again.’
‘Except, maybe, that you’re carrying his child,’ Sharon pointed out quietly, her eyes flickering briefly down to Tia’s flat stomach. ‘Talking of which, how are you?’
Tia pulled a face. ‘Oh, you know, sick, exhausted—apart from that, fine.’
Sharon didn’t smile. ‘You need to register with a doctor, Tia.’
Tia nodded and didn’t meet her eyes. ‘Plenty of time for that.’ Not wanting to pursue the topic, she stood up and tucked her notebook into her pocket. ‘Maybe you’re right about it being time to go home. I’ll see you tomorrow.’
Sharon looked suddenly flustered. ‘Tia, wait, there’s something I—’
‘Not now, Sharon.’ Tia interrupted her with a weary smile. ‘I really don’t want to analyse my love life any more tonight.’
She just wanted to go home and be on her own.
She walked through to the staffroom, changed her clothes and made her way down the stairs to the car park. The battered old bicycle that she’d found in the garage of her rented cottage was exactly where she’d left it.
By the time she’d cycled home she was exhausted, but the minute she saw the red Italian sports car parked outside the cottage her exhaustion vanished.
No!
Surely he couldn’t be…
Opening the front door slowly, Tia walked through to the kitchen and pushed open the door, stopping dead as she saw the man lounging there, one powerful thigh resting on the kitchen table, his cool, dark eyes steady on her shocked face. ‘Luca…’ One hand reached out blindly for the wall as she sought support.
She really, truly hadn’t expected to see him again. Certainly not now. It had been two weeks.
Two weeks, and somehow she’d managed to diminish him in her mind. She’d blanked out just how much his physical presence affected her, forgotten how his blatant masculinity and unshakable self-confidence made her weak at the knees.
‘Tia.’ Thick, dark lashes swept down over his eyes, concealing his expression. He looked remote and unapproachable and she was suddenly totally unable to speak. Luca always did that to her. He was the only man in the world who rendered her completely tongue-tied.
She said the first thing that came into her head. ‘How did you know where to find me?’
‘I called Sharon.’ His eyes lingered on her pale face. ‘She gave me your address.’
Sharon?
‘No.’ Tia shook her head in disbelief but Luca’s expression didn’t change.
‘Don’t blame her. I didn’t give her much choice. Let’s just say I was…’ he paused and searched for the right word ‘…persuasive.’
And Tia knew only too well just how persuasive Luca Zattoni could be when he wanted to be.
That explained why Sharon had looked so uncomfortable and guilty.
She glanced back towards the front door, still feeling shell-shocked by his unexpected presence. ‘But presumably Sharon didn’t provide you with a key?’
Luca lifted one broad shoulder dismissively. ‘The sign was still outside and the letting agent was very helpful once I told him who I was. He seemed concerned about you living on your own here. This cottage is extremely isolated and you obviously aroused his protective instincts.’
It took a few moments for his words to sink in.
‘The letting agent gave you a key?’ She looked at him incredulously. ‘Is there anyone you can’t charm, Luca?’
‘Apparently.’ A ghost of a smile touched his firm mouth. ‘Or presumably you wouldn’t have left me standing at the altar two weeks ago,’ he drawled, resting one lean brown hand on his muscular thigh. ‘We have a great deal to talk about, cara mia.’
Her heart rate suddenly increased dramatically. ‘We have nothing to talk about, Luca.’
Certainly not now, after a long day at the hospital. Tia hadn’t been expecting this conversation and she had no idea how she was going to handle it. Was she going to confront him with what she’d discovered? Or was she going to wait for him to tell her the truth about his past, which he should have done right from the start? She needed to be prepared before she spoke to him. She needed to feel strong and in control.
As it was, all she felt was…vulnerable.
‘Nothing to talk about?’ He straightened in a fluid movement and strolled across the kitchen towards her. ‘First you take flight on our wedding day without the slightest explanation, and next you leave the country, go back to your old job and rent a cottage in the middle of nowhere. We could talk for a week and not cover even half of what we have to discuss.’
Tia’s throat was uncomfortably dry. ‘I left you a note.’
‘Ah, yes…’ Thick lashes lowered slightly to shield his stunning dark eyes. ‘The note that Sharon delivered, saying that you had changed your mind about marrying me.’
Her heart gave a little flip. She hadn’t expected him to follow her and she wasn’t prepared for this confrontation.
‘It wouldn’t have worked, Luca.’ Her knees trembled slightly but she forced herself to hold his gaze. ‘We were getting married for the wrong reasons. We—we didn’t know each other properly.’
She hadn’t known that he was involved in a serious, long-term relationship with another woman.
There was a long silence while he studied her face, the expression in his dark eyes unreadable. ‘So, just like that, you leave?’ His tone was even. ‘You decide this by yourself, with no consultation with me? No attempt to discuss whatever problem you think exists? Dio, is that normal behaviour for two people who were planning to marry?’
Tia’s breathing quickened and anger gripped her. He was criticising her? This was the time to confront him about what she’d heard, but she wasn’t ready to do that yet. She didn’t want to say something she’d regret. She needed time to think through the best way of tackling the subject.
Anyway, it was his responsibility to tell her about his past, to open up and tell her the truth.
‘When would we have had this discussion, Luca?’ She took refuge in attack. ‘You were always at the hospital.’
His black brows met in a frown. ‘Is that what this is all about? My working hours? I’m an obstetrician, Tia. You should understand the demands of the job better than most women.’
Suddenly she didn’t feel at all well. She’d woken early that morning, been sick repeatedly and now he was expecting her to dissect their relationship. It was too much.
Her eyes closed briefly and she took a deep breath. ‘Do we have to talk about this now?’
‘Yes.’ His voice was a deep growl and she flinched slightly. She’d always thought that Luca was very controlled, but suddenly he seemed like a stranger.
Which was part of the problem.
They didn’t really know each other. That fact had been brought home to her with shocking clarity on the day of her wedding. She should never have agreed to marry him, but she’d been so swept away by the way he’d made her feel…
‘We can meet up tomorrow or something,’ she suggested, hoping that she wasn’t going to embarrass herself by being sick in front of him. ‘Where are you staying tonight?’
‘Staying?’ One dark eyebrow lifted as if her question was wholly irrelevant. ‘Here, of course.’
‘No way, Luca.’ She shook her head vigorously. ‘This is my cottage.’
Luca straightened in a fluid movement and moved purposefully towards her. ‘And you’re expecting our child, Tia.’ He said the words with careful emphasis. ‘Your place is with me.’
‘With you?’ Her heart started to gallop. With him? Surely he wasn’t serious—not after everything that had happened. ‘You’re not seriously suggesting that we should still get married?’
‘Hardly.’ His tone was dry. ‘You’ve made your feelings on that subject very clear.’
Tia blushed slightly and looked away. Leaving him at the altar had been a lousy thing to do, but at the time she hadn’t been able to see an alternative. She’d just needed to get away as fast as possible.
‘So what exactly do you want
, Luca?’
There was a slight pause. ‘You,’ he said softly. ‘You and our baby.’
‘Luca, no!’ Her voice was suddenly hoarse and her heart was beating faster than she would have thought possible. ‘It’s time we were honest with each other. Our whole relationship was a mistake. We were just—very carried away…this baby wasn’t planned.’ Tia decided that it was time to voice at least some of her concerns. ‘A month ago when I told you I was pregnant, you couldn’t escape to the hospital fast enough!’
He tensed and his mouth tightened. ‘That’s not true.’
‘It is true, Luca, and you know it.’ Despite her best intentions, she felt her voice wobble slightly and forced herself to stay calm. The last thing she wanted was for him to know how badly his reaction had hurt her. She had too much pride. ‘You were horrified to learn that I was pregnant and don’t try and deny it because I’m excellent at reading body language and yours was shouting at me!’
His dark eyes were suddenly wary and for the first time since she’d met him he seemed slightly uncomfortable.
‘You misunderstood me. It’s true that the news of the baby came as a shock at first,’ he admitted finally, his voice quiet. ‘I would be less than honest if I didn’t admit that I would have preferred us to have more time together before we considered having children, but—’
‘You don’t need to make excuses. I know that you weren’t pleased, and nothing can change that.’ Suddenly Tia felt hideously sick and she took several deep breaths to try and settle her stomach.
An ominous frown touched his forehead. ‘Tia, when you first told me that you were pregnant, I hadn’t been to bed for almost forty hours,’ he said, his dark eyes intent on hers as he paused only inches away from her. ‘I was called to one difficult delivery after another. By the time I saw you I was dead on my feet. The news that you were pregnant came as a shock, I admit that, and I probably didn’t react the way I should have, but…’
Her eyes challenged him and she tried to ignore the effect that his closeness had on her. ‘So you’re saying that had you had a good night’s sleep you would have been delighted?’
His dark gaze swept over her. ‘You need to calm down, cara mia. You’re very emotional.’
