by Sarah Morgan
Luca stroked a hand down her cheek. ‘Did anyone try and arrange for you to be adopted?’
Tia gave a sad smile. ‘Gawky, eight-year-old bereaved girls aren’t that appealing. Everyone wants cute babies. And on top of that I had severe asthma as a child—no one wanted a child with an illness.’
He grimaced. ‘So you ended up in a children’s home.’
She nodded slowly. ‘In the course of my childhood I met children who were the products of bad relationships, children who’d been abused and abandoned. Children who had no one to love them. It seemed to me that being a parent was an enormous responsibility. Probably the biggest responsibility that there is. I swore that I’d never do it.’
But she had. She was pregnant. Panic flooded her veins and her eyes flew to his.
Luca slipped his long fingers through hers and tightened his grip. ‘It is true that being a parent is an enormous responsibility,’ he said calmly, ‘but most families manage to do an excellent job. Your past has given you a distorted view of the truth. Very few children end up in the position that you were in.’
‘But for the ones who do…’ Tia shook her head and her eyes filled. ‘Do you have any idea what it’s like? Knowing that no one wants you? It’s the loneliest feeling in the world.’
Her voice was little more than a whisper and Luca muttered something under his breath and let go of her hand.
‘You are not your parents, Tia.’ His voice was gentle as he scooped her up and lifted her onto his lap. ‘You are nothing like your parents. You will be a wonderful mother.’
‘But what if I’m not?’ She stared at him with wide, frightened eyes. ‘What if the baby is born and I don’t love it?’
Having voiced her biggest fear, she closed her eyes and held her breath, waiting for his horrified reaction.
Instead, she felt his arms tighten around her. ‘Is that what is worrying you? That you won’t love it? That is a very common fear, you know that.’ His voice was deep and very male as he soothed her. ‘And some women don’t love their babies immediately. I have known plenty of mothers say that they didn’t instantly love their babies. For some people it is there straight away, but for others…’ He gave a shrug. ‘For others love must grow.’
Tia stared at him. ‘Do you believe that?’
He nodded slowly. ‘I know that you will love our baby.’
She swallowed. ‘And what if I don’t?’
Would he reject her?
He gave a half-smile. ‘You will probably thump me for saying this, but you are very hormonal, cara mia, and you are expressing fears that most pregnant women feel at some time.’
Tia shook her head. ‘That’s not true. That woman in clinic today. Karen. She was so excited about it she made me feel ill. I don’t feel like that, Luca. When I think about the baby I just feel panic.’
He said something in Italian and then switched to English. ‘That is why you were so upset today. I guessed as much.’ His grip on her tightened reassuringly. ‘It’s early days, Tia. Karen had been planning a family for ages. That isn’t what happened with us. Our baby has come before we planned it and the baby isn’t real to you yet. Stop worrying and trust me, Tia. Everything will be all right.’
She lifted her face and her eyes met his. The intensity in his gaze made her heart beat steadily against her ribs and he reached out and stroked a hand down her soft cheek.
He was going to kiss her.
She wanted him to kiss her. She wanted him to kiss her so badly.
His mouth hovered only a breath away from hers and she closed her eyes, her lips parting in readiness for his kiss.
Luca…
She waited in an agony of anticipation and then gave a whimper of surprise and disappointment when he lifted her firmly off his lap and tucked her back under the duvet.
‘No touching,’ he reminded her, his voice deep. ‘We are getting to know each other, Tia, and I want that to continue. For the time being, we talk and nothing else.’
Without another word he walked out of her bedroom, closing the door firmly behind him and leaving her breathless with frustration.
How?
How could he have been so close to kissing her and resisted?
She groaned at the unfairness of it all. When she’d made the no-touching rule she’d had no idea that it would be this difficult to carry through…
Tia was working in clinic again the next morning when Luca found her.
His dark hair gleamed under the lights of the antenatal clinic and he looked strikingly handsome.
‘I have arranged for you to have a scan,’ he told her, coming straight to the point. ‘You need to ask for an hour off.’
Tia gaped at him, outraged by his high-handedness. ‘And what am I supposed to tell Sharon? We’re rushed off our feet.’
‘I want you to see our baby,’ he said calmly, clearly unfazed by her anger. ‘You are pregnant, Tia, and you can’t carry on denying it.’
See the baby? What difference would seeing it make?
And was she really denying it?
Maybe she was.
Tia swallowed, her brain suddenly jumbled. Maybe that was exactly what she was doing.
‘All right.’ She ignored the sudden fluttering of nerves in her stomach. ‘What time is the scan?’
‘Twelve o’clock,’ he said immediately. ‘I’ll meet you there.’
She nodded and watched him go with mixed feelings. She knew that the hospital policy was to scan women at about twelve weeks, both to estimate gestational age and to detect any signs of foetal abnormality, but somehow she’d managed to avoid thinking about it.
Until now.
Suddenly feeling very nervous, she went looking for Sharon and asked her if she could take her lunch at twelve and then went back to her patients.
Clinic was incredibly busy but she managed to get away at twelve and made her way to meet Luca.
Most routine scanning was carried out by a radiographer trained in all aspects of ultrasound, so Tia was surprised to see Justin Lee, the professor of foetal medicine, waiting with Luca.
She knew that Professor Lee usually only scanned high-risk pregnancies and she looked at Luca with alarm in her eyes.
‘I wanted the best, and I saw no reason to hide our relationship,’ he told her quietly, and Justin Lee extended a hand and gave her a warm smile.
‘We’ve all been following Luca’s work on pre-term delivery with great interest,’ he said. ‘I read the last paper he had published and it’s been a pleasure to meet him in person and even more of a pleasure to discover that his girlfriend is pregnant! I happen to have a free half-hour and Luca wanted me to do your scan. Is that all right with you?’
Tia nodded slowly. She could hardly refuse to be scanned by someone who was reputedly one of the country’s leading foetal medicine specialists!
Justin settled himself on a stool next to the machine and Luca stared over his shoulder.
‘This is a state-of-the-art machine,’ Justin told him, and proceeded to give Luca the low-down of its capabilities, most of which was beyond Tia’s comprehension.
She lay tense and unsmiling as Justin started to scan her, her mind suddenly clouded with panic.
What if something was wrong with the baby?
As if sensing her distress, Luca moved from his place by Justin’s side and settled himself next to her, taking her hand in his and encouraging her to look at the screen.
‘Watch this,’ he urged, his deep voice velvety smooth. ‘It’s magic, Tia. Our baby.’
Our baby.
Reluctantly she glanced at the screen and her gaze was caught and held by what she saw. The image was so clear she gave a little gasp and Luca’s grip on her hand tightened.
‘That’s an arm,’ he told her, watching the screen as Justin carried on with the scan, ‘and the head, can you see?’
Oh, yes, she could see.
Suddenly Tia felt as though someone was squeezing her heart.
Their baby…<
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‘He’s very active,’ Justin said with a smile, pressing some buttons to take measurements.
‘He?’ Tia’s voice was little more than a croak and she cleared her throat.
Justin gave her a smile. ‘Not necessarily. I confess that I’m horribly sexist and call all babies he at this stage.’
He made some notes and pointed out some other things he thought would interest them. All too soon it was over and Tia was slipping off the couch and fastening her shoes.
She straightened up and for the first time in her pregnancy her hand crept to her stomach. Suddenly the fear went and she felt incredibly protective.
She only half listened while Justin discussed the results of the scan with Luca, her mind almost completely focused on the living being she was nurturing within her body.
‘I’ll leave you two alone for a few minutes,’ Justin said, gathering up the notes and handing something to Tia.
‘What’s this?’
She stared down at the photograph in her hands and her vision blurred.
‘It’s your baby,’ Justin said quietly, a smile in his voice. ‘Congratulations.’
He left the room, closing the door quietly behind him, and Luca took the photograph out of her hands and placed it on the couch.
‘Does it seem so frightening now that you’ve seen him?’ His voice was deep and rough and she shook her head slowly.
‘No. No, it doesn’t.’
He slid his fingers into her blonde hair and tilted her face up to his.
‘How did it feel, Tia, seeing our baby for the first time?’ His eyes were gentle. Huge tears welled up in her eyes and rolled down her cheeks.
‘It was amazing,’ she whispered, a smile breaking out on her face. ‘I hadn’t really thought about the baby as a person until today, but when I saw him wriggling around…’
‘It was very moving,’ Luca agreed, brushing her tears away with a gentle hand. ‘And now maybe it’s time to tell the people you work with that you are pregnant. At least then they are less likely to take advantage of your good nature and overwork you.’
Tia nodded. Suddenly, instead of being an overwhelming problem, the baby was something infinitely precious, to be protected.
‘I suppose I’d better get back to the clinic.’
‘Don’t forget to book yourself in with Dan,’ Luca reminded her, and she smiled.
‘Has anyone ever told you that you’re overbearing?’
Luca gave a smouldering smile. ‘You,’ he murmured in a deep voice. ‘Frequently.’
Just looking into his dark eyes made desire curl deep in her stomach and she forced herself to pull away from him and gather up her things.
She savoured the newly powerful feelings that she had for the baby, marvelling at the way they’d erupted from her heart with no warning. How could she have been so frightened of this baby one minute and so excited the next? It was like a miracle and she snuggled the tender feelings around herself like a blanket.
Suddenly all her fears had gone. She knew that she was going to love this baby because she already loved it. She’d fallen in love with it the moment she’d seen it, just as she had with Luca.
Luca…
It had been love at first sight.
The moment she’d seen him she’d known that he was the only man for her.
And now, the more she knew of him the more she loved him.
He’d known that she needed to see the baby. He’d known that once it had become real she would love it, and he’d been right.
And she knew that she was going to be a good mother.
Tia spoke to Sharon the next morning. ‘I think it’s time I saw a doctor.’
‘At last.’ Sharon put her hands on her hips and gave a nod of approval. ‘Anyone in mind?’
‘Luca wants Dan Sutherland.’
‘Good choice,’ Sharon said approvingly. ‘He’s the best there is. Not that you have any worries, with Luca hovering in the wings. He’s excellent, Tia. He’s got marvellous instincts. You should have seen him yesterday with this difficult delivery that we had. I’ve never seen anyone so skilled using the ventouse.’
Tia felt a flash of pride. Luca was a very skilled doctor, there was no doubt about that.
‘I’ll talk to the staff in clinic and see if they can arrange for Dan to fit you in right away.’ Sharon picked up the phone and punched in the number, still talking to Tia. ‘I assume this isn’t something you’re trying to keep secret any more?’
Tia shook her head, thinking of Justin Lee. ‘Luca seems to be pretty open about our relationship…’ She told Sharon about the scan and Sharon’s eyes widened.
‘Justin Lee did it himself? My, my, you were honoured.’ She turned her attention back to the phone. ‘Janet? It’s me.’ Quickly she outlined Tia’s situation. ‘So can Dan fit her in this afternoon?’
Tia waited while Sharon finished the conversation and replaced the receiver.
‘No problem.’ Sharon smiled at her friend. ‘He’ll see you at the end of clinic.’
‘Thanks,’ Tia said, getting to her feet. ‘I need to get back down and do some work or poor Janet may not be so accommodating.’
‘Don’t overdo it,’ Sharon said sternly and Tia gave a wry smile.
‘You sound like Luca.’
‘Do I? Well, he’s bound to be over-protective.’ Sharon gave a short laugh. ‘Obstetricians make notoriously paranoid fathers. Unless we keep an eye on him he’ll probably have you sectioned at 37 weeks just to be on the safe side.’
Tia laughed. She and Luca hadn’t actually got round to talking about the delivery yet.
She made her way back down to clinic and got on with her work.
Halfway through the afternoon she saw a woman who was thirteen weeks pregnant and had severe vomiting.
‘I feel so awful,’ the young woman confessed, her face pale and wan. ‘I can’t keep anything down and the minute I see someone else with food I’m sick.’
‘You poor thing.’ Knowing just how ill she’d felt herself, Tia was very sympathetic. ‘Could you hop on the scales for me, Mary? I’ll weigh you.’
Mary slipped off her shoes and pulled a face as she climbed onto the scales. ‘I know I’ve lost weight,’ she mumbled, glancing anxiously at the reading. ‘My clothes are all baggy. I haven’t even had to buy any maternity clothes.’
‘You can step down now.’ Tia checked her weight against the last reading and frowned. The weight loss was significant.
‘Is it bad?’ Mary gave a sigh and sat back down, obviously feeling as ill as she looked. ‘You can be honest—as I say, my clothes are falling off me so I’m already prepared for bad news.’
‘It’s not bad news exactly,’ Tia said quickly. ‘But we do need to check you over. I’ll just fetch a doctor and then we can talk it through in more detail.’
She found Luca about to drink a cup of coffee and he gave a wry smile.
‘I thought a coffee-break was too good to be true.’ He stood up and lifted an eyebrow. ‘What’s the problem?’
She briefed him quickly and he followed her back along the corridor to see Mary.
‘By the way, I’ve just been to ITU to see Sue Gibbs.’ A look of satisfaction crossed his handsome face as he gave her the news. ‘She’s definitely on the mend. Her blood pressure is down and she’s sitting up and talking. They’re planning to take her to visit the baby later.’
Tia’s eyes shone with delight. ‘That’s fantastic!’
Luca nodded, pausing as they reached the clinic. ‘She was lucky she came into hospital when she did.’
‘She was lucky she had you when she got here,’ Tia said gruffly, and Luca gave her a keen look.
‘You were the one who got that airway in while she was fitting, Tia.’
‘Teamwork,’ she said stoutly, and he smiled his agreement.
‘Teamwork.’
They walked into the room to see Mary and Luca introduced himself and flicked through the notes. Then he examined her
, carefully explaining everything that he was doing.
Halfway through the examination Dr Ford appeared, her eyes immediately locking onto Luca.
‘Sorry I’m late for clinic, Dr Zattoni,’ she breathed. ‘I was watching Dan Sutherland section a lady with twins.’
‘No problem.’ Luca quickly updated her and then turned back to Mary. ‘I know that this isn’t what you want to hear, but you must spend a few days in hospital while we sort out this vomiting. We need to try and find a cause and we need to try and stop the sickness.’
‘I thought the cause was pregnancy,’ Mary muttered, and Luca inclined his head.
‘That’s true but sometimes there are identifiable causes. I want to run some tests.’
Mary stared at him. ‘What for?’
He rested one muscular thigh on the couch and folded his arms across his chest, totally relaxed as he talked to his patient. ‘I want to do thyroid function tests—sometimes excessive vomiting can be caused by thyroid or adrenal dysfunction.’ He ticked the tests off on his fingers. ‘I want to take some blood so that we can judge how much fluid we should be giving you, and I want you to have a scan straight away.’
Mary sighed. ‘How long will I be in hospital?’
‘Hard to say,’ Luca said honestly, his shrug making him seem more Italian than ever. ‘Do you have problems at home?’
‘Not at home.’ Mary pulled a face. ‘At work. I’m a lawyer and taking time off for something like this is frowned on. In fact, my whole pregnancy is frowned on, to be honest. It’s just a massive inconvenience to them.’
‘And to you?’ Luca’s voice was soft. ‘How do you feel about the baby, Mary?’
Mary paused. ‘I thought I could have it all,’ she admitted at last. ‘I was determined to carry on as I always have, working fourteen hour days until the day the baby arrives, but I never imagined that I’d feel so awful.’
Luca was very still. ‘And is your job so important to you?’
Mary seemed to think for a minute. ‘Well, I always thought it was,’ she said slowly, ‘but when they’re so unsympathetic, it makes you wonder what it’s all for.’
‘Pregnancy is a very special time,’ Luca said quietly. ‘You should take care of yourself.’
