by Ella Miles
I shake it off. He lied to me before with his words. So, why not his body?
I give the puppy her shots while Luca feeds her the treats.
“See? Painless,” I say when I’m finished.
I rub the adorable puppy’s head. Maybe she will change him. Maybe she will make him learn to love someone else more than himself. I’ve seen it before. It can happen. I’m just not going to be around to see if it does or not. I don’t plan on seeing him again after today, no matter what adorable creature he brings into my office to take care of.
Although I do wish I could see his reaction when he realizes the puppy isn’t a German shepherd.
Luca picks the puppy back up and then places it on the ground to run around. It immediately begins chewing on his shoelaces, as most puppies do.
“Can I see you again?” he asks.
“No,” I say immediately.
He sighs and takes a step forward instead of back. He was never any good at listening to the word no.
“Why not? We were good together.”
“No.”
“Not even as friends?”
“No.”
He frowns. “Tell me what I did so wrong. The first date, I remember being pretty good, if you ask me. But maybe I was wrong to think that.”
“Are you kidding me? You fucked up from day one. When the first lie left your mouth.”
“Remind me.”
“No. Why should I?”
“Maybe you’ll be able to prevent me from hurting another woman like I hurt you.”
Damn it. His eyes are going to make me say something stupid.
“Fine. What do you want to know?”
“Tell me what you remember from our first date. Tell me how I fucked it up.”
I take a deep breath. I don’t know why I’m doing this. But maybe, if I can go back to that time, if I can feel what I felt then, I can heal. Maybe I can figure out why I keep sabotaging myself.
Three Years Earlier: First Date
A volleyball comes flying toward my head. I put my arms up just in time to block it from crashing into me. Instead, it hits my arms and bounces off. I sit up from the towel that I was lying on, trying to get a tan on my only day off of work for the next three weeks. I can’t even get a break when I’m lying on the beach, trying to relax.
“I’m sorry, miss,” a man says as he runs toward me, most likely to retrieve the ball that is now lying next to me on the sand.
I pick up the ball and toss it to him. “It’s fine. I should move farther down the beach.”
The man stands over me, and I can’t help but stare. My mouth falls open as I look at him. But at least my sunglasses are hiding my eyes that are currently devouring every ripple of muscle from his chest to his abs. I don’t think I could have sculpted a man more perfect than the man standing in front of me. He must work out for a living. Or maybe he’s a model or an actor. I am in California after all even if Hollywood is a bit away from San Diego.
“Or you could join us?” he asks.
“No. I’m not good at volleyball. I’ll just move a bit farther down on the sand.”
He removes his sunglasses, and his blue eyes seem to glow. To my surprise, they don’t seem to be taking in my body. Instead, he is looking right into my eyes as best as he can with my sunglasses on.
“You sure?”
“Okay, I’ll play. But don’t say I didn’t warn you about how horrible I am.”
“We aren’t really that competitive. Don’t worry.”
He extends his hand to me. I take it, and he pulls me into a standing position.
I pick up my towel and small bag of belongings to carry with me over to where everyone else is playing. My heart sinks when I look up and see everyone’s eyes on me. Not competitive, my ass. They look like the most competitive group of people I have ever seen. Or maybe they are all models or something. They just look good, and they aren’t that good at sports.
My heart starts beating again when I see the smiles on all the men’s faces. God, they are hot. All the men are shirtless, just wearing their swim trunks, showing off their perfectly sculpted abs. My eyes quickly scan through all of them, but for some reason, no matter how hot the next guy is, I’m still partial to the one who invited me to play. He is standing to my left, his eyes still on me.
“Hey, Luca, is she playing or not?” one of the guys shouts.
Luca tosses him the volleyball. He looks to me and raises his eyebrows, asking if I’m going to back out or not.
I didn’t realize that only guys were playing. I look over to the side where several women are tanning themselves as they watch the game. I’d much rather be over there, watching the show, than participating in the game. But from the glares the women are giving me, I don’t think they want me to join them. I think they’d prefer if I were anywhere but here.
I begin to tie my curly black hair up on top of my head. I grin when I see all the men’s eyes staring at my breasts. I’m wearing a coral-colored bikini that makes my dark skin pop and that barely covers me. Not a bikini that is meant to play beach volleyball in. One wrong move, and I will be giving everyone a show. But I’ve never been shy about my body, so it doesn’t matter to me.
“I’m in. Whose team am I on?” I say.
Luca smiles. “Mine. We are down six points.”
“Well, I’m not going to be much help with making them up.”
Luca leans close to my ear. “You’re ho…beautiful. The guys on the other side will be plenty distracted by you. That is plenty of help.”
I frown even though I’m not really upset that he’s just using me as a decoy. It’s mainly because he called me beautiful instead of hot even though I know that was the word on the tip of his tongue, and then he changed it at the last second.
“I’m more than just a beautiful woman, you know. I’ve just never played beach volleyball before.”
“You’ll do just fine. Trust me,” Luca says, winking at me.
My heart flutters a little in my chest. I want this man, and he has barely said enough to even constitute a full conversation. I know nothing about him other than he is hot and enjoys playing beach volleyball. I never go for men just based on looks. I need to know a lot more about him first. I need to know if he is a doctor or a lawyer or a beach bum. I need to know if he likes animals or runs away at the responsibility. I need to know how he treats his mama. I need to know everything. But knowing nothing about him doesn’t prevent me from dreaming of him in my bed.
“You ready?” Luca asks.
I must have been staring off into space.
“Yes, and it’s Ivy.”
Luca smiles. “Ivy,” he says to himself, testing out how my name sounds when falling from his lips.
I could listen to him say my name all day.
But I don’t have time for that because the volleyball is flying over to our side of the net faster than I thought a volleyball could move. One of Luca’s friends digs the ball up, followed by another guy setting the ball up, and then Luca hits the ball down even faster than when it came over to our side. And, in the blink of a couple of seconds, the play is over.
Shit.
There is no way I can move fast enough to keep the ball in the air if it comes toward me.
“Next time, I’m setting the ball to you, Ivy,” the guy who set the ball to Luca says.
I smile and swallow the lump in my throat. I don’t argue and say he should just keep setting the ball to Luca. I don’t want to look afraid. I want to impress Luca. And the only way to do that is to try. I doubt Luca expects me to look like a pro, but I don’t want to be thought of as only a pretty girl who can’t actually do anything. I can do plenty. If he only spent enough time to get to know me, he would know that I am plenty strong enough. That I can more than take care of myself.
I look over on the sidelines where the group of girls are still hollering, cheering Luca on even though he wasn’t the only one on the team who did anything. He’s got a girlfriend. I know it
. One of those women is his girlfriend. I don’t have a chance. I might as well save myself the embarrassment and just leave.
But the ball is being served over the net, and I don’t have time to back out now. A second later, the ball is being hit back over to our side. Luca digs that ball up, and then his friend moves to set it toward me.
“You got it, Ivy,” Luca says.
I got this, I think as I move toward where the ball is set close to the net.
I jump up, but I know I’m not getting up high enough to bring the ball down with the same strength that Luca did earlier, which is the only thing that will score us a point. So, instead of hitting, I barely push it over the net. Happy with myself that I was even able to make contact with the ball.
The ball trickles over and lands in the sand on their side.
I hear the guys on my side shouting in excitement.
Luca walks up to me and gives me a high five. “That was awesome.”
I smile. “Thanks.”
I like that he is giving me attention, but a high five just confirms that he has a girlfriend. There was no congratulatory hug. No accidental pat on the ass. Nothing.
We continue playing for a while. Me staying mostly out of the action until it is my turn to serve the ball.
“You can just serve the ball underhand. Like this,” Luca says, holding the ball and motioning how I should hit it with my fist underhand. Then, he tosses me the ball.
He didn’t even bother to use that moment as an excuse to put his hands on me.
Girlfriend, I remind myself.
“But that is not how any of you served,” I say.
“It takes a lot of arm strength to get the ball over the net from there,” Luca says.
I frown. He doesn’t think I have enough arm strength. I’ll admit that my arms look small, especially compared with theirs. But I have wrangled and lifted enough hundred-pound dogs and larger to know that I have plenty of arm strength.
So, I toss the ball into the air and hit it overhand, hoping it goes in the correct direction. It does. It floats over the net. It’s nowhere near as fast as when they were hitting the ball over the net, but it still does the job. A few seconds later, it is flying back over the net, toward me. I try to dig the ball up. It hits my arms and then bounces off to the side.
I sigh and dust the sand off my body.
All the men are looking at me.
“What?” I ask, looking down at my bikini, assuming that it has moved around and my nipple is out or something. But I don’t see anything out of place.
“You’re incredible. Do you know that, Ivy?” Luca says.
I frown. “I just lost us a point. The ball just flew off my arms.”
He shakes his head. “No. You just aced that serve. That was just them throwing the ball back over in frustration.”
My frown lifts.
“This is match point. Just do the same thing again, and we’ll win,” Luca says, tossing me the ball.
I walk back behind the serving line, more determined than ever. I try not to think too much. I just do the same thing again. The ball flies over the net, but this time, the ball comes flying back over. One of the guys digs it up, and then Luca hits it over the net, not even waiting for someone to set it up for him. It hits the ground on the other side, and the guys on our side all start screaming and jumping up and down.
I start running over toward Luca, assuming everyone is going to go congratulate him for winning us the game, but instead, all the guys start running toward me. Before I have a chance to react, Luca runs under my legs and lifts me up and onto his shoulders. I grab hold of his thick blond hair.
All the guys start shouting my name as Luca parades me around on the sand. I can feel Luca starting to lose his balance, but there is nothing I can do to stop him. We both come crashing down. Somehow, I manage to fall on top of Luca more than on the sand. I can tell from his face that, when I land on him, it hurts, but he doesn’t complain. We both breathe heavily as I lie on top of him on the sand. One of the guys extends his hand to me to help me up, and one of the other guys helps Luca up.
“You should come out and celebrate our win with us, Ivy. The losers always buy the winners drinks. I’m Troy by the way,” Troy says.
I smile. “I really shouldn’t. I need to get back and study.”
“Study? Are you still in college, Ivy?” Troy asks.
I laugh. “No, I’m not. I’m studying for my board certification.”
The guys all look at me, wide-eyed.
“I’m a veterinarian.”
“Wow, that’s impressive,” Troy says.
“Thanks. I have the test coming up in a couple of weeks. Today is my only day off work this week, so I just wanted some time to relax on the beach. Thank you all for showing me a good time.”
“Do you always have Thursdays off? Because we’d love to have you back to help us squash these guys again next week,” Troy says.
“Thursdays are my day off.”
“Good. Then, we’ll see you here next week.” Troy walks over and gives me a high five. “You’re awesome.”
I laugh. “Thanks.”
I can come back next week. I smile, thinking about that. Even though I thought I wouldn’t, I did really enjoy playing. I’d just moved here to take a job at a local clinic, and I don’t have a lot of friends. It might be nice to come back here every Thursday and make some friends.
I start walking over to where my towel and things are, trying to decide if I want to go for a quick swim before I leave and go back to my normal life.
“You don’t really have to go and study on your only night off, do you?” Luca asks.
I look up at him after I gather up my things. “I should. It’s a hard test, and I don’t have a lot of time to study because of work.”
“Want to go for a swim with me first?” he asks.
“You don’t want to go have a drink with your girlfriend and the guys?”
Luca laughs. “I don’t have a girlfriend. Those girls are crazy. And I live with Troy and Shawn, so I see them plenty enough.”
I grin. I can’t help it even though I know it gives away how happy I am that he doesn’t have a girlfriend.
“Come on,” he says, running toward the ocean.
I run after him and jump into the ocean as the waves crash against us. Luca starts swimming out a little bit. He expertly moves fast in the water. Obviously, he’s a good swimmer. I swim after him a little slower.
“If I didn’t love animals so much, I would definitely spend all my time here, on the beach.”
Luca smiles. “It’s one of my favorite places; that’s for sure.”
“So, what do you do when you’re not hanging out at the beach?” I ask.
“I’m a lawyer,” he says.
He’s lying to me. I just don’t know it yet.
4
Luca
“You lied to me. You were never a lawyer. We had barely known each other an hour, and you lied to me. You couldn’t just tell me the truth. That you were unemployed and doing some surfing competitions to bring in some money. But, no, you had to lie.”
I exhale deeply. “Is that all you remember about our first date?” I ask.
If that is all she remembers, I’m screwed. There is no coming back into her life if all she thinks I did was lie and lie and lie every time I was with her.
“What else is there to remember? I remember you lying to me. And then following it up with another lie and another lie and another. Why would I remember anything positive about that date?”
I frown. “Well, for one, the rest of that date was pretty great. Yes, I loved watching you be awesome at volleyball your first time. Yes, I loved watching you move in your bikini. But the rest of the date was what really made me fall in love with you.”
Her face turns red, and her eyes are like fire. “You don’t get to say that. You don’t get to say that you fell in love with me. Even falling in love was a lie, remember?”
I don
’t respond. It’s clear that, no matter what I say right now, she still isn’t going to believe me. She thinks I hurt her on purpose. She thinks I lied to her on purpose. She thinks the only thing I want her to remember is how we swam in the ocean together. How our bodies occasionally brushed up against each other. She thinks I want her to remember how it felt to be sitting next to each other on the sand and how that first stolen kiss felt as the sun went down over the ocean before she stopped me from just having her there on the beach. She wasn’t that type of girl, and I didn’t want her to be. I wanted to take things slow with her. I wanted to fall in love with her and her with me.
I want her to remember all those things. But I want her to remember one other thing so much more. But she doesn’t remember, and even if she did, I doubt it would change anything.
“What are you doing here, Luca? There isn’t a beach here. There is nothing for you here in Albuquerque but a dry desert and disappointment.”
I look into her eyes that are still filled with fire but also a tiny drop of fear. She used to be fearless. Not anymore. I caused her to be like this. I caused the pain and fear and all the rest of it.
“You already know the answer to that. I’m here for you.”
“You should go,” she says.
I nod and scoop the puppy up into my arms, trying to firmly hold it like she did as it squirms in my arms. I stare at her a second longer. This could be the last time I see her. She might never let me back into her clinic again. I don’t know where she lives or where she hangs out, and I refuse to become a stalker. If she doesn’t want me to find her again, then I won’t. I knew it was bad enough, searching for her here. I know the only reason she is here is because of me. She left and went into hiding because of me. She thought I would never find her here or at least that I wouldn’t want to come here because there wasn’t a beach.
But she doesn’t know me at all. The beach is the last thing I want.
“Good-bye, Ivy,” I say. I don’t know why I say it. I don’t want this to be good-bye. But I don’t know what else to say. And I guess, if I can give her closure so that she can move on and be happy, then that is what I need to do.
