by Cassia Leo
She homeschooled me in all subjects, but one particular subject was the emphasis of her curriculum: How to Hide Alex’s Hideous Face. She gave me lessons on how to apply makeup to cover the skin discoloration when I was just seven years old. But she only took me out in public when it was absolutely necessary. Like when the basement was flooded during a particularly bad rainstorm and we had to stay in a motel for a few days.
Other than that, I spent most of my days in the basement, being homeschooled by my mother or physically trained by my father. Always perfecting the art of hiding.
So, Daimon won’t feel anything unusual on my face. He won’t even feel my makeup since I’m not wearing any tonight. I only wear makeup on days I work, and I’m not going back to work until tomorrow night. But I’m still afraid of letting him touch my face.
I draw in a deep breath. “First, I want to touch your face.”
“Very well.”
My heart pounds painfully hard in my chest as I reach for his face. My fingertips make contact with his jaw first, and I draw my hand back immediately at the prickly sensation.
“That’s my scruff. Is it too rough?” he asks with what sounds like genuine concern.
“No. Just… It’s fine.”
I reach up again and the roughness of his scruff tickles my fingertips as I trace them along his jaw. My other hand reaches up to the other side of his face and I can hear him take in a sharp breath. With my hands working in unison, I trace from his jawbone down to his chin. Then I bring both hands up and place my fingers on each of his cheekbones. Before I can stop myself, my hands are sliding back to feel the curves of his ears.
He exhales a soft sigh, as if he were holding his breath, then his hands are on my waist. “Alex.”
My muscles slacken at the way he says my name, like a soft incantation. He can sense it, and before I can question him, he scoops me up in his arms. My hands still clinging to the sides of his face, he looks straight ahead. The way he carries me to the bedroom, his gait purposeful and confident, it’s almost as if he knows his way around.
He lays me down gently then sits on the edge of the bed, the way my mother sometimes did when I was sick in bed as a child. He reaches for my face and I close my eyes as I hold my breath. I should tell him to leave. Then his fingertips make contact with my cheek and I exhale.
This time, he doesn’t ask to touch me. I think I prefer that.
His fingertips roam lightly over my cheekbone then swoop down slowly to caress my jaw. He curls his hand so he can feel the same area of my face with the backs of his fingers. A shiver travels through me, down my arms, through my chest, into my belly, and pulses between my legs.
“Shh.” He shushes me gently when he hears my breathing getting heavier.
Somehow it works. It works so well, I don’t notice he’s removing my sunglasses until he pulls them away from my face.
“Relax, ma chérie,” he murmurs as I open my eyes.
I take in a deep breath through my nose and let it out through my mouth. I can see his face a bit more without my sunglasses, though the bedroom is even darker than the kitchen. I reach for his cheek and his other hand lands on top of mine. He presses my hand against his warm skin then nuzzles his cheek against the palm of my hand.
“It’s okay,” he murmurs. “You don’t have to fear me.”
A surge of raw emotion rises to the surface and I feel my eyes beginning to water. I’ve never been touched like this.
Suddenly, my mind draws back to a cold, rainy day eight years ago. Eleven years old and running a fever so high I could hardly see straight, I couldn’t move my body as my muscles were beginning to seize up. I begged my mother to take me to the doctor.
She looked down at me from where she sat on the edge of my bed and shook her head. “It’s just a fever, Alex. Do you want all those doctors and nurses to make fun of your face over a silly fever?” I grabbed her hand, desperately trying to force her to feel my forehead and she recoiled, yanking her hand away and standing up quickly. “Stop it! You don’t touch me. You don’t touch anyone!”
“Alex?”
Daimon’s voice draws me out of this painful memory. My hand is still on his face and his hand is still on mine, wiping the tears as they slide down my cheeks. I pull my hand away from his face and let it fall onto the bed between his leg and my side.
“Alex, are you all right?”
I look up at the dark place where his face is beneath the hood. As if he can sense what I’m thinking, he reaches up and pushes his hood back. I still can’t see the details of his features, but the ghostly outlines of his cheeks and nose are clearer. He has short hair. Almost short enough to be a military cut.
“Sit up, so you can feel my face,” he whispers. “I want you to form a picture of me in your mind.”
I sit up on my knees next to him, then he bows his head slightly as I begin exploring his face with both hands. I trace both thumbs over the straight bridge of his nose and up over each eyebrow. A picture of his face begins to form.
His brow bone is prominent and his cheekbones and jaw are sharply angled. He keeps his eyes open as I lightly trace my fingertips over his eyelids and under his eyes. I can’t see if his eyes are dark or light, but I can feel they’re round and turn down ever so slightly at the outer corners.
I pause for a moment, so he reaches up and brings my fingertips down onto his mouth. Then he lets go and allows me to trace the outline of his lips. As I thought, his top lip has beautiful peaks and his bottom lip is slightly fuller. I trace my thumb over his bottom lip, marveling at the softness, when suddenly his lips pucker and he plants a delicate kiss on the soft pad of my thumb.
That pulsing between my legs is becoming almost painful. I pull my hand away and sit further back until my bottom is on top of my feet.
I place my hands in my lap and nod my head. “Your turn.”
He scoots a bit closer to me and I lower my head a bit because I know what he’s going to do. He slowly reaches up and I close my eyes as he pushes my hood back. Immediately, I feel his hand on the left side of my head. He can see the streak of white hair through the darkness. I shiver as his fingers run through my hair and it falls softly over my shoulder.
“Open your eyes.”
I open my eyes and he leans forward to lay a soft kiss on my forehead, letting his lips linger on my skin for a moment. “That’s enough for tonight.”
“You’re leaving?”
“I’ll be back tomorrow evening.” He brushes his thumb over my bottom lip then pinches my chin softly. “I was right. You are beautiful.”
Chapter Five
My first night back to work after two weeks recuperating was tense, but I expected nothing less. Aasif threatened to replace me on the third day I called in sick. On the fourth day I called in, his tone had changed. He was understanding, though I sensed reluctance. As if his hand were being forced.
“Take as much time as you need,” he said, his voice gritty with tension. “Your job will be here when you get back.”
I don’t care if Aasif doesn’t really want me there. I don’t even care if someone forced him not to fire me. What I do care about is this feeling that it may have been Daimon who got to Aasif.
It’s ridiculous. Why would Daimon care if I get to keep my job? I’m flattering myself with thoughts that he worries about me. I’ve allowed myself to feel comfortable in his presence. I let him touch me and I allowed myself to touch him, but that doesn’t mean he cares about my well-being.
The truth is it was probably my father who threatened Aasif not to fire me. My father can be just as persuasive as Daimon. He may not be the most honest man or the best father in the world, but I know he at least does not want me to starve.
I know this from the monthly deposits made into my bank account. My father always deposits five hundred dollars on the twenty-seventh day of each month. He knows I don’t make much working at the gas station, and living in L.A. is expensive. Five hundred dollars is just enough to ens
ure I don’t starve, but not enough for me to live comfortably, by any means.
My father didn’t think I would last in the real world, but he underestimated how well he trained me. My father didn’t just teach me how to fight my enemies. He also taught me how to outsmart them.
I’ve been outsmarting my mother and father for eight months now.
I grab the bar that hangs from the doorframe leading into the bathroom and I do the usual fifty pull-ups. Afterward, I tape my hands under the stove light and head into the dark living room. Feeling my way around, I shove the coffee table out of the way. Then I take out my aggression on the punching bag hanging in the corner of the room for a good hour.
I live extremely modestly. I don’t have a gym membership. I don’t get my hair and nails done. I don’t buy unnecessary clothing and home furnishings. I eat just enough to maintain my weight while keeping myself trained. This is how I’ve been able to pay all my rent and expenses and still save every penny my father deposits into my bank account, plus a bit more of my own money.
I have to be ready to leave if anyone starts sniffing around here looking for answers about how I got this knife wound. Or if Daimon turns on me.
He said he’d come back the next day, but he didn’t return before I left for work at eleven p.m. I got back from the gas station at 5:12 a.m. this morning. I’ve been working out for more than an hour. The sun will be coming up soon. He lied. Everybody lies.
I peel away the tape from my hands and toss it into the trash bin in the kitchen. Then I head to the bathroom to shower. I’ve removed the light bulbs from every fixture in the apartment. Even I am susceptible to temptation every so often. Removing the bulbs removes the danger of me falling victim to my own morbid curiosity.
I undress in the dark. The bathroom has the most natural light of any room in the apartment. The only thing covering the sixteen-inch square window opposite the mirror is a set of plastic blinds. A small amount of light seeps through the cracks on both the left and right side of the slats, but I’m okay with that. I need a little light to apply my makeup.
The moment I pull back the shower curtain, I hear his voice. It’s so clear in my head, as if he were standing right next to me.
“I was right. You are beautiful.”
I resist the urge to look in the mirror as I reach for the handle to turn on the water in the shower. I’m not beautiful. No matter how many times Daimon says it, it doesn’t make it true. I have to keep reminding myself of that or I’ll lose my footing.
I step over the side of the tub and into the shower, then I slide the shower curtain closed. Shutting my eyes, I step forward and tilt my chin down so the water runs over the back of my head. The water slides down the sides of my face, collecting at my nose, lips, and chin, streaming from me like a warm, cleansing waterfall.
After I wash my hair and face, I lather up my body in mounds of suds. Then I lean my head back and allow the water to rinse away my filth. Closing my eyes, I savor the warmth as it streams over the curves of my shoulders and between the valley of my breasts. As I have so many times since Daimon was last here, I imagine his touch trailing delicately over every inch of my body.
I slide my hand over my slick belly and stop just short of my mound. I’ve wanted to touch myself from the moment he left my apartment, promising to return. But I can’t allow myself to think of Daimon this way.
I also can’t stop thinking of him this way.
I slide my finger between my legs and easily find my clit. Moving my finger in a gentle circular motion, I imagine it’s Daimon’s tongue, licking me clean.
I didn’t know much about sex until I left my parents’ basement and got a computer. I’d been touching myself for a few years by the time I moved out at the age of eighteen, but I didn’t know why it felt so good or that someone else could touch me and it might feel even better. My computer introduced me to a whole slew of websites, which taught me everything from how to touch myself to what to imagine when I touched myself.
The novelty wore off after a few months on my own, and I haven’t pleasured myself in more than a month until today. Imagining Daimon’s mouth on me is easy and my muscles quickly begin to convulse and contract at the thought of him pleasuring me.
A knock on the bathroom door makes me jump and I knock the top of my head against the shower head. “Ow! Who’s there?”
“I didn’t mean to startle you.”
That voice. Even with the warm water drenching my skin, it still sends a shiver through me.
“How did you get in here?”
“Your door was unlocked and you didn’t answer when I knocked. I wanted to make sure you were okay.”
“I’m fine!”
My door is never unlocked. I want to say this aloud, but part of me wonders if I left it unlocked by accident. Maybe I was subconsciously hoping he would let himself in. Our minds have a way of tricking us into acting on our desires.
Desire. Do I really desire Daimon in my home?
“May I come inside?”
His question stuns me. I can’t have heard him correctly. No, I’m definitely hearing things. I won’t even respond.
“Alex?”
Oh, heavens. The way he says my name.
“I’m coming into the bathroom.”
“Why?” The word escapes my lips, sounding more like a shrieking cry than a question.
“So I can be near you.”
I don’t know how to respond. I’ve never heard a more beautiful sentence in all my life. This very thought fills me with shame.
I turn the shower off and listen as the water drips from my hair and body onto the floor of the tub. Both of us are silent as we await my response or the next words out of my mouth. It is clear the next move is mine.
I cross my arms over my chest and clear my throat. “Can you please hand me the towel on the rack?”
I hear a soft rustling as he lifts the towel off the rack on the wall. I consider jutting my arm out through the shower curtain, but I decide against it. Let him figure out a way to get the towel to me. Though the sun is just beginning to rise, barely shining the faintest hint of gray morning sunshine through the cracks in the blinds, not enough light reaches the shower for him to see anything. Right now, I’m nothing more than the shadowy outline of things he’s already seen on a hundred other women.
The shower curtain flutters as he grabs hold of it. Then he slowly pushes the curtain completely aside. He takes a step back and holds up the towel, beckoning me to come to him.
I draw in a slow breath and release it as I let my arms fall to my sides. I watch his face as I step out of the tub, but I can’t see his expression in the shadow of that damn hood. He’s about to close the towel around me when I reach up and push his shoulders back.
“What are you doing?”
“The sun’s coming up.” I keep pushing him until we’re both in the corridor and I close the bathroom door behind us.
I don’t want to see him just as much as I don’t want him to see me.
I breathe an audible sigh of relief as the darkness conceals us both.
“You’re a little bit crazy, but I like it.”
“A little bit?”
He laughs and I can’t help but laugh with him. A moment later, we both fall silent, and now the next move is his.
He reaches forward with the towel and brushes it across my cheek. He does the same to the other cheek and I stand frozen as he continues to dry off my face and move down to my neck. He swipes the towel over my shoulder and I let out a stuttered breath.
He pauses a moment, then he grabs my other shoulder and turns me around. He drapes the towel over my head and uses it to squeeze the water out of my hair. Pulling the towel off my head, he gently brushes my hair over my shoulder, exposing my nape.
His fingers graze the back of my neck and goose bumps sprout over my skin as he trails his fingertips over my shoulder and down my left arm. He steps forward so his chest is pressed against my back, then he leans over and
brushes his cheek against my ear. Laying his hand over the back of my left hand, his fingers lace through mine and my entire body relaxes.
“Your skin is so soft,” he whispers, his lips brushing against my earlobe. With his fingers laced through mine, he brings my left hand forward and holds it against my abdomen. “I want to touch you.” He slowly begins sliding both our hands down my damp abdomen. “In your bedroom. Come.”
With every step I take, leading him through the darkness, the alarm bells in my mind are sounding louder. Warning me to think.
Think, Alex!
But, for once, I don’t want to think.
I want to feel.
When we enter the bedroom, he closes the door behind him. There’s no need for this. It even feels a bit sinister. But I’m not afraid.
“Turn around.” I turn away from the bed to face him and he holds out the towel to me. “Dry yourself off.”
He doesn’t ask me to please dry myself off. It’s not a request. It’s an order. A stern command delivered gently in that beguiling voice.
I take the towel from him, reveling in my own sexual magnetism as I caress my body with the soft cotton. He can’t see me very well, but he can see the curves of my body as I move, wiping away the beads of water on my skin as another kind of moisture gathers between my legs.
“Lie down,” he says once I’ve dropped the towel to the floor.
I sit on the edge of the bed first, and he steps forward, invading my space. He gazes down at me, and I know that underneath that dark hood, his dark mind is relishing this position of dominance. Something tells me he knows I wouldn’t give him this unless I wanted to. If I didn’t want to, he’d be dead.
I smile as I lie back, resting my head on the pillow and swinging my legs onto the comforter. As if he knows where I put it, his hand reaches sideways and feels around the surface of the nightstand until he finds the black feather he left with me on his last visit.
