by David, Luna
“Your house is gorgeous, too. I never pegged you for a man who’d live in log cabin. Is it one floor? It looks pretty big for a single guy.”
“No, actually it’s two, but the second one is a daylight basement because the house is built on a hill. You can’t really see that now because it’s dark, and the landscaping kind of camouflages it. It is much bigger than I technically need, but I like my space. I don’t want to ever have to move, if I can help it, so I made my dream home. Come on. It looks like it could rain any minute.”
He led Jamie into the kitchen and set him up with a glass of sauvignon blanc from his favorite local vineyard, some marinated cheese and olives with crostini, and his favorite sun-dried tomato pastries while he got started on dinner. “Any foods you don’t like or any shellfish allergies?”
Jamie shook his head. “I love seafood. Whatever you fix will be fine.” He pointed to the pastries Ronan had made the day before. “What’s this?”
“Sun-dried tomato pastries.”
Ronan watched bemused as Jamie pulled his hand away and went for the marinated cheese and olives with crostini. “So, there are things you don’t like.”
Jamie blushed and shrugged. “I have a weird thing about tomatoes. I love tomato sauce, tomato soups, and some salsas, but that’s about it.”
Ronan looked up again from what he was doing and smiled. “I’ll keep that in mind for the future.”
It felt like a bold statement, an assumption being made, but the small smile and nod he got from Jamie went a long way in giving him some added confidence that they were headed in the right direction.
Before taking another bite of an olive and cheese-laden crostini, Jamie asked, “Are the appetizers store bought or did you make them?”
“I made them yesterday, so we’d have them to munch on while I make dinner.”
Jamie tilted his head. “But, you haven’t had any.”
“That’s all right.”
“No, it’s not. Here.” Jamie leaned over the bar toward Ronan, holding out a sun-dried tomato pastry.
Jamie knew damn well Ronan’s hands were dirty with scallops and shrimp for their pasta dish. Ronan grinned and leaned forward to take the mini pastry in his mouth. Seeing Jamie’s heated gaze made his dick plump up in his pants. He continued to work, ignoring his dick until it settled the fuck down. It had just started to behave when Jamie leaned over again with a crostini which was bigger, and Ronan could only bite off half of it. Jamie waited patiently, still leaning over the bar, for him to swallow the first bite. Once he did, Jamie held up the second.
Ronan met and held Jamie’s gaze as he took the second bite in his mouth, catching his thumb and forefinger as well and licking them off. Jamie blushed, and his mouth opened slightly as he drew in a slow inhalation, licking his lips. After swallowing the best appetizer he’d ever had, merely because it was hand fed to him by Jamie, Ronan shook his head. “Jesus, you’re killing me. You’re giving a whole new meaning to food porn.”
Jamie chuckled shyly as Ronan washed his hands. Wiping them on the towel he had tossed over his shoulder, his eyes were glued to Jamie as he walked around the bar toward him. He leaned against the counter, close enough for Ronan to touch. Taking full advantage, he grasped Jamie’s arm, pulling him into his side. They just looked at each other for several long moments before Jamie handed his wine glass over. Ronan took it and tipped it back to take a sip, loving the intimate gesture Jamie had initiated.
Jamie reached over one of the cutting boards and grabbed a couple raw veggies in his hand, biting into a sliced red pepper as Ronan took another drink of the wine, still holding Jamie against his hip. He finally let go and leaned down to whisper in Jamie’s ear, “Take your sexy-as-fuck body back around the bar so you don’t make a liar out of me about us not going further than making out.”
Jamie blushed but smiled, nodding. When he turned, Ronan gave him a light smack on the ass and loved the soft little yelp he let out. When he finally sat back down, a safe distance from him, Ronan continued to make their meal.
It wasn’t long before he had the pasta dish and a salad on the table, ready to eat. Jamie took his first bite and moaned, eyes closed, his lips still around the fork, slowly pulling it out of his mouth. Ronan just stopped and watched him. Food porn, indeed.
Clearing his throat, Ronan asked, “So, you went to University of Brighton. That’s a great nursing school. What made you go into nursing?”
Jamie set his fork down and put his hands in his lap. He took such a big, deep breath in, his whole torso moved—as if preparing for something. Ronan reached across the table, palm up, and waited. Letting Jamie know, without a doubt, that he was there for him.
Jamie glanced up from his lap to Ronan’s hand and immediately lifted his to grip Ronan’s hard. He took another deep, fortifying breath and let it out slowly, glancing across the table at Ronan. “My dad was never in the picture, so my mother was a single mom, working hard to make ends meet. She was going through her last year of nursing school at University of Brighton when my dad split after learning she was pregnant. She got an extra job and kept going with her schooling, knowing she’d need a good job to be able to support me on her own.”
Jamie paused there and reached for the wine with his free hand. Tipping the rest of it back, he set the glass down again, and his whole body shuddered as he continued, “She had me at the end of her last semester, so she had to delay her final testing while she brought me home and got into a schedule taking care of me. Our next-door neighbor in our apartment complex was an older lady. Her name was Mrs. Copeland, and my mom helped her out sometimes, going grocery shopping while she was doing our shopping because she didn’t have a car.”
Jamie glanced back up at him, a small smile on his face. “So, when my mom had me, Mrs. Copeland was over a lot to help because she’d had five kids of her own. It became kind of a symbiotic relationship. My mom would help her with things she couldn’t do for herself, and Mrs. Copeland would take care of me when my mom finished her exams and then when she got a job at the local hospital, Brighton General. I always looked up to my mom. She was pretty much my hero. I knew pretty early on I wanted to follow in her footsteps.” He took a shaky breath. “One night while I was at class, she had a shift in the emergency room.”
Ronan noticed Jamie was breathing harder, and his hand was shaking. Getting up from his chair, Ronan rounded the table and crouched down beside Jamie, who turned toward him in his chair. “I don’t know why I’m still affected by it so much. It happened years ago. So stupid.”
“Sweetheart, none of your emotions are stupid. It sounds like this is a really hard one to talk about, so take your time.”
Jamie nodded and gripped both of Ronan’s hands, gazing at them instead of meeting Ronan’s eyes. It was a habit Ronan would have to break him of, but for now, he’d be damned if he was going to interrupt him.
“There was a gunshot victim who came into the emergency room. He was agitated, so they sedated him to be able to assess his wounds. They’d brought in a portable x-ray machine to see where the bullet was and how much internal damage there was. But apparently, he’d had so much adrenaline pumping in his body and was heavier than he looked, so the sedation only worked for a short time.”
Jamie took another gulp of air and tried to go on, but his voice cracked. Ronan reached up and gripped Jamie’s neck, rubbing his thumb softly along Jamie’s jawline. “It’s all right. Take your time, Jamie.”
Jamie nodded and continued, “While my mom was working on getting the images done with the x-ray tech, the guy woke and struck out at anyone within arm’s length. He hit my mom in the face, shattering her cheekbone, and she flew back into the x-ray machine, hitting her temple. The doctor was on his way to treat the patient, and he saw what happened. She fell to the floor and was bleeding from the wound where she hit the machine. They rushed her into an operating room immediately. She had a brain hemorrhage, and they couldn’t save her.”
“Oh, Jamie. I’
m so sorry.”
Jamie just looked at his lap and shook his head. Ronan couldn’t take it anymore. He stood and pulled Jamie up with him, taking him in his arms and holding him tight. Jamie kept talking as they hugged. “They couldn’t save her. Dr. Groves was the attending and the one who operated on her. I knew him well. His wife and my mom had become best friends. He drove to campus, to my dorm, knocked on my door, and gave me the news. He brought me home to his house that night, so I wouldn’t have to be alone.”
Jamie squeezed Ronan tightly. “She was so young and was just…gone so quickly and so unexpectedly. I don’t think of it that often anymore, which probably makes me an asshole, but I miss her every day. Time passing has helped. It’s just every once in a while, it hits me, ya know?”
Ronan pulled back just enough to kiss Jamie’s forehead and then skim his lips over the corner of his mouth. “Of course it hits you sometimes. And you can’t think of it every day for the rest of your life. You have to move on, and you’ve done so admirably. That doesn’t make you an asshole. Look where you are now. You’re doing exactly what you wanted to do, and I know your mom would be so very proud of you.”
He clasped Jamie’s face in both of his hands and kissed his cheeks. Pulling him in for another hug, he felt Jamie’s deep breaths in and out and then felt his shoulders relax, followed incrementally by the rest of his body. With Jamie’s head resting on his shoulder, Ronan barely heard him when he said, “Thank you, Ronan. I’m sorry I—”
Jamie’s stomach rumbled loudly in hunger, and that was exactly what he needed to burst the sad-memory bubble they’d found themselves in. Suddenly, Jamie was laughing and Ronan chuckled right along with him, his arms still tight around him. Jamie pulled away a bit, looking up at him. “I think my body is telling me to stop being so depressing and eat up.”
Ronan grinned, his heart so full of the boy in his arms, he didn’t know what to do with all the emotions he was feeling. He pulled back and nodded. “Want me to heat up the pasta?”
Jamie shook his head as he settled back in his chair, wiping his eyes one last time. He glanced up at Ronan and smiled a gorgeous smile that made butterflies take off in Ronan’s stomach. “No, I think it will be perfect as is.”
Ronan took his seat again, and they both dug into their meals with gusto. Nothing like an emotional upheaval to make a person hungry. They continued to make lighthearted small talk, getting to know each other even more, but Ronan couldn’t help but feel deep in his gut that they’d taken a step forward with that conversation. They’d grown inexorably closer as a result, and regardless of the subject, Ronan found himself feeling grateful that he was the one Jamie felt comfortable enough with to let himself go.
They talked long after their meals were gone, and Ronan’s dessert of raspberry tarts had been devoured. He watched Jamie as he used his hands, talking animatedly. Ronan grinned, realizing how much he enjoyed Jamie’s company, and so far, there wasn’t a single thing he disliked. Their working relationship was perfect. They both cared equally about their patients and provided them the best care possible. But Ronan realized on a personal level, even during working hours, there were altogether too many things he’d noticed in the two months they’d been working together that he found endearing.
Like how Jamie’s brow furrowed when he was worried, and he ran his fingers through his hair when he was frustrated. He laughed at patients’ bad jokes or held their hands if they needed his support. Ronan loved the way Jamie’s cheeks tinged pink when he was embarrassed and flushed darker when he was aroused. His eyes sparkled when he was amused. He was social and outgoing but never an attention seeker. He thrived on routine, responsibility, and order. Jamie hated coffee, loved hot chocolate, and occasionally drank tea. He realized he’d been taking notice of him from the first day.
By the time they’d cleaned up after their meal, Ronan realized he was in danger of getting really attached to one very sexy, very sweet, and…with him…a somewhat shy Jameson Gray. And while the thought made him a bit nervous, he also felt excited at what they might become. He hadn’t felt this connection with anyone in years. Not that he’d been unhappy. His life was fulfilling, and his job meant the world to him. Ronan had great friends and a tight foothold in the local BDSM community. He’d never felt like there was something missing, but he was giving it a bit of thought now.
He knew it was time, so he closed in on Jamie. “Let’s go talk about this relationship we’ve gotten ourselves into and what it means to us from both a work and personal standpoint.”
He clasped Jamie’s hand and drew him to the large, soft leather sectional. He dimmed the lights a bit and lit the fire along with a few candles on the surrounding surfaces. Jamie grinned up at him as he went to take his seat. “Are you romancing me, Dr. Kincaid?”
“Well, as much as that won’t hurt, I’m trying to help you relax. You became stressed immediately after I suggested we have ‘the talk.’ We’re not going to the knackers, kid. This isn’t going to be scary, and we’re gonna take it slow. But first I want to reiterate that our working relationship is completely separate from our personal one.”
Jamie bit his lip and nodded. “Okay. I just… I’m worried that if something happens, and it ends roughly, are we going to want to work together going forward?”
“Jamie,” Ronan reached out and touched his knee, “I’m not one to get angry. In fact, it very rarely happens. If this doesn’t work out, we move on and keep our working relationship as is. You’re one of the best nurses I’ve worked with, and I’m not going to jeopardize my practice over something personal.”
Jamie took a deep breath and asked, “You’re sure?”
“Positive, boy.”
Jamie’s eyes widened slightly, and he licked his lips. Ronan couldn’t stop himself from rubbing his thumb over the boy’s soft, full lips, and his dick hardened even more when Jamie took a tentative lick. “Jesus, you’re gonna be the death of me. Let’s talk about how you learned you’re into voyeurism kink?”
“It’s a specific kink? I mean…I looked it up because I didn’t know why I was reacting the way I was. It doesn’t feel the same when I watch porn. But I didn’t know it was a kink per se.”
Ronan nodded. “It is. The first time you noticed it was in the office? Never earlier or anywhere else?”
Jamie shook his head and looked down at his jeans, rubbing his hands up and down the legs of his pants. “I’ve never seen anyone have sex before or do anything kinky. Then, last Friday, I realized I’d left my phone at work and drove back to the clinic. I didn’t know what was going on. At first, I thought you were seeing another patient after hours, but then…”
“Then, what?”
“Then I heard moaning and sex noises, and I got curious. Too curious not to go check it out. I had to see for myself what was going on in the room. Once I saw you with those men, I couldn’t tear my eyes away. All I knew was, I’d never felt like that before, and I didn’t care if I got caught.”
“You weren’t shocked or disgusted by anything you saw?”
“God, no. Everything was so sensual. And yeah, it was obviously kinky, but I could tell how much you cared about pleasing the bottom.”
“Submissive.”
“Sorry, yeah. I read that somewhere. I guess I’m confused about it. I’m not a submissive person, so I don’t know why watching you fuck those submissive guys made me so hot.”
He appeared so bewildered, Ronan clasped Jamie’s hand in his. “It’s what your body desires. Seeing others have sex is something that gets you off, and there’s no shame in that. A ton of people feel the same way.”
“Seriously?”
Ronan nodded. “Oh yeah. I’m very serious. One day, I’ll take you to a munch and you can meet others like you and many others who like different things.”
“Uh, what the fuck is a munch?”
Ronan couldn’t help the snort that came out when he saw Jamie’s utterly confused expression. “You’ve got quite a mouth on you.”<
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Jamie laughed. “Sorry.”
Ronan smirked and said, “Uh huh, sure you are. A munch is a social gathering for people in the BDSM community. So, we usually rent a large room at a restaurant or another location for about four hours, and people can come and go as they please. It’s the perfect place, for BDSM beginners or those who are curious, to come and talk with people that live our lifestyle. Everyone’s really welcoming. You’ll realize there’s no shame in what your body reacts to.” Squeezing Jamie’s hand, he wiggled it a bit to loosen him up. “But let’s get back to the part where you said you’re not submissive. Okay?”
Jamie shrugged but nodded, so Ronan continued, “I agree, for nearly all other aspects of your life, you’re not submissive at all. When I took you against the wall you were demanding. I could see the need to take and the desire to obey war in your eyes, but ultimately, you submitted. You wanted to please me. Think back on it. Is what I’m saying true?”
Jamie sat for at least a full minute, really thinking about it, and finally nodded, a frustrated look on his face. “But I’m not submissive, so I don’t know why I act like that around you.”
“I think the small part of yourself that is submissive recognizes that I’m dominant, and that same small part of you naturally defers in small ways to that. It’s beautiful, Jamie. You’re stunning when you react like that with me. It turns me on, and I love that you discovered what your kink is. I’m glad I helped you with that.”
Jamie leaned back a bit, and Ronan let his hand go. “But I don’t want it to be like that all the time.”
Frowning, Ronan tilted his head. “All the time, like when we’re going out on dates or at work?”
Jamie nodded quickly, and Ronan continued, “I’d never expect that from you. I think you’d mainly be submissive in the bedroom. And if we moved forward, it would be with the understanding that it wouldn’t be a typical contracted Dom and sub relationship. I think you would enjoy letting everything go and submitting to me when we’re alone in my home. I think you’d thrive on it. Being able to be free of any stress and taking someone’s orders so you don’t have to make any decisions is probably going to feel wonderful to you. But we’ll test that theory to make sure.”
