As Harvard watched, the permafrost in P.J.’s eyes morphed into volcanic anger. “How dare you?” she whispered.
The question was rhetorical, but Harvard answered it anyway. “I dare because Cat is my friend—and because you, little Miss Fink, are temptation incarnate. So back off.”
She was looking at him as if he were something awful she’d stepped in, something disgusting that had stuck onto the bottom of her shoe. “You’re such a…man,” she said, as if that were the worst possible name she could call him. “The captain is the only person in this entire program who’s even bothered to sit down and talk to me. But if you’re telling me that all he’s doing is dogging me, despite having a wife and kid at home—”
“He’s not dogging you, baby, you’re dogging him.”
“I am not.”
“You just happen to head over to the firing range while Cat’s scheduled to be there. He walks into this bar, and you all but launch yourself at him.”
She flushed, unable to deny his accusations. “You really have no idea what it’s like, do you?”
“Poor baby, all alone, far away from home. Is this where the violins start to play? Tell me, do you go for the married men because there’s less of a chance of actually becoming involved?”
She was seething, her eyes all but shooting sparks. “I was only trying to be friends!”
“Friends?”
“You know, people who hang out together, share meals occasionally, sometimes get together for a game of cards or Scrabble?”
“Friends.”
Harvard let skepticism drip from his voice. “You want to be Cat’s friend.”
P.J. stood. “I knew you wouldn’t understand. You’ve probably never had a friend who was a woman in your entire life.”
“I’m ready to learn—a willing and able volunteer with the added bonus of being unattached. I’m wicked good at Scrabble. Among other things.”
She snorted. “Sorry. From where I stand, you’re the enemy.”
“I’m what?”
“You heard me. You want me gone from this training op on pure principle. You think women have no place out in the field, in the line of fire. You’re judging me not as an individual, but based only on the fact that I don’t have a penis. What’s the deal with that? Do you use your penis to aim your rifle better? Does it help you dodge bullets or run faster?”
This woman could really piss him off, but at the same time, she could really make him laugh. “Not that I know of.”
“Not that I know of, either. You’re a bigot, Senior Chief, and I have no desire to spend even a minute more in your company.”
Harvard stopped laughing. A bigot? “Hey,” he said.
But P.J. was already walking away, her beer barely touched.
Harvard had never been called a bigot before. A bigot was someone narrow-minded who believed unswervingly that he and his opinions were inarguably right. But the fact is, he was right. Women did not belong on combat missions, carrying—and firing—weapons and being shot at. It was not easy to stare down the sight of a rifle at a human being and pull the trigger. And countless psych reports stated that women, God bless ’em, had a higher choke factor. When the time came to pull that trigger, after all those tax dollars had been spent on thousands of hours of training, most women couldn’t get the job done.
God knows that certainly was the truth when it came to women like his mother and sisters and Rachel. He couldn’t picture Rachel holding an MP5 automatic weapon. And his sisters… All four of them were card-carrying pacifists who spouted make-love-not-war-type clichés whenever he was around.
Still, after his sister Kendra had gotten married and started a family, she’d attached an addendum to her non-violent beliefs. “Except if you threaten or hurt my kids.” Harvard could still see the light of murder in his sister’s eyes as the former president of Students Against Violence proclaimed that if anyone, anyone threatened her precious children, she would rip out their lungs with her bare hands.
Put an MP5 in that girl’s hands and tell her her children were in danger, and she’d be using up her ammo faster than any man.
But on the other hand, you’d never be able even to get a weapon into his father’s hands. The old man would gently push the barrel toward the floor and start lecturing on the theme of war in modern American literature.
Harvard could imagine what P.J. would say about that. He could hear her husky voice as clearly as if she were standing right behind him. Just because your father and men like him don’t make good soldiers doesn’t mean that all men shouldn’t be soldiers. And in the same way, women like me shouldn’t be lumped together with softer women like Rachel or your mother.
Damn, maybe he was a bigot.
Joe returned to the table. “I don’t suppose P.J.’s in the ladies’ room?”
Harvard shook his head. “No, I, uh…let’s see.” He counted on his fingers. “I totally alienated her, I incensed her, and last but not least, I made her walk away in sheer disgust.”
Joe pursed his lips, nodding slowly. “All that in only six minutes. Very impressive.”
“She called me,” Harvard said, “a bigot.”
“Yeah, well, you’ve got to admit, you’ve been pretty narrow-minded when it comes to P.J.’s part in this exercise.”
Damn, Joe Cat thought he was a bigot, too.
Joe finished his beer. “I’ve got to go. That was Ronnie who paged me. Frankie’s had an ear infection over the past few days, and now he’s throwing up the antibiotic. I’m meeting them at the hospital in fifteen minutes.”
“Is it serious?”
“Nah, the kid’s fine. I keep telling Ronnie, babies barf. It’s what they do. She’s just not going to sleep tonight until she hears a doctor say it, too.” Joe rolled his eyes. “Of course, she probably won’t even sleep then. I keep telling her it’s the baby who’s supposed to wake the mother up at night, not the other way around. But she has a friend who lost a kid to SIDS. I’m hoping by the time Frank turns two, Veronica will finally sleep through the night.” Joe picked up his jacket from the back of the chair he’d thrown it over.
“You sure there’s nothing I can do to help?”
The captain turned to look at him. “Yeah,” he said. “There is something you can do. You can stay away from P. J. Richards after hours. It’s clear you two aren’t ever going to be best friends.”
There was that word again. Friends.
“If there’s one thing I’ve learned as a commander,” Joe continued, “it’s that you can’t force people to like each other.”
The stupid thing was, Harvard did like P.J. He liked her a lot.
“But it’s not too much to ask that you and she work together in a civil manner,” Joe continued.
“I’ve been civil,” Harvard said. “She’s the one who walked away in a huff.”
Joe nodded. “I’ll speak to her about that in the morning.”
“No, Cat…” Harvard took a deep breath and started again. “With your permission, Captain, allow me to handle the situation.” He wasn’t a bigot, but he was guilty of generalizing without noting that there was, of course, a minuscule amount of the population that was an exception to the rule. And maybe P. J. Richards was in that tiny percentage.
Joe Cat looked at Harvard and grinned. “She drives you crazy, but you can’t stay away from her, can you? Aw, H., you’re in trouble, man.”
Harvard shook his head. “No, Captain, you’ve got it wrong. I just want to be the lady’s friend.”
They both knew he was lying through his teeth.
CHAPTER SIX
“THAT’S AN APOLOGY?” P.J. laughed. “You say, ‘Yes, I’m guilty of being small-minded when it comes to my opinions about women, but oh, by the way, I still think I’m right’?”
Harvard shook his head. “I didn’t say that.”
“Yes, you did. I’m paraphrasing, but that is the extent of the message you just delivered.”
“What I said was that I think
women who have the, shall we say, aggressive tendencies needed to handle frontline pressures are the exception rather than the rule.”
“They’re few and far between, was what you said.” P.J. crossed her arms. “As in practically nonexistent.”
Harvard turned away, then turned back. He was trying hard to curb his frustration, she had to give him that much. “Look, I didn’t come here to argue with you. In fact, I want us to try to figure out a way we can get along over the next six weeks. Joe Cat’s aware that we’re having some kind of personality clash. I want him to be able to look over, see us working side by side without this heavy cloud of tension following us around. Do you think we can manage to do that?”
“The captain knows?” Every muscle in P.J.’s body ached, and she finally gave in to the urge to sit on the soft leather of the lobby couch.
Harvard sat across from her. “It’s not that big a deal. When you’re dealing with mostly alpha personalities, you’ve got to expect that sometimes the fit won’t work.” He gazed at her steadily, leaning slightly forward, his elbows resting on his knees. “But I think that transferring out of this particular program isn’t an option for either of us. Both of us want to be here badly enough to put in a little extra effort, am I right?”
“You are.” She smiled. “For once.”
Harvard smiled, too. “A joke. Much better than fighting.”
“A half a joke,” she corrected him.
His smile widened, and she saw a flash of his perfect white teeth. “That’s a start,” he told her.
P.J. took a chance and went directly to the bottom line. “Seriously, Senior Chief, I need you to treat me as an equal.”
She was gazing at him, her pretty face so somber. She’d changed out of her uniform shirt and into a snugly fitting T-shirt boasting the logo, Title Nine Sports. She had put on running shorts, too, and Harvard forced his gaze away from the graceful shape of her bare legs and back to her eyes. “I thought I had been.”
“You’re always watching me—checking up on me as if I were some little child, making sure I haven’t wandered away from the rest of the kindergarten class.”
Harvard shook his head. “I don’t—”
“Yeah,” she said, “you do. You’re always looking to see if I need some help. ‘Is that pack too heavy for you, Ms. Richards?’ ‘Careful of your step, Ms. Richards.’ ‘Let me give you a boost into the boat, Ms. Richards.’”
“I remember doing that,” Harvard admitted. “But I gave Schneider and Greene a boost, too.”
“Maybe so, but you didn’t announce it to the world, the way you did with me.”
“I announced it with you because I felt it was only polite to give you a proper warning before I grabbed your butt.”
She gazed steadily into his eyes, refusing to acknowledge the embarrassment that was heating her cheeks. “Well, it just so happens that I didn’t need a boost. I’m plenty strong enough to pull myself into that boat on my own.”
“It’s harder than it looks.”
“I didn’t get a chance to find that out, did I?”
She was right. She may indeed have found that she couldn’t pull herself into the boat without a boost, but she hadn’t had that opportunity, and so she was right. Harvard did the only thing he could do.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I shouldn’t have assumed. It’s just that women tend not to have the upper body strength necessary—”
“I do.” She cut him off. “It’s one of the times my size works to my advantage. I can probably do more chin ups than you, because I’m lifting less than you.”
“I’ll grant that you weigh less because you’re smaller, but everything’s smaller. Your arms are smaller.”
“That doesn’t mean I don’t have muscles.” P.J. pushed up the sleeve of her T-shirt and flexed her biceps. “Check this out. Feel this. That’s one solid muscle.”
She actually wanted him to touch her.
“Check it out,” she urged him.
Harvard was so much bigger than she was, he could have encircled her entire upper arm with one hand—flexed biceps and all. But he knew if he did that, she would think he was mocking her. Instead, he touched her lightly, his fingers against the firmness of her muscle, his thumb against the inside of her arm. Her skin was sinfully soft, impossibly smooth. And as he moved his fingers, it was more like a caress than a test of strength.
His mouth went dry, and as he looked up, he knew everything he was thinking was there in his eyes, clear as day, for her to see. He wanted her. No argument, no doubt. If she said the word go, he wouldn’t hesitate even a fraction of a second.
P.J. pulled her arm away as if she’d been burned. “Bad idea, bad idea,” she said as if she were talking to—and scolding—herself. She stood up. “I need to go to bed. You should, too. We both have to be up early in the morning.”
Harvard slouched on the couch, drawing in a deep breath and letting it out in a rush of air. “Maybe that’s a way to relieve some of the tension between us.”
She turned to look at him, her beautiful eyes wary. “What is?”
“You and me,” Harvard said bluntly. “Going to bed together—getting this attraction thing out of our systems.”
P.J. crossed her arms. “Now, how did I know you were going to suggest that?”
“It’s just a thought.”
She looked at him, at the way he was sitting, the way he was trying to hide the fact that he’d gotten himself totally turned on just from touching her that little tiny bit. “Somehow I think it’s more than just a thought.”
“Just say the word and it changes from a good idea to hard reality.” His eyes were impossibly hot as he looked at her. “I’m more than ready.”
P.J. had to clear her throat before she could speak. “It’s not a good idea. It’s a bad idea.”
“Are you sure?”
“Absolutely.”
“You know it’d be great.”
“No, I don’t,” she told him honestly. “Well, I know it would be better than great.” He looked as if he were ready to sit there all night and try to tease her into getting with him.
But no matter how determined he was, she was more so. “I can’t do this. I can’t be casual about something so important.” Lord, if he only knew the whole truth…. She turned toward her room, and he stood up, ready to follow her.
“I’m not just imagining this,” he asked quietly, his handsome face serious, “am I? I mean, I know you feel this thing between us, too. It’s damn powerful.”
“There’s a definite pull,” she admitted. “But that doesn’t mean we should throw caution to the wind and go to bed together.” She laughed in disbelief, amazed their conversation should have come this far. “You don’t even like me.”
“Not so,” Harvard countered. “You’re the one who doesn’t like me. I would truly like us to be friends.”
She snorted. “Friends who have sex? What a novel idea. I’m sure you’re the first man who’s ever come up with that.”
“You want it platonic? I can keep it platonic for as long as you want.”
“Well, there’s a big word I didn’t think you knew.”
“I graduated with high honors from one of the toughest universities in the country,” he told her. “I know lots of big words.”
P.J. desperately wanted to pace, but she forced herself to stand still, not wanting to betray how nervous this man made her feel.
“Look,” she said finally. “I have a serious problem with the fact that you’ve been treating me as if I’m a child or—a substandard man.” She forced herself to hold his gaze, willed herself not to melt from the magmalike heat that lingered in his eyes. “If you really want to be my friend, then try me,” she said. “Test me. Push me to the edge—see just how far I can go before you set up imaginary boundaries and fence me in.” She laughed, but it wasn’t because it was funny. “Or out.”
Harvard nodded. “I can’t promise miracles. I can only promise I’ll try.”
“That’s all I ask.”
“Good,” Harvard said. He held out his hand for her to shake. “Friends?”
P.J. started to reach for his hand, but quickly pulled away.
“Friends,” she agreed, “who will stay friends a whole lot longer if we keep the touching to an absolute minimum.”
Harvard laughed. “I happen to disagree.”
P.J. smiled. “Yeah, well, old buddy, old pal, that’s not the first time we’ve not seen eye to eye, and I’m willing to bet it’s not going to be the last.”
“Yo, Richards—you awake?”
“I am now.” P.J. closed her eyes and sank onto her bed, telephone pressed against her ear.
“Well, good, because it’s too early to be sleeping.”
She opened one eye, squinting at the clock radio on the bedside table. “Senior Chief, it’s after eleven.”
“Yeah, like I said, it’s too early to crash.” Harvard’s voice sounded insufferably cheerful over the phone. “We don’t have to be on base tomorrow until ten. That means it’s playtime. Are you dressed?”
“No.”
“Well, what are you waiting for? Get shakin’, or they’re gonna start without us. I’m in the lobby, I’ll be right up.”
“Start what?”
But Harvard had already disconnected the line. P.J. hung up the phone without sitting up. She’d gone to bed around ten, planning to get a solid ten hours of sleep tonight. Lord knows she needed it.
Bam, bam, bam. “Richards, open up!”
Now the fool was at the door. P.J. closed her eyes a little tighter, hoping he’d take a hint and go away. Whatever he wanted, she wanted to sleep more.
The past week had been exhausting. True to his word, the Senior Chief had stopped coddling her. She’d gotten no more helpful boosts, no more special treatment. She was busting her butt, but she was keeping up. Hell, she was out front, leading the way. Of course, the FInCOM agents were being trained at a significantly lower intensity than the SEALs normally operated. This was a walk in the park for Alpha Squad. But P.J. wasn’t trying to be a SEAL. That wasn’t what this was about. She was here to learn from them—to try to understand the best way not just FInCOM but the entire United States of America could fight and win the dirty war against terrorism.
Tall, Dark and Dangerous Vol 1: Tall, Dark and FearlessTall, Dark and Devastating Page 107
