by Robyn M Ryan
“Besides a prince on a white horse?” Cassie responded with a grin. “I knew I didn’t want to follow either of my parent’s footsteps. My mother’s an accountant, and my dad’s the IT director for his corporation. I knew early on that neither of those would play a part in any thoughts about my future. As you know, I’m allergic to math.”
“Good point. But all joking aside, you came to Tampa for a year to decide your plans for the future. I know you’re taking classes, but where do you see yourself next year? Five years? Do you have a dream for your life?”
“Honestly, I don’t know. I left Vancouver with the main goal of getting away from my mother’s overprotective smothering so I could function as an adult.” She shrugged. “I don’t know what I want to do with my life…maybe teach preschool or go the communications route. I never thought about working in either area, but the more I help with the twins and watch Caryn and Lauren manage their business, the more I think about including one or the other in my future.” She looked up and Tom saw her thoughtful expression. “Did you always want to enter medicine?”
“When I realized that playing hockey wasn’t a viable career, I thought about medicine. Watching my mom and dad deal with Dad’s health issues opened that possibility to me. If you’d asked me when I was twelve, I would have insisted that I’d play pro hockey.” Tom gazed at one of the community lakes. “No, I didn’t grow up dreaming about the med school route.”
“Did you ever second-guess your decision?”
“At least once a month through med school and interning.”
“That’s reassuring,” Cassie said with a soft laugh. “I dreamed of having a ‘normal’ family—no constant bickering between parents, no tug of war using me as the rope, and not a mother who wants to run my life. Something like Caryn and Andrew have with the munchkins and you. That gives me hope that my dream is attainable.”
“It is, babe. You know, you’re part of the family now.”
“Eh…does that make us siblings?” Tom saw the teasing glint in her hazel eyes.
“Hardly. Let’s amend that to an honorary member of our family.”
Cassie turned so she could face him. “Why the interest in what I want to do when I grow up?” She cocked her head as she waited for Tom’s answer.
“It’s complicated,” he said. “We’re on this journey now to see where we go as a couple…”
“A journey beyond any dreams I had,” she interrupted, her voice soft.
“I’ll second that.” Tom punctuated his words with a tender kiss. “But I see June approaching more quickly than I’d like. You have decisions to make. I don’t want to impede you living your dreams.” At Cassie’s crestfallen look, he added, “Cassie, what I feel for you goes way beyond where we are now. That will not change except to grow. I want you to pursue your dreams—school, travel, whatever. Please understand that I will wait for you. I don’t care how long you take or where you need to move, I’ll wait for you. I promise I’m not going anywhere.”
“And if my dreams include you?” Cassie ventured, averting her eyes.
“We can take these steps together. Just don’t give up an opportunity because of me. I’m not going anywhere…you know, you’ve had my heart since I met you at the airport, and I’m not taking it back.”
“I wouldn’t let you anyway.” Cassie placed her palm against his chest. “Are you saying you think we could have a forever kind of…relationship?”
“If that’s what you want as well.”
“If you only knew…I worry that if you knew how much I…dream about that, you’d run.”
Tom held back a smile. “Let’s quit talking around it, babe. I want you in my life now and through eternity.”
“I want that, too.” Cassie’s smile brightened the twilight.
“Then perhaps we move forward together? Explore your options—no matter where they take us?”
“You’d really do this for me?” Cassie’s eyes filled with tears.
“I’ll do it for us, Cassie.”
46
The end of the season’s longest road trip finally arrived. With the team plane scheduled for an early evening touchdown, Cassie heard Lauren and Caryn discussing plans for a spa day early that morning. She suspected Kelly and Terri had cleared their schedules also. The four friends taking a Girls’ Day Out caused tiny pinpricks of jealousy, but Cassie knew they’d included her in many other plans when possible.
“You seem more excited about this girls’ day than the group going,” Caryn teased Cassie as they cleaned up after the twins’ breakfast.
“You all deserve this day—I’m ecstatic you guys planned this. Getting all glammed up for your husbands’ homecoming. I’m enjoying it vicariously.”
“I’m happy we got this scheduled before the team gets home.” Caryn looked at Cassie with a smile. “Plan a spa day with Amelie. You need to pamper yourself, too…we both need hours away from our little bundles of joy who’ve decided that throwing food is more fun than eating it.”
Cassie giggled as she replied, “The look of pure joy on their faces cracks me up. It’s like they scheme and coordinate the timing.”
“Nothing they do surprises me anymore,” Caryn said. “Do you feel comfortable with the twins all day? Please tell me if you have any reservations.”
“Caryn, I promise you we’ll be fine. Amelie said she might stop by and help, but either way, Jenna and Daniel assured me they’ll be little angels today.”
“That so? So, you’re learning their twin-speak?” Caryn laughed. “Please don’t let Amelie distract you. I know, shall we say, how scatterbrained she can get?”
“I won’t let Danny or Jenna out of my sight.”
While the twins took their morning nap, Cassie surprised Caryn by switching the toys—bringing back older toys they had set aside weeks ago. When the twins saw them again, they always reacted as if they’d received brand new toys. She and Caryn had developed this system several months ago…so far neither Jenna nor Daniel had caught on.
She’d just completed the toy switch when she heard happy sounds chirping on the monitor. Delighted by the “new” toys, Jenna and Daniel excitedly examined them. Soon, each played with a different toy—Jenna stacked blocks. At the same time Daniel concentrated on lining up the stuffed animals by size. Cassie quickly opened her phone to capture the moment on video—the first time they’d shown such concentration and intent when interacting with their toys. As soon as Cassie set her phone aside, Jenna noticed that Daniel had placed her stuffed bear in his lineup and reached to grab it. Daniel voiced displeasure, then swatted his hand against her block tower, scattering the plastic blocks. Within a few seconds, the happy brother and sister morphed into two disconsolate children. Both wanted Cassie’s undivided attention, and she tried to comfort both.
When Amelie opened the door after knocking, Cassie greeted her with a smile. “Just in time—help!”
Without Cassie asking, Amelie sat by Jenna and collected blocks. The tears still flowed from the toddler’s eyes, but she grasped a block with a happy squeal and began to rebuild her tower.
Amelie looked at Cassie with a knowing smile. “They already know how to push each other’s buttons.”
“Guess I shouldn’t feel surprised. Another twin thing?” Cassie asked as she set Daniel beside her and handed him the box of small cars he loved. “One second babbling happily, the next crying pitifully.” She helped Daniel line up the trucks as if they were in a parking lot. “So happy to see you walk in the door. How were your classes this morning?”
“Boring. I wish I’d taken my classes seriously last year.” Amelie made a face. “These classes are a joke and a complete waste of money.”
“So, you think you’ll be able to ace them?” Cassie handed another car to Daniel.
“That’s the plan. If I score straight A’s, I’ll reapply to Paris.” She watched Jenna take additional time as her block tower grew taller. “Maybe a future architect here—what do you think?”
“Nothing would surprise me. So, have you heard from Chance?”
“He’s called a few times during this road trip. After he ghosted me while I was in Montréal, things aren’t the same. He doesn’t understand why I ‘expected him’ to contact me.”
Cassie laughed. “Guys just don’t get it, do they?”
“I think your doctor does,” Amelie said with a smirk. “Perfect, right, Cass?”
“I have no complaints.” Cassie’s heart did a little flip whenever she thought about Tom. “Do you mind watching them while I get their lunch warmed up?”
“Not at all. I won’t let either escape.”
After lunch, Cassie took the twins outside while Amelie worked on her homework on the pool deck.
Daniel had tried to pull Cassie toward the pool when they passed the door on the way outside. She knew he wanted to swim; he was like a little fish in the water.
“Not today, Danny. We’ll swim tomorrow when your daddy’s home.”
“Dadada,” he repeated. Cassie loved the sound of his voice as he tried to say, “daddy.”
“Let’s bounce the big ball on the porch.” Both Jenna and Daniel liked to clutch the beach ball with two hands and bounce if off the ground. If successful, both giggled and clapped their hands. Cassie retrieved the ball, then emphasized whose turn came next. It amazed Cassie how quickly both grasped new concepts—taking turns, sharing. When they choose to cooperate.
When they tossed the ball on the grass, Cassie moved to the lawn and beckoned them to retrieve the toy. She watched them scamper across the yard, shrieking in delight when they lost their balance and plopped down on the grass. She called their names and bounced the beach ball to get their attention. Jen opted to rush toward her using her speed-crawl skills, and Daniel tottered in her direction with a determined expression. Looks so much like Andrew…it’s as if he’s mimicking his father.
After thirty minutes, Cassie herded them back indoors and led them to the play area before fixing each a glass of juice. Daniel slurped his drink eagerly, and Jenna waved the cup around before taking a sip. Cassie glanced at her watch. A bit too early for the afternoon nap, but Cassie hoped to finish up the laundry while they slept.
“You have an amazing mama,” she told Daniel and Jenna. “You keep her running around all day long, and she never gets too tired to play. I hope I can be a mom just like her someday.”
“Could you watch Jen and Danny for a minute?” Cassie asked Amelia when she came in from the pool deck. “I need to freshen up.”
“Sure, take your time.” Amelie spread out on her side and encouraged both toddlers to climb over her. “I’ll yell, ‘Help!’ if they tie me up.”
“Nothing they do would surprise me.” Cassie glanced over her shoulder as she walked across the room. She loved those children so much. She couldn’t imagine life without her munchkins—or their parents. Someday, I hope Jen and Danny understand how lucky they are to live in a home where both parents love each other and them unconditionally. She wished she’d enjoyed such a peaceful environment. Cassie wondered if she’d have more confidence in her future if she hadn’t been used as a ping pong ball by her parents. She received mixed messages consistently—her mother expected perfection and criticized her study habits each time she fell short. Her dad congratulated every accomplishment, but his expectations demanded that the grades reflect her very best work—even if a score was just “average.”
She thought about her remedial algebra class as she quickly changed her T-shirt. Her mother would express disappointment that she couldn’t test out of a secondary school-level math course. She’d assume Cassie didn’t spend enough time on her studies. Her father would do his best to encourage her but would also expect her to at least pass the test.
Thank God, I’m taking this course on my dime. I won’t feel guilty if I don’t share that information…Why open myself to more criticism and unspoken disappointment?
She knew she’d made the correct decision in enrolling in the community college program in Tampa. With no one looking over her shoulder, Cassie could try new courses, risk exploring different career choices.
Cassie listened to the laughter and excited chatter as she stepped into the bathroom. Amelie constantly surprised her. A few months ago, Cassie could not imagine her sitting on the floor playing with the twins. Now Amelie sought an opportunity to spend time with Jenna and Daniel. She doesn’t care if food lands on her face or if a sippy cup “accidentally” spills its contents on her shirt. Did it take this long for her to feel comfortable with the toddlers? Or maybe it’s because she’s not distracted by her mysterious French hockey player?
Cassie thought about the matching outfits Daniel and Jenna wore—the colorful overalls and the girlie details on Jenna’s. They’ll soon outgrow them. Wonder if this makes Caryn sad or happy to welcome a new stage in their lives? The twins changed so rapidly that Cassie sometimes wanted to capture them in a bubble of time so she could enjoy them just a little longer. Before she knew it, Jenna and Daniel would enter preschool.
Cassie laughed to herself. Now I sound just like Mom. “You’re growing up too fast, Cassandra…just yesterday you entered school. Now time for the university.”
As Cassie walked back to the living area, she listened to Jenna’s babbling and Amelie’s laughter. Danny’s strangely silent. Ready for a nap, maybe?
She chuckled when she saw that Jenna had climbed on Amelie’s back, trying to give her a stuffed animal.
“For me?” Amelie cooed as she set her cell phone aside. “Can you bring another one?”
“She must love you,” Cassie told Amelie. “You’re holding some of her favorite animals. Good thing she hasn’t decided to give you Danny’s toys…” She looked around the play area, expecting to find a sleepy, worn-out toddler. “Where’s Danny?”
Amelie pushed up on her elbows and pointed toward the row of cars perfectly aligned. “He was right there…just a second ago…”
47
Cassie scanned the area, and her eyes immediately focused on the open door leading to the pool. Dread twisted her stomach as she rushed to the pool. She spotted Daniel near the deep water. He stood too close to the edge, holding out his hand, trying to touch the water. She didn’t want to startle him, so Cassie sprinted toward him. Before she could envelop him in her arms, the toddler leaned too far over the water and tumbled headfirst into the pool. His arms flailed in panic, mouth open and screaming. Before she could grab him, Danny sank below the surface for a moment that felt like an eternity. He popped up, choking, his eyes widened with terror. Feeling like she was moving in slow motion, Cassie grasped his arm and pulled the struggling toddler against her. The terrified child kicked and flailed thrashed wildly, scratching her face and delivering solid kicks to her abdomen.
Holding Daniel securely in one arm, she reached for the side of the pool. Cassie tried to lift him up to the edge, but his weight plus the continued thrashing worked against her. She called Amelie for help, but when she didn’t respond, Cassie began pulling him to the shallow water. She nearly lost her grip several times as Daniel struggled. When she could touch the bottom, Cassie wrapped both arms around him and walked up the sloping no-steps entry.
Danny no longer struggled or screamed, suddenly limp in her arms. Cassie grabbed a towel and gently laid him on the pool deck. Has he exhausted himself? Did he swallow water?
She closed her eyes as her water safety training played through her mind. Airway, Breathing, Circulation…. “Danny! Danny!” She gently jostled him; no response. She checked his mouth and pressed her fingers against his neck. His heart beat steadily, but she did not detect a breath. Cassie grabbed the emergency medical kit Tom had installed and pulled out the child-sized respiration mask. She slipped it over his face, used her hand to seal the edges, and began blowing air into his lungs. She counted off the recommended intervals, checked his pulse, then reported the process.
“Cassie, what happened?” Amelie shrieked. Jenna began crying at the sudd
en outburst, and Cassie paused between breaths.
“Call 911…and please take Jenna to the nursery.” Cassie continued the breaths, praying the entire time. Please help him, God. Please… Suddenly Daniel’s shoulders twitched, and Cassie removed the mask just before he coughed up water. She turned him on his side and kept her hand under his head as water spewed from his mouth. “You’re okay, Danny. You’re okay.” She knew she was speaking to herself but clung to the belief that he could hear her voice.
His eyes fluttered open, and Cassie watched as he gulped air and opened his mouth to scream. “That’s my boy. Scream. Keep breathing.”
Amelie returned with an armful of towels and helped Cassie wrap him with several to warm him. His continued screams brought a sense of relief, and Cassie held him tightly against her chest. “You’re okay, Danny. You’re okay.” She looked at Amelie. “Is Jenna in her crib?”
“Yes, and paramedics should be here any second. I’ll meet them outside.”
“Please let Tom know so he can meet the ambulance. Use my phone…call his work number. And we need to contact Caryn.” She heard herself speaking as if she were outside her body. Her head spun, and black specs gathered at the side of her eyes. Deep breath. Long deep breaths. You cannot faint. Concentrate on Daniel.
The next minutes passed in a dense fog, and finally, she heard voices as if she were deep inside a tunnel. She took another lung-expanding breath, and the fog gradually lifted. The paramedics—a woman and a man—pried Daniel from her arms and positioned him on a gurney.
“He’s okay, isn’t he?”
The male paramedic didn’t answer as he assessed Daniel and gave the vital signs to his partner. “You the mother?”
