by Marcus Sloss
“Your… aliens committed an act of war,” President Sinclair said defiantly; she even stomped a foot.
She was in military fatigues with a beret on her head. When I rubbed my temples, she sighed. I rolled down the window to tease Onix. My hand was swatted faster than my eyes could track.
“Damn, Onix, that kind of hurt,” I said with a wince, rubbing my bicep. “Oh shit, sorry. I realized I just got berated by a sitting President and did not give a fuck. Oh, right, you're the third one to do so. Hansen first. That guy hated me. God, I remember the time—”
“Eric Yang, I am a busy woman, what do you have to say for yourself in light of my accusations?” she demanded.
“We crushed an alien army and are bored. Did you just say we are at war? Hmm, looks like our boredom problems are solved…” I said and let the sentence hang.
Tired with the conversation I pulled Everly over into my lap to pet her tail. Everly let it be known how little she cared that the President was watching, when she started kissing my ear.
My face was exposed, this time, by the acrium and my little Crixxi minx was loving it. My forehead still held a crown and the back of my neck was protected, but I hated restricting my vision with a full-face covering. I also felt oddly alien with my face covered.
“Don’t be such a dick,” Perci warned from upfront.
“I thought you were dating Growlen’s daughter?” Sinclair asked, disgust etched on her face at my lewd conduct with the alien.
“This is Everly. She is my Crixxi queen and both a natural leader and an amazing lover.” I nuzzled her ear. “And Growlen’s daughter has a name,” I snapped, “Perci for short, and she happens to be the most powerful woman on Earth.” I traded grins with my diminutive lover. “Remind me why you were calling again? Who gives a shit if aliens hacked your secure,” I even did the air quotes with my fingers, “servers? I am about to go raid a jungle planet with my army. Got an image to uphold, buildings to finance, armies to employ, and a Teton Fortress on my conquer list.”
“Your insinuations are dangerous and reckless,” she cautioned.
“To a human in a weak position, yes. Please know that I do not fear you. Now, this is your last chance, before I hang up, to explain why the fuck you called me,” I demanded, getting aroused by Everly’s teasing fingers. I bet my acrium were laughing at the fact they were cockblocking me at the moment. “Sinclair!”
This startled her until one of her generals edged into the screen. “San Francisco fell. The city was ‘blessed’ by this Gate-god supporting character, we hypothesize it was spared due to the terrain. It has five Xgates, four of which are all out on the water, with only one a half-hour due west by car. When the survivors knocked on our door last week, we sent people to the fancy homes around the city that remained unmolested.” He paused and snapped something to an aide off-screen. “It turns out Growlen let some of our people give up their spots in Teton Fortress to go live at these waterfront estates. They were captured; those people had information about where we are.”
“Alright,” I mused, “you have been discovered and someone assaulted San Francisco. Not a surprise, I was planning to raid the city myself for their manufacturing gear and rare elements.” Seeing that our vehicle was rolling up to the Xgate, I hopped out. “One moment,” I warned those on the line, “Cover your ears.”
They ignored me as I cupped my hands around my mouth to shout.
“Get inside that portal and get in touch with the Gribin! Tell them we’re here to trade,” I shouted and pointed for the drone team to get a move on. They were gone without a word. I kept yelling. “It should take them time to respond and then reach us. When they are ready to trade, we’ll lockdown the gate.”
The general watched the video of my troops jumping into the portal and gasped.
“Are you doing a live raid while talking to us?” The general asked and I squinted to see his name tag. Paul. Ah, that must be the worst, having a first name for a last name. Then I realized that Growlen’s general was named Ryan.
“Are you using first names?” I asked Paul.
“Oh, this?” he flicked his nametape with a smirk, “Yes. New initiative under Hensen since everyone was hyphenating their last names.” He scowled. “Dammit, Captain Yang, you’re sidetracking me with your infuriating distractions. There is a human gate-god worshiper coming to steal our stockpiles of rare minerals,” Paul said, barely controlling his anger.
Sinclair seemed to have found her tongue. “I… You…” she sighed, “We need your help.”
“Fancy that,” I scoffed, watching Onix bound through the portal. A yexin bayed from a horse trailer not far away. “Who is this guy you fear so thoroughly you have to beg for help?”
“Um… We have identified him as a Jarod Lispner from Marble Heights, Colorado. I guess that’s the—”
“Fuck me,” I blurted. “Is he with a bunch of Sirens? Brown hair, brown eyes and infused with virum? He … looks like an enhanced human.”
“Yes. How did you know?” She was surprised.
“How long until he hits you?” I asked quickly. Willis sent me their file on this Jarod Lispner … it was Jill’s Jarod alright. I had seen pictures of him with Mary in their little cubical. Jill kept the pictures up, even if Mary remained defiantly anti-Jarod.
“Unknown timeline for his attack. He appears to be consolidating his loot. He had an aircraft carrier. Bigger than yours, length-wise, but not as wide. We launched thirty of our cruise missiles into it. They finally cracked the shielding and grounded the bird. So, unless he marches against us on foot, we’ll have nine days until he can get a replacement or manages to make the needed repairs.”
“Call me if he moves sooner.” I thought for a moment as I watched Crixxi form up outside the Xgate. “And Sinclair ... this is not a freebie. I will let you hire me for this one, pirate’s code. Not an ounce of Y until we defeat his army,” I said through clenched teeth. “Now, I’ve got some real work to do while you huddle in your ‘unsecure’ fortress.” I smirked, “Maybe grow a pair of balls and trade with the aliens and you won’t need to call me for help.”
Sinclair was screaming at my insolence when I closed the connection.
“Perci, how did I do?”
“Well, you didn’t tell her we were moving into the area. That is a plus. I take it Jarod is Jill’s Jarod?” I nodded. “Still … doesn’t make it our problem,” Perci said unconvincingly.
“I bet it will when we review his victory. He has no air mobility. We do. Either we smash him before he massacres and enslaves a million humans—even if they are stuck-up assholes—or we do so when he is attacking Bastion. There are no other options, Perci,” I said grimly, before a sly grin replaced my frown. “And Perci, think of all the loot they have piled up.”
She was about to come back with a witty reply when our conversation was interrupted.
“Hey Cap!” Torrez shouted to me from near the portal. “The Gribin are on their way, ten minutes by flight with a list of trading goods.”
“Lock the gate! Bring our trading goods closer to the portal!” I shouted before muttering to my ladies, “Give me three minutes.”
I rang Jill’s Gpad.
“Hey handsome, we were just talking about our new home and how we would be close to Maria again,” Jill said with a wide smile; Mary leaned in over her shoulder.
“Hey, Mary! You look lovely Jill. I missed our talk this morning, Mary. Hopefully,” I paused looking outside the truck and seeing the rain was going to hit any moment. “We can chat tomorrow.” Mary smiled and waved. “Hey Jill, remember that guy who could have been your college friend on the boat in New Zealand?”
Jill frowned, but nodded.
“Well, turns out it was him. Unfortunately, I have more bad news. He is now leading an army and sacked San Francisco,” I said.
Jill’s jaw dropped.
“Yeah … Right in the zinger, I tell you.”
Mary tilted her head in confusion.
Grea
t, it was working. “I apologize if I have the tact of a sledgehammer. Mary, your mommy is very strong, but I need you to keep her happy for a bit, until Nancy can get there.”
Jill straightened her back and said, “My college friend was a docile man. I am sad to have lost him and eagerly await the pajama princess movie party with Mommy Nancy! If you get a chance to join us when you’re done, stop by. I have a penthouse with two bedrooms! It is the best, right Mary?” She smiled at her daughter.
“I miss Jasmine,” Mary grumbled, until her mom tickled her.
“We will see her tomorrow, sweetheart. Say, ‘bye daddy’.”
“Bye Daddy.”
The communication went blank and I swallowed a lump in my throat. Jill didn’t even bat an eye at what I said. She’d married someone to play it safe and was unhappy. After the fall of Earth, she found a way to be happy and content. Her past life going crazy wasn’t going to ruin that happiness. I shuffled some rocks with my toes while taking a few deep breaths to get my emotions under control. I guess my three minutes were up and I was out of time, as Perci gave me a hug that transitioned into holding my hand. We crunched the pebbles underfoot while marching towards the portal.
A little cat walked out of the Xgate on two legs in a leather outfit with daggers strapped to it. His or… yes it was a him, based on the bulging crotch and lack of boobs. His eyes squinted above his puffy cheeks and I could not make out any actual pupils. His whiskers flicked rapidly and his nose sniffed furiously. I named him Freddy.
“Hello Freddy, I am Eric. Welcome to Earth,” I said in a friendly tone.
Freddy tried to block his eyes from the scattered sunshine. Everly understood his pain, having come from a jungle world, and stood over him to block out the sun.
“Thank you,” he bowed slightly to Everly, “we have been eager for trade. Our isolation leads to boredom. What do you have that is fun?” Freddy said, catching me off guard.
“Oh, you desire entertainment more than food or minerals?” I asked, curious.
His two little hands or … paws? Pawed hands? Well, they rubbed together in anticipation. His cute snickering purr was the cherry on top, and brightened my day.
“When you are ancient, like me, and already have everything you need, and are bored… Unique entertainment is what passes the time. We highly value art, in most forms,” Freddy said, running his lips over his canines.
“Bouncy house fun or make-believe story fun?” I asked with a shrug of uncertainty. Perci rolled her eyes. “What?! I find a bouncy house more enjoyable than your average movie.”
“We have playgrounds of all sorts; stories are much better for trade,” Freddy said, and I guess his translator helped explain things.
“We were an open society of almost nine billion people before the Xgates arrived. We humans have our variation also—”
“You smell different from the dead bodies that fall prey to our traps,” Freddy hissed at the thought. “You say nine billion? That number translates to a lot.”
“Freddy, what I was trying to tell you is that we have an almost infinite number of stored movies, videos, books, and more—all available at the press of a button,” I told the little guy.
The sky thundered and it started to rain, first a series of drips, then a drizzle that built-up to a steady downpour. I stepped through the portal’s shimmering blue. The sensation felt the same as always, with my eyes adjusting to the bright light while transitioning.
A dark jungle that was much smaller than I expected, surrounded me. The trees were sixty-feet-tall with willow-like limbs, but palm like fronds. The lighting at ground level was minimal at best. Thick undergrowth towered above us, soaking up whatever yellow sunlight had punched through the overhead canopy. About a hundred different animal noises around us created a song of sorts.
Freddy joined me on his planet and said, “Thanks for leaving the rain, we tend to easily avoid it in our home. As for your entertainment, yes. We desire that greatly. Here is what we have to trade.”
Freddy handed me a tablet that I passed to Perci. She read over the list with Longoria and Everly.
“Do you want the yexin on the other side of the portal?” I asked, pointing at the trailer back on earth still visible through the portal.
“That gas bag? No, we prefer bugs over red meat. Different species, different tastes. May I have a sample of this entertainment of yours?” Freddy asked.
I handed the little squinting Gribin my Gpad and put on a classic movie about alien invaders. There were big explosions right at the start.
“I do not know this species. How did they assault your planet? The motherships must—”
“It is fake,” I interrupted, “Some of this information is real, but this one is fake. All for the entertainment of what-if scenarios. Freddy,” I said, hitting the pause button, “there are about a billion years of entertainment I can offer you.”
The Gribin did a jig. He even spun a circle during his dance that reminded me of a rain chant. I let him have his moment.
“Freddy, while the infinitely wise women of my nation are pouring over your list, I was wondering who controls this land right here? Maybe we could get some saplings, some egg-laying birds, and even poke around?” I asked, wondering what would be here.
“Well, the mouse-people who moved in recently tried to claim this space. Three rotations ago?” He frowned. “Yes, three rotations. Already lost more than a few of their kind to the momba-snakes. Why? Do you have space for refugees?”
“Freddy,” I smiled, “that is what you should have led with. Can you give me a name for the species?”
“Mounamine.”
Sammie’s eyes lit up. There was a shriek that grew louder and louder until I wanted to cover my ears. The thick jungle vegetation rustled and shook until Onix bounded over the undergrowth to land nearby with a thud. The giant cat spat a Mounamine at my feet, covered in slobber and reeking of nasty cat breath. Sammie went down on one knee to check on the frightened Mounamine boy.
When he caught sight of Sammie in her jungle acrium armor and exposed face, he lunged at her and hid in her embrace.
I pulled Freddy away while Sammie calmed the boy’s nerves. Onix went to get another Mounamine, when I halted him.
“Onix, wait just a moment. We're going to bring over some scout sleds and march in on foot. You’re leading the army,” I said and Onix actually seemed happy about that. The little boy tried to flee from Sammie and was swatted back onto his rump by the big cat. Onix popped him down hard enough, the lad started crying. Sammie was helped by Longoria as the little guy was bound and removed to Earth. I knew the scene looked wrong, but I would return him, if we failed to secure the other Mounamine.
I turned to the Everly and ordered, “Get your troops in here with a dozen scout platforms. Onix has point; follow his lead. He is not a dumb cat and clearly can sense things in this place that we cannot.” The big cat purred and I turned to him. “Clear us a path; we will be behind you. Make haste, we only have forty-something minutes before this gate picks up.”
Everly was a lioness of a warrior. She darted back through the portal to organize her rain-drenched troops.
“Freddy, should we expect any of your traps going that way?” I pointed off to the side.
“Ah, no. This area is generally picked clean. Most of the jungle animals and creatures avoid this zone. There are many saplings you are free to take from here, but the best ones are on that list. There are some that are bear good fruit, others that make leaves so stiff you can craft boats from them, and we trade egg-laying birds in the market. An egg every other,” his translator garbled the conversion, “one point two days.”
“Well, Freddy. My troops are going to recover those Mounamine and find them a new home,” I said, watching as my soldiers rushed into the jungle behind Onix. The hunt was on. Dozens soon became hundreds, as acrium covered Crixxi and Humans stomped into the jungle while clearing a path. “What data device would you like us to transfer our informatio
n to?”
The little cat pulled a ball out of his vest and I frowned. “I tried to gather data when I arrived on your planet but hit some technology that I cannot bypass. Ask your gatekeeper for access and I will get all the data.”
I chuckled at the little stinker’s earlier attempt to snag our videos for free. “At some point, someone has to make a leap of faith,” I sighed, “Come, follow me and I will—”
“The data is unlocked for him,” Willis said through my Gpad, which Freddy was still holding. From Earth.
My fingers clenched into a fist and I momentarily shook with rage. “Willis, this is a huge breakthrough. If I need to talk to the troops raiding, I could …” I trailed off before taking a number of deep, slow breaths to regain my calm. “We will discuss this later. Please fill the Gribin’s orb with our entertainment files.”
“I sent you a package on everything we can do, earlier, this is not Sally’s nor my fault ... I filled Freddy’s three orbs and half of a fourth,” Willis informed me. “I have to go, we are about to dive under our new base.”
The connection closed. Freddy broke into another dance. There was no question the little being was extremely happy. When he had calmed down a bit, he squinted up at me.
“If you would allow us a few hours. We will go through the process of establishing a valuation. Was there anything you did not want from our list?” Freddy asked.
Perci walked over and handed the small tablet back to the Gribin. She twisted her face in concern when Sally’s voice said, “These two fruit trees are poisonous. This bird is a pet. This bird has amazing coloration and I want it for the soothing factor, and then the rest of the things Perci selected are fine. These ugly bug eating ones are the main egg layers.” A burst of static followed this rapid stream of information. “We are installing the artificial sun now.”
I was at a loss for words. The amount of processing power their slug brains possessed left me speechless.
“I have your updated list. Any objections to the changes?” Freddy asked and I shrugged to Perci.
