She stared at him, flabbergasted. This was the first time he’d acknowledged that he wouldn’t be playing football forever. But what did that have to do with her feelings toward him? Not for a moment had she regarded his lack of plans for the future as a roadblock.
“I’ve never said I don’t believe you’re worthy.”
“You don’t have to say it. I know what you’re thinking. Worthy people work.”
“You work.”
It was as if she hadn’t spoken. “You’re a physicist. That’s worthy work. My father’s a doctor; Ethan’s a minister. The guys down at the Mountaineer are teachers, plumbers, backhoe operators. They tend bar or build houses. They work. But what am I?”
“You’re a football player.”
“And then what?”
She caught her breath, still unable to believe he was willing to admit his professional career was coming to an end. “Only you know the answer to that.”
“But, you see, I don’t know the answer. I don’t have any idea what I’m going to do with the rest of my life. God knows, I’ve got enough money tucked away for three lifetimes, but I’ve never seen money as the mark of anybody’s worth.”
She finally understood. All along, Cal’s refusal to acknowledge either his age or the fact that he’d soon be forced to retire hadn’t been rooted in pigheadedness, but despair over finding work that would satisfy him.
She didn’t know why she was so surprised. This was the same man who’d insisted on marrying a woman he hated just so his child would be legitimate. Beneath all that macho strut, Cal had a strong set of old-fashioned values. Those values dictated that a man without worthy work didn’t deserve respect.
“Cal, there are so many things you could do. You could coach, for example.”
“I’d be a terrible coach. You might not have noticed, but I don’t have a lot of patience with stupidity. If I told somebody something once and he didn’t get it, I wouldn’t have the patience to tell him a second time. That’s not the way to build a successful football team.”
“What about Kevin? He says he’s learned more about football from you than anyone.”
“That’s because he catches on the first time.”
“You’re very good on television. Why don’t you think about broadcasting?”
“I can’t work up any enthusiasm for it. Once in a while it’s okay, but not for a life’s work. Not for me.”
“You have a degree in biology. You could use that.”
“My degree is fifteen years old. I don’t remember a darned thing. I only got it because I like science and the outdoors.”
“You have a lot of experience in business. Maybe you could start a company.”
“Business bores me. Always has. Always will.” He glanced over at her, but didn’t quite meet her eyes. “I’ve been thinking that maybe I could work on my golf game. In a couple of years, I might be able to qualify for the pro tour.”
“I thought you were a mediocre golfer.”
“Not exactly mediocre,” he said defensively. “A little better than that.” He sighed. “Never mind. Stupid idea.”
“You’ll think of something.”
“Darn right I will, so if that’s what’s holding you back, put it right out of your mind. I’ve got no intention of spending the rest of my life lazing around and living off my money. I couldn’t dishonor you like that.”
He meant that he couldn’t dishonor himself. She wondered how long this had been twisting away inside him? “Your future job prospects aren’t what’s between us, Cal. You still don’t understand. I can’t stand having my love tossed back in my face again. It’s too painful.”
He flinched. “You’ll never know how sorry I am about that. I had a panic reaction. Some people take a lot longer to grow up than others, and I guess I’m one of them.” He reached over and covered her hand with his. “You’re the most important thing in the world to me. I know you don’t believe it, but I’m going to prove it to you.”
Releasing her, he swung the Blazer into a parking place in front of the hardware store, then cursed softly under his breath. “It’s closed for the night. I didn’t even think about that.”
“You’re bringing me to the hardware store to prove you love me?”
“I promise I’ll take you dancing soon. Rock and roll, not country and western.” He got out of the car, came around to open the door for her, and drew her out to stand next to him. “Come on.”
Completely mystified, she let him lead her into the narrow alley that ran between the pharmacy and hardware store. When they reached the back door, he tested the knob, but the door was locked. The next thing she knew, he’d kicked it in.
A security alarm shrieked.
“Cal! Have you gone crazy?”
“Pretty much.” Grabbing her arm, he pulled her inside. What was he doing?
He manacled her wrist with his fingers and drew her past lawn chairs and lighting fixtures to the paint section. The alarm continued its disconcerting wail. “The police are going to come!” she exclaimed.
“Don’t you worry about the police; Odell Hatcher and I have been friends for years. You just worry about whether or not we can find the right wallpaper for that kitchen of ours.”
“Wallpaper? You brought me here to pick out wallpaper?”
He looked at her as if she were dull-witted. “How else am I supposed to prove my feelings for you?”
“But…”
“Here we are.” He settled her, not ungently, onto one of the stools that lined the counter in the wallpaper department, then turned to regard the shelves, which were stocked with dozens of wallpaper books. “Damn, I didn’t know it was going to be this complicated.” He began reading off the shelf labels. “Bathrooms. Dining rooms. Vinyls. Flocks. What the hell is a flock? Don’t they have something with—I don’t know—horses or something? Do you see a horse category?”
“Horses?”
For the first time, a shadow of a smile tugged at the corner of his mouth, as if he were beginning to realize just how ridiculous this was. “You could help out a little bit here instead of just saying things back to me.”
The wail of a police siren joined the security alarm, and tires screeched in front of the store. “Stay right here,” he ordered. “I’ll take care of this. On second thought, maybe you’d better crouch down behind the counter just in case Odell has his gun out.”
“Gun! I swear, Calvin Bonner… when this is over, I’m going to—”
Her threat died on her lips as he pulled her from the stool and pushed her to her knees on the carpet behind the counter.
“Odell, it’s me!” he called out. “Cal Bonner.”
“Get out of the way, Cal!” a rough voice replied. “We got a robbery goin’ on here. Don’t tell me they took you hostage!”
“There’s no robbery. I kicked in the door because I have to pick out some wallpaper. My wife’s here, too, so if you’ve got any ideas about firing that gun you’ve got in your hand, forget it. Tell Harley I’ll settle up with him tomorrow. And help me turn off this damned alarm.”
It took Cal a good fifteen minutes, along with the appearance of Harley Crisp, the hardware store owner, before the alarm was turned off and things set straight.
While Cal was talking his way out of a breaking and entering charge, Jane got up from behind the counter and sat on the stool so she could ponder how, in Cal’s mind, picking out wallpaper constituted proof of his love. She couldn’t see even the smallest link. He’d been angry with her for stripping off the wallpaper, but what did replacing it have to do with love? There was certainly a link in his mind, however, and if she forced him to explain his logic, he’d give her that incredulous look that called into question the results of all the IQ tests she’d ever taken.
As confusing as this was, she did understand one thing. To Cal’s way of thinking, this late-night shopping expedition proved his love, and that was that. A traitorous warmth began to sneak through her.
Harley Crisp finally closed
the door behind him, taking along a sizable chunk of Cal’s cash. They were left alone in the store.
Cal looked down at her with an expression that was suddenly uncertain. “You don’t think all this is stupid, do you? You do understand about the wallpaper?”
She didn’t have a clue, but nothing would make her admit it, not while he was gazing at her with his heart in his eyes and a forever kind of love softening his voice.
“What I really wanted to do for you, sweetheart, was win a football game,” he said huskily. “Dan Calebow did that for Phoebe once, and I wanted to do it for you, except the season hasn’t started yet, and winning a game wouldn’t count with you. Besides, compared to this, that’d be so easy it wouldn’t prove anything. I wanted to do something hard. Really hard.” He waited, an expectant look on his face.
“Pick out wallpaper?” she offered tentatively.
His eyes came alive, as if she’d just given him the keys to the universe. “You do understand.” With a groan, he pulled her off the stool and into his arms. “I was scared to death you wouldn’t. I promise I’ll figure out the work thing just as soon as I can.”
“Oh, Cal…” Her words caught on a happy sob. She didn’t have the faintest idea how he’d sorted all this out in his mind. She didn’t understand about breaking into the hardware store or picking out wallpaper, but she knew this was real. Cal’s feelings for her weren’t about the challenge she presented to him. He was giving her his warrior’s heart, and she wouldn’t let those old wounds from her childhood keep her from taking it.
They gazed deeply into each other’s eyes and saw a pathway into their own souls.
“It’s a real marriage now, sweetheart,” he whispered. “Forever and ever.”
And then, right there in the hardware store, he pulled her down onto the carpet behind the counter and began making love to her. Naturally, he didn’t want her wearing even a single stitch of clothes, and she felt the same about him.
When they were naked, he surprised her by reaching for his jeans. She propped herself up on one elbow and watched him withdraw a bedraggled pink bow from the pocket, its pom pom loops flattened almost, but not quite, beyond recognition.
“You kept it,” she said.
He leaned forward to nuzzle her breast. “At first I had the idea of making you eat it, then I was going to tie you up with it while I let those rats nibble on you.”
“Uhmm.” She lay back and did some nibbling of her own. “What are you going to do with it now?”
He muttered something that sounded like, “You’ll think it’s stupid.”
“I will not.”
He drew back and gazed at her. “Promise you won’t laugh.”
She nodded solemnly.
“You were the best birthday present I ever got.”
“Thank you.”
“I wanted to give you something back, but I’ve got to warn you that it’s not half as good as my present. Even so, you have to keep it.”
“All right.”
He draped the pink bow around his neck and grinned. “Happy birthday, Rosebud.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
“I swear, Jane, this is the craziest thing I ever let you talk me into. I don’t know why I listened.”
Cal had listened because he’d been jumping through hoops this past month trying to please her as she grew bigger than a house and grouchier than a bear. Even now, she wanted to bash him over the head, just on general principles. But she loved him too much. So she settled for snuggling into his big arms instead.
They sat in the back of a black stretch limousine heading for Heartache Mountain. The trees that lined the road were splashed with October’s colors: yellows, oranges, and reds. This would be her first mountain autumn, and she’d been aching to see it, as well as get reacquainted with the friends she’d made before they’d had to leave Salvation. Cal and his family had dragged her to every important function, and it hadn’t been long before the townspeople’s resentment toward her had disappeared.
As the limo neared Salvation her anticipation grew. Cal had ordered the car because the hamstring injury that had him sidelined for the next few weeks also kept him from driving, and he wouldn’t let her behind the wheel until after the baby was born. It was probably just as well. Her back was killing her from those awful airline seats, and she felt too crummy to concentrate on the mountain roads. She’d been having Braxton-Hicks contractions for several weeks, those practice contractions that lead up to the real thing, but they’d been worse than normal this afternoon.
He kissed the top of her head. She sighed and snuggled closer. If she’d needed anything more to convince her of Cal’s love, these past few weeks had done it. As her pregnancy had advanced to its final week, she’d become demanding, moody, and generally bitchy. In response, he’d been unendingly affectionate and obnoxiously good-humored. Several times she’d tried to prick his temper just for the challenge of it, but instead of rising to the bait, he’d laughed at her.
Easy for him to be so happy, she thought sourly. He wasn’t the one carrying around a thousand pounds of future Olympic athlete and Nobel laureate. He wasn’t stuck in this oversize tent of a dress with a stupid Peter Pan collar; an aching back; nagging, unproductive contractions; and a pair of feet she hadn’t seen in weeks! On the other hand, he was sidelined for the next few games, so he wasn’t exactly on top of the world. Still, his injury was the reason they were able to fly home to Salvation in the middle of the season.
She reached down to rub his thigh. It wasn’t his hamstring, but it was the closest thing she could comfort. Her eyes filled with ever-ready tears as she thought of the pain he’d been in on Sunday when that ignorant cretin who played for the Bears had sacked him on fourth and two. Cal had been playing a glorious game up until then, and if Jane could have gotten her hands on that Neanderthal after the game, she would have taken him apart.
Kevin had pretended to be sympathetic when Cal had been helped off the field, but Jane wasn’t fooled. Kevin reveled in every moment of playing time he could get, and she knew he would make the most of the next two weeks while Cal was out. If she weren’t so annoyed with him, she’d be proud of his progress this season. Even Cal was proud of him, although he’d never admit it.
Sometimes she thought Kevin spent more time at their house than he spent at his own. They had sold her home in Glen Ellyn and settled in Cal’s condo until they decided where they were going to live permanently. For some reason, Cal had insisted on participating in every decision about paint color and furniture purchases, right down to throw pillows. He and Kevin had assembled the baby’s crib together, and put up bright yellow shutters in the sunny second-story bedroom that was to be the nursery.
Even Kevin didn’t know that Cal was going to announce his retirement at the end of the season. Cal wasn’t entirely happy about it, since he still didn’t know what he would do with himself, but he was tired of fighting his injuries. He also said he’d learned there were more important things in life than playing football.
“Women are not supposed to fly when they’re nine months pregnant,” he growled. “It’s a wonder they didn’t arrest me for bringing you on that plane.”
“They wouldn’t have dared. You celebrities can get away with anything.” She gave him the pouty lip that made her feel so deliciously like a bimbo. “Yesterday I realized I couldn’t stand the idea of having our baby in Chicago. I want to be near family.”
He was a sucker for the pouty lip, and he nipped it between his own before he went on with his complaint. “You could have decided that a month ago, and I’d have sent you out here while it was still safe to travel.”
“Then we’d have been split up, and neither of us could have stood that.”
It was true. They needed each other in more ways than they could ever have imagined. Not only had they found passion together, but they’d found contentment, as well as an energy that had spilled over into their jobs. Cal was well on his way to breaking his all-time passing
record, and her work had never gone better.
Just after they’d returned to Chicago, she’d been awarded the Coates’ Prize in Physics for a paper she’d done on duality. Unbeknownst to her, the rumors about the prize had been circulating for weeks, making Jerry Miles’s vendetta against her look foolish. In August, he’d been dismissed and replaced with one of the most respected physicists in the country, a man who had convinced Jane to take a permanent position at Preeze. He’d even gone so far as to bribe her with several eager young physicists to serve as her staff.
At that moment, however, Cal didn’t have his wife’s blossoming professional career on his mind, but her physical well-being, and she tried to ease his worries. “Be logical, Cal. I talked to Dr. Vogler this morning. She knows my medical history, and she’s perfectly capable of delivering this baby.”
“I still say you could have made up your mind about this a long time ago.”
Her desire to have their baby here had grown stronger as her pregnancy advanced, but she wouldn’t even consider leaving Cal behind in Chicago. His injury over the weekend had given her the chance she needed.
The baby twisted, and her spine felt as if it were being clamped by a giant fist. He’d go ballistic if he realized she was in this much pain, and she barely bit back a gasp.
It was gradually occurring to her that Cal was right, and getting on that plane had been a stupid thing to do. Still, first-time labor took forever, and Jim and Lynn would be waiting for her. Her father-in-law would tell her if he thought she should call Vogler.
Luckily, Cal was distracted and didn’t notice anything wrong. “What’s that on the inside of your wrist?” He picked up her hand.
She could barely catch her breath. “Uh… It’s nothing.” She tried to snatch it away, but he held fast. “It’s just a little pen mark. I must have marked myself accidentally.”
“Now that’s real strange. This looks a lot more like an equation than an accidental squiggle.”
“We were coming in for landing,” she sniffed, “and I couldn’t get to my notebook.” She caught her breath as the baby scored a 9.7 with a triple axel double toe loop. This time her back pain hit along with a fierce contraction that seemed to last forever, but might still only be a Braxton-Hicks. She swallowed a groan, which would really upset him, and distracted herself from the pain by trying to start a quarrel.
Nobodys Baby But Mine Page 34
