by Stewart, Ann
“Elyssa, quit dropping your eyes and look at me.” Waiting for me to meet his piercing blue gaze, he continues. “I want to know you, on so many levels; on a more intimate one.” Alex releases my stare and reaches over to grab my hand. “But before we take this any further, I have one main concern. My intentions are not to hurt you, but what I’m about to say may do just that.”
“Why don’t you let me make that decision for myself,” I retort, trying to calm my breathing, while he slowly traces the lines of my hand.
“At work, no one can know anything about us.”
In that moment, the range of emotions that passes through me is fast, but hard. Is he embarrassed of me? I try to hide the frown sweeping across my face as my heart feels a pang. He said he didn’t want to hurt you Ely; that means something, right? Reality slaps me upside the head, bringing me back down to Earth. He is the Senior Vice President of Sales, at Arianna’s company, where I just started. How would that look if the V.P. was dating a Sales Executive? Not good at all, for both of us.
“I have to keep my personal life very private, and it wouldn’t be good for you either.” Sensing my anguish, I guess he felt the need to explain.
Knowing he’s right, relief washes over me, feeling slightly embarrassed by my thoughts. Of course I understand. The words he uttered about not wanting to hurt me, resonates true. “I get it. I don’t want anything to affect my position in the company either.” His lips quirk up, resting his eyes on the still lake, not letting go of my hand.
“Listen, I have to go out of town for a few days, but I want to see you this weekend. Definitely dinner, and maybe hit up a lounge afterwards?”
“I would love that.” Just the thought of loud music, Alex’s toned body rubbing against me, sends shivers up my spine. I squirm in my seat at the thought. But, once again, my attention is brought back to the hostess as her laugh echoes from the front of the restaurant, killing my mood.
Looking down at my hand in his, I need to know if there’s anyone else I’m competing with. “Are you seeing anyone else? I know I asked if you had a girlfriend, but…”
“But what? I told you I wasn’t with anyone. Period.” His brows raise and his lips curve slightly. “I’m going to assume you aren’t, or I wouldn’t be having this conversation with you.”
What the hell is that supposed to mean? Am I that obvious? Really, Ely! He’s right. He knows you are a one man, woman. It’s not a bad thing to be right about. Shaking my head, I agree with him.
“Elyssa, no one else interests me…especially not when I have tunnel vision at the moment.” My breath hitches. He really is trying to make me combust, right in front of him. “Let’s get out of here.” Tossing cash on the table, we both rise from our seats simultaneously; Alex grabs my hand and leads me out the door.
With my hand in his, I smirk towards Ms. Light Bright as we walk out of the restaurant. Smiling in her direction, I stake my own claim, gripping his bicep with my free arm. “Have a good night,” I call out, letting Alex guide me to the parking lot. What a difference one dinner can make.
“I had a great evening, Alex.” A knot builds as we reach my car.
“Me too…I’ll call you while I’m away.” We both hesitate, and I fumble with my keys. I don’t want to say goodbye, not yet.
Thankfully, neither does he.
Reaching up the length of my body, he places his hand on the nape of my neck. Looking into his eyes, he slowly lowers his lips to mine and I meet him half way, our lips barely touching as he grazes my lips with his. Resting his forehead against mine, I feel his breath quicken. Attempting to control his breathing, he teases me all over again, brushing his lips softly against mine as his hand travels up my neck and into my hair. This time his lips return to mine, but with more urgency.
In the moment, I wrap my arms around his neck, drawing him in. With restrained force, he pins me against the car and our kiss deepens. A moan escapes and I feel his erection stirring against my belly. Thrusting his tongue into my mouth, I can only reciprocate with the same demanding energy. Alex’s strong hands travel south, brushing over my breasts, sliding down past my hips, cradling my behind. Moaning against his lips, he lifts me to rest against the car, slowly grinding against me. His lips leave mine, placing supple kisses along my jaw line and the nape of my neck. Embarrassed by my breathing, I search the skies, hoping to calm down before I combust.
Pulling back with a sigh, Alex once again places his forehead against mine before lowering me. “I want you,” he whispers. My body yearns for his touch; the throbbing between my legs almost unbearable. If he pursues this sensual attack right here in the parking lot, I may end up making love to him on the hood of my car, changing his impression of me drastically.
“I’ve never wanted anything more than you, right now in this moment, but…” I declare, my breathing erratic.
“It’s time we say good night,” he finishes my sentence. I sigh in disappointment, still trying to catch my breath.
“Good night, Alex. Have a safe trip.”
“Elyssa,” he kisses me softly, “I’ll call you.”
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
BUZZ…Buzz..buzz…my phone vibrates across my desk almost falling directly into my trash can. Luckily, my reflexes are quick as I catch it just in the nick of time. I was daydreaming before this rude interruption. Our first kiss has been on replay in my mind all day. It was the type of first kiss every girl dreams about, but doesn’t dare speak of. The type of first kiss that left me bereft after his vehicular sexual assault.
Closing my eyes, I slowly brush my fingers against my swollen lips retracing where he was, just hours ago. The thought resonates in my head as I savor the softness of his lips, the heat of his breath, the closeness of his body…I want to remember him this way. Thank you, Alex. Thank you for giving me something to hold on to until I get to see you again. I pull myself away from my thoughts to glance down at my phone.
*I dreamt about you last night.*
Not familiar with the number, the text startles me.
**Who is this?**
*Do you normally get texts from men telling you they were dreaming about you?*
**The only man I want this to be assaulted me last night against my car, leaving me wanting.**
*I told you I would call, but I’m in back-to-back meetings. I’ve been thinking about you.*
**I was actually just thinking about you. What was your dream about?**
*How about I call you later tonight and tell you ALL about it?*
**Can’t wait! Wait…how did you get my number?**
*Call it misuse of company resources. I’ll call you tonight.*
My heart is beating a thousand beats per minute. Even though he’s hundreds of miles away, I can’t help the hope in my heart; I’m still on his mind.
~~~~~
Chit-chatting with Janice at lunch has become a welcome, distracted, routine, especially when she wants to talk about herself. “I met this guy through a dating website and we’ve been seeing each other for over a month now. I really like him, but…” Seemingly uncomfortable, she slumps in her chair, as she glances around the busy cafeteria. It never ceases to amaze me how shy one person can be. At work, Janice is comfortable and secure in her tasks, but I know that is just a façade. She’s timid and reserved, but has never made any qualms of it. She is who she is, and is comfortable with herself.
“But?” I urge her to continue.
“I’m afraid he’ll get bored with me. He’s perfect, but we haven’t…you know.” Janice blushes at the thought.
“You haven’t been intimate?” I lean in, keeping our conversation discrete.
“I’ve never been a very sexual person. But I want to try…for him. So, I was hoping tomorrow after work you would go with me to buy something...an outfit.”
“Of course! I’m sure we’ll find something he’ll love.” I pat her hand in assurance.
~~~~~
“What are you talking about?! You’re being ridiculous!” A
rianna’s crimson face almost matches her hair as she waves me in with the flip of her wrist. She puts her finger up, signaling for me to give her a moment. Arianna is undeniably angry as she glares at her receiver. Not a good look for her and thankfully not one I’ve ever been on the receiving end of.
Awkwardly, I stand in front of her desk, frozen. Furrowing her brow, she listens to the voice on the other end of the receiver.
“First of all, you do not have the final say so. Do you understand me?! You do not just grow a fucking conscious over night and think you can what…cut ties? Never forget the mouth that feeds you!” Do I even want to know what that was about? Let me think…Nope!
Placing a hand over the receiver, she points towards the corner of her desk where a small black box with white daisies framing all four sides sits. “Hi, Elyssa,” she’s all smiles for me. “That’s for you, for your birthday.” Looking closer, I see it is a bottle of perfume.
“Thank you so much, Arianna.” Mercifully, she brushes me off, holding her finger up to her mouth and then at the door, silencing my appreciation and making it clear that I’m being dismissed. That was thoughtful. I can’t believe she remembered. I mouth another thank you and with a small waive I leave her to continue to berate the individual on the other end of the receiver. Whoever she was speaking with was not getting away from her. Ever.
~~~~~
“Hey Rach!” I swear my sister has a sixth sense, knowing the exact moment when I’m parking my car. She has a knack of calling me right when I walk through the door, not leaving me any time to relax. Not that I’m complaining, because I love talking to her. She’s always in a good mood and she always puts me at ease. She’s been my rock through the years, even when I didn’t want her to be, always picking up my broken pieces. She dropped out of school to raise me which was the ultimate sacrifice and it’s been my life mission to someday make it up to her.
“Happy Birthday, my beautiful baby sister!” her voice filled with excitement. “I can’t believe you’re going to be twenty-six. Do you know how old that makes me?”
“Rach, my birthday isn’t until tomorrow, but I would like to point out that it makes you super old, like retirement status,” I chuckle. “What are you up to?”
“I know it’s not until tomorrow, silly head. I’m just heading in for another fabulous day at work.” Rachel works as a cocktail waitress at a local casino. She’s never complained about her job, but I know it was never her life’s ambition. It was never our parents’ intentions to leave me at such a young age and definitely not their dream to have their eldest daughter drop all of her own ambitions to raise a pre-teen. But, thankfully Rachel took it upon herself and I owe her everything.
“I’m calling because I want you to come to dinner next week. Maybe bring Cole with you, we can make it a double date,” her voice drops, but stays hopeful.
“Rach, you know we’re only friends, and even that, he’s barely hanging on.”
“I know, but I worry about you, El. You’re always alone. You should be enjoying yourself and all you do is work. You don’t ever date or meet anyone new. I think I made you a social reject. Making you focus on getting help with your issues, I wonder if I pushed you too hard in school, you know…so you would forget the pain.”
The “issues” and “pain” she’s referring to is something we try not to bring up, anymore. After our parents passing, the nightmares lasted for years, and only Rachel could calm me. Even the years of counseling never seemed to do any good. I wasn’t there when they died, but my mind can’t help recollect the sheer terror they experienced in their last minutes. Knowing moments before impact that their lives were over, I imagine their last thoughts would have been of me and Rachel. At the age of ten, I never realized those memories would set the stage of my nightmares for years to come.
“First of all, you are not to blame for me not dating. I’m just picky. Secondly,” I hesitate for a minute not knowing if this is the right time to open up a can of worms. Ah, screw it; he only said not to tell anyone at work. “I have started to see someone, but it’s still new and I don’t want to get my hopes up.”
“Ooh, a mystery man. When can I meet this Mr. X?” She’s always so eager. I like the nickname though.
“It’s been like two seconds since I started seeing him. Can I get in more time with him before I have to say, ‘Hey you wanna meet my only living relative who is not only my sister, but pretty much my mother as well?’ I’m sure he would jump at the chance!” I tease. She knows I love her and wouldn’t trade her for the world, but I don’t want anyone, certainly not Mr. James, to feel sorry for me. And, I definitely don’t want to scare him away by moving things along too quickly.
“Well, when you put it like that,” she chuckles. “Hey, I need to go in. Promise me next week, okay? Wait…I don’t work until six on Saturday. Do you want to do a girls day? I can take you out to breakfast for your birthday.”
“Sounds great!” It will be nice to spend time with her. “And yes, I’ll come over for dinner, just let me know. Now get to work, slacker! Wouldn’t want to make the throngs of adoring men wait for you any longer than they already have; who else’s ass can they slap and order around if you aren’t there?” Unable to suppress my laughter, I erupt in a fit of amusement.
“Ha ha, very funny. Happy Birthday, again! I love you, El.”
“Love you more.”
I truly adore my sister. She has a way of making me feel that all is right with the world. She’s just what the doctor ordered, considering the past few weeks my life has been turned inside out. Talking to her brings life into perspective. Although her perspective makes me feel at times socially unstable. Being around her and Bryan, I don’t think I will ever love anyone the way she loves him. But, I’ve seen enough love to last a lifetime. The love my father had for my mother and the love Bryan has for my sister; two epic love stories I’ve been privy to.
What my sister doesn’t realize is that they’ve set the bar high and my expectation of great love causes me to be selective; so selective that I haven’t dated since Cole. And apparently, my sister thinks I’m broken in some way, which saddens me, especially since she feels it’s partially her fault. She has given me so much; I owe her everything. My main focus since college has been to make Rachel proud so she doesn’t regret giving up her life to take care of me. She worries I’m not living my life to its fullest, but I guess I worry about the same with her. We had some rough patches when I was a rebellious teenager, but even then I cherished her. Tears spring to my eyes thinking of the rough deck Rachel has been dealt. I shake my head pushing the memories aside. I need to go for a run!
~~~~~
My muscles feel tight, shirt drenched in sweat, as I enter my apartment. It’s been a while since I last ran and I miss it. I’ve used running as a way of coping with everyday stressors, and I really should do it more often. I feel alive and worry free…and in desperate need of a bath.
Slowly inching my way in, I feel each muscle contract and then relax as the water scorches my skin. The drastic heat of the water tingles as I lay my head back and close my eyes. I’m just about to succumb to the relaxation, when the sound of my phone echoes through the bathroom, making me jump.
“Hello,” I say a little too eagerly, splashing water over the side of the tub as I reach for my phone.
“Bad time?”
“Uh…no.” I glance around the bathroom, suddenly feeling shy.
“Did I just hear water?” Shit! He heard that?!
Suppressing the humongous grin on my face, I bite my lip knowing what my reply may lead to. Oh well, he did ask. “I’m taking a bath. What are you doing?”
“Just lying down in my hotel room,” he sounds tired. Closing my eyes, I slink back into the warm water, imagining him lying on top of the bed in his suite; shirt unbuttoned and un-tucked as his tie hangs loosely around his neck, revealing his defined abs and prominent chest that I know he bears. He probably has his shoes off, maybe even barefoot.
> Shaking my head, I push my knees together trying to dull the aching need I feel for him.
“Rough day?” I ask, voice deceiving me as it shudders.
“Not really, just long. Dealing with all those egos is exhausting. Basically a daylong ‘who has the bigger dick contest’.”
I recall the feel of his erection against my belly as he ravished me against my car, and know exactly who would win that contest. The memory does something to me and I have to press my legs tighter together to repress the urge to touch myself.
“Did you win?” I murmur.
“Win?”
“In the ‘who has the bigger dick’ contest?” I giggle, covering my face with my free hand out of embarrassment.
“Why yes…I did as a matter of fact.” I can sense his grin as he responds. I relish the fact, I’m the reason he is smiling. “And how was your day?”
“For the most part it was uneventful. I met with Mrs. Salerno for a brief moment, she seemed irritated. I basically walked in on her yelling at someone…”
“I don’t want to talk about her. I want to talk about you,” he interrupts, in a rush.
“Okay…Well, after work I talked to my sister for a while, and then I went for a run. Oh, and I made plans tomorrow to go shopping after work with Janice.”
“You have nothing else planned for tomorrow?”
“Nope. That’s it. You aren’t coming back until Friday?”
“I’m not sure what time, but yes.”
A moment of comfortable silence passes, and my chest tightens as a feeling of desire rushes over me. “So about that dream you mentioned earlier,” I blush, biting my lip as I wait in anticipation. I want to be the vision of lust and sexual gratification for him, and the mere thought that he dreamt of me makes my desire for him intensify.
“Knowing you’re naked right now, makes it a little hard to remember.” God, even without his touch I feel hot, and bothered.
“Do you want me to get out so you can concentrate?” I tease.
“No, because then you would be naked and out of the bath.” Silence. Listening to his heavy breathing, I try to contain my own. “You know, you make it nearly impossible to focus.” Silence. “What are you thinking about?”
