by Stewart, Ann
“You realize you’re on the phone right? Who’s the douche bag that sent you a drink?”
“Just some guy a few tables away from us. It’s not a big deal.” Obviously Janice heard his rant, because she’s avoiding eye contact at all costs, silently sipping her water, waiting patiently. “How was work today?” I try to change the subject, and fail, as I hear his huffing and puffing.
“Return the fucking drink, Elyssa!” Good lord, it’s just a drink.
“Wha….why? It’s harmless.” Obviously, his reaction is overboard; jealousy really doesn’t suit him.
“Are you interested in him?”
“He is cute but….” Doesn’t he know I’m completely infatuated with him? I can’t see anything except him.
“But?”
I sigh, hoping it’s loud enough to hear my teasing. “He’s not you.”
“Then return the drink or give it to Janice. I don’t care either way, but don’t let him think he’s going to buy you a drink and get it in. I have to go into another meeting; I’ll call you later.” Click. Dang, I was just joking. Here we are again. What is it with men and thinking that accepting a drink equates to an invitation for sex?
A little flustered, I apologize for taking the call. “Was that your boyfriend?” she asks, genuinely interested.
One could only wish. Knowing our predicament, I doubt that I will ever get to call him my boyfriend. The thought makes me a little sad, but I can’t let Janice see. She might start asking questions, questions I can’t answer. “I just started seeing him. It’s still new, so I wouldn’t call him my boyfriend.”
“Are you going to bring him to the Alzheimer’s fundraiser next weekend?”
Of course he will be there, but I don’t know how to respond to her without giving anything away. Besides, I’m going and he’s going, so technically my answer should be yes. But, what can I say. “I completely forgot about it. I’ll be sure to ask him, but he might not be able to make it. He has family obligations on the weekends.”
“It’ll be fun. There will be a lot of vendors and booths, and yummy food. Last year we raised a ton of money. All of management will be there and we’re kinda required to bring people, so make sure you ask him. Plus, I want to meet him. Maybe we can double date?” If she only knew.
“I’ll definitely talk to him.” I smile and nod even though I know there’s no chance in hell that will ever happen.
“Here you go, Janice.” I slide the drink over, knowing full well that Mr. James will be asking if I participated in the seduction of a total stranger.
~~~~~
The moment I walk in the door of my apartment, my new favorite feeling is once again vibrating from the small corner of my purse. With my sweetest voice, I answer, “Hello, Mr. James.”
“I’m guessing you’re not with Janice anymore?”
“She’s right here; do you want to talk to her?” I giggle, imagining him rolling his eyes. I toss my keys on the side table before crouching down on the floor, resting my back against the foot of the couch.
“How was dinner?” He avoids my teasing, getting down to business. Always so serious.
“Better than I expected. The food was good and Janice is fun to hang out with.” I pause, knowing my next topic is a sticky one, and contemplating if I should even bring it up. But, all I can do is ask. “Janice brought up the company fundraiser and said I needed to bring someone with me. I assume you’ll be there, right?”
“Yes, of course.”
“So, can we go together?” Please, please, please? I feel like a little girl begging. It’s probably a good thing he can’t hear my inner dilemmas.
“Elyssa, you know I can’t…”
He sounds pained and I can’t bear the thought of him troubled because of me, and interrupt him. “I know. Just a hopeful thought,” I sigh, thinking back to my birthday wish. Blowing out the single candle on the chocolate cupcake at dinner, I wished to be with him; a relationship without restrictions. And, even though I know it will never happen, a girl can wish, right?
“But, you should bring someone. What about your sister?”
“I’ll ask her. I want to bring as many people, seeing as it’s such a worthy cause. Who are you inviting?” God if the rumors are true…can you imagine the flurry of women that will be there.
“I have some friends coming, but I have no problem going by myself because I know you’ll be there.” I melt. He always knows what to say just when I’m starting to question his intentions.
“Speaking of my sister…she’s starting to pry. I don’t normally keep things from her, but I also know the risk we are taking. I need to know what I can tell her…about us. I mean, I know there isn’t an us, but you know…whatever this is we’re doing.” I know men try to avoid relationship conversations and I hope he doesn’t think I’m the type of girl that needs a label to feel secure. Because I’m not.
“As long as you trust her, which I’m sure you do, I don’t care what you tell her. She’s your sister and you should be able to talk to her about us.” Throwing my head back against the couch, I almost leap to my feet and do my happy dance. He said “us.”
In an effort to silence my smile, I cover my mouth, before speaking. “Thank you, Alex.”
“So did you return the drink to the douche bag?” On to a new topic, I guess. He’s extremely blunt when he’s jealous.
“Have you been waiting in anticipation all night to find out the aftermath of the cocktail?” I tease.
“Just answer the question, Elyssa.” He doesn’t play games and I can appreciate that, but I also like getting a rise out of him. It’s almost too easy. But, tonight doesn’t seem like a good time, and I know for sure there’s not a recall button on my mouth.
“Don’t worry, I gave it to Janice. I told you it was innocent, Alex. He didn’t even come up and try and talk to me.”
“Trust me, he wanted to. If you would have taken the drink, it would have given him an open invitation.”
“An open invitation to what?”
“I think you know what I’m talking about. Plus, you said he was cute, so I’m sure he thought he had a chance. He was just waiting for the opportunity.”
“I also said he wasn’t you. You have a bad case of selective hearing.”
“That pissed me off. You might as well get used to this now, unless you plan on driving me crazy.”
“What pissed you off? That I said he wasn’t you?”
“No, the fact that you even noticed him. I’m so fucking attracted to you right now, I can’t see anyone besides you. A woman could literally be standing in front of me butt naked right now and I wouldn’t give her a second of my time.” Now he is just pushing it, exaggerating beyond belief.
“Alex…” I’m at a loss for words. He can’t be serious. Can he?
“So, we’re on for Saturday, right? Because I still want my time with you.” He’s very demanding and I desperately want to spend more time with him. But, will he think I’ve surrendered to him if I agree to go? Oh well! I’m along for the ride.
“I’d like that,” I yawn, trying to let him calm down.
“Tired? You’ve had a long day.” He sounds tired himself.
Making my way to my room, I curl up on my bed. Still in my work clothes, I don’t even bother to pull open my blue down comforter. “Doesn’t matter, I don’t want to let you go.”
“Go to bed birthday girl. I’ll see you Saturday.”
“Saturday,” I breathe, not wanting to be the one to let go first. There is so much I want to say to him, but I can’t. Instead, silence. All breathing and no words, as I wait for him to respond.
“You are going to get me in trouble. Good night, Elyssa.”
“Night, Alex.” I hang up and take a deep breath. I have never felt this way for someone, not even in the two years I dated Cole. The flutter of butterflies is such a new and exciting feeling. What is he doing to me?
Closing my eyes, I remember our first kiss and long for him to touch m
e again. I’m on cloud nine. He makes me happy and alive. I’ve been fortunate; first, meeting him at the gas station, and then being given a second chance at work. I’m hopeful; hopeful that love does exist.
But, on the other hand, my birthday wish haunts me. How can we continue this…this wonderfully exhilarating, electrifying, forbidden relationship? He’ll have to keep me his dirty little secret, but for how long? Where does that lead me? You don’t marry your dirty little secret; you keep her in the closet. As self-assured as I am, my insecurities are starting to show. What will happen to me when he finds someone who he doesn’t have to hide? He will leave you, Ely. Just like that. Easy. Feeling defeated, my mood darkens as I fall asleep.
Friday, September 28, 2012
I’ve completely immersed myself in my report and momentarily consider ignoring the ringing coming from my work phone. However, the caller ID shows the security desk and I’m just curious enough to answer. Is Alex going to make it a habit of sending me a gift on a daily basis? If so, a girl could get used to that.
“Elyssa Hart, how may I help you?” My voice has a hint of excitement. Bracing the phone against my shoulder I continue to adjust the columns of the table and double-check the formulas, as I hear Mr. Hodge’s voice on the other end of the receiver.
“Ms. Hart, sorry to bother you. You have a visitor…and I was calling for you to sign him in, but Mr. James is escorting him up to you. They should be there shortly. Sorry again for the interruption.”
Dismissing his apology, I assure him that I appreciate his call. A visitor? Him? Waiting in anticipation, I sit staring in the direction of the elevator, trying to figure out who would be visiting me at work. From a distance, I see Alex walking towards me and am momentarily overjoyed. He’s back early! However, my excitement is short lived. Just as I see Alex, I see Cole walking two steps behind. Fuck me! My breath hitches and I immediately feel the wind knock out of me. My eyes pop open as they approach my desk. Nervously, I run my hands through my hair trying to smooth back the stray strands.
“Elyssa, this gentleman was at the front desk asking for you.” Alex points towards Cole, who’s standing with a large smirk on his face, hands inside the pockets of his cargo shorts. “He was telling the guard that he’s your friend so I figured I would bring him up myself and save you the trip.” His blue eyes distant, there’s no longer the fire in his gaze from just days before. This is bad, real bad. “On the ride up he was telling me you guys have known each other since college.” Tensing his jaw, Alex stands as if he’s waiting for an explanation.
My eyes shoot from Cole, who’s still smirking while he runs the toe of his shoe across the lines of the carpet, to Alex who’s trying to appear indifferent, but I can see the tension in his forearms. I’m sure he’s holding himself back. If text messages from Cole irritated him, I can’t imagine what type of feelings this little visit will conjure up.
“We have,” I reply, anxiety ripping through my chest. I focus on my breathing, slowly inhaling and exhaling in hopes to avoid hyperventilating.
“What are you doing here?” I seethe, glaring at Cole. Alex narrows his eyes at me, but doesn’t leave.
“I’ve been texting you.” Although speaking to me, Cole looks to Alex, willing him to leave so he can have some privacy. But its obvious Alex doesn’t care what Cole wants. Still glaring, Cole continues, but his focus has shifted back to me. “You didn’t answer and yesterday was your birthday. I always take you out for your birthday,” his eyes soften as he mentions our yearly tradition; hoping to spark a moment of nostalgia.
“Dinner? I can’t, I’m working,” I say awkwardly, hoping he’ll leave, and soon. I can’t believe this is happening.
“Not right now, El…after work. Don’t make me hang around until you say yes.” Glancing around, Cole’s eyes shoot to the empty office chair across the way. “I have nothing but time on my hands. Come on….this is us. We always do dinner.”
I glance at Alex, anger now rippling through his body. Rocking his head from left to the right, the sound of his tension crackles in the air around us. It’s obvious Alex knows who Cole is. Fuck My Life. “Cole…”
He interrupts me. “I’m not taking no for an answer, El! The way we left our last conversation…” No! We are not having this talk in front of Alex! Shit! Shit! Shit!
“Fine! After work I’ll meet you at Lucio’s. Do you know where it is?” My voice is a harsh whisper. I’m embarrassed at Cole’s brazen attempt to get my attention and all I care about is getting him as far away from Alex as possible.
“I know where it is. So, I’ll see you there around 5:30 p.m.?” I nod. Turning, he extends his hand to Alex. “Mr. James, it was very nice meeting you. Thanks for being my tour guide and being so attentive.” Sarcasm is laced in every word and I close my eyes, hoping Alex doesn’t sense it. “Oh, and of course, bringing me to my Ely,” he utters. Alex definitely senses it, and the way Cole accentuated the word “my” doesn’t help my cause.
Alex meets his gaze and shakes his hand in return. “Not a problem…Cole was it?” Cole nods and before he can turn to walk away Alex adds, “Elyssa is a dedicated employee, so I don’t mind doing her a favor every now and then. Considering she stays late and helps me out with whatever I need…it’s the least I can do.” Alex is playing dirty. Cole walks away, cracking his knuckles and huffing.
Standing face to face with a statue form of Alex, I can already tell I’m in trouble. What kind of trouble, I’m not sure, but the way his face is distorting, I know it can’t be good. “Elyssa, may I have a word with you in the conference room?” I flinch at the coldness in his voice.
Hesitantly, I follow Alex into the conference room. The moment I step through the door, he closes it and grabs my hand. Dragging me towards the far wall, where our voices can’t be heard, Alex shifts me so my back’s against the wall. Forcefully, he places his hands on both sides of my face, caging me in between his flexed forearms. I jump in surprise, and quiver at his forcefulness, but another feeling surges through me…I want him.
“What type of fucking game are you playing with me, Elyssa?” I can feel the irritation radiate off his body, causing the temperature to rise five degrees. Recoiling at his outward display of anger, I’m confused as to what I’ve done, and stay silent. My knees start to shake. Normally the caveman method of staking claim on a woman has never appealed to me, but every ounce of his jealously makes me want to wrap my arms around him and assure him of my feelings. I like the thought of belonging to him.
“You’re going on a date with that asshole tonight and then you’re going out with me tomorrow? Is that how you operate? You just line up different guys on different nights of the week?” What type of girl does he mistake me for? He thinks that I just jump from bed to bed, warming myself against any available body?
“How dare you! You don’t know me well enough to make accusations.” And, if he did, he would know they are so far from the truth, it’s disgusting. He thinks I’m toying with his emotions, but what about him? I thought I made my feelings perfectly clear.
“It’s not a date,” I exclaim. “I’ve explained my relationship with Cole, which is solely a friendship. My reasons for keeping Cole in my life may not be obvious to you, but he is my decision.” He shouldn’t be mad at me for this. No, he can’t be mad at me for this. Irritation quickly quenches my budding desires.
“That Mother Fucker is lucky we’re at work, which is the only reason I let him get away with half of his bullshit.” I cringe at the thought of a physical confrontation between my past and present. “He’s only your friend, yet he has the right to stake claim on you, huh?” I knew that would piss him off.
“Alex, you don’t have any right to be so angry with me. I’ve done nothing wrong.” As I try and reach up to brush my hand against his cheek, he closes his eyes and tenses at my closeness. “Everything has been so perfect…”
Pulling me quickly against him, Alex’s lips eagerly run over mine. A moan escapes my lips as his tongue inva
des and explores my mouth. His hands run down the length of my body, grazing my breasts before resting on my hips. My mind is in a haze as Alex pulls away from me, resting his forehead against mine. Both of our breaths are ragged as Alex tries to quell his rage.
“I don’t want you seeing him tonight.”
“You can’t control me, Alex. You can’t intimidate me one moment, kiss me the next, and then make demands. I’m not a puppet where you can pull my strings and will me to do what you want.” Little does he know that there are strings, small ones, but each moment together, they tighten around my heart. The need to touch him is still coursing through me as I reach up, wrapping my fingers around the back of his neck.
“Elyssa, stop! I’m fucking livid right now. You’re playing games with me.”
Heat rises, and now he’s not the only one that’s livid. Who does he think he is? “First of all, I’m not playing any sort of game with you. It’s not a date; it’s dinner with my oldest friend for my birthday. Secondly, Mr. ‘We Need to Keep Our Relationship a Secret,’ even if it was a date, what would be the big deal? I’m not spoken for! Am I, Mr. James?” I return his glare, as all the anxiety from last night explodes. “Besides, I thought you weren’t coming back until tomorrow?”
“I’m glad that’s what you’re concerned with…me being back early.” Alex takes a deep breath. His arms flex as he tries to reclaim his composure. Clenching his fists at his side he takes a step back. “I have work to do.” Turning to leave the room, he slams his fist on the conference table before forcefully throwing the door open.
My breathing is ragged as I’m left standing alone, trying to figure out what just happened. Stumbling forward, I grasp the edge of the table, trying to steady myself as an overwhelming amount of emotion floods over me. After a moment of focusing on my breathing, I regain my self-control and return to my desk, but not before pushing back the tears of frustration that threaten to brim over my moist lids. I have work to do. I promised Maggie that I would have the report done on time. Maggie was absolutely frantic earlier; Arianna was most definitely stressing her out. I promised her I would not let her down and I plan on keeping that promise, even if that means ignoring the emotional wrestling match I just had. I refuse to let Alex’s hissy fit affect my work.
