by Stewart, Ann
“Cole and I met in college. He was my first….you know,” I blush and continue. “He fell for me and I tried, but with time I just never felt the same. Things got too serious and I knew I had to end things,” I shrug.
“It’s been years since we’ve been together, but anytime I’ve needed him, he’s been there for me. I guess you can say he’s been the man in my life, without any of the complicated stuff,” I finish, pushing against Alex’s shoulder. My relationship with Cole may have been less complicated, but if complicated is what comes with Alex, I think I’ll stay.
“Haven’t your previous boyfriends ever had issues with your friendship, or am I the only jealous guy you’ve met?”
“There haven’t been any other boyfriends. I’ve gone on dates, but I haven’t had a serious relationship since Cole.”
“I find that hard to believe. I see the way men look at you.” What men is he talking about? I’m pretty confident that men do look at me, but I guess lately I’ve been distracted.
“Well, it’s the truth. My sister was just telling me the other day that I’m socially inept. I don’t know, maybe that’s why I haven’t had much luck with men.”
“Wait…then why are you on the shot?”
“I’ve always been on it. It’s something that I’ve been fanatical about for awhile now.” Alex doesn’t need to know the reason; all he needs to know is that we were safe.
Pulling my legs over his, he cradles my back, lifting me onto his lap. “Well, it’s good for us that you are so obsessive compulsive. I don’t know how I would’ve been able to keep my hands off of you, and an impromptu trip to the drug store would have just killed the mood.” I giggle as Alex’s mouth reaches my bare skin, skimming his lips along my breasts.
“What’s your sister like?” he asks, snuggling closer to me.
“She is my everything. Our parents died when I was fourteen, and Rachel was twenty. She didn’t have to, but she gave up everything to raise me. And, even through all that, she’s like a ray of sunshine, so full of life and giving. There’s not enough money or praise to give back my sister everything she has sacrificed. She means the world to me.”
With my arms around his neck, he stiffens at my declaration. “Well, you’re one of the lucky ones then.” Seemingly uncomfortable with the conversation, Alex changes the topic back to Cole, continuing to fish for more information. “How was dinner?”
Knowing that Cole draws up a red flag for him, I keep my response short and sweet, “It was fine, Alex,” allowing myself just enough wiggle room to change the topic. “How long were you waiting for me?”
“I came after I left work, so maybe an hour.”
“I didn’t expect to see you,” I confess. “You were so angry.” Closing my eyes, I breathe him in, begging to stay in the moment and not go back to our fight. It does the trick. But, his smell is so erotic, it’s hard not to climb back on and ravish him until he passes out.
“I had to know. I sat on your steps hoping that you weren’t going to stay out all night with him. Even worse, praying that you wouldn’t bring him home.” I cringe at the thought of Alex and Cole having a stand-off at my apartment. It’s a good thing that Cole and I no longer have any type of relationship. I just wish Alex would believe it.
“Alex…” I sigh. “Please believe that Cole and I are just friends.”
“He doesn’t see you as just his friend, Elyssa. I specifically recall him referring to you as “his” and please believe that I don’t share.” Even though he’s infuriating, I can’t fault him. If another woman called him “her” Alex, I would have a problem with that too.
“Who said anything about sharing?” I feel myself flush at his words. Sitting up, for the first time tonight, I resist his hold. “Alex, I don’t understand what’s going on here. We fight because you accuse me of playing games, yet you’re the one that told me you can’t have a girlfriend. But, then you show up unannounced, and now…” I remove myself from his arms. Frustration overwhelms me, and suddenly I’m in desperate need of clothing. “What do you want from me?” I stand up searching for my top, as I pull down my skirt.
Hunched over with his head in his hands, he looks disheveled, yet still sexy as hell. Even toying with my emotions, he takes my breath away. “I don’t know what you want me to say to you. I know it’s not fair of me to ask anything of you. But the thought of you with him, especially now…”
A sense of defeat engulfs me as I walk into my bedroom to find something to wear. Why couldn’t we have just been those two people who met at the gas station? After shedding my skirt, I pull on a pair of black flannel shorts and a matching tank before going back to the living room. Finding Alex dressed and standing next to the kitchen counter, completely pains me. I don’t want him to go, and more so, I don’t want to fight.
Catching the disgust flit through his eyes, I look down to see him eyeing the bottle of perfume Arianna gave me for my birthday. “You don’t wear this, do you?”
“I like the smell. What’s wrong?” It’s still unopened and I don’t really feel like getting into how I got it. Yah, I got that from Arianna, you know…my boss, your boss…she’s been around me for my entire life. No, no, I got the job on my own merit. Trust me, I did. That’s a conversation I hope to never have, with him, or anyone.
“I can’t stand that scent. Just don’t wear it around me. Okay?!” Perfume is not worth the fight, so I reluctantly agree as I head into my adjoining kitchen.
Trying to act nonchalant and failing, I pour myself a glass of water. “Are you leaving?” Having already given away too much, it’s hard to stay strong and not show my emotions. He makes it nearly impossible to hide my feelings. Am I being too much of a girl by wishing he wouldn’t just have sex with me and leave? Am I asking for too much, hoping for a little more intimacy?
“I need to get back. If you ask me to stay, I don’t think I would be able to say no, not after tonight. But, I have my grandmother…” I want to beg him to stay. I want to know how it feels to fall asleep with him and wake up in his arms. I want all of him.
I sip my water and head to the door to walk him out, still trying to hide the hurt and disappointment in my heart behind my glass. “I understand.”
“I don’t want to leave you like this,” his jaw clenches, waiting for my reaction.
“Like what?” Stay strong, Elyssa.
“With so much tension between us. Tonight was incredible and for a moment it was just us.”
“It’s still just us, Alex.” I bridge the gap between us and place my hand over his heart. “You just have to believe me. To trust me.” We stare at each other; blue eyes to green. So much passes between us, but nothing more is said. I see in his eyes, the pain of a young boy, and as little as I do know, I know there is so much more to this salient man.
Reaching out, he places his hand on my chest, “My Hart.” I smirk at his gesture. If he only knew.
Another moment passes, “I’ll see you tomorrow night, right? I’ll pick you up at eight.” Suddenly lifting my mood, I realize I won’t have to wait to see him again; my heart beats faster.
“Yes,” I exclaim, a little too eager. He leans down and kisses me softly, immediately ending my thoughts.
“I wish I could stay with you.” Pulling me closer, our kiss deepens with even more passion, sending an ache straight to my loins. I pull away breathless. I need to get some distance between us, before I give into what my body wants.
Closing my eyes with my hand safely over his heart, “Goodnight, Alex.”
“Goodnight, Elyssa.”
I close the door behind him and rest my back against it for support. Slinking to the floor, blood rushes to my face, not fully believing what just happened. I cannot believe I had sex with him! Who am I kidding? That was…startling, amazing, mind-blowing. Even though he’s only the second man I’ve slept with, I wouldn’t have wanted it to be with anyone else. It’s surprising the connection I feel with him after just a few weeks. And I hope I’m not mistak
en, thinking he seems to want more with me, too. But, I can’t shake the feeling that something is holding him back. It can’t just be about work, can it? Whatever it is, I hope he gets over it quick. I’m not ready to let him go.
Saturday, September 29, 2012
Rolling over, I hit the snooze button for the third time. I don’t want to wake up, not yet. All I want to do is crawl under the sheets and sleep for another twelve hours. Just about to doze off again, I stretch, which causes the brief aching reminder that I have a date tonight with a certain sexy V.P…my heart begins to race, again. I want him more than I’ve wanted anything in my entire life. The need and lust I feel for him makes my insides quiver.
But, as much as I want to think about the feelings I have for him, including the passion in my heart, it’s hard not to think of the other side, especially when things could go so wrong. For both of us. Our moment of pleasure last night was intense and can be only compared to molten lava racing down a mountains edge, destroying everything in its path. Could giving in to Alex destroy my future with SHI, or his? Can we continue this, whatever this is, without anyone finding out? Pulling the covers up to my chin, I’m at a loss for words as my mind catches up to my racing heart, thinking of everything that could possibly go wrong.
I sit up, bringing my reflection into view in the vanity mirror and shake my head. What am I doing? “Elyssa Jane Hart, you are bright, focused, have a good head on your shoulders; you’re caring, and trustworthy. Any guy would want you. You deserve this.”
Hey, sometimes a girl needs to look at herself and lay it all out there. Taking a deep breath, I laugh at myself. This is way too deep for this early in the morning. Time for a shower!
~~~~~
Hearing my phone vibrate against the counter top, I rush out of the shower, dripping wet. Reaching for my phone, I answer and hear Rachel talking to someone besides me.
“I’m coming up and I’m not alone. There’s a delivery guy here, with a big expensive looking box, say’s it’s for you.” An expensive box? How exactly does a box look expensive, Rach? I giggle at her description.
“Use your key and come in. Can you sign for it?” She agrees and we hang up. What more could I possibly get? Is it from Alex? Cole? What if Arianna gave me something more for my birthday? Trying to hurry, I throw on a pink and white floor length summer dress and brush out my tangled hair, before going out to appease my curiosity. Oh, and to meet Rachel, too.
Stepping out of my bedroom, I see the back of the delivery guy, as he walks out the front door. Green pants? Really? Rachel has the biggest grin on her face, shaking the expansive box. I scowl at her and grab the package, just as anxious to see what’s inside, and even more, who it’s from.
Trying to figure out the mystery, I turn the box over, searching for the non-existent card. In my hands is a simple white box covered with a red velvet ribbon and bow. Even the ribbon looks expensive. Setting the gift on the table, I gently rip open the tissue paper, and pause when I see what looks like a dress.
Carefully pulling it out with both hands, my mouth drops open as I open up a gorgeous, long sleeve navy sequin mini dress. The tag says the designer is Emilio Pucci. Never heard of him, but then again, I only shop at stores I know I can afford, and this dress is definitely not in any of them. It has to be from Alex. I can’t decide whether it’s rude, or thoughtful. Giving him the benefit of the doubt, I stick with thoughtful.
“Oh my gosh, El, who is that from?” Rachel stammers, wide-eyed. I flush.
What do I say? I know I’m allowed to give her details, but I’m at a loss for words. This gorgeous and mystifying man wants to take me out and get to know me better. I digress, “I’m sure it’s from Alex. There isn’t a card, but we’re going out tonight, so I’m going to assume it’s from him. It’s definitely not from Cole.” I roll my eyes; what more can I say. I frown, but hope that Rachel doesn’t see. I shouldn’t feel this way. I should be happy. I am happy. Act like it, damn it!
I excuse myself to finish getting ready as Rachel makes herself comfortable, flopping down on the couch. After applying moisturizer, brushing my hair and teeth, I rejoin her in the living room, just as she turns off the television. “After breakfast, can we stop and get a mani-pedi? “
“Sure, it’s your day, El!” Rachel smiles, but it doesn’t reach her eyes. She’s worried about me and I’m sure she’s going to ask twenty questions when we get to breakfast. Hopefully I can keep the topic on her, so I don’t have to talk about myself too much. Alex did say that it’s okay to tell my sister, but I wouldn’t even know where to begin. She worried enough about me when I was a rebellious teenager, I don’t want her thinking I’m diving head first, being careless and impulsive. Wait…I’m pretty sure that is what I’m doing.
On our way out to the car, Rachel gets a call, giving me a chance to text Alex and thank him. I really hope I don’t put my foot in my mouth assuming it’s from him. Who else could it be?
**Thank you for the gorgeous dress. I can’t wait for you to see me in it**
What I really want to say is that I can’t wait until he’s taking it off of me. I blush and smile inwardly. Oh what this man does to me. Reaching her Prius, I peek over to make sure Rachel’s attention is still on her phone, and not spying on me. She returns the look, mouthing “Bryan.” I mouth back to her, “Tell him hi for me.”
I hear a ding from my phone, look down and almost die.
*You’re welcome. And Elyssa, as much as I want to see it on you, I can’t wait to see it on the floor!*
I’m caught. I must have made a noise, because now she’s trying desperately to pry my phone out of my fingers. “Obviously you aren’t going to tell me what’s going on, so I have to take matters into my own hands.” Accidently releasing her grip, I quickly push my phone into my purse.
“Rach! Nothing is going on. It’s just a text from Alex. I was thanking him for the dress.”
“So, the dress was from this mysterious, Mr. X?”
“Yes,” is all I can manage. Even when he isn’t around me, I can’t think straight. “Can we go to breakfast now, I’m starving.”
Rachel looks over at me through her squinted eyes, starting the all too quiet car. Determined, Rachel mutters under her breath, “I will find out what’s going on with you.”
I don’t know if I was supposed to hear her ramblings, but I did. “Rach, there isn’t anything to figure out. Not right now anyways. It’s all too soon and I don’t want to jinx it by talking about him, or our relationship. You know I’ve only been involved with Cole, and trust me when I say, he is definitely not Cole. I don’t know where this is going yet, but when I do, I promise I will let you know. Can you drop it for now?” I ask, playfully punching her arm. I know she’s only being my sister, my slightly overbearing sister.
She seems to understand, giving me a warm smile as she turns on the radio. Rihanna’s Where Have You Been, is now blaring through her car speakers and I can’t help but smile back at my sister. I don’t know what I would do without her. We both sing loudly, as I ponder the words to the song. Why couldn’t he have come at a different time, a different place; somewhere less…thorny.
Regardless, I’m excited to see him tonight, and it seems he is as well.
**You made me blush. I can’t wait to see you.**
~~~~~
Leaving the restaurant, we take the short drive to the nail shop and are lucky they have time for both of us. As we relax and soak our feet in side-by-side chairs, I can’t shake my worry for Rachel and Bryan’s relationship. At breakfast, she had mentioned she barely sees him. With her work schedule and his night school and odd hours with Real Estate, they are rarely home at the same time. Of course, she assured me everything was okay, but she wasn’t very convincing. I could tell something was bothering her, so I was relieved when she decided to bring it up again.
On the verge of pouting, Rachel answers my unspoken words from breakfast. “I really want Bryan to ask me to marry him.”
“Have you
guys talked about it? I mean, you both love each other and he’s perfect for you. I don’t see why you wouldn’t get married,” I respond, truthfully.
“We have and I know it’ll happen someday, but how long do I have to wait? I’ve always known he was the one.” Taking a deep breath to calm herself, she continues, “I guess I shouldn’t try to fix something that’s not broken, but I want to marry him; sooner, rather than later. I just don’t know how to approach the subject without seeming like I’m nagging him.”
“Rachel, you’ve been with him for over four years, it wouldn’t be nagging. I understand the pushing part, but I’m sure it’s something he’s been thinking about, too. You guys are busy; maybe he doesn’t think it’s the right time. Bryan’s with you for the long haul. Trust in that. He’ll ask you.”
“Okay, okay. You’re right. Enough with the heavy. Let’s get out of here.”
Dropping me off at home, I promise to see her tomorrow night for dinner. Supposedly, Bryan really wants to see me. Probably just wants to tease me; about what, I don’t know. But that’s what Bryan does. And that’s what I love about him; so easy and fun to be around. Besides, it would be nice to spend some more quality time with sister, and my hopefully soon to be brother-in-law.
~~~~~
Stepping out of the shower, I peer over at the intimidating blue sequin dress draped against my bathroom door. I’m not worried that I won’t look good in it; but, it doesn’t matter what I think. I’m worried about what Alex will think? Stop it, Ely! You will look gorgeous, and you know it.
An hour later, with my skin moisturizing, all I have to do is apply a little bit of blush and lipstick, and I’ll be ready to go. Staring back at my reflection, thinking about what tonight may bring, I suddenly feel anxious. He never did say where he was taking me, and that makes me nervous. He’s so confusing, one minute saying no one can see us together, and now he’s taking me out for the world to see. And, unless he’s planning on putting a bag over my head, I don’t see how he plans on keeping me a secret, especially with his last minute addition to the night. I’m sure my stunning, extremely short dress, will get noticed. But, that’s on him.
